Poems and Letters from Deadbeat Daddy

By Robert H. Burke

Following a seven-plus year separation from his daughters, Laura and Kristina, Robert H. Burke shares poems and letters he wrote to them, along with his story of that separation. While conveying his inner-most spirit to Laura and Kristina, he shares the circumstances surrounding each entry.

Burke’s memoir is a proclamation of his profound love for his daughters, and a clarion call for complete reform of the family court system, which should always hold paramount the best interests of the children. Along with heartfelt messages to his daughters, his story speaks to others who have ventured through divorce and painful child custody battles, offering allegiance and comfort to all parents who have been separated from their children, while stressing that the love for a child never diminishes, despite the absence of regular personal contact.

While married, Burke was happiest at the birth of their first child, Laura. His career was escalating, promising security for him and his family. A second child and accompanying happiness followed, but changes in their lives prompted an end to the marriage. Poems and Letters from Deadbeat Daddy reveals a man’s plight during an extended separation from his children and his hopes for their future.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 11, 2009
• ISBN: 9781440130267

Robert H. Burke

A former executive, Robert H. Burke has extensive work experience in the restaurant industry. After experiencing an extended separation from his daughters, Laura and Kristina, following his divorce, he developed and lives by the philosophy, “Success is never ending and failure is never final.” He lives in Florida.

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Poems and Letters

from Deadbeat Daddy

Robert H. Burke

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POEMS AND LETTERS FROM DEADBEAT DADDY

Copyright © 2009 Robert H. Burke.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-4401-3024-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4401-3027-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4401-3026-7 (e)

iUniverse rev. date: 11/04/2020

A Father’s journey through the syndrome of Parental Alienation

and a court system’s perpetuation of a Mother’s image to her children

of a Father having abandoned them. The Children were the pawns

within a horrendous chess game of devastation, yet a Father’s faith in

God became enhanced through a guided, undying spirit.

I dedicate my survival through this journey in attempting to be

reunited with my children to Judie Kaiser, and Rick Hully. I love you

both with all the love within me. You helped a stranger when all others

abandoned my cause, and you both became my dear friends.

Contents

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Blessed Events

Chapter 2 The Blossoming Of A Child

Chapter 3 The Sprouting Of A Child, A New Baby Sister

Chapter 4 The Lord’s Second Blessing

Chapter 5 The Descent Of Position, And Of Love

Chapter 6 Love For One’s Children Kidnapped

Chapter 7 The Battle Line Is Drawn

Chapter 8 A Mother’s Vindictiveness

Chapter 9 A Father’s Greatest Loss

Chapter 10 The Price Of Vindictiveness

Chapter 11 The Deadbeat Dad Crusade

Chapter 12 Political Lawyering

Chapter 13 Life After Conviction Of A Felony, Obstruction Of Justice

Chapter 14 The Hypocritical Oath Of Justice

Chapter 15 The Unbalanced Scale Of Justice For Children

The Addendum (Appendix)

Preface

What began as a vehicle to express my feelings of loss and being away from the two dearest people in my life after a divorce became a way of communication, a way of life as time passed. Laura and Kristina are now at the ages of fourteen years, and eleven years respectively.

It has been seven years since their mother and father's divorce. A very nasty divorce, and an ignorance perpetuated by a legal system that ignored two innocent girls over this long period. The judicial system certainly has not worked in any effective manner for me as a father, and has financially incapacitated me, probably for many years.

What motivates me, or I should say keeps my therapeutic sanity is the writing of poems and letters to Laura and Kristina in the hope of healing my anger toward my former spouse, while expressing my heartfelt love for my children, no matter what they may believe of a father, who must have abandoned them. I know they must feel this abandonment from a father, who had such a strong bond with them, beyond normal fatherhood.

I am not sure the reader can empathize with a father's understanding of true pain from the soul, or that this story can truly be understood with so many convoluted paths in his journey to see his children.

Always mirrored in my mind while writing these poems and letters is the reflection of a picture with a pink frame above Laura's Crib, and next to our rocking chair depicting the caption,

"Anyone Can Be A Father

But,

It Takes A Special Person To Be A Daddy."

I would give my life to go back in time when life was so precious, so dependable, and so delicate.

There is another reflection from the framed expression above the rocking chair where I sang lullabies to Kristina. The picture with a poem in its blue frame captioned with the famous excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. I remember the words, so appropriately.

"When a child loves you

For a long, long time,

Not just to play with,

But really loves you,

Then you become real.

It takes a long time.

That’s why it doesn’t

Often happen to people

Who break easily,

Or have sharp edges,

Or who have to be

Carefully kept…..

Once you are real,

You can’t be ugly,

except to people

Who don’t understand."

I remember Kristina’s favorite song, You Are My Sunshine, and the sound is so vivid, as if it was only yesterday. Yesterdays have gone by so quickly, as my senses have been numbed over the past seven years with my most precious children being taken from my life, leaving only my imagination to ponder.

I have made nightly journeys into my subconscious memories of Richard Scarry's books trying to find Gold Bug hidden in various illustrations, books of nursery rhymes, books such as Goodnight Moon, Three Little Kittens, and so on.

I wish for the many teddy bears to revisit my imaginary children's family. Now, Big Bear, and his many friends are stored within old plastic-garbage bags, isolated within a musty cellar. I find my heart within a subterranean place of its own, in limbo awaiting the return of my princesses.

I live for the day when my imaginary dreams may in some way, become a true vision of peace and tranquility outside a courtroom battle; a reality where a fairness of jurisprudence take hold of this nightmare, and casts it to the lowest levels of hell. I wish for God's comfort to be bestowed upon Laura and Kristina during our long and torturous separation.

I can seek sanctuary in my poems and letters from the heart and soul of my inner being, but what of my children? How do they absolve those who have sinned? Those who thought vengeance was a more appropriate remedy for a father of two innocent children, caught in a web of personal hate, sacrificing children's love for their father.

A special person was removed from Laura and Kristina's life, creating an identity of poisonous words for their loss in describing their father, as a man, who must have abandoned them, as if the memories could be erased from a wondrous childhood.

A father lumbered from his family tree of inheritance burned to ashes from the tree of life's blessings by serpents slithering at the bowels of a sinewy oak until a bending of stature amongst the forest.

I say a prayer to God, that no other man of children ever endures this journey the reader is about to witness through anger, fear, hope, and despair; never to find the years that were lost to vindictiveness, piety, guilt, power, and manipulation.

I pray at every opportunity for fathers and their families of our social fabric to gain the necessary strength to protect our God-given rights to fatherhood. Go the extra mile, never relinquish your trust to the courts, and expose the injustice that is taking place every day in our democracy concerning all children's rights.

The children have no representation within the process of divorce. The innocence of children’s love, is only represented by pawns in a chess game of devastation; a chess game of life’s future.

The Pawns in the Chess Game

Children so innocent, knowing only love and affection

from two people once giving, known as Mom & Dad

See thorns where roses were once cherished

See thorns of hurt, pain and desolation

An impact so devastating, youth removed from the cocoon

It's not fair, stated by one innocent child

becoming the pawn of possession, innocence gone

The littlest one, not of age to grasp the impact

of revenge of a mother, a woman scorned

They only know that Daddy is no longer around

he grasps for what is the birthright of all children

to know the love of both parents, unconditional, most sound

In his heart of love to convey, no children are to blame

The age of innocence, and learning the meaning of love

should be the only purpose in the restoration

the feeling of goodness, once felt without pain

No, It's not fair, the courts of jurisprudence should not allow

the benefits of children submerged, over lawyers' shame

the impetus of money, possession, pride and blame

Forgiveness should be tantamount in keeping spirits high

for it is the children who hurt, separated from family ties

that bonded and secured the imagination of goodness

a life's impact, faith and security are forever gone

Author: Robert H. Burke

Introduction

It is now 1997, seven years after a day I will live with now, and probably for the rest of my life. It was March 11, 1990, when my wife took the two most precious beings in my life away from me. I would have never expected Barbara to perform such an horrendous act. The two most beautiful people in my life were my children, Laura age seven, and Kristina age four.

I live with this day, and the days upon days later turning into years of a nightmare. I awake every day hoping the darkest dream, the deepest nightmare was only that, a dream from hell, and that I will return to a reality of arising to Laura and Kristina at the foot of my bed moving towards my pillow with laughter, hugs, and kisses, and cuddling with their faces on both sides of my heart. Instead, I awake to a hollow emptiness so difficult to put into words, except the loneliness is unbearable even though seven years have passed.

The aftermath of a horrific divorce, where my imposed punishment by a legal system's deafness to my anguishing words renders its decisions without compassion for two innocent victims. There is no sanctuary within these insane corridors of justice, no sense in the realm of protecting defenseless cherubs’ human spirit or love, for their father. A father whose spirit has been broken many times over a duration of lies, innuendoes, deceit, trickery, and the mockery of justice. However, my inner thoughts of love and affection, truly heartfelt, cannot be stricken from the record, or sustained by a system of injustice.

These thoughts over the past seven years have been transcribed through penmanship writing to insure that my heart would continue to communicate my deepest feelings of an underlying spirit to Laura and Kristina during this seven-year journey.

Although they say that The pen is mightier than the sword, the pen truly penetrates the heart, the soul of the darkness of emotion, more than any sword that could have sent me to death.

For I died in spirit on March 11, 1990, and I have only existed to bring truth of my committed love for Laura and Kristina. I hope and pray that years from now, the children may read my written words of love in the form of poems and letters, and they shall know the truth.

The memories of those short years of splendor in Laura and Kristina's early childhood provides my subsistence to carry on my journey in an effort to reach some semblance of justice for them, and all children.

You have to understand how a man of such strong Irish upbringing, where emotional weakness was not tolerated, could be brought to uncontrollable tears of anguish, when my pen touches parchment, communicating with Laura and Kristina. To remember, that I will never have the opportunity to recapture our seven years we have been apart, being excluded from their memories, weakens my spirit to shear existence. Yet, after the words of my thoughts and emotions are expressed by the extension of pen, I attain a sense of peace knowing that someday Laura and Kristina will have the knowledge of my always holding them close to my heart, although we have been isolated. My sense of sanity returns, and life appears worth living, and the hope of a better life becomes promising. Beyond the bolstering of my spirit, the poems and letters are a message to my children that I never, ever abandoned them, that my inner most thoughts were transcribed from pen to paper through an undying spirit.

I write this book for others, who may have ventured through similar circumstances to offer allegiance and comfort in their despair; to give hope to mothers and fathers, who have lost children to the custody battle of divorce. To prove that love for a child never diminishes through absence of personal contact. More importantly, that the inner thoughts and feelings be communicated during a time of absence, for a future reference of how much my children meant to me during this long and arduous period of my life. I try to convey my inner most spirit in my poems and letters to Laura and Kristina, while providing a history surrounding each poem and letter's circumstance during periods of our absence of love and care-giving, and its effects upon my life.

May my communication to Laura and Kristina, provide emotional peace and consolation for other mothers and fathers in need of God's strength during very difficult periods in their lives. I only hope, that God's covenant of Righteousness follows your life's path, for the sake of all children's peace and tranquility.

Journeys Taken

May this journey today form a bond of one’s heart

a spirit in strength never known to unravel

ascending to infinity transforming the depth of our soul

a sadness for others who have never known being whole

never knowing the unspoken feelings comprised within one’s heart

love’s true warmth, true purpose and meaning

Our destiny, our growth from a blossom, our whole sense of being

a friend, a lover, a companion so giving

life’s true worth, a united partnership for living

Author: Robert H. Burke

Life’s Blessings

Touched by a heartbeat, blossoms this unique human being

From the seedlings of angels, a special child is born

Touched by the miracle of creation for all humanity to see

Where elegant words cannot describe the emotions adorned

Touched by the joy of sharing, life’s trust is treasured

A cherub’s unconditional love is so freely given

A key to unlocking the meaning of love, life’s purpose measured

Touched by the anointing of Joseph’s blessing, a true spirit forever

Touched by the measure of life, God awakening through a child

We share this special child in our world, this consummated blessing.

Author: Robert H. Burke

Chapter 1

The Blessed Events

I had been working as a general manager for a new restaurant company in Boston, Massachusetts. I had been transferred to a new restaurant in Framingham, Massachusetts, and I was doing quite well at this new location. So well in fact, that I was in the process of being promoted to the director of operations for all company locations.

Barbara and I had rented an apartment nearby the restaurant in the town of Natick. We were in the process of purchasing our first home within the same town with the help of my company.

The treasurer of the company named Stan, had taken a great interest in my career, and he had recognized my contributions to the organization by offering to loan Barbara and I the funds, for the down payment on our new home as a company bonus.

Barbara and I were thrilled that the company was recognizing my contribution to the early successes in the organization's expansion, and offered this incredible interest free loan, as a commitment of loyalty to a prosperous future. Barbara and I were so appreciative to Stan and the company, for this tremendous assistance, as without the loan, we would have had to save for a few more years to have our nest egg. We had also received a tremendous number of favors from Stan in securing a mortgage, and an executive from another division helped me learn the nuances of residential real estate selection. The executive named, Bruce became a very close friend, and Barbara became close friends with Bruce's Wife, Jane. They had a great deal of experience in the real estate market, and helped us find our dream house in Natick.

During our early days of house hunting, I arrived home one evening to find my wife wearing a penoir nightgown, sitting on the living room couch, looking beautiful. She was stunningly radiant, although I thought she was beautiful in sweatpants and a tee shirt, as I was so much in love with Barbara, beyond anyone's comprehension.

I noticed an ice bucket containing a bottle of champagne setting on the living room coffee table. This was not something of a rare occasion, as Barbara would often surprise me with a loving atmosphere. However, the radiance and beauty I observed from Barbara on this evening was far different.

Barbara presented me with a dozen red roses surrounding three white roses in the center of the arrangement. I asked my beautiful wife, what was the significance of the three white roses in the center, and she beamingly stated that the two white roses were representing our union of love in marriage; our purity of bond as husband and wife, and the third white rose represented the blessing of a child coming into our lives.

I am not usually an overly emotional person, except in private matters, especially with such a blessing of this news of absolute joy. I shouted with joy, hugging and kissing my loving wife. I felt as a child blessed with happiness. This blessed news changed me for life. I was uninhibited with emotions of joy, love, and a new heartfelt caring for people, an extended love of God, having been blessed beyond all expectations.

Everything came so easily from then on, as life could not present problems, or maybe the problems did not have any meaning for concern. All I knew is that I worshiped a woman of my dreams, who was going to be the mother of our child, and everything else was minuscule in comparison to this gift from God; a gift of intimacy, unity, and of one spirit of love.

Barbara and I were in a process of witnessing the miracle of our unification in marriage.

This was above all else, a miracle of the determination of two people who had lost their way in a first marriage together, parting separate ways, and after two years apart, we realized that life was never the same. We reunited after a divorce knowing, we had not been committed to the sanctity of marriage, and lost our way, yet our memories of friendship and love was never found in another's heart. For two years, I had never heard from Barbara after our first divorce, for she wanted no contact with me during the initial stages of separation, and ultimately divorce. I had many relationships during this period, yet I could never get Barbara out of my mind during these two years of loneliness. Barbara was the only woman in my life, other than my mother and grandmother, who I loved unconditionally. During my short relationships with other women, they would soon realize that I was still in love with Barbara, and the relationship would soon end, as I could not hide the fact of how strong my love was for Barbara.

Two years had passed, when I received a birthday card from Barbara saying she had overcome her bitterness and hurt from our divorce, and she missed my friendship. She wished me well, and hoped that my life was one of happiness.

Barbara's Birthday was six days later, so I sent her a card wishing her only the best in her future. I thought we might finally bring closure to things we could not forgive each other for during our marriage.

On June 6, 1979, I received a letter from Barbara wishing to see me again, as she had a need to do so. My heart was pounding when I read her words, and I anguished over phoning her to agree to see her once again. I knew, I always loved her, and my thoughts over the past two years had been with the hope for another opportunity to rekindle an ever-burning flame in my heart. I phoned her, agreeing to see her at a restaurant and nightclub near her residence.

When I arrived at the restaurant my whole body was shaking, my hands were perspiring, my heart pounding, and my face was flush with heat. I almost could not breathe. Then I saw Barbara sitting at the bar of the restaurant, and I walked towards her with anticipation and I hugged her, a hug that lifted a tremendous weight from my heart. It was if a free spirit entered my soul. I had missed her touch, her scent, her voice, her smile, and her radiance. She had been the only woman ever to have this effect upon my being. Her voice calmed me, her holding my hand brought me strength, her smile brought me joy.

The hours passed in conversation, dance, laughter, embrace. Barbara knew me to the depth of my spirit, and found change in things that needed to change, my learning from my previous mistakes, and Barbara had learned her own life's lessons over the past two years.

We finished our evening at the restaurant, and returned to Barbara's apartment. We held each other, while speaking of our loneliness for each other, and the depth our love during our courtship and marriage. We forgave each other for our transgressions, and began to start a new journey together as a couple. Life, once again, was truly wonderful and full of hope for a future together, forever. We vowed to make our relationship stronger over our time together. My life now meant so much, as I had a purpose, as a person who could strive to bring happiness to Barbara, forever.

Time passed quickly, everyday was a new dream of being with Barbara, once again. We made plans to move back into each other's life. Words and expressions of love flowed freely. My career flowed in the proper direction, and was blossoming. I was surrounded with love, and I had been given a second chance to bring happiness to Barbara's life.

I had always been a late bloomer at almost everything I had ever accomplished in life. My hard work in my career was paying off. I was affiliated with a restaurant company that recognized my talents, and the leaders of this organization were excited by the results my team of managers had achieved, both operationally and financially, for the company. Barbara was my inspiration toward success, both personally and professionally.

Life was tremendously exhilarating, as Barbara and I would venture into a new home within the next few months of her pregnancy. I was truly given the most precious gifts of a lifetime; a beautiful wife, new home, and a soon to be gift from God.

We were apprehensive in securing the mortgage for our new home with Barbara being pregnant, as her income was included in our application for the mortgage. We kept our little secret from the real estate broker, and the mortgage company until after we passed the papers on our beautiful new home. I will never forget Barbara beaming at the closing of the house, and her announcement to all of the upcoming birth of our child.

People who knew Barbara and I were elated for our happiness, and we had everything that God could blessedly provide in our lives.

We moved into our new first home, and we started to furnish and decorate our castle with our own personalities.

Barbara was a wonderful partner and confidant. She provided me with so much inspiration to our new life together. Success became a natural instinct, almost as if God had willed our fortune.

I always feared I would wake one day from this dream and relive my parents’ life of hardship and poverty. I was not deserving of such happiness, but I knew Barbara surely did, after her abusive childhood, where her Gestapo Father reined terror upon her sweetness, her goodness, and her virtue. I could not allow her life to see a repeated tragedy. I continually prayed for God's guidance through our life's journey.

Barbara was so happy, illuminating during a wonderful pregnancy, preparing our new home for our cherub's arrival. I do not believe we ever argued the entire time. We just embraced our love for each other, beyond a description of words. We had been through our toughest times while divorced, and we had learned so much from our previous mistakes. We had been so fortunate to have a second chance that most people never realize in their lifetime.

I was immersed in my new position in my company, and the restaurants were delivering unprecedented profits, as the organization was receiving national recognition within the restaurant industry.

Barbara was working as an office manager for a group of doctors, who were renowned in the field of cardiology. They were outstanding professional doctors, yet they were terrible business people, spending revenues long before the receipt of funds.

Barbara would literally have to hide money with the help of the corporate accountant to keep the corporation in the black. When she would post income without hiding funds, the doctors would draw personal income long before they were due these funds. Barbara was becoming an expert accountant while managing a moderate staff. She worked right up until the day of delivery of our first child. Despite the stresses of her position, she was so very happy, looking forward to becoming a mother at the age of thirty-three years old.

It was now September 20, 1983. Unbeknownst to me at the beginning of the day, that this day would become one of the happiest of my life.

I was working in one of our restaurants in Cambridge, Massachusetts. It was approximately 7:30 p.m., and I was finishing my day at operations. I was sitting at our restaurant bar having a toast with a group of beer distributors, who I had known for years in the business.

I received a phone call from my sweetheart telling me that her contractions had started. All I remember was my running to my car and racing through Harvard Square toward the Massachusetts Turnpike. I turned on my automobile hazard lights and set a speed record driving to Natick. I was shocked that people driving in the passing lane were in fact, moving over. It was if God was cutting my path at a crazy speed and protecting me safely for the birth of my child.

Upon entering the kitchen of our home from the cellar stairs, I saw Barbara sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich. I nervously said, Let's go, and Barbara said it was too early. Five minutes later with the sandwich half eaten, we were on our way to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and a nurse was examining Barbara and immediately paged our doctor. Within minutes Barbara was in active-labor and she was about to deliver our newborn. Within twenty minutes the head was crowned of a feisty child, and the nurse was about to deliver our baby, when our doctor finally made his appearance.

Barbara delivered naturally, and my Lamar’s training was not quite working up to par as a coach. Finally, the nurse became the coach, while I held Barbara's hand and suddenly, a beautiful new being arrived into our world, as if on water slide, and the doctor literally caught her in mid-air. It all happened so fast that I could not remember the details of this actually happening, yet I do remember Barbara's beautiful face, as I kissed away her tears of joy, as Doctor Kim beamed at the sight of our beautiful child.

We had finally found our true happiness together in creating such a gift from heaven. September 20, 1983, at 9:22 p.m. was the moment God provided His gift to Barbara and I, a gift of a fulfilling love and friendship!

Barbara was now in her private room with our baby, and we had not decided on a name for our precious little girl. Barbara, before falling asleep kissed me, and picked the name I had selected. We were now the proud and joyous parents of Laura Lyn Burke.

I remember driving home, and not wanting to be alone. I wanted to tell the world how wonderful life was, and anyone who would listen should hear about God's beautiful creation on that blessed day. I drove to one of my restaurants, a few minutes from my home, and I celebrated the birth of Laura with the entire staff of the restaurant. Later, I went home and sat up all night thanking God for a wonderful wife, a beautiful newborn angel, and a splendid life. I was truly blessed.

Inner Peace

In lights dawning hour, the depth of darkness removed

I feel a sense, a purpose of life’s true beauty in you

A prayer for the darkness to emit candlelight, a spirit soothed

where the inner peace reaches the depth of my soul

No longer tormented by mind’s pain that existed

relenting to kindness, caring, love making us whole

Where true knowledge is a capacity without limits

turning decades of endless search into endless possibilities

Now present in the visions knowing no inhibitions

from the voices of darkness, the consciousness known in sleep

allowing such deep feelings to reach the pinnacle of compassion

where our minds speak gently, allowing us to reap

The blessings of love that can be so very fulfilling

through our hearts and our spirit, true to be pure

When we come to this unimagined place, we must be willing

to the commitment of one another, truest love will be secured

Author: Robert H. Burke

Chapter 2

The Blossoming Of A Child

Barbara and I were extremely happy, and life was exhilarating. We had learned from our own childhood, and we were about to venture into the blossoming of a new child's life, hopefully far different from our own childhoods’ past. For, we both had skeletons in the closet concerning absentee, and abusive fathers. Laura's life was going to be different, she was going to have all of the love and protection a father could possibly give.

Barbara was trying to work at home for the doctors without much success, as Laura never slept. She would take twenty-minute catnaps and awake, bright and alert. Barbara had great difficulty breast-feeding, and finally had to give in to the pediatrician's advice of giving Laura formula. I believed she was feeling inadequate because of this, yet her first concern was for Laura's nutrition.

After an extended period of Laura suffering with colic, we began to drain our physical resources from lack of sleep, and in our desperate attempt to seek comfort, and advice from doctors and nurses, we simply had to ride out Laura's sickness.

We learned that the reading of books do not prepare a parent for child rearing, and we felt helpless on many occasions. We simply tried to console Laura, and each other during the first few days. I was astonished at Barbara's dedication to Laura's needs, and I soon realized how impossible a mother’s role could be, yet it is almost a natural element of nature in the bonding that transpires between mother and child.

Laura began to overcome her colic condition after being on formula, yet she never slept, beyond catnaps. I tried to be of as much assistance as I could, but I would need some sleep in order to function at work, as the endless nights were draining, both Barbara and I.

My new position as a director took me away for many hours of the day, yet I would always make up for this time away from Laura over long weekends, when I would be able to come home early on Friday afternoons. Barbara would always allow my private time with Laura. I loved rocking Laura in our favorite rocking chair, singing her lullabies, reading her nursery rhymes, playing her classical music, and communicating with her in my own way.

After five weeks of maternity leave Barbara had agreed to return to work, but the doctors were lost without her expertise and began pestering her for days on end, long before the five-week period had elapsed.

One of the doctors made a threat to her after she had been home for two weeks, that if she did not return to work in the third week, he would find someone to replace her. The phone rang forty times a day with questions, demands, and orders. The doctors could have cared less about Barbara's agreement, or the fact that we had a child who never slept.

It became exhausting and frustrating to watch Barbara go through this, so we had to make a very difficult decision together. We decided that Barbara would not return to work until Laura was in pre-school.

Financially, it meant a substantial sacrifice, as we would barely make ends meet on my salary. I had to learn the art of creative finance.

My friend and treasurer, Stan taught me how to take a sufficient number of exemptions on my payroll taxes, so that Uncle Sam would not sit on our money, interest free. Stan and I researched the numbers so well that I could forecast my deductions for the end of the year, so that I would know exactly how much I would pay in income taxes. Stan was a financial genius having made the company millions of dollars in profits over the years.

We learned to be very frugal, went without many material things, but it was so very important for Laura's upbringing that her mother was with her every day.

I know there are situations where families will not survive without two incomes, but I luckily had the opportunity to work for an organization that cared as much about my family, as I did. If there were more people in business today like Stan and Aaron, the Chairman, loyalty from employees would be at an all time high.

The only concern I had during this time with Barbara was that she was a mother first, a partner second, and a person third.

I learned to spend as much time at home as possible, so that Barbara could have contact with the outside world of mothering with her family and friends. There are only so many hours in the day of speaking baby talk, when I realized Barbara needed outside stimulation, and contact with people, who realized her value as a person.

I took charge of parenting at every chance available, and I loved every minute with Laura. I could be a child once again without people thinking I should be put away, for you can act as foolish as possible, when with a child. I loved seeing the world through an infant's imagination, and revisiting my own sense of childhood.

A wonderful year had passed, and we celebrated Laura's first birthday, a gala event in our backyard with many neighbors and friends. Laura was such a fun-loving child with the energy of ten children. She was non-stop motion, giving all of her affection to people with hugs and kisses through her dynamic personality, yet, she was also, very sensitive to others. She would consume you with her sense of concern for your welfare.

One of Laura's Birthday gifts was a German-Shepherd puppy we named Shana. Shana and Laura were inseparable, always side-by-side. Laura would be crawling, and Shana was right by her side.

The first year of Laura's life passed so quickly, almost within a blink of an eye. I loved to be with her, protecting, teaching, and observing her development. I even loved changing her diapers. I loved being a caregiver; bathing her, powdering