Seeking Justice for Children

By Molly S. Michaels

Molly S. Michaels wasn’t an abuser, but she believes she knows how one is developed. In Seeking Justice for Children, she shares her story, telling how, as a victim, she and her three children became embroiled in an abusive relationship.

This narrative chronicles how she advocated for her children against their abuser, his enablers, and a failed justice system. Offering insight into the cycle of abuse, Michaels discusses the details of her relationship describing the co-dependency, manipulation, pain, and heartache she suffered at the hands of her husband.

Seeking Justice for Children seeks to help prevent teenagers from getting into an abusive relationship, to support anyone living through an abusive relationship, and to encourage anyone who is in an abusive relationship to free himself or herself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jan 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665700733

Molly S. Michaels

Molly S. Michaels is a mother of three adult-aged children who has a Bachelor of Science in Health Education and a Masters in Elementary Education. She has experience working with a variety of children from diverse backgrounds, home lives, and learning styles.

Book preview

PROLOGUE

"S tart from the beginning," whispered Ben.

Do you have the time? Molly chuckled.

For you I have all the time in the world, Sweetie Pie.

Thanks, Ben, hmm…where to begin, Molly contemplated.

When we’re children, we think that we have all the time in the world to decide what we want to be when we grow up, what type of person we want to marry, where we will live, how we will live, and hopefully, we think about why we make these choices. The why turns out to be the most important part of the equation.

Over the course of my life, I’ve learned that the driving force behind why I make the decisions that I make is because of the way I view my afterlife. Resurrection has always been key to me as it is for lots of Christians. I was raised Catholic and took my religious education very seriously. When I make a choice, whether it is consciously or unconsciously, the salvation of my soul is always taken into consideration.

How will God view this when I’m on my deathbed being judged by him? is the question I always revisit.

Making choices based on why you are doing what you are doing is not the easy road. It is definitely the road less traveled. Now that I’m getting on in years, I realize this. Back when I was making important life choices (i.e. marriage and career), I didn’t think of how my choices would impact my life, I only thought of why I was making these choices…. mostly based on love and my desire to have a family of my own someday. I never stopped to ask myself how these choices would impact my ultimate goal of being worthy in God’s eyes for eternal life.

If one of my three adult-aged children was to ask me for advice (which they hardly ever do anymore), I would advise them to ask themselves, with every choice they make, "How will this decision impact what is most important to me?" Obviously, what is most important is different from one person to another as we are all unique individuals with unique goals.

Although what is most important to me, the salvation of my soul, is certainly not what is most important to all people, it is my how question. How will what I do today affect me tomorrow, next year, at the end of my Earth life? Loaded questions, right? Heavy stuff, right? You bet!

Knowing what your how question is is what I would most want my readers to know about themselves. Not how will I get there. I think most people think about that. I’m suggesting that you consider "How will this affect my ultimate goal?" First you need to know what your ultimate goal is before you can start thinking about how your decisions will impact it.

If I had only had that figured out by the time I reached young adulthood, I could have avoided so much personal pain in my life. I was so focused on making the people I love happy, rather than focusing on my ultimate goal. Living your life this way leads to feelings of unhappiness and resentment towards those who held you back.

So, I ask you, my readers, "How do your daily decisions affect what is most precious to you? As you read my life’s story, please pause every once in a while, to ask yourselves, What would I have done at this point? and, How would that decision affect my ultimate goal in life? as opposed to this author’s ultimate goal of earning her future resurrection. For example, some of you might say to yourselves, I would have done such and such because my ultimate goal in life is to be wealthy, or to be famous, or to be happy, or to be loved." The reason for the choices you make should always be evident to you. It doesn’t matter what others think about your choices.

I believe we all have wisdom to offer one another. I wrote this book for my children, with the hope that it will benefit others, too. Sharing our life’s experiences with one another is how we learn best about the thought processes we, God’s most unique creatures, make throughout our lives on Earth. Afterall, free will is what separates our species from God’s other species. Please don’t ever forfeit your freedom of choice. That is what separates humans from animals, who act on instinct, rather than free will. Whether you believe in God or not, please believe in humanity.

PURPOSE

I n the prologue of this book, I talked about knowing the why and the how of your choices in life. The purpose of this book is to support anyone who might be suffering in silence, to support anyone who might have been told that what they believe is happening, isn’t really happening, and to support anyone who has been brainwashed into believing she is mentally ill or imaging things.

Although I have never chosen to be an abuser, I do believe that I now know how one is developed. While reading my true story, please focus on how my abuser started off as not that bad. As people aided and abetted him, he became stronger and more abusive to me and our children. When people support the wrong person in the abuser-victim relationship, the abuser feels supported instead of the victim.

Women and men, it is ok to walk away from an abusive relationship even if no one believes that you are being abused. Proving yourself is not your job. Protecting yourself is.

I am a woman who likes to have the emotional and moral support of the people in her life. I have hardly ever felt understood by my family members and often have felt undervalued by them as well. So, I looked for other people. I have dear friends who I give my love to, now, so that when I need to be filled up by others, rather than by myself, I have a support team to turn to.

Find who helps you to feel good about yourself when you need to be picked up by the boot straps. My support team was hard to find. It took longer than I expected, but I gathered them one by one as I muddled through the most difficult time of my life.

People who need other people are at a great advantage as long as you find the people who support you, genuinely. I could have survived on my own, but I chose not to. I chose to help myself and to allow others to help me.

CHAPTER 1

September 1982

"W hy don’t you ever style your hair before going to school, anymore?"

No reason in particular, Mom. Why do you ask? mumbled Molly.

It’s just that before Damian graduated last year, you used to dress up and style your hair just about every day.

Leave me alone, Molly said under her breath.

I just don’t feel like it anymore, Mom. It’s as simple as that, she said aloud.

Yeah, simple, Molly laughed. Since Damian took her virginity last month when he lured her to Kingdom Beach, Maine to visit him for the weekend, nothing had been the same. The shame and guilt she felt immobilized her at times. Molly’s studies used to be important to her, band practice and competitions used to be important to her, her future used to be important to her. Maybe if my mother knew just how badly Damian hurt me when he forced himself on me she wouldn’t be asking me to dress up for school, Molly thought. She has enough on her plate with Ben binging lately.

Although Molly adored her step-father, Ben, now that she was seventeen, she realized that her mother probably shouldn’t have married a man who was an alcoholic. She thought protecting Molly and her siblings by saying, Don’t go near Ben if you smell alcohol on him, was enough. Her mother felt like she had a new lease on life after divorcing Molly’s father and moving them to a new school system, a new town, with new friends to be made, and new teachers. Why would she choose such a difficult choice in a husband?

Although Molly and her two sisters all loved Ben, she thought they all felt the same way, even though the sisters never spoke their feelings out loud to each other. They just did as their mother asked and didn’t bring friends home from school whenever Ben was on a drinking binge. Molly and her sisters didn’t hug or kiss him so as not to reward him with their affections when he wasn’t at his best, also as their mother had asked. Years later, Molly would come to understand that their mother didn’t use the best method, and that there were specialists for these sorts of situations - therapists, Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon….

I gotta go, Mom. I don’t want to be late. If I leave too late, I won’t be able to park in the senior student parking lot, and my walk will be longer, Molly said, hastily giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before running out the front door.

Years ago, when their mother was dating Ben, and he hadn’t yet moved in with them, there was a streaking situation in their neighborhood. It was a seventies thing some people had the misfortune of witnessing. Molly’s mother used to try to shelter them from seeing nude adults running through the neighborhood in their little rural town of Pinesville, Massachusetts. One night, when Molly was knocking on the glass portion of the back door, she accidentally cracked the glass. When her mother asked the kids the next morning if they knew what had happened to the door, Molly piped up, Maybe it was the streakers. I don’t know how I kept a straight face…. a skill I no longer seem to have, she thought as she reflected on the incident as an adult.

CHAPTER 2

October 1982

B ang!

Molly jumped out of bed and looked at the clock. It read 2:10 a.m. What was that noise? She left her bedroom, glancing at her little sister’s bed. The sound obviously didn’t arouse her sibling. Molly peeked into her mother and Ben’s bedroom. There was smoke and the smell of gunpowder, but the room appeared to be empty. Suddenly, she heard voices coming from downstairs. She walked down the hallway just as her mother and grandfather were coming up the stairs.

What happened, Mom? Molly asked. Her mother walked over to the piano bench in the living room and sat down.

Molly, Ben just shot himself, answered her grandfather, who lived downstairs.

Molly’s mother, Faith, looked like she was in a trance as she sat on the piano bench. Molly walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

911, what is your emergency? asked the dispatcher.

Police, Molly said.

After she hung up the phone, she walked over to her mother. Molly took Faith by the shoulders and gently shook her.

Mom, don’t leave me! Molly shouted at her. Faith looked up at her daughter with vacant eyes.

The ambulance will be here, soon. Please stay with me, Molly sobbed.

When the fire truck, ambulance, and police arrived, they asked Molly and her sister, Rachel, who had since awoken, to stay in the living room while they took Ben out of the house on a stretcher.

Close your eyes, girls, a police officer said to Molly and her older sister.

Molly, why don’t you go along with your mother in the police cruiser? A police officer will take you to the hospital where you will meet up with the ambulance transporting your step-father, said the police officer, soothingly.

Once at the hospital, Molly continued trying to keep her mother from going into a catatonic state. She answered the questions directed at her by the police, the hospital staff, and the priest, who was officiating last rights to Ben.

When the priest came into the room to inform them that Ben had died, Faith appeared shocked at the news. Ma’am, what did you expect? He shot himself in the head, said the priest. The doctor suggested to Faith that she take a sedative, but she refused.

My heart can’t handle anything like that, she said. I’ll be okay. My daughters will take care of me.

CHAPTER 3

October 1982

"M ake sure you don’t tell anyone how Ben died, including Damian," Faith called after Molly as she was leaving the house.

Mom, that’s not fair. You can’t ask us to continue lying to everyone about how Ben died. It’s not a black mark against you, you know. It’s not your fault that he took his own life. Ben was drunk at the time he shot himself. Lying about how he died doesn’t help you or your three children. You should be seeing a therapist to talk about the trauma you’ve sustained. Most people seeing someone they love shoot himself in the head right in front of them would need to talk it over with a professional, Molly cried.

"Oh my God, Molly. This is my life, my husband we’re talking about, and my decision to make. You are so lucky to have Damian. You are so hard to get along with. You should feel grateful that someone as easy-going as Damian likes you. Just leave. Go visit your boyfriend. I’ll be fine on my own. I can’t believe how selfish my daughters are," she complained.

Leaving the house to go see Damian, Molly left so empty inside. Last week, when Ben died, was even worse than being raped by Damian. She needed her mother and father so much right now, but neither was emotionally available to her. Her father was going through a divorce from his second wife and having a difficult time dealing with it emotionally. And Molly still hadn’t told anyone what Damian did to her back in August. It had been two months, now, and despite his constant apologies about losing control, Molly still didn’t quite believe him. If it had truly been an accident, he wouldn’t still be pressuring her to have