Broken: My Abduction Story

By Sky Sparrowhawk

Sky brings us back to her earliest memories to help us understand and glimpse into the challenges she faced as a First Nations Child, growing up on then off the reservation. She shares openly the deepest darkest recesses of her mind. She spent a lifetime trying to run from the pain. She leads us on a journey to understand why she choose to go with such a cruel man. A man who would inflict so much abuse and cruelty in her year and a half of captivity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781982266196

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Copyright © 2021 Sky Sparrowhawk.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by

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without the written permission of the author except in the case of

brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use

of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help

you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6618-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6620-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6619-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021906660

Balboa Press rev. date:  04/21/2021

CONTENTS

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Preface

Abandonment

Dad

Dad and the old brown house

Mom and Dave

Bed Wetting

Allergic to bee stings

Dave

Suicide

Auntie Alice

Mom meets Kirk

Motorcycle

Kirk vows to protect me

My Happy Place

Report Card Day

Becoming a woman

The Mountain

Dave compared to Kirk

The shelter

Running Away

The train

The Barn

Wild Horses

Run Piggy Run

Winnipeg

Breaking point

Tara

Becoming friends with Tara

The Escape

A Job

Mom finds me

Mom

Travelling to Throw the Police Off the Trail

Getting pulled over for a traffic violation

Interrogation

Medical Examination

Sent home to live with Mom/not working out

Foster care

Court

School

Choosing to live on the streets: Homeless

Will

Fighting Back

Locked Up

Break Out

A New Start

Denise

Aaron

Brian’s Gift

School

Steve

Roberto

Grandmother

Cleaned Out

Revenge

Nathan

Treatment

Granny Ellie

Epilogue

Afterward

About the Author

FOREWORD

I t is an honor to be asked to write this foreword. Sky writes her life story and experiences in the hopes of inspiring others to work towards their healing. She is an intergenerational survivor of the Canadian residential school system and was kidnapped at a young age. Sky also experienced violence, addiction, homelessness, unhealthy relationships, and sexual assault. She has allowed herself to be raw, vulnerable, and to share her truth, so that the reader can either relate or begin to understand how trauma impacts a person’s thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. I am humbled by her resilience and strength.

Despite her experiences she relied on key cultural teachings, prayer, key people, and counselling to help her through the most difficult times in her life. Her message is clear: each person can learn to feel safe, to feel connected, to trust self, and to build healthy relationships if there is a will and an effort made by the individual. While this was not easy for Sky, she never gave up on herself. In my opinion, she is not broken, as the only difference between us is our experiences. She is not damaged goods, but rather a precious gift from the Creator. I encourage people from all cultures and backgrounds to read her story.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T here are people in my life that I would like to thank and acknowledge in this journey of life. First, I would like to thank my daughter for leading the way in my healing. I thank my husband for creating a safe home for me to heal. I thank my mother for never giving up on looking for me. I thank my father for guiding me in love to the Creator. I thank my Auntie for encouraging me to write my story. I thank my Granny for her love and support. I thank friends from work who took the time to hear my story and offered kind words and support. I thank all the counsellors who helped me in my healing. I thank my brothers and sister who encouraged me to keep going when I felt like giving up. To Charlene, thank you for all your prayers and blessings. To my friend Claire, your love and humour helped me through many hard days. To Marilynn, your empathy has healed me in ways you could only imagine. To Zip, you are a champion among men! Thank you Zip for knowing when to advise, and when to listen. My wish for my supporters is that all the love and support you gave me goes back to each one of you, tenfold. To the Creator, all the tears I cried, I knew you were with me. I felt your presence. Thank you to the Creator for helping me through some exceedingly difficult times. I know there were moments that you carried me.

PREFACE

I have prayed and continue to pray to the Creator to help me heal from the painful childhood I survived. I know Creator guides me to forgive those who hurt me and to also forgive myself. I have spent a lifetime trying to forget horrible and traumatic experiences. I want to forgive myself for the choices I made along the way. I continue to pray and work to release myself from the pain and perceived hatred inflicted upon me as a child. I ask the Universe with the utmost respect, to love and accept me as I am. I give myself permission to feel the uncomfortable memories and experiences of the pain, so that I can move forward in my healing. I pray that one day I can love and accept myself unconditionally and believe in my heart that I am not ‘damaged goods.’ I feel that I must now stop and walk through the fire and continue to walk forward. Creator, I pray that you let the hell that continues to torment me in my body and mind to fall away like ashes.

I have shed many tears remembering the pain and suffering I endured as a child from key people: one of these key people was my mother. As a child, I believed my mother’s rage would one day kill me. As an adult, I now know that my mother was tormented by her own ‘demons’ stemming from the Canadian Residential School system. Over time, I learned to reduce my mental and emotional pain. I became an ‘observer’ of my past life, so that the memories and experiences would lessen their intrusion into my daily thoughts and feelings.

It was not until I suffered a breakdown as an adult that I was able to really connect with the emotional turmoil of being kidnapped at the young age of eleven. I was held captive by ‘Kirk’ for eighteen months, another key person who caused much suffering. Going back to this point in my life helps me understand the events that shaped me, the 11-year-old girl and the adult woman I have become. I have learned that the road to forgiveness is treacherous. I have heard the phrase that ‘the hardest person to forgive is yourself’; this I know is true. I have worked for years to forgive myself, and to release the pain associated with the kidnapping. I carried a host of emotions for many years, including guilt and shame. I acknowledge that my guilt served as a driving force, pushing me to work hard to overcompensate for the shame I carried. I felt guilt, shame and puzzled in my decisions to go along with my kidnapper, Kirk.

Several years ago, I knew that I needed to forgive myself. I had no idea how to forgive myself but knew that I carried a great deal of anger. I yearned for peace and happiness, but my thoughts and feelings betrayed me with anger, doubt, shame, guilt, and self-loathing. I prayed to Creator to show me how to forgive myself. The Creator heard my prayer one day while I was in a health and wellness store. I came across a CD and booklet that advertised teaching forgiveness. The instructions were simple; I was to connect with the feelings of the violation. This seemed simple enough for me at the time. I then bought a magazine that profiled ten documented kidnapping cases. I also bought a Bob Segar CD, the one with the song, ‘Against the Wind.’ (My kidnapper played this song. Throughout my life I was not able to listen to this song without having a panic attack.) I naively thought the forgiveness exercise would take me an afternoon or maybe even a day, so I planned a day. I drove out to a lake, read the magazine, and listened to the song ‘Against the Wind.’ I allowed my feelings to come and cried uncontrollably for hours. For the next few days, I tried to pull myself together, but I knew that I would need to sit with these feelings a lot longer. I felt I could not forgive myself until the intensity of the emotions subsided. Little did I know that there would be much more work for me to do to forgive myself. I had opened pandora’s box and it would be months before I could sleep more than two hours at a time. I do remember that I experienced white flashes of light many times just as I was waking up. I would jump out of bed feeling terrified and anxious. I had descended into a dark, fearful place. My overwhelming emotions wouldn’t allow peace or rest for days. When I cried, I felt I could not stop and that the crying would never stop. Thanks to the Creator I had mental health counsellors to support and help me through this period in my life.

As you read my story you will notice there are a lot of gaps, I don’t remember all of it, and that’s ok. I spent many years beating myself up, and I tried so hard to forget. The fact that he was never caught, also weighed heavily on my mind. I have lived a fear-based life, but I chose to let it go, and free myself. I was kidnapped at age 11 for 18 months. This is my story based on all the facts I can remember. The places names and dates have been changed. There are many graphic details contained in this book and I recommend any persons reading this to seek professional counselling services, should they find themselves becoming triggered, or highly emotional.

ABANDONMENT

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I remember being shy and quiet as a child. I was also physically small. I received messages from a young age that children are to be seen and not heard. I did my best to stay out of the way or hidden; my small physical size helped. One of my earliest memories is of my mom leaving us. I remember my mother buttoning up my jacket, while telling me to be a good girl and take care of my sister. I am trying not to cry, but I feel scared. I silently plead with my eyes for her not to go. We call her parents Granny and Grandpa. They are not happy that Mom is leaving us with them. I feel like we are a burden to Granny and Grampa. They do not like us. I can tell, just by the way they look at us. Both Granny and Grampa glare and pinch and try to burn us with cigarettes. We try to stay outside and out of the way. They then tell us that we are a burden to them, and that our mother doesn’t love us. I am four years old. My brother Brian is eight years old and my sister Samantha is three years old.

After a short period of time, Granny and Grampa drop us off at Lynn Bearheart’s place. She is a distant relative. While staying at the Bearheart’s, my siblings and I are remarkably close. There are other children at the Bearheart’s, sometimes ten to fifteen children. The conditions that we live in are pathetic. The house has minimal furniture and is known to be the party house. Adults are coming in and out; there is a great deal of drinking and fighting. There is hardly ever any food to eat, so we are hungry all the time. The room we sleep in has no beds, only dirty laundry. At night we pile the laundry in a heap at night to sleep on.

My brother Brian liked to play pranks and do magic tricks. He was always creative at making up games for us to play. Sometimes we made bows and arrows. We didn’t have any toys, but we had imagination. We envisioned so many scenarios, or rather, Brian did. I was happy to be the loyal sister waiting patiently for my turn. I loved my brother and looked up to him in so many ways. Sometimes Brian was mean, but I always forgave him. He was kinder than any other family member.

Samantha, my sister, was a year younger than me. She was bubbly and bright, and loved to be the centre of attention. Samantha would twirl, dance, or sing for anyone. Even though Samantha was sick much of the time with colds or ear infections, her need for affection and attention made her adorable and cute. During our time at the Bearheart’s, Samantha’s health was jeopardized by a lack of nutritious food and proper hygiene. Samantha was also deprived of any type of parental love. As Samantha’s older sister, I did my best to take care of her as my mother asked, but I felt sad that I could not provide her with what she needed. Once when she was crying from hunger, I made us eat mud pies. She cried as we ate them. Most of the time, we tried to think up games to play to keep our minds occupied