Marriage Capsules

By Olufunmilayo Folaranmi MD

The book focuses on nuggets for happy marriages that will stand the test of time. There are people who have been married for decades who are still head-over-heels in love with each other and uphold what marriage truly stands for – commitment, sacrificial love and an unflinching will to make the marriage work regardless of any challenges they face.

This book provides valuable information on things that can be done to spice up your marriage, to strengthen marriages so that they not only survive but thrive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664225343

Olufunmilayo Folaranmi MD

Olufunmilayo Folaranmi is a medical doctor, motivational speaker, blogger and author. She is the author of two children’s books; Aduke Goes Grocery Shopping and What is Easter all about? She is passionate about love, great marriages, living a balanced and purposeful life. She is happily married with children.

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Copyright © 2021 Olufunmilayo Folaranmi, MD.

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Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used with permission.

Scriptures and additional materials quoted are from the Good News Bible © 1994 published by the Bible Societies/HarperCollins Publishers Ltd UK, Good News Bible© American Bible Society 1966, 1971, 1976, 1992. Used with permission.

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Hymn: God, Give Us Christian Homes, public domain.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2535-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2536-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-2534-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021903916

WestBow Press rev. date: 4/23/2021

I

dedicate this book first to the Almighty God, the one who inspired my heart and strengthened my hands to write. I also dedicate this book to my husband, with whom I am privileged to daily grasp the concept of marriage as God intended. Finally, to my beautiful children, wonderful gifts from God, whose smiles light up my world.

Acknowledgements

I am thankful to God, my dear heavenly father, the author and the finisher of my faith for the inspiration to write this book.

I appreciate my darling husband who from time to time put up with my zest to make this book come to life. He supported the project from when it was just an idea till it came to fruition.

To my wonderful children, thank you for filling my life with so much joy.

I am grateful to the amiable Dr Gboyega Idowu who took time out of his busy schedule to review the manuscript and gave great suggestions that enhanced the book. Many thanks to my dear friend and colleague, Dr Olamide Alara, who not only gave me moral support when I shared the idea of writing a book on marriage, but also gave valuable feedback on the book cover.

Special thanks to Pastor Johnson Adefila, my spiritual father when God put the idea for this book in my heart. Thank you for your commitment to marriage as God intended.

To Pastor Olusola Osundeko and Pastor Mark Prugh, thank you for always watering our hearts with words directly from the throne of grace.

To all my friends and family who supported this great project, thank you. God bless you all.

Contents

Preface

Introduction: Enhancement for Holy Matrimony

Chapter 1 Love Capsule

Love as the Currency in Marriage

You Chose the Right Person to Love

Love as the Missing Link

Love Cues from Ancient Greek

The Missing Dimension

Roses Not Always Red.

The Scars of Love

Chapter 2 Forgiveness Capsule

It Is Not Crackers!

The Magic of the Hot Shower

No Record of Wrong

No Credit Limit on Forgiveness

Chapter 3 Attraction Capsule

Beauty Lies in the Eyes of the Beholder: True or False?

The State of the Mind

The Lady of Style and Quintessence

Rules of Style for Women

Beyond the Looks

Rules of Style for Classy Men

The New Sexy

Butcher and Singer

Chapter 4 Playfulness Capsule

Play as the Oxygen of a Marriage

Amusing Things to Do with Your Spouse

Chapter 5 Intimacy Capsule

Romance Is the Oil in the Wheels of Marriage

A Fulfilling Sex Life Is Possible

Eat Chocolates Naked – for Real!

Megaphone in the Bedroom

Faithfulness Is Essential

Chapter 6 Godliness Capsule

Christ at the Center

Unless God Builds a Home

The Spiritual Thermometer

The Christ Factor

Weapons of Marital Warfare

Lessons from the Life of Ananias and Sapphira

Expressions of Godliness

Chapter 7 Trust Capsule

The Transparency of Truth Preserves a Marriage

The Marriage Bed Undefiled

Your Help Meet

The Trap of Secrecy

Chapter 8 Prayer Capsule

The Loophole of Prayerlessness

Key to Effective Prayers

Chapter 9 Financial Intelligence Capsule

Being Broke Is a Thief of Romance

The Grocery Shopping List Can Be Followed

What God Has Joined Together, Let No Finances Put Asunder

Chapter 10 Communication Capsule

The Concept of the Tongue

Season Your Words

Raw Materials for Communication in a Godly Marriage

Codes of Communication

Naked but Not Ashamed

Conflict Resolution

The Third-Party Interference

Go for Gold!

Practical Ways to Deal with Conflict in Marriage

Chapter 11 The Divine Prescription

Here is a free copy of your already signed prescription.

Chapter 12 Wedding Vows and Wedding Rings

Samples of Wedding Vows

Chapter 13 The King and Her Majesty

Ephesians 5 Man Meets Proverbs 31 Woman

Help-Line for Your Marriage

Chapter 14 A Word on In-Laws

Chapter 15 The State of Your Union

Marriage Prayer Declarations

Prayer Points for Your Marriage

Epilogue

References

Preface

It was on a small beautiful island in the heart of Asia called Puerto Princesa, in the early morning, where in the third quarter of 2016 the Lord laid it upon my heart to write this book. Honestly, it was one of the most aesthetically appealing islands I have ever seen. The serene atmosphere was exhilaratingly refreshing. The white sand by the seashore felt liberating under my feet. I savored every kiss the clear water had for my ankles. It was all simply amazing. Something powerful, something beyond myself, something special had to emanate and originate in this place. Especially considering the price I paid, having traveled over 7,579 nautical miles and spent more than twenty-one hours with an eight-week-old baby in my hands.

Ironically, before my husband and I left for the island, we were not in good terms with each other as a result of a huge argument. The trip had been planned, so it was too late to cancel. However, bam! Something happened when we got there. As if by serendipity, we resolved our differences in the most unusual and effortless manner. Even Solomon made us understand in Proverbs 30:18–19 that it is hard and mysterious to comprehend the way of a man with a woman. We became friends again—one of the stories culminating in Marriage Capsules.

More often than not, the Lord uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. His ways are mysterious. I had set out that year with absolutely no desire or thought to start writing this book and definitely not with the intention of even visiting the island where the idea for this book was birthed.

I am not a specialist in the marriage business; in fact, we have just celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary by His grace and still counting because we are a work in progress. We are like babies in the marriage business. I do not even have the credentials to give an opinion on the issue of marriage, but I have a strong leading to do this, plus I am passionate about great marriages. Marriages that work simply excite me. In fact, there are countless books and resources on marriage. I have read loads of them myself and even have quite a number in our family library. The Lord has led me to write this book not only to you but to myself as well, for our children and generations yet unborn, so they may read, to learn, and to lead better marital lives.

If your marriage is good already, it could be better; if it is great, it could be the best. If you have marriage challenges, you can receive help and restoration. I feel burdened to see better marriages. Enough is enough with people enduring their marriage or just hanging on for the sake of their children. There is so much more goodness to marriage. You just need to put the needed work; then you will see the return many times over. As Christians, we have a special advantage in that we have the gift of the Holy Spirit available to us, as well as unrestricted access to grace. Therefore, our marriages should suffer better fates.

I remember the joy and excitement I felt in my heart when we fixed the date for our wedding. From that point on, anything related to the issue of wedding preparations was my focus. I bought loads of wedding planner magazines. I started vividly noticing the rings on people’s fingers. I particularly cannot forget when one of my patients, a young newly wedded lady, walked into my consulting room, and I kept looking at her ring. I literally had to recite the Hippocratic oath to myself to be able to focus (believe me, I am great at my job, but what rings will do to ladies in this world—ehh!). I was almost livid with envy and simply could not wait for May 19, 2012. Most people who end up married must have felt that kind of excitement at some point in their journey. The big question is, what happened to that excitement along the way? Like the parable Jesus told in the Bible, the weeds of this world choked out that excitement. Hence the immense and great need for this book at such a time as this.

There are deliberate steps every person in a marriage or with the prospect of marriage needs to take to make theirs a true success story. God is the only panacea to all marriage issues. Marriage enjoys the endorsement of God. He plays a key and crucial role since He invented it in the first place. Hence, when the chips are down, consult with Him, as He has all the answers. Marriage is one of God’s powerful tools on earth, which is why the enemy is all set to attack and destroy it. The husband and the wife make up the most powerful alliance on earth when they are in agreement. No wonder marriage is under immense attack. A united husband and wife are the most dangerous alliance on earth, which you mess with at your peril. That is the true definition of the power couple.

And I tell you more: whenever two of you on earth agree about anything you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. (Matthew 18:19 GNT)

I love the word whenever in that scripture. Even if you have been at loggerheads with one another, not happy with each other, or simply not feeling each other, the Bible uses that word here: whenever you both come back to your senses, decide to put aside your differences, and agree on any issue at all, whether huge or trivial, it will be done. This is the biggest secret to a successful married life. That is why there is so much resistance in couples who agree, because when they do, they have anything their heart desires.

There is a constant war going on to prevent husbands and wives from being in harmony, and couples need to be conscious of that. Can two walk together except they agree? When a husband and a wife are in agreement, they achieve much more and faster too. One will chase a thousand, while two will chase ten thousand. I call it the spiritual geometry.

Today many marriages are on life support, barely hanging on for dear life. Enough is enough with couples being cat and rat, people who hardly see eye-to-eye without fighting. No more mediocre marriages, no more endured marriages, no more packaged marriages—the perfect fairy tale to the world, but at home, more like a boxing ring or a court of law—in short, no more unhappy marriages. Let us see more of the tight-knit couples who would never do anything till they see each other. I think this is so sweet (my toddler son’s newfound phrase just now). It breaks my heart to see marriages that are struggling, barely trying to make love meet (I just made that up from making ends meet). I do not believe that was the original plan of God for marriage.

Our marriages have to be fit. Being fit entails being healthy, strong, and robust. Many marital unions do not give out that vibe. The sad and harsh reality is that many marriages are not fit.

There is the tendency to believe that a slim person is automatically fit. This is not true. I have always been on the skinny side of the scale, but for a long time, I was not healthy. I do not drink alcohol or smoke cigarette, but I loved sugar like nobody’s business. I hated salads, and anything green in color just depressed me. However, I came to a point in my life when I decided to change things. I do not take sugar anymore, I shunned soda, I included salads in my meals, I broke up with junk foods, and I fell in love with greens, registered in a gym, and underwent several other lifestyle changes. I see many unhealthy and unfit marriages, and I find it depressing because it hurts the heart of the Father. His idea of marriage is good.

The scriptures made us understand that if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? If only people paid half as much attention to their marriage as they pay to the wedding ceremony, which is just a day, then the fate of marriage would be better. People give endless precision and finesse to the wedding dress, veil, suit, shoes, rings, venue, flowers, cakes, food, decoration, photography, and the honeymoon. They also ensure that everything is perfect, so that the wedding day is perfect, but pay little or no attention to the actual marriage itself, which is meant to last a lifetime.

I recently watched a TV show that featured an elderly couple who had been married for seventy-three years! That sounds like forever. However, I thought to myself, there must be something that made them remain married and in love with each other after all those years. The big question is, what is the secret of durable marriage?

There has to be something that can be done to make every marriage last a lifetime. There has to be perhaps some sort of magical portion, some medications that simply put both people right. There has to be a secret ingredient or two that can safeguard and inoculate every marriage from destruction. In the midst of all the rhetorical questions playing in my mind, the Lord showed me some answers to my questions, and I would like to share them in the pages of this book. I hope to convey how to stick with each other side-by-side, hand-in-hand, while happily looking forward to the future together.

Eureka! I found the secrets to a long-lasting marriage! Except that they are not so secret after all. They are relatable, practical, and uplifting steps that can make a difference in a marriage and make for happier couples. They are basic things every married person already knows but explained with a fresh perspective. Indeed, there is a golden remedy for every marriage on earth in the form of the marriage capsules.

The marriage capsules are ten powerful vitamins that will help revitalize any marital union on earth, no matter its state, and help set couples up on the path of marital fitness. They are definitely not highfalutin, but basic things we perhaps are already aware of, only presented with a refreshingly different perspective. These capsules are crucial keys to a lifelong marriage. Whether a marriage is struggling to survive or existing in bliss, there is always room for improvement, and it can always get better.

These marital supplements are powerful in the sense that they have no side effects, no idiosyncratic reactions, and no adverse effects whatsoever. The only effect you get is strong help and enhancement for your marriage. Stay tuned and fasten your seat belts as we go on this roller coaster of unraveling the mystery behind every single capsule—the composition of each one, the key ingredients that constitute each capsule.

There are ten different essential capsules, and they have to be taken religiously, daily for a vibrant and healthy marriage. This is the only place where polypharmacy is a good thing. Polypharmacy is when multiple drugs (usually five or more) are used in the treatment of a single ailment or condition. In this case, the ten different capsules are the several medications, while marriage is the condition in context. The ultimate purpose is to give strength, help, healing, and a great boost to the health of every single marriage on earth. Shalom.

Introduction

Enhancement for Holy Matrimony

Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.

—Unknown Author

Many marriages out there need a supplement. You might be aware of how Biotin helps hair and nail growth, and many people buy loads of it for those results. At one time I became dedicated to looking for a very good iron supplement for my then seventeen-month-old son, not because he had iron deficiency, but because I wanted to prevent it from happening since at his age toddlers were prone to iron deficiency due to picky eating and for a host of other reasons. I did not just assume my child was getting all the necessary nutrients his body needed. I had to ensure he actually got them. Mommy had to be proactive.

In like manner, we should not just assume our marriages will naturally be fine and healthy, just like the fairy tales; after all, we are Christians. Many believe this is whimsical thinking or some sheer impractical joke. In reality, your marriage can be a fairy tale. Your marriage is exactly what you make of it. In fact, you can have a perfect marital life with the white picket fence of your childhood dreams. It can be blissful, happy, full of rainbows, flowers, and unicorns. Hence, the need for vital and essential supplements to help support our marriages.

There are various nutrients and supplements that help build a strong and healthy marriage. These are what I call marriage capsules, as I will explain in these chapters. They need to be swallowed daily. They need to be taken consciously and deliberately to get the desired results. These supplements are approved by the highest authority in our heavenly Father. You can browse through the leaflet for further reference in the holy scriptures.

A good marriage is sine qua non to a good life, which is desirable. A good marriage requires work and effort. Great marriages don’t just happen; they are a product of serious hard work. A good marriage is not only a gift but a project. A project is something you work on, something you strive at to attain perfection, which is a possibility. Marriage should not be treated casually. It is a serious business. It is not for babies but for two mature adults. In essence, it is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.

Marriage involves the union between two different people with unique experiences, traditions, educational backgrounds, personalities, and general perspectives on life, who have chosen to blend their lives together. That blending, without a doubt, will take a process. To get a smooth, lovely mix, there is the painful process of the actual blending. However, the final product, in the fullness of time, is a nice, bright, colorful, and beautiful product.

The marriage covenant is a demonstration of the mystery between Christ and the church:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it,

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. (Ephesians 5:25–29)

There are too many lies out there about marriage. Do not make the mistake of ever believing these evil lies:

• Marriage is overrated.

• Marriage is a model that was created hundreds of years ago and not suited for everyone.

• Getting married is no longer valid as it has been for many years.

• Things are evolving with marriage. Marriage should be endured.

• There are new rules of marriage such as the concept of monogamish (a relationship mostly monogamous that allows for outside sexual experiences every once in a while).

The day I heard that word monogamish for the first time, I was close to tears. These are all colossal lies.

I once even heard a sexologist say that marriage is a failure in human design. Actually, this one got me really upset. Marriage in the first place was never man’s design. It was God’s idea from the very beginning, so tell me how it is a failure of human design when the original design was God’s idea. This lie says that monogamous marriage has flaws and needs a recall. These arrant lies are ruining our society and making life even more complicated. Now, parents have a host of more explanations to make to their children on the current twists and turns of our society.

Let me reiterate that marriage is a divine institution established by God from the