Raising the Love-Light of a Child: Supporting the Inherent Brilliance in Kids by Humbly Exploring Our Own Inner Darkness

By Darlene Westhelle

You are a loving person, and you love kids.
But what is love, exactly, by your definition?
Have you ever really thought about it?
Is love simply some warm “fuzzy” that you’ve been taught to express with three little words?
Or is it much more than that?
And how would you describe it?
Have you explored any of the beliefs, the rote script comments, the auto-responses, the unquestioned systems, all the “that’s just the way it is” programs, the generational patterns, the inconsistent behaviors that send mixed messages, and the copy-and-paste words and attitudes that you inadvertently share with kids?
And have you intentionally worked to raise the frequency of your own lovelight, revealing and healing any parts of you that may affect the energy, and thus, the growth, brilliance and resilience of children in your care?
Come. Let’s explore and train our hearts to see through the lens of love to make the necessary adjustments to our programming. Let’s shine the light on and disrupt the old ways of thinking and behaving that have created the undesirable, inequitable energies of the collective consciousness and the current systems. With that light, we can heal, change, grow and create a brighter, new environment for the kids, with the kids, preserving and maintaining the strength of our inherent lovelights.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Aug 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781982264222

Darlene Westhelle

Darlene Westhelle has been an early childhood educator for many years. She is also a mom, a grandmother and a certified holistic health coach. Although Darlene had made it her mission early on in her teaching career to work toward preserving the infectious, glowing light in children, a breast cancer journey prompted her to observe with even greater clarity how the subtle messages—the rote, programmed, unquestioned scripts and the learned patterns that she, and others, receive and perpetuate with kids—may contribute to dimming that vibrant light over time. Engaging in and learning about clean eating, yoga, metaphysics, remote energy healing, and other spiritual tools from various teachers seemed to have lifted a veil from her eyes as she changed the energy that she fed her own body. Through her humble self-reflection, anecdotal examples, questions and imperfections, Darlene provokes other mentors of children to bring forth their own true light by also examining the deep meaning of love and how their programming sometimes opposes it in daily interactions. That thought process will inevitably lead to revelations that allow for the refutation of the lies we have been told about ourselves, the adjustment of perceptions to see the whole picture, and the ability to support children so that our combined brilliance can create positive change in the world.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-6421-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6423-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6422-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021903679

Balboa Press rev. date: 07/28/2021

For everyone, especially

the children

Contents

Introduction

I     PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY

1 Come—Get in the Car

2 Mapping the Way to Your Truth

II   KNOW YOUR VEHICLE AND YOUR SURROUNDINGS

3 Keeping Your Eyes on the Road

4 What Fuel Grade Do You Choose?

5 The Sights: See Love, Hear Love

6 The Sounds: Speak Love, Live Love

7 The Journey’s Purpose: Competition or Contribution?

8 Obstacle in the Road: The Dimmer Switch

9 Educational Aspects of the Journey: Promoting Growth and Creativity or Conformity and Competition?

10 Technological Contributions to the Journey: Supporting or Disrupting Our Love Connection?

11 The Parent Perspective: What Views Do Our Children See?

III   HEADING TOWARD BRILLIANCE TO DISCOVER RESILIENCE

12 Love-trition 101: Spiritual Fuel to Nourish the Loving Spirit in Kids

13 Food Stop: Physical Fuel for the Love-light

14 Preserving the Memories of the Trip

Notes

Introduction

This book is for people who aspire to be lovers: lovers of all life, lovers of the earth, and lovers of humankind.

This book is for people seeking to go within, seeking to resolve the unresolved by exploring and embracing the full spectrum between the darkness and the brilliance within themselves.

This book is for people who are willing to shine the light into that darkness with the intention of disrupting and healing the current collective consciousness.

Mostly, this book is for people who will fearlessly face what they expose with that light in order to create a reality based in truth for themselves and for the children in their lives.

We are essentially going on a love hunt, and we’re not afraid. What is there to be afraid of, you ask with a chuckle? Nothing—literally, nothing. Then again, it is not always pleasant to face our own programming.

Do you know the depth of your love? Do you understand your implicit biases, or programmed responses, with regard to race, sexual orientation, body image, socioeconomics, mental illness, disabilities, parenting, ethnicity, etc., that you share with kids?

Implicit biases are those thoughts and actions that happen without much conscious thought—the thoughts that seem to just pop into our heads about someone we do not even know or something we do not know about. Implicit biases seem to be at the root of many of the assumptions and judgments that we make about others in our daily lives.

In a documentary, White Like Me, Charles Ogletree, a Jesse Climenko Harvard Law School professor of law, uttered an insightful thought as he talked about racism, a thought that when pondered from a universal perspective, could be applied to many matters of concern. He reminded us to see and to recognize what is, as it is, for it is that awareness that holds the power to change the reality that we perceive:

You can’t be color-blind because that means you are not seeing the disparity, and you are not trying to address it. We all have to see it, address it, make it real and try to resolve it, as opposed to pretending it’s not there. It’s there.

As we move forward in this call to see the actuality before us, let’s expand that action plan to examine yet another kind of blindness—our love-blindness—for it is very much at the root of our disconnection and inequity. We can’t be love-blind in the sense that we do not objectively observe the expression of our own love as it is, because that would mean we are not seeing all the inconsistencies and even some subtle anti-love behaviors that we unconsciously teach.

Consider becoming love-conscious, for nurturing love in a child is far more than a hug in the morning and a kiss good night. It requires an examination of how we—their models and, thus, their imprinters—love not only ourselves but also humankind, all creatures, and the earth.

How do we encourage our children to express that innate love in the most infinite sense and to recognize the interconnectedness that eliminates those assumptions and judgments that we make?

How could we preserve the natural love in our human hearts, for would any heart that loves—one that accepts, understands, respects, exhibits compassion, and extends the hand of friendship—be capable of racism, bullying, exclusion, or any other cruelty toward any other living creature on any level?

Would a heart that truly loves choose to reject or mistreat others, based on any characteristic that is perceived as different?

Would a heart that truly feels loved doubt its own worth and, subsequently, succumb to the fear of insignificance, the basis of despair, as well as the anger, greed and betrayal that seeks to hoard all rights to privilege?

Would a heart that truly loves promote and/or allow any injustice?

To facilitate the love and interconnectedness among all people, for and with children, we must recognize our implicit biases. We must own the unloving words and/or actions that we so unknowingly or, in our own minds, have justified and integrated into our programming. We must address them, make them real, and try to resolve them, as opposed to pretending they are not there. They are not only there; the children see them, feel them, and learn them, whether we are aware of it or not. And, thus, the patterns go on and on and on.

Thank you to those who have shared experiences related in this book. And thank you to the other kindred spirits who have not only contributed their educational resources but have also engaged in many informative discussions on relevant topics such as school happenings, all types of injustice, local and global occurrences, and pathways to inner healing work. I share their compassion for others and their desire to make this earth a loving place to live, where diversity is not only acknowledged but also viewed as a welcome contribution to the whole that we call our world.

If you’d like to know more about yourself after the ride within that you are about to take, check out https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit.

PART I

Preparing for the Journey

1

Come—Get in the Car

The travel book is a convenient metaphor for life, with its

optimistic beginning or departure, its determined striving,

and its reflective conclusion. Journeys change travelers.

—Rory MacLean

How often have you heard the phrase, Life is a journey?

While it may be trite to use this phrase, any progression or movement is a journey. So, you are about to embark on a personal, exploratory trip inside yourself to find your love for yourself and for everyone around you, most specifically for the children in your life.

Why take this particular trip?

Because little ones are in the early stages of forming their ways of being, and they either follow you or casually tagalong with you—who and what you are, where you’ve been, and where you are going. They come to this earth, knowing their pure essence—love—but as they have more and more human experiences, they may forget the way to go, and they look for a trusted guide in you.

Have you—that guide, the navigator—checked out the atlas of life to see where you are taking the kids and what you are showing them along the way?

Have you checked out the condition of the vehicle that you are using to transport them?

Have you, yourself, pre-explored the forgotten trails, like those on the Mountain of Mixed Messages or in the Place of Positive Intention that sometimes, unintentionally, lands many of us the Ocean of Opposite Outcome?

You don’t know these spots, you say? They are on the risky routes that have the blind curves and the dead ends that are not always anticipated when the itinerary has not been thoroughly thought out beforehand.

If you are winging it—with no real sense of direction with regard to who you are and with no intentional exchange of personal energy when guiding kids, or you have not maintained your vehicle by examining the engine and fully gassing up before embarking on the trip—that is not to say the trip can’t be fun and a positive experience for all. But that positive experience is most likely the result of the positive (loving) personal programming that you downloaded into your GPS as a kid. Thus, one of three possibilities for movement could potentially happen with each interaction between you and a child:

1. Forward: You have somehow managed to preserve your light so yours enhances the already brilliant light within the children, fueling them with the high-octane gas that had been shared with you. You contribute to kids, supporting a forward movement in their growth.

2. Neutral: You neither fuel nor deplete the energy of the children, and, depending upon the inherent energy of the kids and the experiences they have with others, they either step forward or stand still.

3. Reverse: You unintentionally deplete or contaminate the children’s fuel stores with low-octane words and actions—the products of choices that you have made, perhaps, because of your own former fuel-sucking experiences. Thus, there is the possibility of kids being set back, rather than moving ahead into their true being-ness.

If we think of ourselves in the role of helping to support children as they progress in their lives, we also need to jump-start the battery of our own awareness and not only recognize the hidden negative energy that we allow to drain us but also notice how this lower energy may affect the children in our care.

We are energy, and maintaining, or increasing, our own frequencies requires some work. In physics, work must be done on a positive test charge to move it from the negative terminal to the positive terminal. Simply put, the amount of potential energy produced is equal to the amount of work done. Let’s say that again: the amount of potential energy is equal to the amount of work done. So how could this concept be applied in a simplistic way to us and how we live our lives?

To keep firing the cylinders of love within us and those around us, with the focus being on kids, we first must do work on our own awareness, moving the charge from the negative thought terminal to the positive thought terminal, so to speak. That work gives us the energy potential necessary to move us from our present reality to the reality of greater possibilities perceived in our lives.

Kids rely on us to drive them around before they learn to drive themselves, don’t they? How consistently reliable will your vehicle be? How well will you maintain it? What fuel grades will you choose, and how much quality fuel will you share with children so that they could venture out on their own? How far will you get if the gas is contaminated or if the vehicle is in need of extensive repairs?

Open the gas cap so you can fill up, and also look under the hood to check things out. Now, if you are ready for a continuous, high-energy, never-ending ride toward the light,

• switch off the cruise control and autopilot, repeating old trip patterns, because you are now in control of the gas pedal and the steering wheel;

• turn on the high beams that will assist you to see more peripherally;

• observe and know your surroundings before you proceed;

• question your direction and its potential path to your light until there is no longer a need for questions;

• make necessary adjustments to the trip plan, based on your discoveries and interests along the way; and

• learn ways to naturally sustain the energy/fuel supply and, thus, keep the love in constant flow.

Sound simple enough? Although it could very well be simple, it could at times, get much more complicated than you could ever imagine when you start hitting the bumps and potholes that you did not see in the road. Fasten your seatbelt, and let’s go!

2

Mapping the Way to Your Truth

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

—Gloria Steinem

Even my sixty-plus-year-old eyes can still read words without eyeglasses if there is enough light reflecting off the page. In darkness, naturally, I can’t read a thing, and in conditions where the light is low, I may see words, but most of them look like unintelligible blobs.

Sometimes, if I’m too lazy to get up to turn on a light, I will continue struggling to see, tilting the page this way and that, attempting to catch a ray on the paper in the hopes of successfully discriminating some of the letter strings. But why struggle so hard to read?

I knew the solution to the problem all along: turn up the light so that it is bright enough to see all of the letters in the words. It’s so simple. Then I can know what I am reading.

The higher the intensity of the light, the more illuminated the pages. The more illuminated the pages, the clearer I see. The clearer `I see, the more I understand the messages conveyed.

How often do you deliberately turn on the light in your life?

In darkness, barely seeing beyond the tips of our noses, how can we perceive what is actually going on? Can we be fully aware of the messages we convey and the beliefs that we embrace?

When any of us neglects to turn on the light, we may even rely on others to lead the way, telling us where to go and what to do. In a sense, we allow them to do the reading for us, not only relinquishing both our power and our freedom of choice to others but also remaining in the dark, hindering our knowledge, and, thus, and our growth.

Imagine, for example, shining a flashlight into the window of your dark house. The narrow beam reveals only what it illuminates. Envision that you see the figures of two people you know, crouched in a corner of your living room, hiding behind a chair, whispering to each other.

Huh? What? The questions begin to fly in your mind, and your imagination also fabricates lots of assumptions that could very well be negative, due to the unknowingness that is fostered by the darkness.

How did they get into my home?

What are they doing?

Are they in trouble?

Are they betraying me somehow?

Now flip on the light to illuminate the whole space. Surprise! There are many more friends and family, food, drinks, and decorations beyond the perimeter of the narrow beam. So much more is happening than what you may have presumed, simply because you had limited visibility.

This example illustrates how quickly we may judge a situation without knowing the full story that was always there but could not be seen. Without knowing details and remaining objective, we make assumptions and negative judgments, create false beliefs, and even deny ourselves—and others—understanding, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and so on.

Observing with our most brilliant light, however, helps us to

• know the social environment in which we live and to which we contribute our own behaviors and beliefs;

• question what we observe with regard to its truth in order to discover and to challenge the ingrained, subconscious beliefs that we unknowingly share with the collective consciousness;

• choose our way to be in this human experience, making full use of the earthly tools we are given—thought and our senses—to find our way;

• create a new vision that contributes to a connected, love-filled world; and

• live a life that is based in the heart, that is based in love.

While this deeper thought process will assist in personal growth if we embark on such a path, choosing to not take that trip does not release us from an undeniable consideration. If we choose to not look more closely or to take shortcuts without mapping out an intentional route—whether we know it and whether we want to or not—we are the models, guides, and energy-imprinters of the children around us.

Have you ever noticed how preschoolers repeat things that we say? One of the kids in my class, while playing in the dramatic play area, blurted, Shut the f$*&!! up! into a play phone. When I related it to his mom, she made a face and sheepishly said she knew where that had come from.

Until around the age of seven, kids are the receivers of the energy we put out, accepting what we show them and, thus, teach them. This applies to behaviors, attitudes, and management of emotions, as well as whatever we perceive to be truth.

If the guides are having a tough time seeing the way, reading the signs, and comprehending all there is to read on the map of their own lives, have they, themselves, discerned truth from untruth? Will they be effective guardians and facilitators of the children’s light—the light that will help kids to find and/or remember their way to truth, awareness, growth, connection, unlimited possibilities, and, of course, love?

If you are reading this book, you are most likely a parent or a teacher; you have children in your life because you coach/mentor them, or you choose to be around kids in your family or community. Let’s assume that you like kids, and, for our purposes, truth, awareness, growth, connection, unlimited possibilities, and love are the things that you want to direct them toward, regardless of your own upbringing.

• Have you ever thought about what you know to be truth?

• What is truth to you?

• Have you ever raised questions with regard to your own programming?

• How deeply have you explored the meaning of love?

• What is love to you?

• Have you ever questioned or explored what love is, or have you accepted only what was taught to you in your upbringing?

• Have you ever deeply thought about the answers to these questions?

Let’s explore these questions, but we cannot do that without first …

Prepping the Mindset to Explore

Prep: some of us don’t like it. We don’t like the tedious preparation before painting a room. We may not enjoy the laborious shopping, gathering, slicing, and chopping of ingredients for cooking (especially when we don’t have the proper tools), as much as we enjoy the actual creative part of cooking. Let’s just get on with it, right? Get to the point. Just get to it!

But getting ready for this trip absolutely requires prepping the mindset with the proper analytical tools that will give some deeper insight. If not ready to explore with a mindset open to progression, the brain will simply reject any ideas that conflict with the already-programmed route. If you are ready to go, then

• be open to expressing doubt;

• dig deeper into personal beliefs;

• step back for a more objective look when you’re too close to something;

• understand that the illusion of imperfection is part of the learning process;

• look for growth opportunities; and

• examine how some beliefs/behaviors that we have been taught hold us back.

But this is not a how-to book. Its intent is to be a provocation—a simple challenge of thought—so that you may find your own way of being. The premise is that you, me, and everyone are loving beings of light, whose experiences and choices have either preserved the true self (at least most parts) or have, in some—or many—ways, caused us to forget the love that is the inherent essence of our souls. Either way, we must come to discover who we are and to own our actions.

For example, denying that the car’s brakes are worn does not make them unworn. We either choose to change the brake pads or take our chances with the ones we have and deal with the consequences of that choice. It’s neither a good nor a bad choice in the moment; it depends on the perspective of the chooser and is based on the circumstances of the moment. It is what it is, and that influences what will be.

In the following pages are many anecdotes to which you may relate—snapshots of events that have happened and do happen to people as a result of currently held beliefs, not only within the individuals but also in the collective consciousness of society by which they have been influenced. Use not the narrow beam of a flashlight to see only what you want to see in the picture. Turn on the high-beam headlights and possibly even the surrounding floodlights (even if you’d rather not acknowledge such happenings).

These stories may cause you to challenge what you know in your world. Don’t be surprised if you instinctively seek to protect or to affirm what you currently believe.

If justification and anger emerge during this process, that kind of anger signals an opportunity to explore yourself and to be more thoughtful in your intentions and in your actions so that you may reflect more light to children.

On the broad spectrum between dark and light, there are a variety of perceptions, based on what each observer sees and influenced by personal conditioning and experiences (formed opinions). Use that information to shape your decisions and actions as you go forward, not based on the prevailing beliefs expressed in society but on a way of being that supports the innate expression of love. By being an unbiased observer, removing emotional reactions and personal experiences, you may discover—and maybe even challenge—the beliefs that you too share with children.

Because, again, whether we know it and whether we want to be or not, we are the models, guides, and energy-imprinters of the children around us.

Sunlight in the morning awakens us, as sure as the darkness at night helps us to fall sleep. Dark and light: they are on the same spectrum with a perfect purpose for each quality. Both are part of the cycle of one whole day.

Embrace them both. Dark and light inspire and enrich the human story with contrast, sparking appreciation and knowledge of what is perceived to be outside of us but is truly within us.

• Observe which extreme on that spectrum promotes growth and which has a potential for withering.

• Observe which extreme on that spectrum promotes love and which has a potential for anti-love behavior.

• Which is the intense frequency, and which is the lower one on that sliding scale?

• Where do you place your actions and experiences on that spectrum?

• How high will you turn up the light?

• How much do you wish to see?

Any positive changes that have ever occurred, either within our individuated souls or in our world, have happened because people like you and me have observed, with greater clarity in full daylight, what was happening within ourselves, our immediate families and social circles, our communities, our nations, and the world and then consciously created and contributed a new vision of what we did want to see.

The looking is for you and is meant to be a learning tool. See what you perceive as you, outside of yourself, looking at you—your thoughts, your feelings, your beliefs, and what makes you think, feel, and believe as you do. Be objective. Allow yourself to see all from all sides.

This is a private reflection that allows you to know the true self.

This brings us now to the crossroads. There is a decision to make until the moment that you know yourself so well that there is no longer a need to decide how to be because beingness will, once again, come naturally.

Will You Take the One-Way or the Two-Way Street?

Every experience offers information of some kind to everyone. Every interaction with another helps us to not only hear more but also to see more. Whether strengthening our ideas/beliefs/ways of being or transforming perceptions into new ones, we consider the information presented, and we decide which road to take. This is the human experience. This is the personal power inherent in free will.

Hmm, which will you choose: the path that uses the one-way street or the path that uses the two-way street? One may be the shorter route, and one may be the longer, more scenic route. But if you change your mind, free will and experience will always allow you to recalculate the way to go.

Be honest but be gentle. Be patient, and be kind to yourself. Each of us is learning something new every moment, no matter how far along we think we are, and no matter how lost we get at times. It’s the natural process of growth.

The following is a personal example of a not-so-pretty self-discovery moment that caused me to change directions (perceptions). I openly share this experience for your consideration:

Louise Hay, a noted self-help author and publisher, once posted a meme on social media about mothers being sent by God to be a child’s personal angel/protector. The words that accompanied the angel picture apparently stirred up a lot of emotional pain in those whose mothers were not protective in their eyes, and many comments posted reflected the feelings that resulted from their experiences.

It was outside my personal frame of reference to anticipate that such deep, painful feelings would emerge in response to this simple meme, as I’d had the perception of having a loving mother. Thus, my response reflected a lopsided view, even though, as a by-product of my work with disadvantaged children, I have witnessed that some children do have negative mothering experiences.

For example, kids may live with or even be abandoned by a drug-addicted parent; thus, some parents may seem less than protective to their children, especially if they are dealing with their own perceived love deficits. Yet, somehow, I missed a sign when replying to the now-grown-up kids who responded to this meme, and I veered down the one-way street.

In my world, what seemed to have been a beautifully expressed little story—a judgment based on my personal experiences and beliefs—seemed ugly and painful to others whose experiences and perceptions were different. On my road with only one direction, I couldn’t see what they saw. I was probably moving too fast and had less visibility; thus, I learned a lesson much greater than I ever could have imagined.

I never had any intent to minimize the experience of anyone who felt neglected when I asked if others could just appreciate the meme for its beauty (as I perceived it). But, somehow, I inadvertently did.

In my Taurus mind, which seems to seek and to thrive on fairness, I wondered, aren’t both sides looking for and due a mutual appreciation of their experiences? After all, I had had a marriage that ended, but I am well aware of and believe that committed, lasting relationships are possible and do exist.

Yet, somehow, that desire for connection actually caused an unanticipated disconnection. After all, as I had perceived it, those who felt unprotected also seemed to have dismissed my experience and the experiences of others who thought that they had had an angelic mother.

Why? I wondered.

The emotions that we feel are valid because we feel what we feel in our own stories. However, there also had been an assumption that the flow of energy between people who had different experiences (i.e., experiences that either fueled them or wounded them) would automatically flow in a natural, circular exchange.

But it did not and, perhaps, could not.

Imagine two human hearts, the emotional centers of our being, as pans of a balance scale, with a beam, centered over a pivot point, between them. Imagine the two receptacles filled to the brim with a vibrant, tangible love energy that continually streams to replenish both of them, like flowing water, as needed. Balanced with equally abundant amounts of light, glowing brightly in both of the repositories, imagine an exchange of energy between them in circular flow as the infinite love energy is taken in, making up any difference that may disturb the balance.

But what if one pan receives sharp blows, like a negative parenting experience or other emotional trauma. The pan now has dents and may even have punctures in it. These dents and holes, depending on subsequent experiences, may potentially become more plentiful or even rust, deteriorate and get larger over time, especially if there are not enough positive, high frequency occurrences to help sustain the energy within and/or help to repair the damages.

Although the love-light energy continues to infinitely flow to both containers, the one with the holes may not be taking it in or holding its contents, due to the damage to its structure. The intact pan (or at least as it is perceived from the leaking side) is full and even overflowing, so the scale now seems to sharply tip to one side due to the imbalance.

Connection requires that circular flow of energy between hearts. In the current state of perceived imbalance, however, even if a request for mutual understanding is preceded by an open acknowledgment of any loss, the heart that feels already depleted may be cautious about surrendering some of its love energy to what appears to be an already overflowing heart.

Perhaps those who feel the missing love might even see injustice in such a request. After all, in their experiences, they see their love-lights as already drained and diminished, while the side with the brimming love energy appears, at least from their perspective, to have an overabundant supply, although it too may have some unseen energy leaks.

One way that we express our spirit in the world is by giving and receiving love in that circular flow, from one heart to the other and back again, like in a complete electrical circuit. We know we are connected when we feel the warmth of that energy. Conversely, we talk about feeling coldness or disconnection.

But this sharp lesson, inadvertently taught by the reactions to a meme, shows that we can’t always expect love to be given and received in this whole, circular give-and-receive exchange, when one heart either feels as though it is losing its love energy or shutting off the flow to stop the leakage. In this human life, sometimes the pain of a perceived loss of love may require an offering of some extra care and understanding to help sustain the damaged heart with enough energy that it can heal itself. It’s not unlike jump-starting a car to get it going, but then it must keep running to recharge.

This extra need for love can be seen in many types of daily interactions. When kids come into school emotionally upset—missing Mommy, for example—they often need a little extra attention and care before they can be expected to follow through on the tasks that they typically do in contributing to the workings of the class.

When anyone loses a loved one or a pet, they too need some extra love and care while in the healing process. When someone loses a job, the love may take the form of public assistance, like unemployment benefits, in addition to emotional support, until the person is able to get a new job. And the most obvious example, when family or friends are physically injured or ill, we take care of them and pick up the slack on the workload, either until they are better or indefinitely.

Having an attitude of Just get over it or It’s not something you should be upset about, or pushing your positive or even negative experience in their faces helps neither the healing nor the connection. At times, such as with depression, these attitudes may contribute to even more disconnection between people, for such comments could make the depressed feel even more wounded and unworthy. Other examples may come to your mind from your own personal experiences.

Now consider a social example, one that is chosen specifically for the different perceptions and the emotions that it evokes. In this exercise, please place yourself in a neutral space, and do not allow any emotional response. You are asked to apply this approach to other situations in your life as well, for issues change, but the human needs for love and connection do not.

Contemplate the comments of an individual—a genial Black college student—as she openly discusses life in her community. As she speaks, three words leave her lips. She softly says in a tone that represents her concern, Black lives matter, and follows up with her extended thoughts that will also be shared.

Depending upon your previous experiences and formed opinions, did any thoughts already pop into your head? Do you hear her words positively, negatively, or somewhere in between? Does her comment prompt you to have thoughts or feelings that you want to express? Do you think about and refer back to public discussion of an organized movement (that, for our purposes, is not the focus here)? Do you recall your own personal interactions and/or the beliefs of others in your social circle?

Be an observer. Stay neutral. Stop at the stop sign; and look both ways. We are now viewing solely from the heart, not the ego.

Taken literally, without injecting any other ideas, events, or meanings, the three words state a truth. But do some, in their worlds, somehow hear other messages or agendas, or do they feel as though their own worthiness is being challenged or threatened by the expression of this thought, or any like it?

There are people in my life who do, and it is important to note that some commonly observed reactions are not limited solely to this one issue, but emerge in other interactions as well, especially those in which there is an attempt to express feelings or truth. These responses are: 1) to either dismiss what the speaker is trying to convey, 2) sidetrack with other issues, 3) finger-point and blame the speaker for creating the problem, or 4) turn the spotlight toward themselves and their feelings, detracting from the message, rather than hearing, processing, and appreciating the words for what they state.

What could possibly be construed as this young woman’s request for acknowledgment of a particular situation has sometimes been met with the familiar comeback, All lives matter, as well as other kinds of lives matter phrases. But if we look very closely, we just might notice how very alike we humans are, for don’t these mirrored responses actually ask for the exact same kind of acknowledgement of inherent worthiness? And yes, while all are worthy without question, how many of us will take a courageous look within to be sure that replies like these bear no intent to sidestep accountability or to justify words or actions that prompt the need for this and any message like it?

Even my own first reaction, as with the meme, where initial thoughts were reactive and one-way (guised as two-way), was, Wait! All lives matter, don’t they? How does such an idea promote any connection? Isn’t this contributing to separation?

But what if we choose to drive on the two-way street, rather than on the one-way street, and drive slower so we can take in more scenery? What will we observe then?

Yes, the student said. All lives do matter. I love everyone, but she continued that there are still things happening to people in her community that are unjust (draining), and the issues have not been resolved yet (continual drainage).

What if her intention was not only to seek acknowledgement and validation of her own and her community’s experiences, but also some supportive understanding and committed, positive action to remedy the imbalance? And what if we deeply consider whether people in other life circumstances attempt to request the same?

With this, and any matter—personal, social, political, or otherwise—we could go around in circles with the buts and get into arguments for or against this and any situation, disputing the validity of feelings and criticizing how people behave to communicate their messages. And we could cite, perhaps, even violent incidences or reactions (turbulent energy)—on both sides of any issue. Each perception could also shoot the energy of blame and/or name-calling at each other. We could disagree with and/or justify opinions, arguing to be right or good, but none of that is relevant because it isn’t the focus or purpose of the discussion here.

We are talking about opening our eyes to what spurs the need for the expression of these kinds of thoughts to ever come to be in the first place and getting to the root cause(s) of separation. Where does it all begin?

Stop. Turn on the headlights. Open up the door to the idea that many love receptacles perceive their pans to be less full and that the scale may not be in balance. If the pans were perceived as full and the scale as balanced, would any of us in any walk of life ever have to ask for acknowledgment of our natural, inborn worthiness?

Do you hear the call for acceptance?

Acceptance, as defined and used within this context, has no relation to another’s favorable approval. It’s an embracement without condition—both within oneself, and without—an initiator of connection, and the remembrance that each one of us is part of the same whole, the same universe, the same energetic field of perfection in which we all play a part, despite perceptions and experiences that are different.

If that facet of love, acceptance, is not expressed by the masses, how will we ever be able to complete the energy circuits between all human hearts? As evidenced by the multitude of push/pull thoughts and the hands-up reactions that separate us, doesn’t it appear as though our interconnectedness suffers interruptions in service at times?

The human experience reflects those imbalances felt at the polar ends of the spectrum. This could be seen in the reactions to the angelic mother meme, on both sides of the (fill-in-the-blank) lives matter retort, and perhaps any other new issue of the day that divides us. Each individual or group reflects back the feelings of some kind of pain or seeks recognition of their experience as they see it, even if expressed in ways that are perceived as inappropriate. In extreme cases, there might even be an attempt by some to exert power over others when their dominant feeling may actually be powerlessness.

Teachers often see this imbalance of energy flow