Bare Bear Bones

By Michael Grant

At the instruction of their marriage counsellor, empty nesters Norm and Ruth book a trip to a place where they remember being in love, the Bear Bones Family Campground, in order to rekindle their spark. After arriving late in the night, the conservative couple wakes to discover that their once familiar spot has become the Bare Bones Alternative Lifestyle Campground, and that nobody else is wearing any clothes! 

Besides figuring out which side of the clothesline they’re on, Norm and Ruth have to work on their communication, whether it’s blindly directing one another to the washroom or re-establishing their goals in life. With the help of guests and staff, the couple starts to open their eyes and find their way back to their happy place.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press
• Release date: Mar 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9780369101556

Michael Grant

Michael Grant, author of the Gone series, the Messenger of Fear series, the Magnificent Twelve series, and the Front Lines trilogy, has spent much of his life on the move. Raised in a military family, he attended ten schools in five states, as well as three schools in France. Even as an adult he kept moving, and in fact he became a writer in part because it was one of the few jobs that wouldn’t tie him down. His fondest dream is to spend a year circumnavigating the globe and visiting every continent. Yes, even Antarctica. He lives in California with his wife, Katherine Applegate, with whom he cowrote the wildly popular Animorphs series. You can visit him online at www.themichaelgrant.com and follow him on Twitter @MichaelGrantBks.

Book preview

A couple stand huddled in front of a tent trailer. They look confused and concerned, meekly waving at five different naked people milling about them. In the foreground is a firepit with chairs surrounding it and a clothesline tied to a tree with a blanket draped overtop. Behind the tent trailer is a large tree and a hedge. The hedge, draped blanket and chairs all obscure the nudity of the five figures. At the top of the page in large, bright yellow lettering is 'Bare Bear Bones.' At the bottom of the page is 'Michael Grant' in white block letters.

Bare Bear

Bones

Michael Grant

Playwrights Canada Press

Toronto

Bare Bear Bones © Copyright 2021 by Michael Grant

First edition: March 2021

Author photo © Lisa Thaler

Playwrights Canada Press

202-269 Richmond St. W., Toronto,

ON

M

5

V

1

X

1

416.703.0013 | [e-mail] | www.playwrightscanada.com

No part of this book may be reproduced, downloaded, or used in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for excerpts in a review or by a licence from Access Copyright, www.accesscopyright.ca.

For professional or amateur production rights, please contact:

Playwrights Guild of Canada

St. Matthew’s Clubhouse, 450 Broadview Ave., Toronto, ON M4K 2N1

416.703.0201 | [e-mail]

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: Bare bear bones / Michael Grant.

Names: Grant, Michael, 1969- author.

Description: A play.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20210104945 | Canadiana (ebook) 20210107731 |

ISBN

9780369101532 (softcover) |

ISBN

9780369101549 (

PDF

) |

ISBN

9780369101556 (

HTML

) |

ISBN

9780369101563 (Kindle)

Classification:

LCC PS

8613.

R

36

B

37 2021 |

DDC C

812/.6 — dc23

Playwrights Canada Press operates on Mississaugas of the Credit, Wendat, Anishinaabe, Métis, and Haudenosaunee land. It always was and always will be Indigenous land.

We acknowledge the financial support of the Canada Council for the Arts — which last year invested $153 million to bring the arts to Canadians throughout the country — the Ontario Arts Council (

OAC

), Ontario Creates, and the Government of Canada for our publishing activities.

A stylized, illustrated blue tree sits to the left of the words 'Canada Council for the Arts / Counseil des arts du Canada.''The word Canada is written out with a Canadian flag—a red maple leaf flanked by two vertical red stripes—situated above the final A.An orange O is bisected by a green and purple C, situated to the left of the words 'Ontario Creates | Ontario Créatif.''A large red A is bisected by an angled blue C, with a green O balanced between the two letters on the left. To the right of the OAC logo are the words 'Ontario Arts Council / Counseil des arts de l'Ontario' over a red line with the words 'An Ontario Government Agency / un organisme du gouvernement de l'Ontario' below the line.

For my wife, Sherry

Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Production History

Characters

Act One

Scene One

Scene Two

Scene Three

Act Two

Scene One

Scene Two

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Landmarks

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Table of Contents

Production History

Characters

Act One

Scene One

Scene Two

Scene Three

Act Two

Scene One

Scene Two

Acknowledgements

About the Author

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Bare Bear Bones was first produced by the Elmira Theatre Company from February 10 to 18, 2012, with the following cast and crew:

Norman: Brian Otto

Ruth: Kathy Fahey

Frank: Thom Smith

Libby: Tracy Leighton

Annie: Crystal Levesque

Lenny: Brandon Maxwell

Bruce: Michael Hunter

Doris: Tracy Biggar

Producer: Bev Dietrich

Director: Deb Deckert

Stage Manager: Iris Miltenburg

Assistant Stage Managers: Alice Soeder and Maia Frumhartz

Sound Design and Operation: Joe Brenner

Lighting Design: Thom Smith, Mic Michenfelder, and Brandon Maxwell

Lighting Operation: Mic Michenfelder

Costumes: Danielle Ball

Set Design: Phil Dietrich

Set Construction: Phil Dietrich, Ken Frid, Ron Henderson, and Adrian Miltenburg

Set Dressing: Gord Grose

Set Painting: Sam Dietrich and Phil Dietrich

Props: Sherry Heine and Janet Zwicker

Props Assistants: Sue Parr and Pam Webb

Makeup: Sue Rose

Front of House: Gail Waring

Tickets: Sandy Weiler

Program: Cathy Read-Wilson

House Managers: Pat Northey and Ruth Connor

Characters

Norman: A quick-witted but conservative empty nester in his fifties. He is married to Ruth and is the father of two children, but he has no grandchildren. He is reluctantly attending a marriage counsellor because Ruth feels that they have lost the spark.

Ruth: A religious and conservative empty nester married to Norman. She is in her fifties and raised two children as a stay-at-home mom. Lately, with the children grown, she feels her marriage has no spark and is desperate to rekindle the relationship so it can be like that magical night in the pickup.

Frank: A widower in his fifties who has found a more liberal side to life. After losing his wife to cancer, he was deeply depressed, but accidentally discovered a new way of life. The Bare Bones Alternative Lifestyle Campground was created from his failing family campground. He is the father of Libby and Annie.

Annie: In her twenties and attempting a career as an actor. She lives at home with her father and helps him at the campground. She is energetic and always interested in having fun.

Libby: In her late twenties or early thirties. She studies medicine at university and is in her final year. During the summer she helps her father around the campground. She is more conservative than her younger sister Annie.

Lenny: In his twenties or thirties. The ultimate party dude. On the other hand, there may be a more professional side to him too, as he works at a talent agency in the city.

Bruce: A middle-aged regional manager for a linen company who spends much of his time on the road. He has the typical travelling salesman stories but is happily married to Doris.

Doris: Also middle-aged. She is married to Bruce and they have raised two boys together. She and Bruce decided after the kids left home that they would do something outside their comfort zone at least once a year.

Notes

The blankets and sleeping bags that Ruth hangs on the clothesline in Act One, Scene One must create a half wall blocking all actors’ midsections from the audience.

Act One

Scene One

As the curtain rises the stage is in darkness. It is silent except for the sound of the odd cricket, and then we hear a crash.

Norman:

(in darkness) Oh for the love of . . . !

More noises and shuffling in the darkness, as if someone is moving things and doing physical labour.

Another loud crash.

Jesus, Joseph, and Mary riding a camel through the desert!

Ruth:

Norman!

Norman:

What?!

Ruth:

Mind your tongue.

Norman:

What did I say?

Ruth:

You know what you said. You took the Lord’s name