Room 303C

By Tom Boon

A family's story of love, loss and searches for new ways to continue living productive lives.

Room 303C tells the story of the early years of Tom and Maggie, which progresses to a legal venue, where you'll have a front-row seat seat in the court of domestic law and it various nuances, while seeing statutory mandates interpreted and administered by legal and agency professionals.

Intertwined with those dramas, the novel continues chronicling a four-decade love story between Tom and Maggie as they adapt to life's changes. You'll live with the family as the relationship between all members adjusts, adapts, and resets.

Room 303C is a story about a man and a woman living and adjusting in their lifetime commitment to each other - it's a life story of perseverance and triumph.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781304661463

Book preview

ROOM 303C

a novel

Tom Boon

Room 303C

Copyright © 2021 by Tom Boon

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-1-304-66146-3

Dedication

To my children:

Always do your best

Prologue

Tom held the small infant high over his head. The baby’s skin was red and wrinkled together into little folds of flesh. The fuzzy head tapered to a point on a body that seemed even smaller than five pounds and fourteen ounces. Larry was born six weeks early by pushing his way into the world after one hour of labor. He wanted out.

The dad continued holding his son as the child’s face almost touched his. What kind of man are you going to be? Larry didn’t have any reaction unless drool is an appropriate response from a newborn baby. Tom waited for an answer until Larry smiled the broadest grin as he drooled on his dad’s face.

Spurred on by the response, he continued, It’s important to keep what you have. We are born as honest people, and when we die, we should still be honest. Use the integrity you now have to create a life filled with honorable deeds. Trust your feelings and nurture your hopes so you can pursue your dreams. Steel your honor to guide your every venture.

Larry stopped drooling and smiling to use every bit of his ability to create a lasting memory of the dad who held him so high.

Chapter One

Tom Coshow was born in Kentucky. His family moved to Oregon in 1952 before the boy’s first birthday.

Tom and his older brother Mike rode their bicycles to the nearby Empire docks in the summer, where the boys caught fish before returning them to the bay. They ate sandwiches made by their mother, Kay, who had breakfast ready in the morning when they came downstairs. The fish were plentiful and the sandwiches were fresh. The boy’s dad was at work as a building principal before the children got up in the morning and returned after they were in bed at night. Even though, Howard came home for dinner every night and listened to each child as if he was interacting with no other person at the table.

Weekends were when Howard devoted his time to Mike and Tom while Kay worked at the hospital. When the boys saw the outboard motor leaning against the car on Saturday morning, they knew a day of fishing the dark Pacific Ocean lay ahead. The five-mile drive to Charleston Bay was infused with the mixture of the Oldsmobile’s leaky exhaust, the nearby mudflats, and the conversations between a father and his sons. Who took her out last time, Howard wondered aloud.

Tom quickly shouted, Mike.

I remember you taking us over the bar. Do you, Tom?

That’s right, Dad, the six-year-old said. I wanted to bring her in but, you had me take her out instead.

Howard continued, Mike, I heard about a new Mercury 30. Do you think you could handle that horsepower?

Do I? he almost yelled. Wow, that horsepower would take us well beyond the channel buoy. Just think of the fish we could catch. Hell, even Tom wouldn’t have to tell stories about . . . He stopped before finishing. Sorry, escaped from the older boy’s mouth.

The dad didn’t change his demeanor. You’re right, Son. Tom could tell some good fishing stories if we had a powerful motor like that Merc.

Howard parked at the Charleston Marina and went inside the office as Tom carried the lunches to the dock. Mike wrestled the heavy Johnson outboard to the pier and returned for the gas can before his little brother could get it on his third trip. Howard and the dock manager watched the boys competing to be men through the window. The dad packed his pipe and flipped the Zippo open to torch the bowl into an aromatic ember. Before much longer, we’ll need a larger boat to hold those growing boys.

Have you heard about the new Merc, Mr. Coshow?

I sure have. Do you think those dinghies will handle her?

Not a chance. I’ll need to get new boats. The owner momentarily looked into the bay as if searching for replacement boats. Say, are you interested in a used dory? His smile carried the question to Howard, who responded with a smile of his own.

The boys will want that Merc. Nothing more needed to be said before leaving. Smoke trailed from his pipe when he walked toward his sons until he arrived to look over the pile of gear. Tom, where are the coats?

Tom immediately looked at Mike, who rolled his eyes and frowned as if on cue, before the younger boy sprang to a nearby boat and pulled the heavy garments from underneath. Howard reached under the edge of that boat to effortlessly flip it onto the water. Mike grabbed the bow and stern lines to hold them tight when Howard climbed in with the Johnson’s weight carried close to his chest. He hung the motor off the transom in one motion as Mike secured the fore and aft lines before handing the gas can to his dad. Tom loaded the clothes, lunches, and poles and then scrambled to the front bench seat, where he waited to cast off the bow line.

Howard secured the connection from the gas can to the motor with a twist before pulling the starter rope several times. The air permeated with gasoline fumes as the engine sputtered to life. After the boat cleared the other docks, the dad stood and looked forward to the boys. Mike changed positions with his dad and steered the dinghy across the harbor toward the channel created by the jetty’s gigantic rocks while Howard rigged the three poles. Tom held his hand over the side to sliced through the water like a shark’s dorsal fin.

The Coshows eventually tied alongside the outside channel buoy just like every other time. The boat rose and fell as it floated atop each ocean swell. Mike and Tom kept Howard busy gaffing fish they brought alongside before Howard re-baited their hooks and dropped the lines back overboard. The boys had already caught several cod, two halibut, and a salmon when Tom yelled, I’ve got another one. He fought to keep the tip of his pole from dipping into the water and pulling him in after it. It’s a salmon, Dad; I just know it. It’s huge. It’s the biggest salmon I ever caught.

Howard balanced in the small boat with his feet on either side of the keel to assist his son as an approaching Coast Guard boat appeared and disappeared on the ocean swells. Keep with it, Sonno. Howard’s look to Mike and then to the Coast Guard boat was the signal the older boy needed to reel in.

The Petty Officer soon shouted from the double-ended boat, Hello Howard, it looks like you men are knocking ’em dead today.

The boys have kept me busy, he proudly answered. What’s the weather doing? Howard knew the sea was getting rougher, but he let people do what they were supposed to do.

Small craft warnings came up, men, the Petty Officer shouted. You’d better get in before the bar gets any rougher.

Howard acknowledged with a wave of his hand before the boat sped away to notify other fathers and sons. We have to cut loose, Tom.

It’s the biggest salmon ever, Dad. I know I can land it. I just know it.

I know that too, but the Coast Guard said to go in. Tom didn’t have time to protest the cut line. Cast off, Mike.

The Johnson roared to life before Howard turned the boat toward the channel and aimed between the boulders that lined the bar’s edges. The boat soon floated into each wave’s trough before being lifted when the crest of the next overtook them. The constricted channel turned each wave into violent torrents of salt water spray pelting their faces. Each wave grew taller and stronger until they began crashing over the boat’s transom. The Johnson started to sputter and then coughed.

Howard yelled over the roar of the ocean, Dump the bait out of the coffee cans. Use them to bail water out of the boat. The water in the boat was already ankle-deep as the dad hunched over the Johnson to keep it dry. Each wave lifted the dory to its top and closer to the barnacle-covered jetty boulders. The ocean pushed the boat toward the rocks until the next wave lifted it even higher. The small craft suddenly turned enough to ride that wave away from the rocks like a surf board until it gently lay flat in the bay.

I won, Tom yelled with his hands held high in the air. I kept count. I bailed forty-three cans of water. Mike only did forty-two. 

Howard smiled in recognition of his son’s achievement and winked at Mike. We wouldn’t have made it without you, Son.

Tom suddenly complained, Hey, I’m not getting to bring her in. Without saying a word, the dad balanced his weight on one side of the boat while his son crawled to the motor. The Johnson powered the three Coshows to the dock with smiling six-year-old Tom showing no fear from the near-death experience. He anxiously told the story when Kay returned from work. She looked at Howard before all four hugged. The Coshow men did not go over the bar again for quite some time, but when they did, they rented one of the new eighteen-foot dories powered by their new Mercury 30.

Tom attended Market Street Grade School. He’d leave his lunch pail in the classroom each morning of first grade, greet the teacher, and go outside to join the other boys on the playground. He was always the first to stand and begin walking inside when the bell rang. We don’t want to be late; let’s go, he explained.

You think we have to do everything you say just because your dad’s a principal, his neighbor Rod Smith told him. The three other boys nodded their agreement.

You guys do what you want to do, but you’re only making it harder for the teacher. Tom shrugged his shoulders before turning to walk away. The others quickly caught up.

Someday, I’m not going in, Rod said. Tom turned to his neighbor with a smile to show he didn’t believe him. On their way home that afternoon, Tom was bragging about his dad until Rod tripped him. Tom reached to pick up his books and papers that had scattered in the damp Oregon Coast breeze but couldn’t because his friend’s boot on his butt kept him immobile. He turned to squint at the seething Rod who was shouting about his dad while waving his arms to make his point. Tom lay still until it was safe to move.

Rod extended a hand to his prone friend that floated in the air for the longest time before Tom used it to pull himself to his feet. Sorry, Tom. I get so tired of you thinking you’re better than anyone else. My dad is somebody too. He works the day shift at the mill and makes so much money we have a television; you don’t even have a TV. My dad makes so much we own a boat; your dad has to rent one.

The boys silently looked at each other until Tom picked up his school stuff. Rod watched and waited for a response, but Tom hurried away instead while holding back tears from the words that pierced his ego. Once home, he slammed his bedroom door behind him. A gentle knock soon found him crying into his pillow.

Tom, I have some cookies and milk for you.

I don’t want anything, Mom.

Rod’s outside, honey. I’m inviting him in. We’ll be in the kitchen when you join us.

He lay still while playing back the day to identify his mistake. What if Rod tells Mom what happened? He quickly ran downstairs.

Hi, Tom, Rod said as if nothing had happened.

Hi.

The cookies are still hot, honey. Try this one but don’t burn your mouth on the chocolate chips. Tom used one hand for the cookie and the other for the glass of milk. Both boys silently looked at the other while sitting at the table. Kay gave them two more before reminding them to go outside and play when they finished their snacks. Neither boy spoke of the incident again. They instead learned to brag about the other, like how lucky Rod was because his dad was loaded and had a boat or how smart Tom was because his dad had a college education. It wasn’t long until other boys didn’t feel equal to them.

The Coshows moved from Empire after the school year in 1961 and settled in Dunthorpe—an area between Portland and Lake Oswego—where Howard became the small School District’s Superintendent/Principal. Tom met Anna when he started the sixth grade that autumn. They became boyfriend and girlfriend in the seventh grade. In the summer between the seventh and eighth grades, Tom expanded his yard care business to include car washing. One day Anna’s Dad drove up in his Lincoln Continental as Tom walked into her yard with his bucket, soap, and chamois.

He waited until Mr. Westman got out of the car to introduce himself. Hi, Mr. Westman. I’m Tom Coshow. I go to school with Anna, he began but stopped when the man stood. Tom had never seen anyone that tall except for André the Giant on the TV.

Aren’t you Howard Coshow’s son?

He’s my dad. I know Anna, too, the boy nervously explained.

What do you mean, you know her? Mr. Westman grew taller when he moved closer. Sweat beaded on Tom’s forehead as his knees wobbled. You’re nervous, young man. I’m a successful businessman because I understand why people act in certain ways. You’re fidgeting like you’re withholding something. He moved closer to Tom and crossed his arms in front of his chest with one hand extended to his chin. Uhm, why could a young boy be so nervous? Is he interested in taking over my beer business? Tom was eye-level to the man’s belt buckle and still trembling. Well, is he?

Tom had never heard a man raise his voice, except on television when he and Mike watched Portland wrestling. He was now standing before a giant man who could be some kind of a professional wrestler. No, sir, barely escaped his mouth.

Well, if you’re not here to take over the business, maybe you’re here to steal something from my house. The man smiled before he softened his interrogation. Anna did mention she let you inside.

I didn’t do anything.

I didn’t say you did. Tom, wasn’t it?

Yes, sir.

Is the reason I keep seeing you with my daughter because you want to steal something?

No, sir. I would never do that. I’ve never taken anything that wasn’t mine.

There has to be some reason why you’re around here so often. Before Tom could respond, Mr. Westman’s eyes twinkled with the realization of Tom’s insecurity. What have you and Anna been doing together?

Nothing. Really. I wouldn’t. Really.

The man knelt with one knee on the ground and looked straight into the boy’s eyes to let his stare probe deeper. If you did anything with my—

Hi, Tom. Did you meet Daddy? Anna interrupted when she bounced into the driveway.

Yes.

Isn’t he nice, Daddy? Anna threw her arms around the kneeling man while wedging herself between the two. He’s nice to me and helps me with school work too. He’s the Superintendent’s son, Daddy. Aren’t you proud of me?

If my little girl likes you, then so do I. Mr. Westman squeezed his daughter again before gently pushing her an arm’s length away. He won’t tell me why he’s here. Were you expecting him? he asked while still looking at the boy.

"No, but I know he is trying to make money washing cars so we can ride the bus to see Cleopatra at the Paramount Theater. He is such a good boyfriend, Daddy. He always talks nice to me and does things with me that we both want to do." She went in for another hug, this time forcefully enough to break the trance that held Tom motionless.

Mr. Westman stood to reveal, Anna knows I usually trade in a car when it gets dirty. But since you two are looking for some cash, I’ll give you ten dollars if you get the dust off it.

I charge one dollar for each car, Tom divulged.

I’m paying you to get it very clean because I’m driving you both to the movie.

Oh, Daddy, you’re the greatest. Follow me, Tom. The hose is back here. Anna bolted around the corner of the house to disappear with Tom close behind. She wrapped her arms around his neck when he caught up to her.

You were perfect with Daddy. I know he liked you; I just know it. She pushed away enough to pull her head from his shoulder and pressed her lips to his mouth. Tom returned the kiss before Anna took her lips away to look into the young boy’s eyes. I want this to last forever. You’re so perfect. She pushed herself into him again as they swayed together. His hands traveled lower along her spine to bring her closer to him; a slight gasp escaped into his mouth.

Anna? Are you back here? She quickly disappeared behind another corner of the house as the giant man approached Tom. Where is my daughter? His long strides brought him closer until Anna’s voice pulled his attention to her.

I was getting the hose, Daddy.

I wanted to give you the keys so you can raise the top. He stared at the two children as he took the keys out of his pocket. Anna handed the hose to Tom and then formed a pinch with her thumb and index finger to pluck the keys from her dad’s palm.

She called over her shoulder with a flip of her ponytail, Come on, Tom, I want you to see how cool it is when the top goes up.

When the two were near the car, she said, Put the hose over there and sit behind the wheel so you can put the top up. Tom nervously approached the driver’s door as Anna remained near the passenger door, bouncing up and down on her toes. Tom, a gentleman always opens a door for a lady.

Yes, my lady. Nothing but the best for Anna. Tom made his way around the Lincoln’s hood. She giggled again, batted her eyelashes, and bounced even more with her hand extended when Tom opened the door. She held his hand longer than necessary when seated until feeling his resistance and noticing his glance toward the house. She instinctively let go before he gently shut the big door and walked around the rear to the other side to slip behind the wheel. Anna slid across the leather until their bodies touched along their thighs. She put one arm around his shoulder and the other around his chest before locking her fingers behind his neck. It’s just so dreamy, you and me driving in the country to our favorite picnic spot. We could have lunch under a big oak tree, or maybe go for a swim in a lake, and then cuddle under a blanket to get warm. Tom used the wheel to keep control of the car as they dreamed together.

Mr. Westman interrupted with a shout from an upstairs window that overlooked the driveway. I’ll need the car later on, you two. Don’t take all day.

Tom kept his eyes on the imaginary road and asked, Show me how to raise the top.

Anna pointed to the switch on the dashboard before waving toward the house as the top began closing. She yelled, We won’t be long, Daddy; it’ll be perfect when we finish. He is a professional, you know. She grabbed him again with her other hand when the top covered them and stuck her tongue in his ear before quickly sliding across the seat and getting out. Come on, Tom. Anna ran toward the hose spigot, fastened the hose and turned back toward the car to find him still sitting inside. Her hands found her hips as she pouted her lips. You can’t sit in there all day. Come on, we have a job to do.

She briefly hugged him when he climbed out. Anna, you can wash or rinse. Washing involves scrubbing everything thoroughly so when the water dries, no missed spots can be seen. Rinsing is even more important because it keeps streaks from forming when it dries.

I want to rinse, please, please, please. Anna pointed the hose at Tom to get him wet in the first of several accidents and then held the nozzle to her face and shrieked when the water went in her nose.

The Westmans watched from the room above the driveway. Our daughter is growing up, his wife observed.

She’s still a little girl—

Mrs. Westman interrupted with a gentle finger against her husband’s lips. He’s a nice boy; she’s a nice girl. Nature will make them instinctively wary of each other as long as we don’t make a big deal about it. She took her finger from his lips, touched her mouth to his, and then went to another room.

How much money have you made?

Not counting this, nine dollars.

You’re such a good provider, Tom.

When I get more jobs, we’ll have enough money to go roller skating and get an ice cream cone or maybe even something else.

What kind of girl do you think I am? She squealed at the extravagance of her boyfriend’s plans.

You’re my girl, that’s what kind. The car’s ready for a rinse. Start from the top.

She began a thorough rinse that left water beaded on top of the deeply waxed paint. Tom used his chamois to make the white Lincoln glisten in the sun while Anna asked, Would you like a car like this when we get older?

Not really. I’m a Ford man.

Don’t you like this car?

Sure, it’s a beauty, but it’s more than I need because I want to have enough money left over so I can take you to the movies whenever we want to go.

I guess you are right, she answered before dropping the hose onto the driveway. Anna looked up at the big house and then to the Continental and finally back to Tom.

Howard and Kay recognized Tom’s lack of interest in academic achievements could interfere with any educational achievements. Hence, they enrolled him as one of sixteen freshmen at a new private boys’ high school. The teachers’ willingness to explain topics and staying after school made learning easier by showing how dichotomizing a problem would better reveal the most reasonable resolutions. It was a shortcut that fit into the boy’s manner of doing what was required but not always what others thought was necessary.

Rachel Barnett, a student at the girl’s school on the shared campus, came from a Mormon household outside of Eugene. She and Tom soon became close, despite her family’s convictions that conflicted with her teenage emotions. Someone’s going to see us, she unconvincingly protested in the corner of the chemistry hallway with her arms around Tom’s waist.

You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

If you get me in trouble, I’ll never— Tom’s kiss silenced her hollow threat as his fingers combed through her hair and the locker’s latch pressed into her back.

Kleinschmidt is coming, was whispered from a passing student. The two quickly separated.

The Headmistress stopped, put her hands on her hips and asked, Why are you here?

I’m on my way to chemistry, Ma’am.

Why is Miss Barnett here?

Oh, Rachel? I wanted to ask her if I could borrow her chemistry book because I don’t have mine.

Kleinschmidt’s eyes narrowed. Aren’t you supposed to have the book with you in the classroom?

Yes, Ma’am.

I’ll have to write this up as a demerit and turn it into your principal. 

I’m sorry, Ma’am. It’s just that I loaned my book to Mrs. Johnson so she could see if there were any differences between the teacher’s copy and the student’s copy. But if I have to have a demerit for that, then it’s the best thing.

Her face absorbed her smile when she said, In that case, I’m sure everything will be fine. Please continue to class and don’t be late. Tom stepped around the administrator and left.

Boys and girls were assigned to Miss Kleinschmidt’s dinner table for one week at a time. The other resident staff hosted the remaining tables.

Tom began talking after everyone was seated at Kleinschmidt’s table the first night. I like the napkins folded in a rectangle because it’s a more traditional table setting that better frames the plate and silverware. The Headmistress watched him unfold the napkin and place it in his lap as he scanned the food on the table. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, and rolls. The kitchen staff did an outstanding job for us tonight. He reached for the meatloaf, hesitated, and then held it in Miss Kleinschmidt’s direction. He looked into her eyes and smiled when she helped herself to the first portion. Tom engaged the table in conversation during the meal about how President Johnson’s Great Society would enable all children to have an excellent education. In a while, he touched Rachel’s leg while still talking. She took his note and let an Oh escape her lips when she read about meeting him after dinner in the woods behind the school. Suddenly aware of the attention she brought to herself, Rachel began nodding to Tom’s observations. She touched his leg when Kleinschmidt dismissed the table.

Rachel spent several weekends at Howard and Kay’s house. She was allowed to be honest in the Coshow home and independent from the conflicts of her family’s ideology. Just as Howard and Kay welcomed her visits, they also asked about their son’s other friends. When he began talking about Angela from California, they asked if she’d like to visit some weekend.

*****

Joey Manfred was the fourth of five children, one of two girls and two years younger than her sister Carol. The family was an autonomous clan where the siblings had little supervision from Joey’s parents, Joe and Carolynn.

Joey jealously observed and learned from Carol’s relationship with their dad. Yes, Daddy. I’ll get you another drink, Carol would say, or, Oh, Daddy, I just love to watch you eat. I couldn’t ask for anything nicer than you as my dad. Carol always scrunched her face before kissing her dad’s cheek and giggling when he roared with laughter while his body shook with joy. When he read to her, Carol sat on his lap, but when he wanted to stand, she’d sometimes wrap her legs around the back of the chair to pin him there until his pleas freed him.

As Joey approached adolescence, her dad began paying more attention to her, too. It was the opportunity Joey took to also sit with him or wear skirts as she twirled in front of him. I’m pretending to be a fashion model. Don’t you love how I look in it?

Carol noticed the competition as soon as it began. At nearly fourteen years old, she had learned about boys—the basic stuff—and thought it was disgusting. The dad one day held her with a hand on the back of her knee as Carol leaned close to kiss his cheek. When she pulled her lips from his cheek, his hand remained.

Your skin feels like Joey’s. Do you want to sit with me like she does? Carol was excited at the opportunity to be like her younger sister.

Joey walked into the room, briefly watched them, and then shouted, What’s this! What are you doing to her? Joe immediately threw Carol to the floor. Wait until I tell Mom, she said with a smile, her hands on her hips and a sneer on her lips. Well, well, she said as she walked toward Carol and wedged her foot between her sister’s thighs. What are you doing to Daddy?

The slightest whimper escaped the older girl’s throat, Nothing.

Daddy, what are you doing to your daughter?

We were sitting together, honey. He looked at Joey’s unforgiving eyes that blocked his search for her understanding.

Carol pled from the floor, Please, Joey. Please, please . . . Her pleas quickly became diluted by her tears and swallowed into her sobs.

You did bad things to Daddy, Carol, because you made him think about bad things. I’ve seen what sluts like you do in the magazines Daddy hides under his car seat.

Please don’t tell Mom.

Get out of my sight, slut. Don’t ever cross me unless you want to find out what will happen. Carol sprang to her feet and fled the room.

And now you, pervert. The words snapped him back into the reality of the moment.

Please, honey, it’s not what you think.

It’s exactly what I think. I know what you were trying to do is what you want to do to me, too, isn’t it? Joey’s voice had changed. Her eyes were recessed deeper into her face. Should you think that way about your daughters, Daddy?

It’s not like that. Please, honey?

I don’t know, maybe I should I tell Mom.

It was finally a question he could answer. No.

She smiled. What should I do?

Why not keep it a secret, honey?

Do you mean never tell anybody how you think about your daughters?

No. I mean, yes. No. Honey, Daddy remembers you told him you liked the attention—

Don’t blame me, pervert.

Joey stood in front of him with her hands on her hips. The cold stare knifed through his eyes and lodged in his brain. He shivered from the darkness that gripped his body. Please, honey, please . . . He began to cry before he felt her familiar weight on his lap and the tenderness of her lips against his cheek.

Maybe if you’re nice to me, things would be okay. Her wiggle expressed her terms from then on.

Joey’s mother was only affectionate with her husband when they drank hard liquor. I just don’t feel comfortable with you, she’d periodically remind him while submissively holding her husband in a way that made him feel strong.

Joe finally learned to get his wife drunk and then apologize. Get away from me, she’d cry as her back stiffened and her chin stuck out. You’d better not do that again. It’s the same thing you did on our wedding night. You’re a bastard, she’d yell before knocking him to the floor. One day, Joe grabbed her leg and flipped her backward, causing her to fall. The fight was on, but they shortly became too exhausted to expend any more energy. Like the other fights that followed, this incident began when they drank gin and tonics and ended after Carolynn protested about the sex Joe didn’t always recall.

Joey let her brothers catch her without any clothes in the hall or in the bathroom. You’re so bad for busting in here, she said to her older brother Mark as she was still dripping from the shower. As often as you barge in on me, I’ll give you a good look so maybe you’ll give me privacy from now on.

You said you were going downtown, Joey. Nobody was supposed to be home.

Is that why you don’t have any clothes on, too? He immediately covered himself.

Would you please put a towel on? he begged.

Why should I? It’s not me who’s a pervert. She pointed and continued, Look at what it’s doing to you. Mom is going to kill you when I tell her.

The statement brought his focus back to the predicament he couldn’t believe had happened again. It wasn’t that he knew about dying, but he knew his mother’s rage would be vicious. Please, Joey, I’ll do anything. Joey soon had all three brothers in torrents of anxiety about their developing perversions and took every opportunity to reinforce how they victimized her. By fourteen years old, she lived in a home where everything happened the way she intended.

Carolynn eventually became aware of her family’s fear of Joey. While she admired her daughter’s strength, the mother was concerned her youngest daughter was also controlling her husband, so she decided to discover how.

Joe, come here a minute, she purred from the kitchen. He rounded the corner to see his wife bent over the kitchen counter with her dress pulled up around her waist. Come take care of Mommy. He was quickly behind his wife as she cooed, Honey, this is so nice. I wish we’d do this more, but with the kids, and all, and, with what’s going on with Joey . . . Her husband’s immediate hesitation told the wife her husband had a secret. The next day she parked her car a short distance away and sneaked home instead of driving to work. She saw the boys leave, and then Carol, but not Joey or Joe. She crept to the back of the house and inched herself higher to look into a window but only saw shadows. Carolynn heard talking but couldn’t understand what was said, so she went to another window and looked inside. Joey stood naked in front of Joe and told him, If you want that old woman, take a good look because you’ll never this again. Just remember, you could get in trouble if people know what you think about.

Stop it! Carolynn screamed.

Joey turned to look at her mom through the window. The young girl smiled and raised her middle finger before walking toward her room. She was there long enough to partially clothe before her mom pushed the door out of its frame. You sick bitch.

Joey looked at her while still dressing. There’s nothing an old drunk like you can do because the house is mine.

The words energized the mom’s attack that took the teenager to the ground. Her rage seethed as her breath rasped with saliva while her head throbbed with a vengeance.

Help Daddy, she’s killing me, Joey yelled.

Joe was standing outside the room by this time. Carolynn, I don’t think you should—

That’s right, old man, you don’t think. You’ll get yours—

Daddy, we can say she hurt us both. Please, Daddy, make her stop.

Joe wasn’t much of a thinker, but he understood the predicament. He swiped his wife off his daughter with the motion of swatting an insect before he helped Joey to her feet. Carolynn attacked him with fingernails on his back while kicking his legs to take him to the floor, so Joe struck a blow to the side of his wife’s head with his closed fist. She rolled on the floor, moaning in a side-to-side motion.

He moved out of the house that day; Carolynn filed for divorce, and Joey kept her distance from her mother, who kept an eye on her back when her daughter was around.

Carolynn heard the voices of her estranged husband and youngest daughter six months later. She went into the garage to see the two standing in the driveway next to a new Mustang. Carolynn walked between them. The young girl wrapped her arms around her mom before announcing, It’s time to forgive Daddy. I made him think about those things because he’s weak. I also did the same thing to the boys—

The slap knocked Joey to the ground. The girl sprang to her feet and lunged forward so fast that Carolynn couldn’t prevent Joey’s hands from locking around her neck. Carolynn gasped for words through the death grip, Honey, you need help. Please let me take you to a doctor.

And what about you, you old drunk?

Carolynn’s eyes found her nearby husband as she struggled to say, I’ll say she is lying. I promise. Joey choked harder. Joe leaned closer to hear his wife say, We can’t control her.

Joey squeezed with the strength to kill while her mother gargled her final plea through pale lips. Joe suddenly grabbed his daughter from behind and held her until the police arrived. The parents explained how Joey had been upset for a while. The cops, drinking friends of the Manfreds, understood teenagers, so they helped their friends with a civil commitment referral. The teenager understood even more about human vulnerabilities when she returned nine months later. Joey used that exposure to other people with psychoses to refine what she already knew how to do. Joey never sat with Joe again nor let her brothers see her as they had, but regularly reminded each about their perversions and failures.

Two years later, she enrolled in Western Oregon University in Monmouth. Joey soon realized no amount of nurturing would help the other students accept her as a mentor and leader. She withdrew into increasingly smaller circles of other ostracized students until befriending Joanne, whose left leg dragged behind her when she walked because of a childhood car accident.

Joanne, the trouble is you didn’t have brothers, Joey explained about boys and their motivations as they sat on a bench in the quad while other students passed by.

No, but my sister had plenty of boyfriends. I went to the movies with them, or to games, or for car rides. They never did anything bad to her that I saw. She’s now married to this dreamy guy who still brings her flowers and surprises her with things like chocolates or little notes hidden in places she discovers.

Well, I don’t want to say anything bad about your sister or her husband, so—

Say what?

No, I shouldn’t; it’s my problem. Joey looked away and shook her head in disgust.

Joanne watched intently as her friend’s head shook from side to side. Joey kept looking away as Joanne reached for her arm to gently touch her skin and pull Joey’s attention back to the conversation. I know my sister’s happy, Joey. It’s not like you know her or anything.

You’re probably right. I’m sure your sister and her husband have a perfect relationship. I shouldn’t have said anything.

There’s nothing wrong with telling me things, Joey; that’s what friends are for.

Joey looked deeply into Joanne’s eyes as her eyes reddened just before tears appeared. Joanne held her friend tighter. Do you promise not to tell? Joanne answered with a tighter squeeze. I shouldn’t tell you because my family will . . . Her gasps for air and heaving sobs made speaking impossible.

Joanne held her tighter. You have to tell somebody; I promise I won’t tell anybody.

It’s so horrible, Joey sobbed.

Joanne absorbed her friend’s spasms and patted her back to give her the strength to trust.

It’s my dad, Joey began before her sobbing turned into gasps and sucking sounds as mucus dripped from her nose, and my brothers, and oh God, oh God no. I can’t tell you because you’ll think I am sick and will hate me.

No, I won’t, Joey. Please tell me.

It started when I was young, and my brothers looked at me when I was naked. Joey stopped crying when she felt her friend begin to pull away. I knew you’d think I was dirty because of what they did. Joanne pulled Joey close again, so Joey continued, I told Dad but found out he’d been doing dirty things to my sister. It is so horrible, Joanne. My mom knew my dad and brothers raped me and didn’t say anything.

Joey, we have to tell someone.

No. Joey pushed away far enough so Joanne could see her frightful plea. They’d all go to jail if anyone found out. I couldn’t live with that even though they’re all sick.

They took advantage of you because you are so sweet.

Please, Joanne. You can’t tell anyone. Do you promise? Joanne’s answer was her tight embrace. That night the two made arrangements to move into the same dorm room where they stayed up late to trade stories about their childhoods. It wasn’t long before Joey began going home on the weekends with Joanne.

An awkwardly skinny boy with pimples had begun appearing when Joanne was coming out of a class or when she tried to balance a food tray and books in the commons. Joey noticed Henry as soon as he looked at Joanne. I think he’s kind of creepy, Jo? she pointed out.

I think he’s cute, Jo. They both laughed because they had the same nicknames.

Yeah, but boys all want the same thing.

He’s different. If he wanted that . . . Joanne blushed and looked away.

Henry is like all of them, you’ll see. Joey marked her words with a pointed index finger to Joanne’s chest.

Despite that caution, Joanne and Henry began studying together in the student union during the day and in the dorm’s lobby during the evening. It wasn’t long before they started touching each other with gentle caresses, much like people absentmindedly petting their dogs. Then, one evening toward the end of the courtship’s first month, Joey accepted an invitation to tag along with Henry and Joanne to share a pizza.

I want you to ask her to dance, she whispered to Henry. I can’t dance because of my leg and all, but it’d be nice if you two did.

I don’t know, Joanne. Henry began to sweat.

Hey Joey, would you do me a favor? Joanne yelled above the jukebox music.

Joey’s instant smile didn’t seem sincere, but if you loved Joey, you knew her smile was because of the trouble in her life. Sure, she yelled back.

Take Henry out there and show him how to dance. I don’t think he ever has, and I know you have. Joey’s smile didn’t change. Joanne asked again, Did you hear me?

Jo, we’re at a pizza parlor.

It’s the only way he’s ever going to dance as long as he goes out with me. And since you don’t have a date, I thought we could share him.

Henry didn’t know what happened when he felt the sudden jerk on his arm that brought him standing next to the shorter girl. She dragged him to the middle of the room, spun him around, and began gyrating her body to the music. Come on, Henry, do what I do so she doesn’t see how clumsy you are.

Joey smiled while spinning Henry around. When the music ended, he turned to walk toward Joanne, but Joey caught his arm and yelled in Joanne’s direction, I have him warmed up. I’m not sending him back yet. She swung Henry’s arms before the music started again and didn’t let go until the song was over.

You’re kind of quiet, Joanne observed after linking arms with her friend on the way back to the dorm as Henry walked on Joanne’s other side.

I have a headache, Jo. I think I’ll stay in the lobby so you two lovers can be alone.

Henry and Joanne made their way to the elevator, where Henry confessed, I didn’t want to dance because it wasn’t with you. I can’t explain it, but there’s something about her that—

She’s my friend. If anyone ever did anything mean to her, they’d never be my friend.

Do you want something to drink? he asked to change the subject as he removed a pint from his coat pocket.

Oh, you bad boy, she giggled as her eyes answered yes.

It’s vodka. I have two. If we mix it with Seven-up, no one can smell it on our breath.

The pop machine is down the hall.

It didn’t take for them to drink the bottle. Joanne giggled a lot; Henry laughed right along with her until they suddenly kissed. It was the first time they’d done anything like that. Their tongues push into the other’s mouths, and their lips caressed the other’s while Henry slid his hands down Joanne’s back to her bra strap.

Just then, Joanne pushed him away, covered her mouth, and crumpled the bedspread in time to vomit. Henry put a wet washcloth on her head before she lay back and passed out. He frantically stuffed the evidence into the bedspread until Joey suddenly walked in.

What’s this? Henry recoiled. So, you got Joanne drunk? This won’t be good when everyone finds out what you did.

We had a few drinks, that’s all. It wasn’t anything bad.

How old are you, Henry; how old is Joanne? They call that statutory rape in Oregon. You’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison right after they kick you out of college.

I didn’t do anything. We had some alcohol, but nothing else happened.

I don’t know. Joey smiled and gestured toward Joanne. I mean, you got an underage girl drunk, and when I walked in, you were naked and trying to put her pants on.

Henry froze as Joey smiled. What do you want?

That’s better. Do you have any more alcohol?

He pointed to the other side of the room. Joey grabbed it and unscrewed the top; her eyes never left his as she tipped the bottle to her lips for two swallows before passing it to him.

Drink.

When the bottle was empty, she said, Stand there and don’t say a word if you know what’s good for you. She held his gaze while removing her clothes. Do you like what you see? He looked at the thin college woman as she held her breasts. Do you think they’re pretty? Henry was mute. I’m yelling rape unless I hear an answer.

Yes.

She pointed to Henry’s pants. It looks like you’ve got a problem. Show it to me. As any animal would do when forfeiting his fate, Henry loosened his pants before they fell to the floor. She lay on her back with her legs bent at the knees. Have you ever put that in a woman? There was no response. Do you want me to yell?

No.

No, what.

No, I never did that.

Come closer, pervert. Let me see you pull it. Joey laughed soon after when his eyes closed, and a groan escaped his mouth. By the way, if you ever try anything with her, she said with a jerk of her thumb in the direction of her passed-out roommate, you’ll finish college in prison. Do you understand me? Henry nodded. Get this mess cleaned up. He quickly dressed and began to gather the bedspread with the vomit and empty bottles. Joey caught him looking at her when he finished cleaning. You’re looking at me. I guess you want me to make sure you become a jailbird. He shook his head. Then turn off the light on your way out.

Neither girl felt good the following day. Joanne told Joey she couldn’t remember anything after she and Henry began drinking. When did you get in, Joey?

Oh, I don’t know. It was after you were asleep. Henry was still here.

Did you guys talk for a while?

Not really, Jo. I know you like him, but he’s not my type. He’s just . . . her voice trailed away as she looked out the window where she stood.

Do you think there’s something wrong with him?

What’s important is you like him.

Well, he is kind of a geek, I guess. She searched for some reaction, but Joey kept looking outside at something else as her mouth moved without any words. Joey, this time, Joanne’s voice was noticeably louder as she walked across the room to stand next to her at the window. Are you alright? Joanne intruded with a touch in her urgent need of a response that caused Joey’s body to coil like a cyclone as she turned, lunged, and knocked Joanne to the floor. Joanne struggled to escape the weight of her ninety-pound friend. Joey, Joanne yelled. There was no reaction. You’re hurting me, Joey. 

The darkness of Joey’s eyes stared vacantly beyond her prone friend as her body heaved with spasms. I’m sorry, Jo. I don’t know what came over me.

What is it? Joanne asked while pulling herself to her knees. Please tell me what I can do, Joey. There was no response other than the tears dripping from her jaw. Let me help you.

Joey turned to face Joanne. The tears suddenly stopped. There’s nothing you can do.

I might surprise you.

Something about last night reminded me of what used to happen at home. I don’t want—

You have to tell me. I came from a good home. My Mom and Dad treat you like a daughter. Please trust me like the good sister you didn’t have.

Joey grabbed Joanne’s arms. Last night, when you were asleep, Henry—

Did he hurt you?

I’ll be alright.

This isn’t the time for bravery. If Henry took advantage of—

Don’t get involved, Jo.

I want to help.

It’d be nice to spend the weekend with your parents where it’s safe, and I don’t have to protect myself. Could we?

Joanne turned without a word and dialed the number before turning back to look at her friend as she spoke into the telephone. Mom, Joey, and I are coming home for a while. No, everything’s fine. We just miss your home cooking. Okay, we’ll see you tonight.

Joey’s embrace knocked her friend onto the bed. You’re the best friend I could ever want. I love you, Joanne. The kiss didn’t last long, and yet it seemed so natural that neither withdrew until it ended as effortlessly as it began. They stayed in the room that day while skipping classes.

Joey was shown into the guestroom by Joanne’s dad when they arrived that evening. Joanne was held back by her mom, who waited until the room emptied before asking, What’s going on?

Joey had a terrible experience. If I tell you about it, I’ll betray our friendship.

Nice try. I promise to keep it between us.

Joanne gave a brief account of Joey’s home life before concluding, Now it’s happened at school.

Honey, we’re going to talk to Dad about this.

Mom, you promised.

This topic is something that could use the entire family’s common sense. Don’t worry, it’ll stay in the family.

Neither girl saw Henry again. When Joanne showed interest in a student, Joey found a way to bring up what Henry had done. Joanne didn’t know her friend was neither inhibited about drinking with male students nor timid about sex. She left when she was done with each partner and treated any subsequent meeting as if they’d never met.

Joey didn’t have the grades to return for her sophomore year.

*****

The rain battered the asphalt freeway before bouncing up as if the VW bus was driving through two different rainstorms. Tom hunched over the steering wheel to get closer to the headlights with the hope of steering a safe path between the nearly invisible lane markers. He thought about sitting at Kay and Howard’s dinner table while eating steak and glazed-baked potatoes prepared especially for him. As those thoughts drew him farther from the storm and closer to home, the bus left a wake the rainstorm flattened behind him. A motion outside suddenly diverted his focus from the road. The van instantly veered and hydroplaned sideways until the wheels left the concrete and settled to a stop on the gravel shoulder.

Are you alright? The question brought him back to the present. Hey, are you alive in there? He turned toward the voice that came from outside the fogged passenger side window. A longhaired woman peered through the tunnel she created with her hands against the glass. She soon opened the door as water dripped from her hair onto the vinyl seat. You lost it back there. I thought you were going to flip over.

Where did you come from?

I was standing on the side of the road. Didn’t you see me waving my hands?

I saw something for an instant before I lost control. Was that you?

I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you wreck. It’s just, well, I’ve been out here a while, I’m soaking wet, and nobody was stopping, so I waved my arms and hoped someone would give me a ride. Her voice became softer as her eyes looked away from his.

Please come in. Tom walked between the front seats toward the laundry bags propped against each other on the rear seat. I’m afraid this towel isn’t clean because I’m on my way to my parents, and— Their hands touched when she took the towel.

Thanks, she said while matting water from her hair. Her continued rubbing soon let the red appear. My name is Maggie Sullivan. Can I get a ride for a while?

Tom Coshow. Where are you going?

No place, really, she paused. Or someplace, when it feels right.

Where are you from? She didn’t answer. He walked between the seats to settle back behind the wheel.

Do you have any bags or anything?

Just what I’m wearing. Will you give me a ride for a while?

He didn’t answer but instead started the engine before steering the bus back into the stormy night. I’m in school but going home for the weekend because Mom washes my clothes.

Can I crash in the van tonight?

Do you mean outside my parent’s house?

I won’t make any noise. Nobody will know.

I’d sneak you inside, but I—

The van will be fine.

Tom grabbed the bags of clothes after parking in front of his parent’s house. You’ll find a sleeping bag and pillow under the foldout rear seat.

Thank you. I knew you’d help when you drove toward me. I am so sorry I nearly killed you. Her hand touched his cheek. Her fingers caressed her words into his skin before she pulled him closer. Their lips came together to replace the gentleness of her touch. Be with me tonight.

Three hours later, after Howard and Kay went to their bedroom for the night, Tom brought a plate of food to the bus. It’s still warm. I hope it’ll be okay. She was inside the sleeping bag but sitting upright in the rear bench seat’s corner with her legs folded under her. I cut up the steak into bites and kept the potatoes in the oven. I hope it’s not too dry.

I can’t eat anymore, she later said before putting the fork onto the plate. It was perfect. You’re lucky to have parents who cook and clean for you even when you don’t live at home.

I guess I am. Wouldn’t your folks help do that?

Maggie lowered her eyes before whispering, They’re both gone. Tom raised her chin with his hand and held her head to see the moistness in her eyes. She smiled as her eyebrows raised in the middle of her forehead while searching for the right thing to say. They loved each other more than anything else. Dad got cancer, so mom took care of him until he died. But she was slowly dying with him and didn’t live long without her man.

When did this happen?

Almost three years ago.

Where were you? Who took care of you? How did you get here?

I lived with my sister for a while, but at nineteen years old, she suddenly was expected to become my mother. It just didn’t work out, so I left high school and lived in kind of halfway house before leaving Marin County in search of somewhere else.

Tom ran his fingers through her hair as they sat together. "I want you to come to Corvallis with me. We can