Memory's Edge: Part 2

By DelSheree Gladden

Most people only have one life-changing experience, but John and Gretchen are on round two of having their lives sent into utter chaos.

After a year of living with Gretchen after being attacked and left for dead with no memory of his former life, John’s memory returns when his wife and children find him.

Leaving Gretchen weeks before their planned wedding breaks both their hearts. Being reunited with his family is a balm to that loss, but John quickly realizes the old adage that you can never go home again is even truer when you still don’t remember huge sections of your former life. A spotty memory compounds family infighting, a risk of financial ruin, and having no idea how to step back into a marriage that is complicated by his lingering love for Gretchen.

Even though Gretchen was the one to release John and step aside, going home to her friends and family and the curiosity and pity of an entire community quickly overwhelms her. Friend and neighbor Carl has been in love with Gretchen nearly since the day they met. She knows he would be more than willing to help her forget the pain of losing John, but diving into a new relationship is the last thing Gretchen needs. Feeling lost, broken, and confused leaves Gretchen floundering to figure out how to move on.

As they both face starting over, again, the pull to fall back into the familiarity of each other’s arms weighs heavily against facing the struggle to move forward.

• Language: English
• Publisher: DelSheree Gladden
• Release date: Oct 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005177065

DelSheree Gladden

DelSheree Gladden was one of those shy, quiet kids who spent more time reading than talking. She didn't speak a single word for the first few months of preschool. Her fascination with reading led to many hours spent in the library and bookstores, and eventually to writing. She wrote her first novel when she was sixteen years old, but spent ten years rewriting before it was published.Native to New Mexico, DelSheree and her family spent several years in Colorado before returning to northern New Mexico. When not writing novels, you can find DelSheree reading, hiking, sewing, playing with her dogs, and working with other authors.DelSheree has several bestselling young adult series and has hit the USA Today Bestseller list twice as part of box sets. DelSheree also has contemporary romance, cozy mystery, and paranormal new adult series. Her writing is as varied as her reading interests.

Book preview

Emotionally Lost

Gretchen watched Carl disappear into the kitchen and released the breath she felt as if she’d been holding since he helped her into his truck in the airport parking lot. She had been contemplating sleeping in one of the hard plastic chairs at the airport when he’d spoken to her. The sound of his voice had broken through the pain of losing John so abruptly.

Gretchen shook her head. That sounded as if John had died. He hadn’t. A dark part of her heart thought that might have been better, hurt less.

John had found his wife and children, and regained his memory of them after nearly a year of thinking no one had cared about him when he was almost beaten to death and woke not knowing who he was. That brought Gretchen joy along with the sorrow of saying goodbye to him. Sometimes the joy was hard to find amid the pain. Going home alone, facing a house full of wedding preparations without her fiancé, had left her on the verge of losing what little emotional control she’d had left. Carl had saved her.

Yet, as soon as the moment of relief hit Gretchen, it evaporated. She didn’t have to see the centerpieces that would never be used, or the seating chart her friend Desi had spent hours making for the reception. She didn’t have to look at the wedding dress hanging in her bedroom or the ingredient lists spread over the kitchen table. Carl was protecting her from reality, but now she was frozen at the idea of spending the night at his house.

She lived next door. Walking home would take less than two minutes, but she warred with herself on what to do. Gretchen had been in Carl’s house countless times in the nearly two years since she’d moved to town. He was her best friend.

He was also in love with Gretchen.

And she was in love with him.

Neither of which made the fact that her heart was in shambles any easier to deal with. Carl had been her entire world when she’d first arrived in town. She’d kept him at a distance, afraid to open herself up to him. It hadn’t stopped her from falling for him, just from realizing she had. Then John had dropped into her life, broken—literally—and in need of help, which she was in the position to give. Carl had stood by and watched her fall for John, loving her anyway, being there every time she needed him, regardless of how much it hurt.

She wondered as she glanced around his familiar house, if that should make it easier to stay. I didn’t. It terrified her. Although Gretchen knew Carl would never hurt her, she was almost positive she couldn’t promise the same. There was no doubt in her mind that Carl hated how much she was hurting. How could he not see John finding his family and leaving her as an opening, a chance for the them he’d been wanting for so long to finally happen?

Gretchen’s fingers brushed against her lips, making the move without thinking, as the memory of Carl kissing her that day flitted through her mind. It had been only minutes after she’d told him John and she were getting married. The kiss had been confusing and frightening, filled with regret while searing her with desire and a sense that she had lost something.

It was so tempting to consider drowning her sorrow in Carl’s love. Curl up with him, let him hold her, soothe the gut wrenching ache in her center. Despite knowing he would be the perfect balm, she squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to promise she wouldn’t do it. Carl deserved better. He deserved someone who could love him back, without reservation, and Gretchen knew that wasn’t her.

Not yet.

Maybe not any time soon.

Before she was ready, Carl emerged from the kitchen with several drinks. He sat down next to her and offered her one. Deep down, Gretchen knew she had some strength left, but it was too deeply buried to find in that moment and, she not only took the drink, but didn’t object when his arm settled around her shoulders.

She would be stronger in the morning.

After unpausing the basketball game, Carl said, The guest bedroom is made up for you, but if you just want to stay out here, that’s fine too.

Unable to answer him, Gretchen simply nodded. He didn’t pressure her for a better response. Instead, he settled in next to her more comfortably and grumbled something at the TV. Gretchen wasn’t following the game. Before meeting Carl, she’d had zero interest in sports. She still couldn’t claim some consuming passion, but she’d learned the rules of his favorite sports and she cherished the time they’d spent together.

They’d spent countless hours in almost the exact same setting as they were in that moment. Yet it was different. Even though Carl complained about missed shots and bad passes as he sipped his beer and held her, she knew he was more focused on her than the game, worried about what would happen when the players walked off the court and they were faced with spending a night under the same roof. Despite their closeness, that had never happened before.

Gretchen wasn’t sure where her phone had ended up after Carl had settled her on the couch, but she heard its familiar buzzing somewhere in the room and sighed. How many missed calls was that? She’d lost count.

It’s your mom, Carl said.

Gretchen shook her head and he silenced the phone. She knew it was cruel to make her mother wonder if she’d completely shut down and was on the verge of doing something stupid, like bailing on her job and life here. Her mother was not the easiest person to deal with on a normal day. Morning was the soonest Gretchen could even contemplate being assaulted with her overwhelming comfort and subtle I told you sos. She’d warned her that loving John was liable to break her heart, that Carl was the safer option.

Her mother didn’t understand that what her daughter had needed wasn’t safety after having her confidence and heart ripped apart by her college boyfriend. What she had needed was to take risks and discover for herself if love was worth the pain. Carl had asked her at the airport if loving John had been worth it, and she hadn’t had to think about the answer. Even being worth every tear and wadded up tissue, the pain cut too deep to be reminded that she had willingly opened herself up to such agony.

I texted your parents and Desi to let them know you’re all right and with me, Carl said after setting his phone down on the coffee table.

All right? She wasn’t really, but she thanked him anyway.

I also talked to your boss earlier…

Gretchen lifted her head from his shoulder, dread filling her. She saw the show, didn’t she?

He nodded regretfully. She promised to have a sub lined up for Monday and Tuesday, longer if you need it.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Gretchen battled between embarrassment and profound relief. It hadn’t really hit her until that moment that she’d have to face all her coworkers and hundreds of curious teens when she went back to work. No doubt everyone she worked with had watched the show or heard about it, and even though the Today show wasn’t normally a teenager’s favorite morning program, Gretchen could guess many of them had watched it or looked it up later to see someone they knew on TV. She could only imagine the smothering compassion and ridicule she’d be forced to endure when she finally went back. Suddenly, she felt as if she were going to be sick.

Hey, Carl said as he pulled her in more closely, it’s going to be okay.

When Carl had shown up at the airport and she’d realized she didn’t have to face going home on her own, Gretchen hadn’t accounted for all the things she would still have to do without him. It was a surprise she had any tears left after crying the whole way back from New York, but moisture gathered in her eyes as reality overwhelmed her.

Pulling away from Carl, she said, I just…I need to lie down.

He hesitated a moment before standing as well. I’m sure you’re exhausted. I’ll show you the way.

I know where it is, Gretchen said with a hand held up to stop him. She appreciated everything he’d done, but she needed space, a few minutes alone to think and process everything without someone watching. From the show to the plane rides to being with Carl, she hadn’t had more than a few seconds alone since her world broke apart.

Okay. Carl’s frown was filled with worry, and maybe just a little bit of hurt.

Gretchen turned away and made her way to the spare room she’d helped him repaint and decorate over her first holidays away from home. She didn’t prepare for bed, but simply collapsed on the blankets and buried her face in her hands. How were things ever supposed to go back to normal? What was she supposed to do with a wedding dress she would never wear? What was she supposed to do about the catering jobs John had lined up for the next few months? Was there any way to walk back into work and not have a meltdown the first time someone asked about John? His name wasn’t even John anymore. He was Alex Turner again. He’d stepped back into his old life, reclaimed his identity, and reunited with his family. Gretchen went home to a cancelled wedding and a million questions.

Tears broke through her control. She was sobbing uncontrollably when a heavy weight settled in next to her on the mattress. A moment later, Carl had her tucked against his chest.

Shh, shh, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

I don’t know what to do, she said between sobs.

You don’t have to know what to do, he reassured her. Your life just exploded. On live television. I think you’ve earned the right to feel emotionally lost right now.

But there was so much…everything we’d planned…it’s all… She broke off, dripping tears onto his t-shirt.

All of that can wait. There’s no rush.

But…

He shook his head. This room is yours for as long as you need it. When you’re ready to face your house, I’ll help you do whatever you need to. I know you feel like you’re alone, but you’re not. Just remember that, okay?

His generosity wasn’t surprising. Carl was one of the best men she’d ever known. She had to say it, though. I can’t just stay here. I have to go home. I have to face it.

Gently, his lips pressed to her forehead. I know. As much as I’d like to step in and take over where John left off, I know that isn’t how it works. I also know having someone to lean on can make it a little easier. If…if you don’t shut me out. I’m not asking for, or expecting, anything else.

Gretchen knew he was right, knew he was the perfect person to keep her afloat during a tough time…again. She also knew she could easily become dependent on him as she had before. What she didn’t know was why letting Carl help her still felt as though she were betraying John.

Chapter 2

Irrevocable Harm

John stepped into the hotel suite and felt a confusing sense of familiarity and foreignness. As Alex Turner, he was used to hotel rooms that were more like luxury apartments than anything resembling a room. As John, the space and finery seemed ridiculous to him as he remembered saving money and carefully planning for the honeymoon with Gretchen that he would never take. Guilt assaulted him as he thought about everything he had walked out on.

A member of the Today show staff had confirmed that they’d changed Gretchen’s flight schedule upon her request. While he was standing in the middle of one of the best hotel suites in the city, she was going home to the remnants of their life together, a house filled with wedding plans. He had spent the day in Central Park getting reacquainted with his family while she had flown home alone. How could he have done that to her? Pain stuck in his chest as he pictured her walking into the dark house and being confronted with its emptiness.

Alex? Corey asked, her voice soft. Are you all right?

He didn’t know how to answer that question. His memories and family had returned, but he’d lost an entire identity and everyone who had been a part of that life. That life, those people, they were simply gone without ever having the chance to say goodbye.

Daddy! Daddy! Look at my book! Michael shouted excitedly. He grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the couch where little Sasha was already sitting happily. As soon as they were both seated, he flipped open a photo album and said, Mommy made it for us so we could remember you while you were gone. See?

One by one, he pointed at the pictures and told the stories that went along with them. His first time sailing with them. His third birthday. Bringing Sasha home from the hospital. Countless events he was too young to remember in such detail. He knew Corey must have spent many nights telling them these stories over and over again, the only person who believed he would come back and that he hadn’t intentionally abandoned them. Tears filled his eyes and he took his wife’s hand as she perched on the arm of the couch next to him.

New guilt crowded in next to what he already felt over abandoning Gretchen. He’d put Corey and the children through a year of hell. It wasn’t hard to imagine the whispering and blatant attacks she must have experienced from those she knew, from their own families when she’d refused to give up hope. The circumstances of his disappearance gave everyone reason to doubt him. How many people criticized or ridiculed her for not giving up?

When Michael finished telling about the last picture, Corey gently took the book from him. Okay, I think that’s enough stories for tonight. We all need to get some sleep.

No! both the children shouted. They jumped on John and clung to him.

Corey tried halfheartedly to pull them off him, but John shook his head and gathered them both into his arms. Will you promise to go to sleep if I tuck you in?

They nodded vigorously. He carried them into the adjoining bedroom and settled Michael in his bed and Sasha in her crib. Neither one looked interested in sleeping, but John knew the day’s events would catch up with them soon enough and they would be out for the night. Sasha watched him curiously as he pulled a light blanket up over her small body. She’d been an infant the last time he’d seen her. Though she seemed to understand who he was, she looked at him differently than Michael did. That broke his heart as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Nigh nigh, she said to him when he pulled back. Then she whimpered and reached for her mother to also kiss her goodnight. He was a curiosity while Corey was her comfort. New pain added to the old as he turned back to Michael.

Mommy said we could see Lion King tomorrow since we missed our tickets for today. You’ll come too, right? he asked. A layer of fear hid beneath his excitement. John suspected what he was really asking was whether or not he was going to be there in the morning when he woke up.

Stroking the boy’s hair, John smiled. I’m not going anywhere, buddy. I’m back with you and Mommy and Sasha, and I won’t ever disappear again. I promise.

He smiled tentatively. Another stab of pain. Okay, Daddy. Even at four years old, an age when children tended to take most things at face value, John could hear the desire to believe him in his voice, the lack of utter faith that should have been there.

Kissing his forehead, John whispered, I love you, Michael.

I love you too, Daddy. I’m glad you’re back.

Me too. Now get some sleep, okay?

Michael nodded and snuggled down into his blankets. It wasn’t easy to stand and walk out of the room. One of his children didn’t know him and the other didn’t believe he would stay. He wanted to hold them all night, prove himself and beg forgiveness. Corey took his hand to pull him back from the door so she could close it halfway.

I’ve never been so happy and exhausted in my life, she said with a soft chuckle. I imagine you must be tired, too.

Having gotten up several hours before dawn, he was ready to drop. At least physically, anyway. Mentally and emotionally, he was too wired to contemplate sleep. Corey stood waiting for a response, though, hints of concern and anxiety etched into the fine lines around her eyes and mouth that hadn’t been there a year ago.

I know we have a lot to discuss, but I’m pretty beat, too, he said.

Relief smoothed her features. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later. She squeezed his hand and started leading him down the hallway.

John’s chest constricted immediately. Somehow, he’d avoided thinking about ending the day until that moment. Corey was his wife, but he’d spent the last year with Gretchen, sharing her bed for a good portion of that time. He’d spent a decade with Corey, but getting into bed with her felt as though he were betraying Gretchen.

Logically, there was nothing unusual about him lying next to his wife. Everything else said it was wrong, too soon, too…complicated. How did he say that? How could he tell his wife he didn’t feel comfortable spending the night with her? That he missed his…John’s fiancée too much? There were no easy answers and Corey’s silence gave away no hint of what she was thinking.

Neither of them spoke as they moved through the routine of getting ready for bed. Someone from the show had collected his things from the other hotel and brought everything to Corey’s suite. It should have felt natural, but they kept bumping into each other and getting in the other person’s way. Corey laughed it off while John couldn’t stop thinking of how easy it had become doing the same thing with Gretchen every night. Corey was used to getting ready for bed alone. He was used to being with another woman.

Changing was even more awkward. The feeling increased when they both moved to lay on the same side of the bed. John had gotten accustomed to sleeping with Gretchen, who preferred the left side, and had forgotten Corey preferred the right. He found himself mumbling a quick sorry and going around to the other side. Corey said nothing, just smiled and shrugged, and slipped into bed. They laid side by side, a strange space between them neither one knew how to cross.

It’ll just take a little time, Corey said.

All John could say was, Yeah.

He lay in the darkness, wide awake and wondering how much time. Would it ever be the same between them? Would he ever stop wondering what Gretchen was doing and if she were okay? Was she lying in their bed alone? He hated the thought, but he didn’t like the idea that Carl might have taken his place either. Eventually, Corey’s breathing evened out to a pattern of sleep, but John couldn’t calm his thoughts or stop wondering if one choice had caused irrevocable harm to all their lives.

Chapter 3

Right Choices

Gretchen sat in her car, staring at the high school and wishing she could drive away. She’d taken her boss’s offer of two days off to prepare herself. She should have taken a few more. Even after spending the weekend hiding out at Carl’s, eating whatever she wanted, watching an unhealthy amount of sporting events and documentaries, and refusing to speak to anyone, Gretchen dreaded stepping out of her car. Carl had gone to work that morning as well. Not before giving her a key to his house, just in case. She gripped it in her palm, staring at her phone and begging herself to call in sick.

There was a very good chance her boss had a sub on standby in case she called. Even knowing that, she couldn’t do it. She forced herself to get out of the car and start walking. Class started in ten minutes. She would barely make it in time. That meant no stop at the teacher’s lounge, little to no chance of running into her coworkers. At least, she hoped that was true.

On the short side of average height, Gretchen blended into the milling students lazily making their way to classes. She normally wore slacks or skirts to work, but had opted for jeans and an understated but still nice-enough-for-work t-shirt in the hopes of drawing as little attention as possible. It worked until she stepped into her classroom and every single head swiveled to stare at her. Her hopes of a sudden flu epidemic keeping the majority of the students home from school were quashed when she realized not a single desk was empty.

Sighing, she did her best to ignore their curious glances and walked to the front of the room. Good morning, class. Did you get through chapter sixteen yesterday?

Silence. Not even the most studious members of the class offered up an answer. They all had other answers on their minds…ones they wanted from her.

Reluctantly, she lifted her gaze to meet their staring. I’m assuming that by now everyone has seen the show, right?

Every head bobbed in confirmation.

It was the answer she expected, but her stomach sank all the same. Knowing she would never accomplish anything if she didn’t address the elephant in the room, she stepped in front of her desk and leaned against it. I will take three questions, and then we’re starting chapter seventeen.

Only one hand didn’t immediately shoot up. That was only because he was texting and didn’t realize what was going on until he put the phone down. Then his hand went up as well. Gretchen desperately wanted to go home—or rather, go back to Carl’s house—and curl up on his couch until spring break. Since running out in the middle of class was sure to get her fired, she scanned the students and chose one she knew would at least be considerate in deciding on a question.

Sami.

So, John just remembered his old life as soon as he saw his family? How does that work?

A science question. Thank you, Sami, Gretchen silently whispered. What John had was global retrograde amnesia, a fugue state. It’s very rare and results from something extremely traumatic, emotionally or physically, rather than actual damage to the brain. Experts still don’t understand all of what happens in the brain, but they think this type of state is basically the brain shutting down certain memory centers dealing with identity to protect itself. Nobody really knows what causes that to suddenly reverse. Something in the brain decides it’s okay to remember. Sometimes, like with John, it’s a reminder from the past, but for others that doesn’t work and they may never recover their memories. John’s very lucky.

Hands shot up again. Gretchen pointed at another student who usually asked thoughtful questions in class. Joseph.

Did recovering his memories do anything to the memories he made over the last year?

You mean, did he forget me when he remembered them? Gretchen asked. When the boy nodded, she said, No. His old memories didn’t replace the new ones. Silently, she wondered if that might not have been better. Would it be easier to let him go if she knew he didn’t remember any of their time together?

Shaking off thoughts like that, she chose the last student, one she hoped would stick to his habit of asking inane and pointless questions. Devon, last question.

Though he seemed surprised she had chosen him, he didn’t waste time. How could he just leave you like that?

Eyes widened and mouths snapped closed throughout the classroom. Gretchen was startled by the frustration in his voice and the blunt question, but she answered all the same. How could he not?

Because of his kids? Devon demanded. What if it had only been the wife? People split up all the time. You saved him. Doesn’t that earn you anything? If he hadn’t had the kids, would you have expected him to fight for you?

Her insides twisted as she remembered asking herself the same question. "That wasn’t the case, Devon, so it’s impossible to say. The fact is, he does have two children, and regardless of how much I miss him, I couldn’t take their father away from them, or keep him from his children. When you love someone, you sacrifice for them."

She turned away from the class before they could see the tears in her eyes. Nobody made a noise as she took a moment to compose herself. When she finally turned around, she had enough control over her emotions to start class. Chapter seventeen. Who actually did the reading and has a question?

One or two of the usuals raised their hands and the topic of John was left behind until the next class filed in. By the time lunch finally arrived, Gretchen was exhausted on every level. She only dragged herself out of her chair to lock the door. Before she could accomplish the task, she saw Desi sprinting down the hall and opened the door for her. Her friend crashed into her, throwing her arms around her and squeezing her hard enough to hurt.

I am so mad at you! You know that, right? Desi demanded when she finally pulled back. I called and called and called!

Yanking her friend into the classroom, Gretchen locked the door