Behind Me

By Roxanne Rozell

Eva awoke in a smelly hotel room, where am I and how did I get here? She ran for the bathroom to see someone in the mirror she did not recognize.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: Sep 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662905339

Book preview

Chapter 1

Where was I?

It was hot and humid when I woke up an the smell was awful! As I looked up all I could see was yellow smoked stained ceiling, where was I? an how did I get here? confused an feeling disorientated, In total panic I ran to restroom to look in the mirror I did not recognize the person staring back at me. Oh my god when did I get a tattoo on my neck? It looked some what like a dragon, was this a dream? An if so it felt like a nightmare.

The room was filthy an there were beer cans thrown about, on the night stand stood an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. My god did I drink that? An all of sudden I could smell my own breath ewww cigarettes, but I had never smoked, I darted to the bathroom there was no tooth brush, no shampoo. I started to feel nauseated. Scrimmaging through the room for money, anything to give me a clue to why I was here, I fell to the floor an starting blubbering like an idiot. My confusion turned into rage an before I knew it I was thrashing the room …I found $5 under the bed an decided I needed to attempt going out to clean myself up, when I opened the door there stood an older women "what the hell are you doing in here Sally?

As she peeked in the room you are going to have to pay for that! Do you need a fix or something? Where is Jesse? Keep it down she ordered, I yelled to her as she started to walk away, wait.. Wait I replied how did I get here and who is Jesse? Your crazy! She uttered As she continued walking away an yelled out just keep it down Sal! I made a run for it the first building I could see, Thank god a liqueur store maybe they have at least a toothbrush, I grabbed a small thing of soap, shampoo, toothpaste, and toothbrush. The man behind the counter looked at me funny like he knew me, but acted like he could tell, I was not the same person, he probably had dealt with in the past.

I grabbed all of my stuff and ran back to the hotel. I jumped in the shower, put whatever makeup I could find, then found some clothes that looked halfway clean. I used to have long beautiful burgundy hair and now I had short hair, with spikes, I look like a dyke street walker.

Finally I found a phone book! El Paso, TX what?, but I was from Winona Wisconsin, what the hell was I doing almost 2,000 miles away in El Paso? And how was I going to get home? My heart dropped into my stomach and the nausea returned, I laid back in bed I must a fallen a sleep, the next thing I heard was a pounding on the door, it was a female yelling "come on Sally answer the door I know your in there!

I opened the door and there stood the most white trash of a lady I had ever seen. she had one of those long moor cigarettes hanging out of her mouth shorts that when she turned around her old wrinkled butt cheeks hung out, a tank top with no bra, and a beer in her hand man Sally you look like shit… where’s Jesse? Umm I don’t know I mumbled "here give him this, she handed me $60.00 dollars and told me she would be back about 7:30pm, okay I replied as I took the money and quickly shut the door.

What stuff was she talking about? Maybe I missed something I hadn’t really looked in the closet yet hmm nothing there I sat on the ground an looked up, the vent in the ceiling was hanging off a little maybe just maybe there was something in there, I pulled the chair over so I could reach it, when I opened it I seen a black bag, man it was heavy! it nearly broke my arm pulling it down out of the ceiling, when I looked inside there was two guns, little baggies, a scale, a big bag of white powder and about $600.00 dollars in cash right on score I yelled!

I didn’t notice before but under the bed stand was a crumbled up picture of me and a man he had long beautiful black hair and he looked almost full blooded Indian, he was pretty hot! But surly not my type, I wondered if this might be Jesse, on the back it read me and my baby. The pictures were crumpled up like someone got mad and wanted them out of sight, throwing them under the bed. What was up with that? I couldn’t figure out why someone would leave 600.00 in a black bag in a closet with all of the other things in side I quickly figured it out, Jesse was a drug dealer.

What was I doing this was totally our of character for me? Had I lost my mind? I knew I had to get out of here and get back home to my parents I did remember them, I was trying desperately to remember their phone number.

I looked out the window to see if anyone was outside, I didn’t see anyone, good I said to my self I will grab the bag an go back toward that liqueur store to see If the clerk there could tell me where the nearest train or bus station was, the clerk told me the nearest train station was about 10miles up the road, is there anyway you can call me a taxi? I will pay you for the phone call? He hesitated a little and then said umm ok, so does Jesse know your leaving? "Yes I snapped! he does my mother is very sick and possibly dieing so I have to go see her, oh I am so sorry Sally my regards, thank you I said, I will just wait outside.

I knew he could tell I wasn’t myself, shit I was acting so skittish but had no clue why, it was like I couldn’t control my own actions. It seemed to take forever for the Taxi to arrive, it must have been a 102 degrees, I was sweating so much that my makeup was running down my face.

While in the taxi small pieces of my past began to flash in my mind, the tears began streaming down my cheeks, a young child’s face kept popping into my head and the love I felt for this child was huge, oh my god! Amanda I said out loud, the taxi driver looked back at me like are you ok? Sorry just thinking out loud no worries I am okay, as I smiled an turned my head. There were moments I started to question my own sanity because my emotions were so up and down.

When I got to the Amtrak station they advised me they could get me as far as Chicago and then I could either spend the night there and take the next train in the morning or take a bus all the way to Winona, Minnesota, the train wasn’t leaving until 815am in the morning, I reserved a seat on the train and seen a clothing store across the street, I couldn’t stand the sight of myself anymore and decided to grab some things for my trip hair dye, some decent clothes, tooth brush ect… the ticket agent told me there was a Howard Johnson’s 5 blocks away an they usually had cheap rooms so that’s where I went.

Barely sleeping a wink and making it to the train on time, the train ride was 52 hours long and I slept the whole way, I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks. After getting off the train and then walking 5 blocks to the greyhound station, I should arrive home in 4 hours, I remember the street that I lived on little parts of my memory started to kick in but not much. I was so exhausted and couldn’t wait to see my mother, I remembered my father had passed away a few years back.

Chapter 2

Amanda

I was so excited with some of my memories finally coming back, I missed my daughter I vaguely remembered my husband. I think is name started with an M …umm Michael yes that is his name. I knew my name was Eva but couldn’t remember much more than that. I finally arrived at the bus station, I was so exhausted after this long trip home. I had $50.00 left and decided to take a taxi to my mothers, it was getting dark and I was scared, scared that I would not remember the exact house, also scared that I was loosing my mind! When getting out of the taxi my hands were shaking so bad I could barley get the money out of my purse to hand to the taxi driver.

I arrived at my mothers door shook the door knob