Six Jars of Love: Loving Attitudes to Help Married Couples Reconnect

By John Bosio and Teri Bosio

Six Jars of Love can help you experience God's grace within your marriage and help you build and strengthen healthy, loving habits that are good for both of you. Taking inspiration from Cana, where Jesus turned six jars of plain water into exquisite wine, John and Teri Bosio suggest six key aspects of married love that are essential to

• Language: English
• Publisher: Twenty-Third Publications/Bayard
• Release date: Oct 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781627856607

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Six Jars of Love

Loving Attitudes to Help Married Couples Reconnect

John and Teri Bosio

"Recalling the miracle of the six jars of water turned into choice wine at Cana, Teri and John Bosio provide a hands-on reflection for every married couple. Grounded on the awareness that the grace of Christ empowers married couples, Six Jars of Love explores six keys to enrich marital love on the journey of life. This book also could serve as a wonderful guide for groups of couples seeking to enrich their marriage." • Archbishop Joseph Kurtz, Archdiocese of Louisville

"Six Jars of Love invites Catholic couples to recognize the presence of Mary and Jesus in their marriage ready to help them as they helped the couple at the wedding at Cana. The book is an invitation for spouses to pray and grow in love following Jesus’ example—a useful reading for all couples to enjoy together." • Bishop J. Mark Spalding, Diocese of Nashville

"John and Teri Bosio’s Six Jars of Love will lead you to visit places where you are, or have been, as a couple. At the end, you will be deeply spiritually transformed. We really like Six Jars of Love, it’s a great roadmap for all married couples." • Christian and Christine Meert, founders of Agape CatholicMarriagePrep.com

If you want a happy marriage than you want a holy marriage. Read this book with your spouse, and then read it again! • Jon Leonetti, Catholic speaker and best-selling author

"Six Jars of Love is a great concept for a book on marriage. It’s an image that really worked for us. Stories are such a rich and powerful way to transmit information! This book is full of them. The chapter devoted to generosity in marriage is especially good. Not many books on marriage devote themselves to this topic. This book will be a very welcome addition among the tools any Catholic couple would want to have in their toolbox." • Steve and Kathy Beirne, authors of the Foundations Newsletter for Newly Married Couples

I LOVED this work! The overall approach is so reader friendly and powerfully effective! The language is real and always relatable to anyone and the format is such that it flows smoothly paging through the work to find what grabs you, or to read it straight through without tiring. Bravo for sure! • Deacon Stephen Bowling, Family Life Director, Archdiocese of Louisville

"Six Jars of Love is an incredibly easy-to-read and understand book for couples, and all those who work with couples. The six loving attitudes detailed within, capture the essence of how a couple’s life can manifest God’s love in the world. I am definitely adding this jewel to our must-read recommendations for the engaged couples, too." • Socorro Truchan, Associate Director, Secretariat for Parish Life & Lay Leadership, Domestic Church, Catholic Diocese of Kalamazoo

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

The Wedding at Cana

Chapter 2

Celebrate Your Love Story

Chapter 3

The First Jar of Love

Love Welcomes

Chapter 4

The Second Jar of Love

Love Is Faithful

Chapter 5

The Third Jar of Love

Love Is Generous

Chapter 6

The Fourth Jar of Love

Love Forgives

Chapter 7

The Fifth Jar of Love

Love Is Compassionate

Chapter 8

The Sixth Jar of Love

Love Serves

Conclusion

The Journey Continues

Endnotes

Introduction

During the years of my practice as a marriage and family therapist, I (John) met many couples who came to me complaining that they were growing distant—drifting apart. One couple in particular stands out as a typical example. Jim and Mary had been married seven years and were parents of two very active toddlers. They were also both working full time.

As they sat in my office I could tell that they were tired, stressed, and angry at each other. Mary felt overwhelmed, and Jim was bitter because he felt ignored by his wife and did not want to be in my office.

Mary complained: Many evenings, after spending eight hours at work, I find myself coming home to cook dinner, fold the laundry, and play with our sons, Jack and Mike, or give them a bath and put them to bed. Meanwhile, Jim is either in the garage working on his favorite hobby, his car, or playing video games.

Turning toward Jim, she said: What about me? When do I get a break? I’m exhausted!

Mary paused for a few seconds to compose herself and then continued: I often wonder what’s happened to us. We still have the wedding pictures on our coffee table, yet we feel miles apart. How did we end up feeling so distant?

Mary and Jim were suffering because they were mourning the intimate connection they once had with each other. They could still remember their wedding day very vividly, but the warmth of their relationship was slowly fading. They seldom saw smiles on each other’s faces. All they felt was pain, frustration, and anger, and they could not give each other comfort. They felt lonely, and they were thinking: Is this all there is?

Jim and Mary are a normal couple. What they were facing was a crisis in their relationship—a crisis that is common to most spouses. Dr. William Doherty, a sociologist at the University of Minnesota and a marriage therapist, compares what happens to couples after they marry to what happens to someone who sets out on a voyage on the Mississippi River with a canoe. No matter how much love the spouses feel for each other, writes Dr. Doherty, if they do not intentionally paddle together to stay on course, they tend to drift apart emotionally. Life’s river currents take them to places that they did not plan to visit, far away from their intended destination.

In Take Back Your Marriage,1 Dr. Doherty explains that this drifting is something that all couples experience throughout their lives. We are all prone to becoming complacent in our relationship, and we tend to take each other for granted. We let our relationship go on autopilot and don’t realize that we are slowly growing distant.

We asked couples we know in our community: How do you know when you are drifting? These are couples in stable marriages who were willing to share their journey with us. Here is what they said:

Bill: I know we are drifting when I feel something is missing—like I’m missing my best friend.

Beth: We have many little squabbles—nothing serious. We are short with each other for no special reason.

Mark: When we find that we don’t have anything to talk about, it tells me we are drifting.

Barb: I think we’re drifting when I catch myself thinking: It doesn’t matter what he wants to do; I’m doing what I want.

Gina: When Bob went back to school, it was a difficult time. That commitment took over a large part of our free time to be together.

Bob: (agrees) Yes, I was very busy, and I felt isolated, and we disconnected.

The problem for most couples is that growing distant is so gradual that, unless we are aware of the possibility and are watchful, it is difficult to know that we are drifting apart. We may feel some discomfort, but we ignore it. We blame our busy schedules or our spouse. We feel the pain, and we carry on. We dive deeper into our work, or we turn our attention to the needs of our children, or distract ourselves with sports, hobbies, or friends on social media, or we busy ourselves with volunteer work, even church work. It is only after months or years that we realize that we are not where we want to be. We are becoming emotionally disconnected. We do not know each other anymore. Our lives are moving on different tracks, in different directions.

Have you ever felt that you were drifting? How would you recognize that you are drifting? How do you reconnect?

Unfortunately there are some couples whose canoe is so far off course that they cannot find their way back. They do not think they have the energy to rebuild their relationship. Too much damage has been done. Some jump ship; others settle in an uncomfortable marriage, not knowing what to do. However, it does not have to be this way. Fortunately there are many more couples that, inspired by their faith and by what they believe about marriage, seek the help and guidance of a good book, or a couples’ retreat, or the advice of a priest or a professional marriage therapist. Be one of these!

Pope Francis’ Advice to Jim and Mary and to Us

In his apostolic exhortation The Joy of Love (Amoris Laetitia) Pope Francis, as a caring pastor, gives couples like Jim and Mary, whom we met at the beginning of this book, and to all of us some helpful marriage advice. Here are some of his thoughts.

Married life is a long journey and with the help of God’s grace, you make progress by working on it one day at a time (n. 218).

Remember that neither one of you is perfect, and each must set aside all illusions and accept the other as he or she actually is: a work in progress (n. 218).

Married life is a process of growth, and each of you is an instrument through which God helps the other mature. The greatest mission of two people in love is to help one another become, respectively, more a man and more a woman (n. 221).

Hope is what helps you make progress on your journey together. Hope is the leaven that makes it possible for you to look beyond the present conflicts and arguments and see your current situation in a broader perspective (n. 219).

Generosity and sacrifice are required throughout your marriage. At each stage of your life you need to sit down and renegotiate your agreements so that there are no winners and losers (n. 220).

Learn to be present to each other. Make time for each other. Develop daily rituals, such as a morning kiss, an evening blessing, waiting at the door to welcome each other home, taking trips together, and sharing household chores; and it helps