Living La Vida Loca - 25+ Years of Life Experience

By Emerald Angel

Living The Crazy Life - 25+ Years of Experience.
All of the 74 stories in this book are very true… These stories are based on my personal life experiences, starting from early childhood, through to my teenage and adolescent years, and through adulthood. If you enjoy reading this book and the stories that are in it, then please don’t hesitate to refer friends and spread the word to other people, so they can purchase their own copy. God bless you, and please enjoy reading this book. Thank you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781447662976

Book preview

Living La Vida Loca - 25+ Years of Experience

By: Emerald Angel

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the Lord, who has pulled me through many difficult trials and tribulations in life. All thanks and glory be to God. Amen!

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV) - See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland.

Romans 12:12 (NIV) - Rejoicing in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Contents

Story #1 - Stan the Sunrise Streaker Appears

So… I was a senior in High School, and I had spent the previous night at my friend Rachael’s house. Her mother suggested that, early Saturday morning, we should all go down to the beach, and watch the sunrise. Rachel and I thought this was a great idea, so we both agreed, and headed off to bed. We awoke very early Saturday morning, had our breakfast, and headed down to Takapuna beach… which by the way, is NOT a nudist beach, in any sense. We arrived at the beach, and positioned ourselves on a nearby brick wall to watch the sunrise. We hadn’t been there long, and all of a sudden, this 60-year-old, wrinkly-ass, naked man appears commando, bits-and-all, out of nowhere, running along the beach… And he turns his head, and says to us, Morning ladies, nice day for it! Rachael’s mother turned to us, and said, GIRLS… DON’T LOOK!!! But, unfortunately, it was too late… Our eyes had been beyond scarred, and we were on the ground and laughing in stitches. I’ve been back to Takapuna beach in recent years, and haven’t seen

any more naked, wrinkly-ass, running men, tearing up the sand anymore. 

Story #2 - Poser

So… I’m 20 years old, and I went on a shopping trip with my mother to a department store in Tauranga, New Zealand, called ‘Farmers.’ We were short-cutting through the department store to get to the car park (parking lot) after doing our shopping. My mother was ahead of me, and as I was passing through the store, I spotted this overweight, middle-aged. beefcake of a truck driver (we’ll call him Tony). Tony was leaning up against one of the shop's counters, waiting for customer service, with a coffee in his right hand. All of a sudden, he spots me, striding it out at a good pace… Tony then spontaneously beams a big smile at me, and sucks his beer-gut in, trying to make himself look slimmer to impress me. When I kept going, and he saw I paid no attention, or notice of him, he then slumped his big-old belly out again, which made me laugh loudly to myself, inside. I never encountered Tony again.

Story #3: And You’re Asking Me For Advice?

It’s my senior year of High School, and my mother, my aunt, and I went to a members-only retail sale at the local Farmers department store in New Zealand. My auntie and I were in the women’s lingerie and sleepwear section of the store (I was helping her select sleepwear). We walked further down the isle, and to our surprise, this cross-dressing gay transvestite man jumped out of nowhere from behind the lingerie rack, and he held up a petticoat near his face, and hollered to us, Does this color suit me? (assuming that he’d spun the color wheel...). My auntie was gobsmacked, frozen, and didn’t know how to reply. Me on the other… I was a little more straightforward and direct in my response, and I said, Oh my god, It’s one of them! And then I plainly said, No wonder you guys get beat up! And why that, he ditched the petticoat, and ran like he’d seen a ghost. I think my directness intimated and shocked him just a little bit. He asked for my honest opinion, and I gave it straight to him.

Story #4 - Mistaken Identity

One day, I was coming home from an uptown shopping trip in the ‘burbs, and this sedan carrying four young men barreled out of this side street toward me. All of a sudden, they all wolf-whistled nearby to what they thought was an attractive female with long brunette hair. To their surprise, they got the shock of their life when she turned, and they saw the beard, and realized the she was actually a he, with long hair. And oh boy, was this a treat for me. The shocked looks on all their sorry-ass faces were priceless, and I actually ended up getting the biggest laugh ever.

Story #5 - I.Q. of 2

So… The date is November 14, 1997… What a good memory I have! I was coming through the airport terminal in San Francisco, and two customs officers asked me if I had anything to declare… I had just come off a seriously long flight from Sydney, Australia, and I was jet-lagged. In response to their serious question, I said, Yes. Just a Kangaroo.  With that, and without making any more inquiries, they pulled their handguns out of their holsters, and started wildly waving them about wildly like they were getting ready to fire at something. I was puzzled, and watched them scope the area for a while with their guns. Then I realized they were looking for the Kangaroo that I honestly and unhesitatingly declared. I managed to get their attention by yelling hoi, hoi. As they finally turned to look at me, I pulled the toy kangaroo I had declared out of my paperback, and waved it