Undeserved: Seeking the Gift of Grace

By Christopher Robinson

In “Undeserved: Grasping Gods Grace”, Christopher invites you to join his journey of learning how to accept the grace of God into our lives. It is so easy to say that we are covered by His grace, but how do we live in it? How do we take this free gift that God has given us, open it up, and give thanks to our Father for it?

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 20, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664240339

Christopher Robinson

Christopher Robinson, a Boston University and Hunter College MFA graduate, is a MacDowell Colony fellow and a Yale Younger Poets Prize finalist. His writing has appeared in many publications, including The Kenyon Review and McSweeney’s.

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Copyright © 2021 Christopher Robinson.

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ISBN: 978-1-6642-4032-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-4034-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-4033-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021914439

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/11/2021

Names, locations, and descriptions in Underserved: Seeking the Gift of Grace have been changed to honor certain individuals privacy.

REVIEWS FROM PEERS

When God’s grace comes to us in a fresh and meaningful way, it is simply life altering. For someone like me who grew up in church, I often lose sight to how undeserving I am of Gods radically amazing grace. Experiencing this grace through Chris’s raw and unchurched perspective brings me back to Titus 2:11. His grace has come to save us and it teaches us to live in a new and Godly way. Chris’ book helps us get back to seeing this foundational truth; it is Gods loving grace that changes us.

Pastor Michael Lodge–Speaking Pastor of Cascade Community Church

I read Undeserved Merit in one sitting, so that I could feel the heartbeat of the book from start to finish. I was left with an image of the Apostle Paul writing a letter to people he loved and to all who may read it. Chris opens his heart and tells his story so that others may learn as he did that God’s love while undeserved is free and filled with grace for all.

Pastor Dan Gerke - Facilities Pastor of Cascade Community Church

Good read. Authentic. Vulnerable. Chris’ deep descriptive narrative writing will minister to all, who struggle with accepting, not just receiving, the grace of God, our Abba Father.

Dr. Rev. Randall Deal Sr. – Administrator & Residency lead at Vision Arizona & Lead Director of Rock Point Church

DEDICATION

To Michael and Stacia Lodge. You know what you’ve done for me.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks to everyone who contributed to the first publication of this book while I was trying to figure out how to write and publish a book. I had zero clue of what I was doing, and the fact that people bought it and were kind enough to leave reviews was incredible.

Thanks to my college professors who took the time out of their busy schedules to meet with me and help me understand what God’s grace is and how I can better accept it as a human with many faults.

A very special thanks to everyone else in my life who has shown me grace despite my many mistakes and carelessness. I would not know Jesus without all of your kindness and love that you have shown me over the years.

FOREWORD

I remember the first time I met Chris. I had heard stories of how he single handedly wrecked a bus ride home on his first winter retreat. His presence and nausea affected everyone! And while he didn’t get motion sick walking into youth group, his presence still had an effect. He was rough around the edges to say the least. Chris was unchurched and the product of a broken environment and a broken state of mind. Impulsive, lonely, abandoned, worthless, and carefree were some words that came to mind. A typical youth pastor would have invited this ruff soured the edges boy to leave and find another place to socialize. But something stirred in the hearts of our leaders. We accepted him and worked with him through the cussing, smoking, and hidden whisky bottles in his pockets. Chris had a lot of things that I am glad I didn’t have in life. But Chris had something that I grew to envy.

I grew up in the church and had a solid Christian family. I could quote Bible verses on God’s love and grace quicker than most. I could explain the difference between mercy and grace. I was baptized early in life and never struggled with many of the vices that plagued Chris. But Chris had something that was to be cherished and something that would eventually change his heart, life, and behaviors. Chris had a fresh understanding of God’s grace. Chris had a proper understanding of how worthless and hopeless we all are. Chris had something that I had lost in the midst of over saturated exposure to the story of Jesus. I learned something from Chris. I had run the gamut of grace. I lived to earn grace as a young adult. I worked in youth ministries that used grace like an emotional response card to solicit decisions and celebrate summer retreats. But did I deeply understand and appreciate the true sacrifice of God’s grace and how little I deserved it?

Titus 2:11-12 tells us that it was God’s grace that came to save us! God’s grace that trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions! How does that work? It should be God’s grace that teaches us to live upright and self-controlled lives in this broken world! That had not been my experience with God’s grace! Because I had been overexposed to a theological concept without really feeling and understanding the depths of sacrificial love. Chris had a fresh experience with God’s grace. And over the next 5 years I discipled Chris as he taught me to see grace through fresh eyes. This is your chance to see grace through underexposed eyes! That is a gift that many growing up in church fail to experience. Read this book slowly and ask yourself this question. What is my experience with God’s grace doing in my heart? This is an invitation to find the depths of amazing grace.

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

The first edition of this book was written while I was in college pursuing my bachelor’s degree. Little did I know that it would make great impact. I only thought that it would be within the limit and reach of my friends and family. However, it went beyond my expectation as the feedback I received from people afterwards makes me exceedingly happy. A lot of people appreciated my courage, raw transparency, and no-holds-barred approach to unleashing my inner turmoil. This has really helped ministering to numerous people who in turn felt more comfortable talking about their struggles with grace, because of their past mistakes.

So when the time came that I could expand and revise some of the stories and biblical applications within it, I decided, after much prayer, that it was the right call. Some stories have been made longer, while I didn’t want to share others because I was not sure how people would receive them. Others are completely brand new from the past two years that they have been out. Either way, this book has been more than a therapeutic project I had in college. It has been made for two purposes. To glorify God and help others walk in His grace.

The central focus will always and forever be on Christ Jesus and His work in all of our lives. I love that he calls us valuable, despite the overwhelming presence of sin in our lives. No part of us is redeemable, yet the God of the universe calls it so. We should have faith that what He says is true.

When we have a living and active faith, we become more inclined to believe all the awesome things God says about us, and more importantly, what He says about himself. He is a loving God, filled with kindness, faithfulness, and mercy. He is a righteous God that in turn, makes us righteous through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus.

I hope that all of you who end up reading this book will run to Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul. He is the only one who can meet us exactly where we are, know every intrinsic detail about us (both good and bad), and still treat us with excessive care and kindness. I want each and every one of you to experience Jesus in a real way. The kind of way you hear about from missionaries who won’t complain about how they have given up a life of comfort for a bamboo bed in Southeast Asia. The passion you hear in the voice of a pastor about the goodness of God, despite having their child being stillborn. The elation of joy you hear from someone who has been cleaned for only a week but they praise God for the seven days of bliss that they have experienced.

This is how good God is. He is bigger than my shame and guilt, bigger than the trauma that I have endured, and better than any other coping mechanism I found in my short time here on earth. As you’re reading about the worst that I have to offer, I pray that you will learn from my mistakes and seek Jesus.

-Christopher Robinson

INTRODUCTION

Like most children, growing up, I participated in Little League. My dad was a huge baseball fan, while I think my mom just tolerated it because she’s not a sports kind of person. Not to say she didn’t enjoy watching her kids play, I’m sure she did. But no matter what, they both made it a point to show up to watch me play. At the end of every season, there was usually an award ceremony in which everyone used to get a trophy as an appreciation for their participation. Everybody got that trophy, and every single kid, one by one, would turn to their parents in pure satisfaction and be proud of the trophy they had received. The problem is that the award has no value and I’m not talking about the kind of value that’s monetary; I’m talking about intrinsic value. I didn’t earn that participation trophy, I barely participated. I was happier skipping practice and games so I could play Xbox instead. There was no value in that trophy. There was nothing intrinsic about it. It was a worthless chunk of plastic that meant nothing then and means nothing now.

See, it took me years to figure this out, but even amid our garbage, we are considered valuable in Christ Jesus, though it’s not deserved. But unlike a participation trophy that is given its value, we are born with value. Though we are inherently sinful people that at our best, still have a tendency to lie, cheat, and much more. But for some glorious reasons, God calls us valuable. He sees and loves us exactly where we are. We aren’t a participation trophy; our value goes well beyond any monetary or sentimental value. Our value is both naturally occurring as we were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), but it’s also given to us after He redeems us of our sins (Eph. 1:7; Gal. 1:4; Is. 44:22).

This isn’t meant to be a self-help book because I think if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that we’re not able to change our own hearts. We can try, but our hearts are deceitful and tend to lead us down destructive paths. Not always, but it seems like it does a lot! I wasn’t able to do it, nor were the people who have poured into me over the years. It was through prayer, love, and grace that my heart changed. Only when I invited Jesus into my life did I see how ridiculous I was being. My relationship with Him allowed me to look back at my life, and I can see all the times I fell flat on my face while trying to do life on my own accord.

Those flat face moments are what make my heart hurt the most. I can think back to times in my life that plague my mind with shame and guilt. Those moments have often overwhelmed me and tend to lead me down the path of feeling broken, ashamed, and useless all because of my past mistakes. I could be driving down the street, and randomly, something pops in my head. Something I did wrong years ago, and for the next fifteen minutes, I’m stuck in a mental fetal position, rocking back and forth, pleading for help. It stinks, and the only thing that has helped me is bringing that shame to the forefront of my mind and handing it over to Jesus. Not dwelling in it, but truly handing it over.

That didn’t even start until I became a Christian in the summer of 2013. Before that, I was a rotten person. I know some people would argue that I wasn’t that bad, and maybe they’re right. After all, we’re our own worst critic, and that goes for this situation. This is because looking back at my past deeds and actions don’t give me fond memories of my past. I’ve tried talking with people about how I’ve felt in the past, and I’d say majority of them have told me to just get over it. But that doesn’t always work for me. I have lied, cheated, stolen money, taken drugs, drank heavily, and would