Sex God: An Erotic Adventure of Self Discovery

By Matthew Armstrong

Unfulfilled in his marriage and life, Alex Sterling makes an indecent proposal to his wife, Angela, which sets them off on an erotic adventure of self-discovery, revealing dark and repressed parts of themselves. On the verge of losing everything that is most important to him, Alex is a man in early life crisis, playing a high-stakes game and going

• Language: English
• Publisher: Be Your Potential
• Release date: Apr 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9780956171337

Book preview

Chapter 1

Angela and I never had much of a sex life. Almost a decade together, seven years of marriage and two children of 5 and 6 years of age, it seems like we are the perfect couple with the perfect family, but the truth is that I feel trapped. I am unfulfilled in our relationship and in life. Does it all just come down to the sex? Well it certainly feels like it. I always thought that sex between us would get better as we got to know each other, but it didn't. It is mediocre at best and usually worse than that.

So why do we stay together? Well I guess we love each other and enjoy each other’s company. We have similar values and outlook on life, and for a while I could overlook the sex part. I had had more than my fair share of sex before and like I said, I thought that it would get better between us. I am generally optimistic, but after 10 years other things are different but the sex is no different, and my optimism of that getting better now seems like a fantasy.

It is time to face up to the reality that if it hasn't improved – not one bit in what has been a third of my entire life, putting things in perspective – then it never will. Sex is important to me and I ask myself the question, can I live the rest of my life with only one sexual partner who I don't feel fulfilled with? The scary answer is that no I can’t!

I am completely torn. I love Angela and I love my kids more than anything and the thought of living without them is a terrifying picture. What if we separated? I would have weekend visiting rights, but what if she decides to move to a different country, or worse? Angela is a young good-looking woman. She would find someone else and then my kids would be brought up by another man – my worst nightmare!

I have thought about having an affair or two; it certainly appears to be an option to bring some excitement and drive back into my life. I have carnal desires that I want filled and right now I'm experiencing a huge and painful void. At age 33 I should be in my sexual prime and instead I am watching life go by like a movie, completely disassociated from it, behind the bars of social ideals of how I am supposed to behave – according to whom, I wonder!

There's the girl in my local coffee shop. We always flirt and she likes to bend over much more than necessary when serving me my morning coffee, giving me a great view. She's the reason I go to that coffee shop and not the one across the street, which has considerably better coffee and comfier seats. All it would take is a proposition from me – I am sure she would be up for it – a secret meeting and maybe I could fill that void and satisfy the desires that are gnawing at my very soul!

I have been doing a lot of flirting lately. It comes naturally to me, but as yet I haven't stepped over that mark, just dancing on the edge. I can think of a few women who I could spark up a sexual relationship with. I am a personal trainer by trade and most of my clients are female. There's one, she is 11 years older than me but there is a definite chemistry between us and she likes to complain about her husband and how he prefers to play golf and hang out with his friends rather than spend time with her. She tells me that she is bored and likes adventure. I am sure that she is just waiting for me to make the first move. Debbie's her name and she looks great for her age with the body of a 19-year-old. I think that all she does is go to spas and beauty parlors, and engage in activities to keep herself looking young and attractive. She also has breast implants, which some guys don't like, but I have no problem with them!

I entertain these fantasies and then I think of the consequences. I don't want anyone to get hurt. What if Angela finds out and kicks me out, denying me any visitation rights? What if she never forgives me and turns the kids against me? Hardly worth a few hours of carnal pleasure per week, my rational brain kicks in! I have known many people who have had affairs and more often than not they end in feelings of hurt and betrayal, my own parents being a prime example and I don't want history repeating itself. I always said that their mistakes would not be in vain and I would learn from them. Now I see myself thinking about going down the same road! God, why is life so difficult? The very things I said I would never do, I am on the verge of doing.

What about an open relationship? My heart starts racing at the thought. I have never been the jealous type and neither has Angela, although I have seen her get a little insecure when we have been in the presence of other attractive women. The idea certainly seems much lighter than a secret affair.

I will pose the idea to her tonight after the kids have gone to bed. My stomach dances with butterflies as soon as I make this decision. I arrive at the house of my final personal training client of the day and realize that I don't remember any of the drive up the winding mountain road to the grand villa, which boasts incredible panoramic views of the Mediterranean Sea and coastline. Most of my clients come to the gym that I work out of, but I don't mind traveling to my clients when they have houses like this. It makes me feel wealthy too, if only for an hour.

Angela and the kids are already home by the time I return and the usual evening ensues – playing games with Holly and Tristan. It was my wife who got to choose our daughter’s name as I chose our son’s. Angela makes dinner while I take care of the kids’ needs and then a little TV before off to bed for story time. I go through the motions on autopilot as my mind is fixed on the discussion I have planned for later. I recognize the subtle differences in my own behavior. Angela and I hardly make eye contact all evening or say anything more than a short sentence to each other.

I can feel my heart beating faster as I hear Angela close the door to the kids’ bedroom and make her way down the hallway into our main living area. There is a look of expectancy on her face as our eyes meet and it is the first time that we have held each other’s gaze all evening. I have thought of 50 different ways to start this conversation, but all that comes out of my mouth is the famous words, We need to talk.

I know, she says very matter of factly. This throws me off balance. Does she know what I am going to say? Has her woman's sixth sense kicked in? Does she feel the same way? What if she is having an affair and thinks that I have found out and now she is going to tell me about it?

Shall I open a bottle of wine? I say to regain my equilibrium and calm my mind.

Yes, that would be nice, she says with a hint of a smile. I make my way into the open plan adjoining kitchen to fetch and open the bottle.

We rarely drink, ever, in our relationship. We have shared the odd bottle of wine over dinner on special occasions, but have never both been drunk together. I don't like being out of control, which used to happen in my younger days, and Angela has a fear of vomiting and told me that a nasty vodka experience put her off for life. Maybe that was part of our problem, maybe if we had gotten drunk together more at the start of our relationship we would have been more adventurous and had better sex as a result. But truthfully I know that an alcohol deficiency in our bloodstream is not the cause of our problems.

I don't know if I am doing the right thing now but I know it is better than what most people do with their marital problems, so this is where I will start – with the truth!

The scent of the red wine makes its way into my nasal passages as the cork is released, flooding me with good memories of the special occasions when we have shared a bottle together. I look up and smile at Angela, who is now sitting on the sofa looking in my general direction. She does not return my smile but simply gazes impassively, not giving anything away. I pour two glasses and walk with purpose back into the living room, doing my best to hide my feelings of fear and insecurity, which I am internally wrestling with. I have them in a chokehold but damn are they slippery!

I sit on the sofa as well, turning to face her. She shifts around and sinks back a little into the arm rest. There is a two-foot gap between our knees. I pass Angela her glass of wine and then self-consciously place my arm on the back of the sofa and hitch my left knee up so we are facing each other more directly. I have played this scenario over so many times that now it seems surreal, like we are actors playing parts and I am making a hash of my role. As soon as I say that we need to talk it is like I go tumbling into a new world and there is no going back. My fears keep rearing their ugly heads and I keep slapping them back down. Ultimately it is the fear of massive loss, of the things that are most important to me in my life.

Well, you said you wanted to talk, so talk. Angela's words interrupt my battle and a quick elbow to the gut drops my fears to their knees for a few moments while I search for the right words. I swirl the wine around my glass, noticing the momentary mark it leaves after every swirl, then sip and control myself just enough not to make it a gulp. I notice that Angela has not touched her wine yet and is probably waiting for me to say something meaningful and put an end to the suspense. I guess I am plucking up the courage but what seems more apt is I am putting down the fears. I am usually a good communicator and have good sales ability, but under pressure it all leaves me and I feel more like a caveman, grunting the words out.

Things aren't working between us as they should, is the best I can muster. Angela gives a slight nod in agreement, I think, or is she just wanting me to continue? Do you agree? I ask tentatively.

Yes, I agree, she says without any emotion and again not giving anything away. I can see that she isn't going to give me much back and her lack of emotion is throwing me off and making me nervous.

I think it's the sex more than anything, we have just never had a brilliant sexual relationship together. She nods her head again in agreement.

But I think that is the only thing missing. Other than that I see us as having a better marriage than most anyone I know. But it's an important part of life, right? I mean sex!

Angela drinks her wine for the first time, but I notice that she takes a gulp. Just what are you saying, Alex?

Well, after so long together, I don't know how it is going to get any better between us and I am thinking about the rest of our lives and the thought of not having any other sexual partner is a scary thought. It almost feels like a prison sentence. As the last few words spill from my mouth, I think that I may have gone too far with that statement.

Yes, it's hard to imagine not having sex with another person our whole lives, so what are you proposing? Angela's tone still gives nothing away, it's almost businesslike.

I don't know, this is new territory for me and I don't want to screw anything up, but I know something has to change otherwise everything will be screwed up, so I am proposing that maybe we should try an open relationship – what do you think? I hold my breath, hoping that time will stand still long enough for me to compose myself for Angela's reaction. Surprisingly she keeps her cool, but takes another gulp of her wine, so I follow suit and I notice that I have almost emptied my glass.

Okay, but you realize that an open relationship goes both ways and if you are allowed to see other people then so am I? I sit amazed at her rational response compared to the possible emotional outburst I was preparing myself for.

Of course that goes without saying, it would only be fair, I say with a sense of relief. Immediately I start to feel the shackles being released and I am overcome with a sensation of freedom and possibility.

I am glad you brought it up, Alex, because I didn't know how to and I think that we have both been feeling the same way, Angela says, now seeming less contained and more open.

I nod in agreement but I doubt that she has been thinking about having sex with every eligible guy she comes into contact with...or has she? My feeling of elation lessens slightly and a few new fears make an appearance. What if she does have her eye on someone else? I quash that fear quickly with the thought that she has never shown an interest in any other guy the whole time that we have been together. Just as when a beautiful and sexy woman is walking down the street the wife always looks to her husband to see if his eyes are wandering, similarly I have always looked to Angela's behavior whenever we have been in the company of handsome and powerful men and she has always seemed indifferent to them.

Even when we first got together she hadn't been with another guy in three years, and showed little interest in me at the start. It took a few months to persuade her to go on a date and it wouldn't have happened at all if it were not for my relentless tenacity. I think that part of the initial attraction was that she wasn't like other girls and didn't put on any sort of facade. She was just herself, take it or leave it. It was a breath of fresh air for me after the pretense and mind games that I found many women would play.

Chapter 2

I push the cork back into the half-full bottle of wine. Yes, I am an optimist and I am feeling very optimistic now about the future after our chat this evening. It couldn't have gone any better really and a deep feeling of satisfaction fills my being and a sense of accomplishment nurtures my mind. In fact I am feeling very pleased with myself and even Angela seems energized when she would usually be half asleep at this time of night. I look at my watch realizing that I am in the gym with a client at 7 a.m. so decide to call it a night.

I fill myself a glass of water and turn to see that Angela has vanished, but then hear the sound of her brushing her teeth. I go to join her in the bathroom. I am coming to bed too, honey, I have an early one in the morning, I let her know as I am a bit of a night owl and often stay up late to read or watch a movie or documentary.

Angela gargles some water and spits it into the sink Oh I am not going to bed yet, just brushing my teeth – you know how red wine stains them, she says while smiling broadly at herself in the mirror and inspecting her pearly whites.

So what are you going to do then? I am the one who usually stays up late and Angela is like a cat when it comes to her sleep – any chance she can get.

I’m not tired so I think I will catch up with some of the emails from one of our prospective clients. I stand in surprise as it is usually me who has to crack the whip when it comes to our business. She is very motivated when it comes to our kids but when it comes to running a business she usually needs a push and it doesn't help that business has been slow, really slow.

We have a small real estate company, no staff, just ourselves. I do the sales and Angela handles all the administration. We have sold two houses all year, but we aren't the only ones. The market's saturated with properties and no one except the wealthy Russians are buying and they aren't buying from us. We live on the Costa del Sol in Spain, both of us cross breeds, Angela being half South African and half English and I'm half Irish and half American. We both prefer Europe to any other continent and so the sunshine draws us as far south as we can go on the mainland. We like the relaxed multicultural lifestyle and there are decent private schools for the kids. Even after being here for four years we are still only just getting by on my personal trainer income so the few houses that we sell are a bonus.

Climbing into bed, I start thinking about all my possible flings, the coffee shop waitress, a couple of my personal training clients, but especially Debbie, she is a sure bet, but do I really want to get involved with a woman who is already married...that could be dangerous. There are others who aren't and then there is the checkout girl at the local supermarket. I lie there fantasizing, deciding who I would approach first, who would be best in bed. There is no way I can sleep, my mind is on overdrive thinking about fucking these different women and how it could really be happening soon – and best of all it would be okay. No deceit, betrayal or wrongdoing. All agreed and above board. I may have to go jack off or there is no way I will sleep tonight.

Angela has never seen me jack off. She has never even asked me about it. She must know that all guys do it. I would never let her catch me at it. I think I will go to the bathroom, it’s the safest place and she can't walk in on me as I can lock the door. My cock is throbbing with the unabating erotic mind movies that I have been feeding it. Time to go and release. I get up to go to the bathroom, but with a quick glance at the time I see that two and a half hours have gone by since I lay down. Wow, I must have