Chasing Bad!: A serious conversation on why women make poor choices in men.

By Kelly Michaels

As the author, I do not believe in disingenuous jacket blurbs, insincere product descriptions, or overly intrusive and embellished biographical information. I believe that less information given in advance regarding the content of a book is beneficial to the reading experience. The reader can then make their own observations and conclusions based on the content.

In short, the book you’re holding is just a story about a man who has experienced a lot of life from coast to coast. I wanted to share those experiences to help women find their way, and navigate the treacherous waters of looking for a good man as safely, and responsibly as possible while making sure that your decision, is at least an informed one.

Sincerely,
Kelly Michaels
The Author

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: Nov 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662923234

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Let’s Get It Started

At some point in our 30’s, many single men began to get the same set of questions over and over again from a variety of people: Why aren’t you married?, Why don’t you have a girlfriend?, Are you waiting for Ms. Perfect to come along? When we do not appear to be on the track towards marriage, everyone becomes a psychologist, and the theories start to fly-ranging from You're being too picky, You have commitment issues, and, of course, the ultimate catch-all… Maybe he’s gay.

Men start to get labeled as creepy, weird, or it’s even assumed that he has sexual performance problems. If you’re a gossipy woman, there is a good chance that you have flung these labels around. When a man has some combination of decent looks, an education, financial resources, good credit, a clean criminal history, children numbering no more than one, and is the furthest thing from a jerk, then it really starts to put inquiring minds into overdrive.

A lot of the questioning and theories put forth typically come from individuals who got together with their significant other somewhere in their early-to-mid-20’s, if not sooner. These folks have a stylized idea of when people should be settling down with a partner and planning a family and future with someone. My own mother came with a similar line of questioning when I was at the ripe old age of about 31. Of course, she was puzzled by my own bachelor status because she married my father when she was 19, so clearly our way of thinking was just worlds apart.

The frustrating part about all of this is that nobody seems to give good, productive men the benefit of the doubt and assumes that it’s our fault as to why many of us find ourselves flying solo from our 30’s onward. Well, perhaps we yearn for financial stability before taking that big step. Some of us grew up poor and don’t want a repeat of what we experienced as children. Perhaps we see the red flags early and don’t ignore them. What is the alternative? Go on and commit to a crazy woman? Maybe some of us pay attention to the fact that divorce rates in the United States hover around 50%, and that’s just the 50% that has the courage to walk away.

Here’s a big one though: maybe men who are young and on the rise, men who have their lives in order, or close to it, are actually out there trying to court and settle down with a good woman. Contrary to popular opinion, most men aren’t just sitting around playing video games, racing dirt bikes, and waiting for that physically perfect 10 to fall into their laps. Most of us would just like to end up with a woman who is reasonably attractive, pleasant, knows how to laugh, will not destroy your finances, doesn’t have a drug problem, and will not be rocked by the sudden impulse to douse us with hot grits while angry (looking at you, Al Green). A woman that has even 3 out of those 6 points is solid! 6 out of 6 and she’s a unicorn!

However, there are often roadblocks. Roadblocks that don’t seem to get talked about enough, and that is the insane number of women who continually make some dubious, and rather destructive, choices when it comes to picking a significant other. Time and time again, they chase the bad batch of men out there. And to be clear, I am mainly focusing on women whose age is say, north of 24.

Up until that point, a lot of women will date the guy who they think is cute, somewhat nice, can treat them to a movie and a Slurpee, is a good kisser, but they don't look for much more beyond that. The years below age 25 should be used as a learning curve. However, once they cross into that quarter century mark, looks quite frankly need to drop a little further down the page in terms of a man’s credentials. Other qualities need to take more precedence when shopping around.

From the outside looking in, these choices often leave you throwing your hands up in the air and saying, Ladies, what the hell are you thinking? Why would you get involved with a man like that? And not only are they getting involved with these men, but in many cases, they stick around much longer than they should. They just refuse to parachute out of the situation due to a metaphorically-speaking fear of heights and landing violently on their behind.

This often results in unwanted pregnancies, mental stress, financial ruin, or even death. And if they are not chasing the bad, then they are always chasing those butterflies, that new guy who will be fun and exciting… until he’s not, and then it’s back to the drawing board. This is something I see happen over and over again. Repeatedly, I witness quality, decent women who seem to always get involved with men who are verbally or physically abusive, mental manipulators, bullshit artists, financially unstable beings, men with immigration issues, and men with extensive criminal backgrounds.

The funny thing, it actually doesn’t take much for a woman to build herself into a nice option to attract a quality man. The closer a woman can build herself up to a nice package of being reasonably fit, with a friendly demeanor, displaying a sense of humor, while not giving off masculine energy, the male suitors will typically start to appear one after another. Remember the famous quote in the movie Field of Dreams, If you build it, he will come. A lot of the currency a female earns that will increase her ability to date and attract men is based on her looks and personality.

For men, it’s a bit different, as we actually have the luxury of not having to be overly concerned with our physical appearance to attract the women we desire. I don’t know, maybe it’s just accepted that men don’t have the natural beauty that women possess, and many men will put little effort into improving their appearance. I read online forums where men talk about how they refuse to even use lotion.

The thing is, over the course of time, we realize making ourselves look good is just not that important. Men and women are typically attracted to different things. We realize the more we can build up our financial resources, our networks, and our standing in the community, the more attractive we become. To make my point, I will reference a Chris Rock joke:

Fellas, when you meet a new girl, what do your friends ask you, what she look like? Ladies, when you meet a new guy, what do your friends ask you, what-does-he-DO? Can this motherf-----r facilitate a dream or not?

Although it was a joke, it is very much based in reality. Very few men brag about how smart, educated or financially well-off their wife or girlfriend is because they know most other men really don’t care. In fact, when a man does bring it up, especially if he leads with that, other men will automatically assume she’s lacking in the looks department, or she’s really difficult to put up with. If you think about it, oftentimes, a woman will break things off with a man due to his immaturity or his lack of financial stability. A man will leave a situation most likely if the woman is just driving him crazy and he desires peace.

I went to a party once where my friend’s girlfriend openly bragged about how she made a couple hundred grand a year working in the