The Darker Side of Me

By Vanessa Brown

"The Darker Side of Me" is a captivating novel about a young African American girl and her experiences while attending a fictitious Historically Black College / University (HBCU). Throughout her journey to achieving a college degree, she faces both social and moral challenges. Unfortunately, she has a dark side and when triggered, she becomes evil, mean-spirited, vindictive, and cruel – oftentimes when she feels unloved and rejected. Throughout the story, she must learn how to forgive herself for her mistakes and develop a strong passionate self-love, which will fuel her future success.

Once the young girl is able to understand and control her dark side, she is able to see herself as the rest of the world sees her – a smart, strong, confident, and independent woman. Only then is she able to move forward and achieve her goal of becoming a college graduate and enjoy a successful career.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667814667

Vanessa Brown

Vanessa Brown has lived her entire life in London, Ontario, Canada. Her previous books include The Grand Old Lady: A History of Hotel London and London: 150 Cultural Moments, which was honoured by the Ontario Heritage Trust. She is married to Canadian poet Jason Dickson, and together they own Brown & Dickson Booksellers.

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Copyright © 2020 by Vanessa Brown

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the author to use or reproduce any part of this book.

ISBN (Print Edition): 978-1-66781-465-0

ISBN (eBook Edition): 978-1-66781-466-7

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my entire family, but especially to the memory of my grandmother and mother. You both were my rock and tower of strength. To the memory of my brothers, Lewis Edward Watts Sr. and Rickey Covington Sr., and sister, Dorothy Davison. To my father----you and I have a special bond and I love you so very much. To Sonya Cunningham Rodgers, the best partner in crime ever! To all the 1981 graduates of Alabama State University and the faculty of the College of Business that instilled in me the knowledge and confidence to enter the world of business. A very special thank you to Dean Percy J. Vaughn and to the memory of Mr. Arthur Barnett.

To the ASU Mighty Marching Hornets—you were and continue to be a source of great pride and joy for me. Whenever I see you perform, you become my window to the past, a past filled with fun, disappointments, and many accomplishments. I have extremely fond memories of you practicing in the Dust Bowl.

SPECIAL DEDICATION

Theresa Tweet Reid, you were the fastest-walking, fastest-talking, key-jiggling-est young lady on the ASU campus. Those keys drove me crazy. We had some wonderful times together, thanks for the memories. RIP, my friend.

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

CHAPTER V

CHAPTER VI

CHAPTER VII

CHAPTER VIII

CHAPTER IX

CHAPTER X

CHAPTER XI

CHAPTER XII

CHAPTER XIII

The Darker Side of Me

INTRODUCTION

Attending an institution of higher learning, especially a historically black college and university (HBCU), comes with some extreme academic pressures and challenges, but have you ever thought about the social and moral pressures we encountered as students? Most of us were first-generation college students feeling the pressure of wanting to make our families proud, along with discovering our own hopes and dreams for a future career. Leaving home was a scary thought and an even more terrifying step to make. For eighteen years we had lived in a protective bubble, our parents told us what to do, and our teachers instilled in us the knowledge to get to the next level of life. Suddenly the bubble burst, we were forced to step into a world of independence, a world of mystery, making decisions that would possibly affect the rest of our lives, and we didn’t even know where we fit in the scheme of things. However, we were experiencing social freedom for the first time in our lives and wanted to test the limits of that freedom. For us, every moment was an adventure in which to enjoy making unforgettable memories. We walked a mesmerizing campus as frighten freshmen longing to be accepted by everyone we met; we admired the superior and seemingly smart seniors who stayed out until all hours of the night, juggle three companions at the same time, and still had the ability to pass an accounting final. Our only thought at the time was, That will be me in a few years. Oh, those fun and crazy days of yesteryear!

The truth of the matter was, our first and main priority in such an environment was to equip ourselves with the knowledge to enter society as functioning and potentially successful professionals. But let’s be realistic----we always found time for fun and relaxation. Be it before or after classes, we found the time nonetheless. We enjoyed the football games, watching the band practice, going to step shows, the long walks around campus with whom we thought was the love of our life, and don’t forget the parties; there was always a party. The Darker Side of Me brings those days back to us. I’m not saying they were days of such terrible mistakes because, for some of us, they were the most rewarding days of our lives and definitely a learning experience. If we are honest with ourselves, all of us have been the naïve freshman, the hopeful sophomore, the know-it-all junior, and the sophisticated senior. All of us have looked in a mirror and asked ourselves: Who are you? Why did you do that? What were you thinking? This book brings back the good times as well as the bad, the confusion, the search for our identities, and days when our morals and values were put to the test. Trace through your memory, untangle the cobwebs, and answer this question. Was there a darker side of me?

CHAPTER I

Now that graduation was over, Cynthia Harris sat staring out the window, wondering what was lying ahead for her. Did she want to continue her education and go to college? Was there a possibility she would join a branch of the military, or would she get a minimum wage job and stay in Mobile, Alabama? Mobile was a true Southern city filled with oak trees lining the streets, beautiful azalea trails, and a civil rights history some wished they could erase. Fortunately, Cynthia’s grandmother and the history books reminded her, she was the recipient of the freedom received from the fierce and oftentimes deadly struggle of many. Her grandmother constantly pointed out that the struggle was far from over and it was up to her to make a difference. Being the bright and intelligent person she was, Cynthia knew there was no way of being a success with only a high school education, and spending the rest of her life in Mobile was not an option. Also, she knew the military wasn’t for her; she wouldn’t make it through basic training. So, there was only one alternative--college--but what would be her career choice? Throughout high school, she had been fascinated with the field of business; she liked the idea of being an independent woman and even more the idea of being the woman in charge. A few of her friends had told her she had control issues. Thankfully, she had been accepted by several universities, including State University, so it was time to decide.

The sound of the telephone brought Cynthia back to the present. She walked over to the table and picked up the receiver.

Hello.

Hi, Cynt!

Hi, Shirley! How does it feel to be a high school graduate?

Never mind that, Cynt. Guess what I did today.

Did you go on a shopping spree without me? Cynthia asked teasingly.

No, of course not, Cynt.

Then what in the world are you talking about?

Shirley laughed. You will never guess.

And I’ll never know if you continue to play this crazy guessing game, Cynthia snapped angrily.

Okay. Cynt, you are talking to a newly enlisted member of the United States Army.

There was a moment of silence. Cynthia couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Hello! Hello! Cynt, are you still there?

Cynthia hesitated. Yes, Shirley. I am still here.

So, what do you think?

Cynthia answered dryly, I don’t know what to think. I never thought of you as the army type.

Well, neither did I, but I always wanted to see the world. This way I will get paid for it.

I still don’t believe it, Shirley. When do you leave?

Shirley gladly answered. In five days. Cynt, I have a lot of packing to do, and I better get started. I wanted you to be the first to know.

Shirley, we will get together before you leave.

Sounds good. See you later, Cynt.

Good-bye, Shirley.

Cynthia hung up the phone and sat on the sofa. Still in a state of shock, she thought, Things are indeed changing. She never had any idea Shirley was considering the army as her future, and they had been together since the sixth grade. The thought of the trouble they got into brought a smile to her face. Cynthia remembered the weekends when they would go shopping. They would start early in the morning and go from store to store. By the end of the day, neither had anything to show for their efforts, but it was a lot of fun. She smiled. Then there were football games, victory parties, homecoming activities – whatever the occasion, they were sure to be there. If one of them had a problem, the other was always there to lend an ear or maybe a shoulder to cry on. It was strange to think what life was going to be like without her. It suddenly occurred to Cynthia that it was time for her to decide what she was going to do with the rest of her life, or at least the immediate future. Having thoughts of yesterday was nice, but it was time to live for today and prepare for tomorrow. Without giving it much more thought, Cynthia decided she was going to college.

The next day Cynthia had to decide which college or university she would attend. She hadn’t gone along with the other students to visit the campuses; therefore, her acceptance letters were all she had to rely on. She wanted to attend a school that would take her away from home but at the same time wasn’t too far away. Taking into consideration the recommendations made by Mrs. Roberts, the guidance counselor, Cynthia decided to attend State University. State University was a historically black university established in 1867, located in Montgomery, Alabama, the birthplace of the civil rights movement. Mrs. Roberts pointed out, State University had an excellent business department, a strong history of perseverance, and leadership in the community, and was an institution dedicated to the success of the entire student body. Cynthia liked the idea of graduating from a university where most of the faculty looked like her. That gave her a sense of great pride and served as a connection to her ancestral heritage. Besides, she had seen the marching band in action at a half-time show, and the performance was amazing.

Deciding about school proved exciting but exhausting, so Cynthia felt it was time to indulge in her favorite pastime – shopping. The bus terminal was about a block from her home; as the hot summer sun beamed down on her head, Cynthia thought about how it would feel to be on her own. She would finally have a chance to do what she wanted when she wanted. As she thought about all the changes about to take place in her life, Cynthia looked up and saw Shirley.

‘Shirley! she yelled. Where are you going?"

Hi Cynt! I received a call from my recruiter. He wants to review some paperwork with me.

Do you know how long you will be with him?

No, I don’t, but he told me it would not take long.

I tell you what, Shirley, if you finish early, meet me at one o’clock in the Golden Room and I will treat you to lunch.

Shirley laughed. "That is a great idea, Cynt. Do you think