Entering the Thriver Zone: A Seven-Step Guide to Thriving After Abuse

By Susan M Omilian

** A Mom's Choice Gold Award Winner **

No longer a victim, beyond a survivor, she is a "thriver" on the brink of a new life. She's a new breed of woman moving on after abuse and she wants her revenge. Living well is her best revenge. She is pushing through her fears to forge a new f

• Language: English
• Publisher: Butterfly Bliss Productions LLC
• Release date: Jan 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9780984250936

Susan M Omilian

Twenty years after the event that changed her life, Lisette is still haunted by the memory of Lacey Lockhart, the college student shot and killed in 1999 by her ex-boyfriend. As Lisette moves forward to take on new relationships and responsibilities, she looks for role models to navigate the promising world she now inhabits. But will Lisette's journey to find her purpose in life be deeper and harder than she thought? Will she have the courage to be the hero of her own story? Once again challenged to show her grit and resilience, Lisette continues her quest to find a place where she truly belongs and can thrive, not knowing what might happen next with an approaching worldwide pandemic. ADDED: Thrive completes the story of this trilogy, inspired by a true event over two decades, providing a rare glimpse into how families, friends, and institutions cope long-term with the traumatic, painful consequences of a dating violence homicide.

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PRAISE FOR SUSAN OMILIAN’S WORK IN THE THRIVER ZONE

This book offers faith, courage and dignity to women who have survived the destructive and selfish actions of abusive men. Susan’s message is ‘Don’t settle for anything less than a life that is better than ever.’ She knows that women can do it and by the time a woman has worked her way through this excellent guidebook for healing, she will believe it, too.

— LUNDY BANCROFT, AUTHOR, WHY DOES HE DO THAT?: INSIDE THE MINDS OF ANGRY AND CONTROLLING MEN AND DAILY WISDOM FOR WHY DOES HE DO THAT?

Susan’s book will touch a responsive chord in women who have been abused and those who advocate for them. Susan’s creativity, her inspirational workshops and her own personal journey make this book a ‘must read’ for anyone interested in the empowerment of women.

— ALYCE LAVIOLETTE, MS, MFT, AUTHOR, IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE: WHY BATTERED WOMEN STAY

Susan begins with a rare insight – that what makes a battered woman is not what the abuser has done to her but what he has kept her from doing for herself – and then takes her readers on a jubilant journey of self-realization. On the way, Susan helps them remake their world and get back in touch with their power and possibility.

— EVAN STARK PHD, MSW, PROFESSOR, SCHOOL OF PUBLIC AFFAIRS AND ADMINISTRATION, RUTGERS UNIVERSITY-NEWARK AND AUTHOR OF COERCIVE CONTROL: HOW MEN ENTRAP WOMEN IN PERSONAL LIFE

As a social worker and therapist who works with women with depression and trauma histories that frequently include domestic violence, I have found Susan’s work to be an invaluable resource. I especially like the exercises Susan has developed that bolsters the hopes and dreams of my clients and help them realize that they can succeed if they know what they value and care about. This book gives them great hope for the future and connects them with Susan and her story in a very personal way.

— KATHY G. NOVAK, MSW, LCSW

Susan is a talented, gifted and committed healer with a heartfelt message that enables those who have suffered to dare to hope again. Her book is not only timely, but timeless as well.

— ANITA SWANSON, RN, AUTHOR, SLOW HOPE, THE LONG JOURNEY HOME

Susan has transformed the lives of countless survivors of abuse with her compassionate, effective work.

— KATHRYN TULL, MA, LMFT, AUTHOR, NEXT BOLD STEP: LEARNING TO LOVE AND VALUE YOURSELF, AND KNOW THAT YOU MATTER!

Susan is incredibly driven and motivated to make a positive change in the lives of women. Inspired and fueled by the murder of her niece, Susan has taken an experience which for many leads to anger, resentment, and frustration and has instead converted that energy into creating something for the greater good. She believes every woman, especially those who have been victimized, deserve the chance for a new start and to live a life which is filled with success, abundance, and happiness.

— HEATHER FREEMAN, FOUNDER OF THE GUTSY GIRL CLUB

I will definitely put the exercises in Susan’s book to work with my clients and support groups, and refer them to your amazing workshops. Susan’s training about her work and materials was one of the best I have ever attended!

— CAMPUS ADVOCATE, SEXUAL ASSAULT CRISIS COUNSELOR

With Susan’s help, I have transcended and transformed from merely surviving this life into the higher realms of THRIVING! I have retrieved parts of my soul that have been missing for a long time. These pieces of my soul are so happy to be reunited with the rest of me that they want to come out and play and share the joy of being whole and complete.

— ADRIENNE, A WORKSHOP PARTICIPANT

Susan has a magic and that magic is highly contagious to those who spend even a little bit of time in her presence. That magic comes from removing the tragedy and abuse out of our future life equation. Susan gives us her support, never-ending encouragement, and her true self. Every exercise supports this experience, one is not better than the next, they build upon each other. We allow ourselves to thrive and this powerful gift ends the bondage of surviving.

— LORA, A WORKSHOP PARTICIPANT

The material Susan has developed allowed me to address the fears and self-doubt that I had carried around with me for 30 plus years. The writing exercises helped me to articulate and own my feelings and learn techniques to quiet my Inner Critic. Both of these exercises enabled me to move forward with my life in a safe and supportive environment that Susan provide. Now I am thriving along with a whole community of women who Susan has helped!

— TRISH, A CAREER COACH AND JOB SEARCH PROFESSIONAL

Entering the Thriver Zone: A Seven-Step Guide to Thriving After Abuse

Copyright © 2016 by Susan M. Omilian

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system — except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine, newspaper or on the Web — without permission in writing from the publisher. This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchase. For information, contact the publisher.

Butterfly Bliss Productions LLC

P.O. Box 330482, West Hartford, CT 06133

ButterflyBlissProductions.com

ThriverZone.com

SusanOmilian.com

ISBN # 978-0-9842509-2-9 printed book

ISBN # 978-0-9842509-3-6 e-book

Worksheets referenced in the text can be downloaded at Resources on ThriverZone.com.

Author photo by Cynthia Lang Photography

Maggie’s photo by Joe Sherman | PhotographicArtistry.net

Front cover & interior design by Donna Gentile Creative | DonnaGentileCreative.com

Back cover & spine design by Another Jones Graphics | AnotherJones.com

A portion of the proceeds of this book will be donated to services for women and children who have experienced abuse and violence.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Omilian, Susan M.

Title: Entering the Thriver Zone : a seven-step guide to thriving after abuse/ Susan M. Omilian JD. Description: West Hartford, CT : Butterfly Bliss Productions LLC, [2016] | Series: [The Thriver Zone series] ; [book 1] | Reclaiming the lives of women who have been abused. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: ISBN 978-0-9842509-2-9 (print) | ISBN 978-0-9842509-3-6 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Abused women--Psychology. | Happiness. | Self-realization in women. | Goal (Psychology)

Classification: LCC HV6626 .O45 2016 (print) | HV6626 (ebook) | DDC 362.8292--dc23

Printed in the United States of America

DEDICATION

Dedicated to my niece Maggie (1980 – 1999)

As Maggie’s amazing life and tragic death have inspired me,

I hope that this book will inspire other women

to become the person they have always wanted to be.

Maggie would have been outraged by the way she died.

I call upon her every day to help me put down my mantle of grief,

dream my wildest dreams and not let my fears hold me back.

For me, this is Maggie’s legacy!

~ Susan M. Omilian ~

Living well is the best revenge!

— GEORGE HERBERT

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

For all the women, survivors of abuse, who have worked with me over the last fifteen or more years, I admire your courage, persistence and refusal to let what has happened to you define who you are. A special thank you to those who agreed to appear in this book, particularly those who shared their thriver success stories — Susy, Donna, Betsy, Sophia and Vanessa as well as Pat, Dot, Cecile, Brenda, Samantha and Cynthia.

I want to thank my brother Rick and sister-in-law Martha, who as Maggie’s stepfather and mother, have been fellow travelers with me on this amazing journey. I also want to thank my brother Frank and sister-in-law Cathie, my sister Elaine and brother-in-law Wally, and my niece Lindsey and her husband Matt, for all their support. I wish Mom and Dad could be here to share this moment, but I have my extended family — my wonderful aunts, uncles and cousins — who are all very special to me. Thanks for supporting me with your love as well as your great generosity of heart.

Thanks to Donna Gentile, amazing book designer and graphic artist, Claudia Volkman for her keen eye in proofreading this book and Sharon Castlen for her support, guidance and remarkable vision in marketing this book.

Most of all, thanks to all who have let me share your journey as you have shared mine to discovering the life we were destined to live and the work that we were born to do.

There is no greater gift!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

An attorney, author and motivational speaker, Susan Omilian has worked extensively as an advocate to end violence against women for the past forty years. In the 1970s, she founded a rape crisis center and represented battered women in divorce proceedings in the early 1980s. She also litigated sex discrimination cases including helping to articulate the legal concept that made sexual harassment illegal in the 1990s.

She is a published author of several books on sex discrimination law as well as articles for newspapers and journals including The Voice: The Journal of the Battered Women’s Movement published by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). Susan holds a law degree from Wayne State University in Detroit and a bachelor of arts degree in journalism from the University of Michigan. She is licensed to practice law in both Connecticut and Michigan.

With the death of her nineteen-year-old niece Maggie who was shot and killed in October, 1999 by her ex-boyfriend, Susan’s work on behalf of women became more personal and immediate. She vowed to help other women move on after abuse and create a new life for themselves and their children as Maggie could not.

SUSAN’S PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT

I am a woman of power whose mission in life is to be a catalyst for change for victims of violence against women. Today I celebrate my life by building a community of strong, independent, productive women who have survived abuse and are thriving in well-being, love and joy.

ABOUT THE SPEAKER

Susan Omilian is an experienced, inspirational speaker with a dramatic story and a unique motivational model to share. She has helped hundreds of women reclaim their lives after abuse and take the journey from victim to survivor to thriver!

As the award-winning originator and facilitator since 2001 of My Avenging Angel Workshops™ based on the idea that living well is the best revenge, Susan has developed a seven-step process to thriving after abuse. It has been described as life-changing and as a component for women recovering from abuse that has been virtually overlooked. Susan delivers her message of hope and possibility for women with passion and enthusiasm fueled by her own personal tragedy — her niece Maggie’s violent death. It is her firm belief that women who take the journey to thriving are less likely to return to an abusive relationship or suffer the long-term physical and psychological consequences of the abuse they have experienced.

Susan is a recognized, articulate national expert on the process of recovery after violence and abuse. She has been invited to speak throughout the country by victim rights organizations such as National Organization of Victim Assistance (NOVA), before service providers and clinicians as well as to students and faculty on college campuses. She has also been a keynote speaker at domestic violence and sexual assault awareness events as well as a featured presenter at national meetings and international conferences sponsored by the Institute on Violence, Abuse and Trauma (IVAT).

With simple, invigorating writing exercises and inspirational success stories, Susan’s book, Entering the Thriver Zone: A Seven-Step Guide to Thriving After Abuse sets forth the motivational guidance she has successfully used with women over the last fifteen years. Susan envisions that millions of women who have faced violence and abuse as well as their families, friends, counselors, therapists and health care providers, will find her book an invaluable guide to taking the life-changing journey from victim to survivor to thriver!

For more information about Susan’s transformational work or to arrange for her to speak, please visit ThriverZone.com.

CONTENTS

About the Author

About the Speaker

Note from the Author — Maggie’s Story and a New Beginning

How to Use This Book

Getting Started

STEP 1 — See Your Journey

THE EXERCISE: Feeling the Right Brain

THE EXERCISE: Honoring Our Stories (Fairy Tales)

STEP 2 — Quiet the Inner Critic

THE EXERCISE: Facing the Inner Critic

STEP 3 — Connect with the Happy Person Inside You

THE EXERCISE: Writing A Happy Person Letter

STEP 4 — Get Positive Energy

THE EXERCISE: Choosing What’s Important to You

THE EXERCISE: Getting Unstuck

THE EXERCISE: Getting to Gratitude

THE EXERCISE: Celebrating What Makes You Happy

STEP 5 — Vision a New Life

THE EXERCISE: Seeing the Future

STEP 6 — Overcome Fears

THE EXERCISE: Pushing Through Our Fears — If I Had No Fear

THE EXERCISE: Finding a Positive Pattern — Peak Experience

STEP 7 — Set New Goals

THE EXERCISE: Setting New Goals from Top Down

Profile of a Thriver

Meet the Thrivers!

Resources

Grieve not

nor speak of me with tears, but laugh

and talk of me

as though I were beside you.

I loved you so.

`Twas Heaven here with you.

— ISLA PASCHAL RICHARDSON AND THE EPITAPH ON MAGGIE’S GRAVE

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR — MAGGIE’S STORY AND A NEW BEGINNING

In the early morning hours of October 18, 1999, I got a phone call from my sister.

It’s Maggie, she said, her voice trembling. She’s been shot. She’s dead.

I couldn’t believe it. Maggie, my brother’s nineteen-year-old stepdaughter, had been murdered at school by her ex-boyfriend who then killed himself. It was another senseless act of violence but this time, Maggie — our Maggie — was dead.

For years, I had worked as an attorney advocating for women’s rights, but Maggie’s death made working to end violence against women more personal and immediate for me. If this could happen to my family and to Maggie, it could happen to