Josh of the Damned

By Andrea Speed

Josh is a typical late-night convenience store clerk,
except for the fact the Quik-Mart where he works has
a hell vortex behind the store. Amidst all the usual
customers, he deals with zombie, demons, and other
terrifying creatures of the night—who still manage to
be more polite than the stoners.
The unusual clientele is a welcome break to his
otherwise monotonous job, especially when it bring a
hottie with a sweet tooth across his path. And while it's
also a job that could very well get him killed, Josh is
willing to take that risk.

* This is an omnibus collection for all of the Josh of the Damned stories, including a couple never before published!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andrea Speed
• Release date: Aug 2, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393122012

Book preview

JOSH OF THE

DAMNED

ANDREA SPEED

Josh is a typical late-night convenience store clerk, except for the fact the Quik-Mart where he works has a hell vortex behind the store. Amidst all the usual customers, he deals with zombie, demons, and other terrifying creatures of the night—who still manage to be more polite than the stoners.

The unusual clientele is a welcome break to his otherwise monotonous job, especially when it bring a hottie with a sweet tooth across his path. And while it's also a job that could very well get him killed, Josh is willing to take that risk.

Josh of the Damned

By Andrea Speed

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission of the publisher, except for the purpose of reviews.

Edited by Samantha M. Derr

Cover designed by Lex Chase

This book is a work of fiction and all names, characters, places, and incidents are fictional or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, places, or events is coincidental.

Second edition July 2019

First edition published by Riptide Publishing

Copyright © 2019 by Andrea Speed

Printed in the United States of America

PRETTY MONSTERS

The first time the hell vortex opened in the Quick-Mart parking lot, Josh very seriously considered quitting his job. But all that came out of it was a lizard guy, and all it did was amble inside, buy a bag of chips, and leave. All the monsters, while ugly, seemed nicer than his late-night human customers, and Mr. Kwon offered him hazard pay, so he stayed on.

Besides, it wasn't all bad on the night shift. For instance, right now he was looking forward to the return of Hot Guy.

Of course it was a super-hot night, still eighty degrees around midnight, and the air conditioner had to pick now to die. Josh peeled off his polyester work smock and put his nametag on his t-shirt, hoping Mr. Kwon wouldn't suddenly show up and demand he put it back on. It breathed like a trash bag.

His latest customer was an obviously stoned guy buying a wheelbarrow full of snacks. Not only were his eyes glassy and red, but he reeked of pot smoke, making Josh wonder if he'd spilled the bong water. Pot Guy left and someone else came in. Josh leaned over the checkout counter, hopeful, but it wasn't Hot Guy, just a lizard guy.

Guy in a generic, gender free sense of the word, of course, because Josh had no idea how to tell if they were male or female. Maybe they didn't even have genders. He didn't know how to ask without being a rude bastard, and there was a chance he wouldn't understand the answer anyway.

The lizard guys were all tall, and this one was no exception, at least six foot five and so broad across the shoulders it could barely fit in the aisle. They had all your basic equipment—two arms, two legs, a recognizable face—but their mouths were huge, they had no nose, and their scaled skin ranged in color from moss green to primer gray. This one was a kind of greenish-gray, like his roommate that time he got food poisoning.

Like all lizard guys, this one had a weird gait because its feet were huge, with six long toes that almost looked like fingers…which was extra weird because their hands were always small and had just four stubby fingers. They looked like they'd been put together by a five year old with a bad sense of proportion.

They also made such a racket you could hear them all the way from the back room. It reminded him of his first Craigslist roommate, Barry, who couldn't do anything, even open the damn curtains, without making several decibels of needless noise. For the brief time they'd shared a place, Josh had been convinced Barry was hiding a megaphone to fart into just for effect.

Thwak-thwak-thwak echoed in the shop as Lizard Guy waddle-stomped down the aisle, making a beeline for the Fritos display. It grabbed two bags and turned back, waddle-stomping to the register.

Josh tried on a friendly smile, but he still hadn't figured out how to read the expressions on lizard-guy faces. They were subtle to the point of invisible, and the fact that they had had no teeth made it extra hard to gauge whether they were smiling or snarling.

Lizard Guy put the chips on the counter, and Josh dutifully rang them up. Hot enough for you? he asked, just making conversation.

Lizard Guy nodded its head from side to side, then made a gargling noise as it laid a fistful of ones on the counter. As far as Josh could figure out, it had gargled, I'd like it hotter. Were the lizard guys cold blooded?

He attempted to give it change back, but it waved it away with its stubby hand, gathered up the chips, and waddle-stomped toward the door. The monsters didn't seem to like change; none of them ever took it. Were they tipping him? Maybe they couldn't have metal in their dimension. Was there some kind of reverse tooth fairy that took all their coins? Come to think of it, where were they getting human money?

Lizard Guy wandered off, and Josh was left all alone in the sweltering store with just the hums and clunks of the freezers to keep him company. He fiddled with the sound system until he managed to put on a radio station, and let his mind wander back to Hot Guy.

Josh didn't know Hot Guy's name or story, only that he seemed sober and had a sweet tooth. Also that he was, well, hot. Tall and lean, with a sculpted body hidden beneath casually sexy clothes that made him that much hotter. Light brown hair that was kind of shaggy and occasionally showed blond streaks beneath the unforgiving lights. Dark, deep set eyes that were always just a little bit sleepy, but not in an I just woke up sort of way. No, they were sleepy in a satisfied, post-coital sort of way, and combined with his rugged jaw and sly red lips, Josh found it hard not to jump over the counter and screw his brains out right there.

But of course he didn't. He'd just ring up Hot Guy's peanut butter cups with significant eye contact and a friendly smile. Hot Guy always returned the look and the smile, but never said anything except, Thanks.

And speaking of Hot Guy, here he was coming through the front door now, wearing casually hot clothes and looking post-sex edible. This time he bought a Snickers and a pack of Ho-Hos. More eye contact, enough to see they were kind of a honeyed brown, like some spiced foreign tea.

Josh was tempted to say something this time, except Mr. Kwon picked this moment to show up, and Josh had no idea if there was a flirting-at-work policy. So he just pretended to be super friendly, but not inappropriately so. Hot Guy smirked at him in a way that made his eyes sparkle like diamonds, but Josh wasn't sure if he was flirting back at him, or just amused by his sudden demureness in front of the boss. He quietly vowed that if Hot Guy came back again, he'd make his move.

Hot Guy did come back again—later that night, in fact—now wearing old jeans that barely clung to his hips and a royal blue tank top tight enough to show off his flat stomach and great pecs. Josh wanted to tackle him in the candy aisle, but he probably wouldn't appreciate it.

Hot Guy looked up at the ceiling and pointed as he turned toward Josh. The Clash?

Yeah. Josh really hoped he sounded casual and not at all like he was about to suffer a heart attack. The thought of Hot Guy giving him CPR nearly made him, well, need CPR. Or at least a jump.

Hot Guy chuckled in an absurdly hot manner. That brings back memories. Then he picked up a Hershey bar, and it must have been slightly melted, as he made a face and put it back. AC out?

Yeah, died tonight. Okay, here was an opening to make a move. I don't suppose you're a repairman, huh?

Hot Guy chuckled again and shook his head. No, 'fraid not.

Too bad. Josh stood there behind the counter, feeling like an asshole. What to do next? Just suddenly blurting out "Please fuck me" probably wouldn't work at all. Well, the guy had a sweet tooth, right? Work that angle. Hey, uh, we just got in some of these new dark chocolate caramel things. Have you tried those yet?

Hot Guy looked at him curiously. No, I don't think so.

Josh left his position at the counter and walked down the candy aisle, heart beating in his throat. He hoped Hot Guy didn't notice it, because it really felt noticeable. Yeah, they're Canadian or something. They're really good. Josh found the box on the shelf and took one of the candy bars out. It felt a little soft beneath the wrapper, but hopefully Hot Guy wouldn't notice.

This close, Hot Guy was even hotter, which seemed grossly unfair. He also smelled faintly of something intriguing, like sandalwood or old parchment.

Hot Guy looked at his name tag and gave him a sexy half smile. You're new here, aren't you Josh?

Um, yeah, just started two weeks ago.

Cool. I'm Colin.

Hey. Again, the urge to ask if he wanted to fuck him almost overwhelmed Josh. Instead, he gave himself busywork: he put the candy bar back, and pretended to straighten up boxes that weren't at all misaligned. So, uh, you work the night shift, huh?

Yep. I love it. I was kinda always a night owl, you know?

Josh nodded, feeling like an idiot. His big move was to push a candy bar? God, he was such a feeb! No wonder he never got laid.

Um, yeah, me too. He realized belatedly he was still nodding, and stopped.

Colin was still looking at him, his toasted honey eyes almost sparkling with mirth. He suddenly touched Josh's forehead, wiping away sweat. You're boiling, aren't you?

Uh, yeah, Josh agreed, wondering if his hard-on was visible in these pants. He would've checked, but that would just draw attention to it. Instead, he walked back to the cold case, wondering if he could wedge himself into the freezer beside the block ice. If I knew it was gonna be this bad tonight, I'd have worn shorts.

I know how to cool you off, Colin said.

No, no you don't. Heat me up? Yes. But cool me off? Never.

Josh opened the freezer door and stood in the cool breeze, and Colin came up and joined him, shoulder pressing to Josh's as he reached inside and opened a bag of crushed ice. Go ahead and charge me for it, Colin said, selecting a single ice cube.

What was he planning to do with that? Josh's mind went to some very weird places, heart fluttering in excitement and fear. This was kind of insane, wasn't it? But this close, he could faintly smell Hot Guy's shampoo, see the slight shadow of stubble along his jaw, and the urge to lick it was almost overwhelming. Looked like sense wasn't going to win tonight.

Colin pressed the ice cube to the back of Josh's neck and a convulsive shudder shot through his body, the cold traveling down his spine and prickling his skin with goosebumps.

See? Colin asked.

Yeah, Josh murmured, wondering how he could be cold and hard at the same time. Somehow he was managing. He forced himself to step back and close the freezer door as drops of cold water began to drip down his spine.

Colin was still looking at him, smiling and chuckling a little under his breath. Too cold?

No, just…a little messy, he said. He barely managed even that much; something about Colin just struck him dumb.

The way Colin's eyes seemed to stare right through him, his lips curving up in a wolfish grin, made Josh think Colin had figured that out. You know, I think you're cute too, Colin said.

Josh was pretty sure he hadn't heard that. He was just hoping he'd heard that, right? There was no way Colin had actually said that. He stared at Colin, who popped the ice cube in his mouth, grinning like this was the world's best joke. Except obviously it wasn't, because he grabbed Josh's face and pulled him in for a kiss, his lips slick and cold, the ice cube making his tongue a frigid, odd thing in his mouth.

Once Josh got over his initial shock and realized this was happening, he settled into the kiss, slipping his arms around Colin's deliciously firm body. Colin pushed him against the freezer door, leaning into him, letting him feel how hard he was as he slid his hands underneath Josh's shirt. Josh wondered briefly if he'd just fallen asleep waiting for Hot Guy and was currently dreaming this, slumped at the counter while the drunken regulars shoplifted smokes.

But he'd never had a dream so vivid, and he could feel the dregs of the ice cube melting on his tongue, dripping down the back of his throat. This was real and this was happening.

Colin rucked Josh's t-shirt up to his armpits, and the glass of the freezer door stuck to his back. Why don't you show me the storeroom? Colin suggested, licking his lips.

Before Josh could say Yes please, the brass bell above the door jingled. Colin quickly jumped back as Josh pulled down his shirt and cleared his throat, wondering if he could even walk. If it was Mr. Kwon again, he was so screwed—and not in a good way.

Thankfully, it was just a zombie. A pretty degraded one, actually, with a few remnants of a shirt clinging to its rotted frame and clumps of hair springing from its torn scalp like crabgrass. It was also missing its right foot, which ended in a bony stub that it dragged it across the floor, leaving a muddy trail on the tile. Hey, no shoes, no service, Josh said reflexively. Next time, put a sock over your stump.

It moaned. That was pretty much a yes. It was also possibly a no, a maybe, and a fuck you—zombies only moaned.

Colin raised an eyebrow at him. Want me to run him out of here?

He shook his head. Zombies are no trouble. They always buy frozen burritos and leave. He gasped. Holy shit, does that mean the beef in frozen burritos is mostly brains?

Colin gave him an uncertain look. Ugh. I dunno, but I'm glad I don't eat them.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna give those up.

Josh pulled reluctantly away from Colin and went to the counter. Colin followed, grabbing a couple candy bars on the way. As the zombie slowly dragged his leg to the freezer section, Josh got behind the counter and rang Colin up. Colin gave him some dollar bills, deliberately brushing Josh's hand. His skin was cool and dry and sent a thrill through Josh's body.

Should I hang around, Colin asked, or do you get a break? I could come back then.

Josh considered that for approximately half a second. I'm not ever supposed to close. But if a zombie made a mess by the doors that I just had to clean up, I could probably shut down for ten minutes, especially around four. It's pretty dead at four. No pun intended.

Four it is, Colin said, a sparkle in his eyes. And make it at least twenty minutes. He scooped up his candy bars and shoved them in the pocket of his jeans before looking around the store, his eyes landing on the zombie. It was at the freezer door, staring at the frozen burritos as if hypnotized by their colorful wrappers. Colin turned back and took Josh's hand in his, giving it a curiously old-fashioned kiss on the knuckle. 'Til then, my sweet. His eyes flashed gold…or seemed to, anyway. Had they really changed color, or just somehow reflected headlights from the parking lot?

Colin smiled at him and said, Don't worry, I don't bite on the first date. He winked and smiled wider, flashing…fangs? Gleaming white and somehow too big for his mouth. Then they retracted, and before Josh could say a thing, Colin left, still smiling, as the zombie began its slow, shuffling drag up the aisle.

There were pretty monsters? Why hadn't anyone told him there were pretty monsters?

That settled it. He was going to love working here.

PEEK-A-BOO

Josh's first impulse was to scream, but he bit his bottom lip instead. It seemed like a slightly less girly response to the bloody animal corpse on the counter. Um…yeah. He pointed up at the sign above the cash register while looking up at the seven-foot-tall monster in front of his check stand. It was covered head to foot in shaggy white hair, with two dark holes for eyes peering out from the fur, and a black-lipped mouth full of jagged ivory fangs. It was oddly adorable and oddly frightening at the same time, though it smelled like a wet yak that had been frolicking in a pool of Axe.

The sign on the wall behind him read American dollars only. It said it in English, Spanish, what might have been Chinese, and several languages that looked like graffiti, a child's scribbling, and precisely-thrown monkey poo. In fact, Josh was fairly certain Mr. Kwon had put up that sign solely to fuck with him. But now that Albino Bigfoot had slapped a dead skunk on the counter, he didn't know what to think.

Josh shook his

Reviews for Josh of the Damned

[Teodora Georgieva · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Funny and fresh. Plenty to like. The author has a flair!