IT Is What YOU Say IT Is: YOU Determine Your Worth!

By Kat Nicholson

This personal growth book will help you build, or re-build, your self-esteem while giving you practical ways to expend more of your energy on you! It is a timely reminder that you have choices and with the right attitude you can have a life that is worth celebrating.

Through heartfelt life examples, Kat shares why it's important to operate from within yourself. She expounds on why true happiness is only attained by making, and keeping, yourself a priority. Read why you don't have to struggle in relationships and can have all that you desire in life.
Throughout this guide, Kat explains why she believes that everything happens for a reason and how the end result will serve your best interests. Still, it is your responsibility to manifest the great things in your life. Afterall, it is your story –tell it how you want. Kat shares with you how she uses opportunities and obstacles in life to her benefit and how you can too. By the end of this book, your confidence will have you believing and saying, "It Is What I Say It Is."
As you do the work to reclaim you, join Kat at www.infinitelyclear.com where she shares inspirational reminders in complement to this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kat Nicholson
• Release date: Feb 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9780578315102

Kat Nicholson

Katsumi Nicholson is a native Californian who loves music and sunshine. She enjoys traveling and writing. As a child, Kat always expected great things from life and although there have been many struggles over the years, she’s held tight to her beliefs. She credits her success to her self-worth which is powered by happiness and peace from within.Nicholson has always had a passion to help other women build and maintain healthy relationships with the people in their lives but most importantly – with themselves. Through the experiences and nuggets of inspiration shared in her debut book “It Is What You Say It Is,” Kat hopes to connect with, and become a mentor to, women who are on a journey of self-empowerment.

Book preview

I can't believe in 2020, women are still being called bitches, abused, victimized, and sticking around through it! The world is fighting the Corona Virus but many women are fighting for survival in more ways than one. It isn't natural to be disrespected, not by another person nor yourself. The brainwash that we have accepted for generations is even more unnatural. We are in need of mental, physical, and spiritual awakening.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of the time, we women allow others to determine our value. When we do that, they devalue us and we do not call out the lies. Poor self-worth impacts not only our relationships, but the quality of our lives too. It leaves us in a state of devastation; especially when relationships end and our mind-set doesn't change. That’s the time when you have to make up your mind to level-up!

Not only do men and women have different communication skills because of the whole right brain-left brain thinking, many men were not taught, and don't know, how to properly treat women. On the other hand, many women were not raised to have confidence, to know their worth, and that they should always expect to be treated well.

It is always gut-wrenching to see kind, beautiful, intelligent women who are very self-conscious about themselves and their relationships. I think it is the lack, or quality, of information being passed down or shared from one woman to the next. Oddly, sometimes, we need to be given permission to BE and sit in our own confidence.

I do not believe that perfect people exist. I'm sure that flawed people do. Those of us who have taken the time to walk through our own wounded psyche, learned valuable lessons about life and reforged ourselves so we were able to come out stronger on the other side which may appear to others as perfection.

Men do not think the way we think. They do not love the way we love. Women must protect their hearts. If you give the wrong way, or give too much too soon, as opposed to finding a balance it can be seen as desperate and go unappreciated. Ever heard the saying, promise less, deliver more? People will take your loving ways for weakness, naivete, or stupidity if you're not careful how you present yourself. Let's not be stupid!

My husband once said to me, Either you really love me or you're a great actress! It takes some men time to receive pure love for what it truly is. If I made myself a plate or a drink, it was natural for me to make my husband a plate or bring him a drink too. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve literally fed him with a spoon. But I also provide much more than that. I like physical contact so I might just sit in his lap for a few minutes while he’s working or kiss him on the cheek and continue on with what I was doing. I also love to take the time to give him my full attention and let him know that I enjoy his conversation and how he makes me laugh. I get pleasure from seeing him happy or satisfied. I think a lot of women feel this way. I turn on slow jams and light candles in the middle of the day just because that’s what I like and he then feels that energy. Sometimes it’s just little things to let him know that he’s also on your mind, but without any pressure. Maybe leave him a cute handwritten note somewhere where he’ll find it. And believe it or not a selfie can go a long way! I uplift my husband and have always told him how I think he’s a genius. I’ve even told him that he’s like a god in my eyes.

Still, our happiness has to come first. We can't give what we don't have. That is why the man that you choose to invest your time in has to fit what you’re looking for in a man besides just the physical. I understand how it can be difficult to focus on making love or satisfying a man when you have financial concerns floating around in the back of your head or are stressed out from life, wondering how you’re going to pay the bills or put food on the table. So, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a man that is happy to provide for you.

I know most women want to give unconditional love. I eventually realized that my love does have conditions. I know that I did a damn good job when I chose to juggle a bunch of balls. One of the ways that I showed love was to make sure that our home was in order: kids taken care of, bills paid, doctor appointments booked, etc., etc.

Over time, I found it hard trying to be everything to everybody. You can only do that for so long before it takes a toll. It became draining and, ultimately, our family began to suffer. I, as a wife and mother, was overextending myself in the name of love and it wasn't healthy. I actually built up some resentment towards my family because I wanted everything decent and in order; the way I saw it in my head. I was trying to make life that way for my whole family. Some ways I showed love was: I braided both my daughters' hair and cut my sons’ and husband’s hair. I made sure that everyone had on nice clean clothes and were ready to leave the house before I got myself together. Then, they would either rush me or complain that I was always late. Well, of course! I had to get 5 people ready, regularly!

After many years of doing that, it became easier for me just to choose to stay home or not take the kids. So, sometimes we made it to the event and sometimes we didn't. Then the kids got a little more independent and I retired from the hairstylist duties. I also found another solution - get myself ready first. It was the same thing with housekeeping and cooking. My family loves a clean house, but no one was rushing to clean it. After a while, I found that I needed to put more energy and focus on me first and then my family. That way I felt just as important as everyone else. You're no good to anyone and you are not going to be totally happy if you’re tired and continually place others’ needs before your own. If the person that you’re with loves you, they would want you to be happy and to be your best you.

I had to seek counseling because I would come home from work and get frustrated that my husband and kids were playing video games while backpacks, shoes, and jackets were left at the front door and no homework was done. I would fuss about the mess and the games, make them start their homework, pick up the house, start dinner, and a few hours later, get them to bed. Then it was rinse and repeat the next day. It became a routine. I wanted order but my family saw me as an unhappy stick in the mud.

My counselor gave me a no work at home assignment. She said if you see something out of order leave it; do nothing for a week. It worked! I became a little more relaxed and began to delegate more. Initially, my husband understood and got onboard, telling me to just sit down a minute. How do you know that you're important to someone? He’ll want you to take the time to care for, re-energize, and replenish yourself. There’s been a few times when my husband saw me stressed out and he'd say "Let’s