Sex as It Should Be

By Renée la Racineuse and Lucien Romano

IT’S A MIND FIELD

Sexual pleasure is essential for human wellbeing. If you believe otherwise, check the news for how far people will go to get some. And that’s the problem. Too few of us are getting as much as we need, or for those fortunate to be in a relationship with sufficient sex, not enough of the good stuff.

The problem is threefold: inhibition, intimacy and psychology. We’re too often ashamed of our own needs and aren’t able to talk honestly about them, especially not (weirdly) with our own partners, the very people we rely on to fulfil our desires. We hope this book will help you to become more open about these things, and then enjoy the kind of love life we all deserve.

As for psychology, the authors realized a while ago that good sex is more mental than physical. Get your minds in the right place and you’ll be amazed how much more you'll satisfy each other.

Interested? Check out the sample download.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Renée la Racineuse
• Release date: Feb 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005608453

Renée la Racineuse

RENÉE LA RACINEUSE has been fascinated by sex since her first teenage experiences, puzzled by how little many people appear to know about doing it properly, and how easily their enjoyment could be improved, especially women.SEX AS IT SHOULD BE is the result, covering in detail things no one else ever seems to mention, and answering questions you never knew you needed to ask.

Book preview

SEX as it should be

shameless, uninhibited and guilt-free

Copyright 2022 Renée la Racineuse & Lucien Romano

Published by Lucien Romano at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this e-book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this e-book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, please return to Smashwords.com or your favourite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of these authors.

Authors’ Note

This book is not an academic work. Like the sex you will hopefully enjoy with your partner, it is supposed to be fun, and is accordingly light-hearted. That doesn’t mean we’ve avoided explicit topics. Far from it. What we haven’t done, though, is reveal any cringe-inducing details of our own sex lives. We are not attention-seeking Z-list celebrities desperate for headlines.

Also, for lack of personal experience, we haven’t said much about LGBTIQA+ sex and relationships. Even so, if you’re in one of those groups, much of this book could still be relevant to you.

Acknowledgements

We would like to thank the many friends and former partners whose candid thoughts and experiences we have drawn on for both inspiration and content. We hope we’ve reported these accurately, and while some of you may recognize yourselves in the text, hopefully no one else will.

Table of Contents

Prologue: It’s a mind field

1: Let’s start with some fun-da-mentals

2: Finding a partner

3: Building a sexual relationship

4: Useful things to know

5: Early relationship problems

6: Maintaining your relationship

7: Keeping it fresh, aka Fun & Games

8: Problems and solutions

9: The negative side

10: Other ways

11: Better ways – concluding thoughts

Appendix: Aussie slang & other terms

About the authors

Prologue: It’s a mind field

Sexual pleasure is essential for human wellbeing. If you believe otherwise, check the news for how far people will go to get some. And that’s the problem. Too few of us are getting as much as we need, or for those fortunate to be in a relationship with sufficient sex, not enough of the good stuff.

The problem is threefold: inhibition, intimacy and psychology. We’re too often ashamed of our own needs and aren’t able to talk honestly about them, especially not (weirdly) with our own partners, the very people we rely on to fulfil our desires. We hope this book will help you to become more open about these things, and then enjoy the kind of love life we all deserve.

As for psychology, the authors realized a while ago that good sex is more mental than physical. Get your minds in the right place and you’ll be amazed how much more you can satisfy each other.

WARNING: Extremely explicit content! Please do not read if you are a minor or easily offended.

1: Let’s start with some fun-da-mentals

Sex should be satisfying for everyone. Like most higher mammals, our species has evolved to enjoy it for its own sake, not merely for reproduction. If the latter were true, humans would be seasonal, like dogs, cats and horses, whose females pump out pheromones to let the males know when they’re ready to get it on.

We humans are different, more developed. We have complex pleasure centres in our brains connected to sensitive erogenous zones on our bodies, for the purpose of sexual enjoyment any time we feel like it, regardless of whether the female is anywhere near ovulation.

For this reason, your authors firmly and moistly believe (to misquote Galileo) that: We do not feel obliged to believe the same God who has endowed us with these attributes* has intended us to forego their use.

* In the original, they were: Sense, Reason and Intellect.

As human beings, our natural state is one of needing to give and receive love, both mentally and physically. Unfortunately, many of our cultures and religions burden us with the erroneous belief that sex is dirty, shameful and should only happen within marriage for procreation. In our view, this is completely wrong, but more to the point, nature itself doesn’t care what anyone thinks, was taught, or wants to believe in. Which brings us to…

Your beliefs are your business, not ours

We are not here to challenge anyone’s religious beliefs. Faith is (and always should be) a private matter. If you are devout and happy with the tenets of your religion, good for you. Carry on enjoying whatever sex is compatible with those rules and pay no attention to the raving lefty* atheists and their depraved, immoral ways. Live and let live is something we do believe in.

* We’re not, but a curious feature of the uptight conservative mindset seems to be that anything it disapproves of or doesn’t understand (and thus feels threatened by) is inevitably labelled left – presumably as a handy way to demonise and dismiss the idea without having to think about it too much.

However, if you were raised to conform with religious practices which you believe are no longer appropriate to your life, then what we have to say about exploring your true sexuality may interest you. It could also help you to overcome those ingrained inhibitions which hold you back from enjoying a fulfilling sex life. You know, the ones which tell you that your most basic desires are shameful and wrong, when in fact they are perfectly normal and natural.

These may not be the sexual pleasures which are enjoyed by the majority. Human beings are incredibly diverse and it’s difficult to define these things with any precision. If we had to draw the boundary somewhere, it would include sexual acts performed on one another by consenting adults of the same species. Meet those requirements and we think what you do is no one else’s business.

Properly satisfying sex is not only worth having for everyone personally, it's also a civilising influence. There would be a lot less trouble in the world if fewer of us were frustrated and could be ourselves, enjoying the kind of sexual satisfaction which suits us personally.

And it’s okay to disagree with us

We’ll be incredibly surprised if you accept everything we say in this book. In fact, it would probably be a miracle if you agreed with more than half of it, because human sexuality is a highly subjective topic. Our thoughts on some things won’t please everyone, and that’s fine, because that’s not what we’re trying to do. Presenting you with an alternative to your current understanding is our intention, and we acknowledge that we may get some things wrong.

Disagreement is fine then, but because you may reject our views on some topics, it doesn’t necessarily mean the rest of them are incorrect as well. Neither us nor you will always be right or wrong on every subject. So please don’t give up at the first idea you think isn’t right, or offends you in some way. These are our opinions and yours may differ, which is entirely normal and natural.

One final caveat before we get started, though…

Body parts

This is not a biology textbook. If you need educational diagrams of the uterus or male genitalia, there are plenty of them out there on the internet. We’re assuming you’re already reasonably familiar with your own and your partner’s bodies, and you have at least some idea of what to do when you engage in sexual activity together. So now, let’s dive straight into what we’re here for with…

An inconvenient truth

Bad news for Alpha Males, both real and fictional*: you cannot give a woman an orgasm, no matter how hard you try, or how good you think your sexual techniques are. The only person who can bring her off is herself, with you providing the stimulation she wants. Note the she wants – her satisfaction is about her needs, not your ego.

* Yes you, James Bond.

At this point, we can hear some of you Alpha Males trying to salvage your drooping self-esteem by thinking: so if she doesn’t come, then it’s her fault? Er, no. Nice try, but it’s either no one’s fault or both of you. If sex does not meet expectations, then either something went wrong (work on it, practice is good) or your expectations were too high/unrealistic. Speaking of which…

Orgasms

Are nice, but not always necessary for the satisfaction of either partner. You read that right, guys. You do not need to ejaculate every time for sex with her to be a huge thrill for you both. If she moans with passion and comes right in your face because you were listening for once when she told you how she likes to be given oral, and is then too exhausted to do anything else for a while, that’s great. Cuddle up with her and enjoy some togetherness. If you must, silently congratulate yourself on a job well done and save your semen for next time. It might not be that far away (more on this situation later).

Many women do not need an orgasm to be satisfied by sex. If it happens, it’s the cherry on the cake, but the cake is still really good. For some of our friskier female readers, though, enjoying full-on sex culminating in a sensory-overloading orgasm is the whole point of the exercise. That’s fine, too. Everyone is different and all you have to do is work out what satisfies you and share it with your partner. Which brings us to…

Self-pleasure

Great news for everyone: masturbation is good for you. Very good for you, in fact. Why anyone thinks it’s sordid and shameful is a mystery to us, when the mental and physical health benefits have been scientifically proven many times. We’re not going to list them here, because we want to concentrate on the most important aspect for couples: it’s training for your brain, which will make your mutual pleasure more satisfying.

The critical elements of self-pleasure are the fantasies: what you think about to get in the mood, become aroused, get it on and then finally, reach orgasm. These are the most intensely private thoughts a human being can experience. If you choose not to share them, then no one else can ever know what they were. Only you know what really turns you on and brings you off.

This is self-knowledge of deepest kind, and is pure relationship gold. If you can get to do these things for real with your partner, your brain will already be primed to enjoy them and the whole thing will be more satisfying.

Self-pleasure methods

Seriously? If you’ve made it through puberty*, you already know plenty of ways to do this, but if we must, the basic ones are: manually using your hands, frottage (from the French verb frotter, meaning to rub), and using a sex toy. More on these later.

*If you haven’t, please stop reading this book and give it back to its owner. Yes, NOW!

Wet dreams

These are erotic dreams which conclude with an orgasm. They are commoner during adolescence and more likely to happen during periods of sexual abstinence. Basically, if you’re not having sex with someone, or rubbing one out yourself when you feel the need, then your body will satisfy the urge for you, free of any guilt (until you wake up).

This is an entirely natural occurrence and does not in any way indicate that you are sinful or unclean in spirit. You may be in body, though, which means doing some laundry and having a shower. And if you were sleeping with a partner and happened to call out someone else’s name, you might have some explaining to do. If that worries you, the good news is: wet dreams are more likely to affect people who sleep alone.

Your personal sex simulator

The human brain is amazing for its ability to simulate actions from the real world. Olympic athletes train themselves for competition by visualizing the moves they need to make, which increases their chances of success when they do them for real. And among all the other things you can use it for, your brain is the most amazing sex simulator you’ll ever have – so use it!

Again, it’s been scientifically proven that our most intense orgasms come from self-pleasure. It’s not difficult to understand why: everything is under our control and happens exactly as we want it to. Clearly, making love with a partner is ultimately more satisfying, because of the real physical intimacy, but practicing how to do it properly by yourself beforehand is a really good idea. If you can’t be shameless, uninhibited and guilt-free in your own imagination, then where can you be? Until you overcome this fundamental inhibition, you won’t be able to share those thoughts with your partner, so use self-pleasure to train yourself out of those crummy hang-ups.

So, Wan King is much more than a street name in Hong Kong (yes it is, we checked). When you can’t be with your partner and you’re feeling horny, rub one out. Don’t feel guilty. It’s no worse than having to cook a meal for yourself when you’re on your own. In fact, you can try out a new recipe for sex with them in your head, and if it works, the next time you’re together, serve it up for two. Before you can do this though, you need…

Trust

This is the difficult bit. Without complete trust, you will never reach the highest level of intimacy. Trust is sexy. If you and your partner can open right up and reveal your innermost desires, it becomes a tremendous turn on. You can relax and be completely yourselves with each other. But remember, what you are sharing is yours and yours alone. This is incredibly important if you really want to be…

Shameless, uninhibited and guilt-free

With a partner you completely trust, you can be utterly unabashed about the way you’d like to satisfy your sexual desires. Proper masculine and feminine decorum are for being in public, but when enjoying sex together, pretty much anything goes, as long as it’s consensual and works for you both.

So ladies, not only is it okay to be as adventurous as you like when making love, but physically acting out your innermost desires will almost certainly be more satisfying than conforming to society’s antiquated expectations of what constitutes acceptable female sexual behaviour. We’ll say it again: what you do together in private is no one else’s business but yours.

And once you’ve agreed to try something, don’t hold back. Go for it, enjoy it to the full, and afterwards, don’t feel in any way guilty for sharing with your partner all the wonderful things your body and mind have evolved to do. If they were that unnatural, you wouldn’t be able to do them.

Finally, don’t forget to tell each other what you enjoy about them. Compliments like Oh you’ve got a lovely bum. It makes me horny every time I see you bend over or Your dick feels so lovely and hard inside me can really give your partner a buzz when you’re lovemaking. Which leads us neatly to…

Dirty talk

To complement your shameless behaviour, you may also enjoy turning each other on with some explicitly vulgar words and suggestions. There’s nothing wrong with that, either, but we’ll go into more detail about this pleasure-enhancing technique later. But first, bad news for some people…

Faking it

Yes, we’re talking about orgasms again, but not real ones. If you’re Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, or recreating her notorious diner scene to amuse your mates, that’s fine – have a laugh with it.

When you’re having real sex with a partner, though, don’t ever do it. Not ever. Never. We mean that with total sincerity, because it’s a bad idea which can end up killing your relationship. Like telling lies, once you’ve faked one, before long you’ll be tempted to fake another,