My Friend Bec

By Barry D. Agnew

Lord, my world is spinning. Will I ever be able to breathe, to live again?

Hope. Faith. Love and loss.

Bec and Johnny meet just before their kindergarten year in a small town in southwestern New Mexico. Her family moves to the area to take care of her grandma, Nana, but they soon begin to foster children as well. One foster child, Do

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: May 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685563172

Barry D. Agnew

Barry Agnew was born in New Mexico, and after moving to Texas as a child, he continued to spend summers on his family's ranch in southwestern New Mexico. He returned to New Mexico and has taught elementary students for twenty-seven years. He continues to spend time on his family's ranch as well as leading worship at Trinity Church.

Book preview

Dedication

To my mom and dad, Mary and Bob Agnew, for your faithful, gentle witness of Christ’s love.

To God, for Your everlasting love and redeeming grace through my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Chapter 1

The simple pine casket was gently closed, a soft thud magnifying the finality of the moment. In preparation for the end of the service, the sanctuary door was opened, letting in waves of heat that blew through the room filled with mourners, both family and friends. An unlikely group of people with as many differences as similarities. At this point, each one was united with a sense of peace and joy, permeating their hearts and souls. Odd that there could be any peace, any hope, any joy, but there it was.

The final whisper of a prayer. Go in peace, my friend, to the arms of the One whose love reaches beyond death. Whose love conquered death. The One that you have so boldly shared with all of us here. Go, rest in His arms, faithful servant. Enjoy His presence. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

After the graveside service, which was just behind the church, we all gathered back inside for dinner. So many kind people offered their condolences and encouraging smiles. Children laughed and giggled as they ran inside and then back out, chasing each other with a large, gray-scaled lizard that little Julie had found.

Get that thing out of here! one of the mothers shouted. Everyone stopped and stared before laughter burst out among the adults. I laughed, too, but it seemed a little thin.

Mom and Dad checked on me. I told them I was okay. The three of us knew that that was a lie, but they let it go, and I continued trying to act normal, whatever that meant anymore. Once the church was clean and the doors locked, we headed home.

Silence filled the car; I didn’t know it could be so loud, and I could sense my parents’ concern. Approaching the long, dusty road that was the driveway to our house, I asked if I could walk the rest of the way. My parents reached for each other’s hands across the front seat. I noticed my mom slightly squeeze my dad’s hand, something she never used to do. My dad slowed the car. Dirt and gravel popped and creaked until the car came to a complete stop. Dust boiled up around us.

I got out as the cloud of dirt settled on my new pair of brown boots.

Thud. The car door shut with a sound that reminded me of the casket closing. Finality. I was able to hold back the tears long enough for the car to get out of sight before all my emotions came rushing back into my empty heart. The smile gone; now, only despair and grief filled my very being.

I will miss you, my friend, was all that I was able to say before falling to my knees. If anyone was around, they just let me be as I cried out in anguish and sobbed until there was nothing left. I stayed on my knees, exhausted, face streaked with dust and tears.

Write, I could nearly hear her voice. I took out my pencil and pocket notebook. It was green, just like her eyes.

Write, I heard again, this time with more intensity.

Sitting down on a boulder that overlooked a dry creek bed covered in scrub oak, I began to write. Yellow and orange crossed my page as what was left of the day danced over and around me. Pink clouds were fading into hues of blue. She had taught me how to appreciate the beauty of creation in a more profound way than I would have ever imagined.

Taking my pencil, I wrote:

I want to tell you about my best friend, Becky. I call her Bec. She was—is—the most incredible person I have ever met. She loved—loves—Jesus so much. And I miss her. I struggled to continue. I miss you, Bec.

I thought back to when we had first met during the summer before kindergarten. Her family had just moved in to take care of her grandmother. I was riding my bike down my dirt road when I heard a voice that changed my life.

Hi, I’m Becky. You can call me Bec if you want, she said with a smile as wide as the summer day was hot. Her eyes sparkled a deep, emerald green in the afternoon sun.

I awkwardly replied, I don’t need training wheels anymore. For some reason, this green-eyed little girl had already messed with my heart.

Johnny. I’m Johnny, but you can call me John.

She just looked at me and smiled. From that moment on, I have never been the same.

I decided to head home; the sun had set, and the first stars were starting to shine.

Can you see that, Bec? I bet your view is a lot better than mine.

I put my pencil in my back pocket and closed my notebook, or journal, as Bec called it. Something fluttered to the ground. Looking more closely, I realized that it was a picture that had fallen out of my journal. The image was of Bec and me dressed up for our kindergarten play. Bec was a nurse, which was so appropriate because she loved taking care of people and animals. Maybe that’s why she was so good with her grandma. Really, she was good with everyone. Her caring touch was all that most of us needed to feel better. My heart mourned. What I wouldn’t give to feel her hand in mine right now.

I was a boy scout in the picture, standing tall and at attention. This part was true of me as well, up to a point. Somehow, I always found myself getting into more trouble than I wanted. I really wanted to be good, but sometimes, well, that just didn’t happen, and Bec would be there to help and sometimes chastise me.

Brushing dirt off the picture, I put it back into my journal as a now replenished well of tears began to flow. My stomach turned, and I was afraid I was about to be sick. I uttered the words that Bec had taught me many years ago. Not just words but a prayer. A prayer that now had a deeper meaning than ever before.

God, I prayed, I am Yours, no matter what. Be with me and give me peace. I love You.

Chapter 2

A calm wind gently blew across my face. Lifting my arms, I reached upward toward heaven and let the breeze cool the burning in my soul. A lone cricket began to chatter and was soon joined by an entire symphony, calling and answering one another in a joyful, even gleeful round.

Listen to the world around you, Bec would say. All creation is praising God. She would giggle and, then, spin around in circles joining in with the creation.

I listened. There was the buzz of a June bug as it flew by and some frogs doing their best to sing down by the ditch.

Don’t just listen with your ears. Listen with all of your senses and, most importantly, with your spirit.

The wind blew more gently than before, and I could smell the fresh-cut alfalfa in the fields by the river. Glittering stars were now joining the crickets in praise as the sweet smell of roses mingled into the harmonies of the night.

For you, Bec, I whispered and slowly turned round and round in a dance of joy.

God, I miss her more than I know how to express. Her laugh, her smile, her curiosity, her friendship. I just miss her. I don’t know why this happened, but I am so thankful that she is with You and is worshiping You right now. Because of Bec, I have seen Your love. Please, God, please help me.

This holy moment slowly came to an end, and I knew that it was time to head home. I could see the porch light that my parents had left on for me shining weakly. With a low creak, the screen door complained loudly as I slowly opened it. Then, reaching for the doorknob on the inside door, I grasped and turned it, half hoping that everyone would have already gone to bed. I smelled fresh brownies and saw that my parents were in the kitchen, waiting.

The corners of my mouth pulled down, and my chin quivered as I thought, What will I say?

Mom slowly turned my way as I entered the room. I have some brownies and milk for you, she said as she watched me walk in. The look in her eyes told me that her heart was broken for Bec and also for me. I did not doubt that she would have taken my hurt for me.

You better get you some before I eat them all, Dad said, trying to lighten the mood. I forced a smile, a weak attempt at normalcy that would be long in returning. I could tell that Dad had noticed.

John, why don’t you take the brownies and milk with you and head on up to bed? As I turned to go, he added, And if you need to talk, well, your mom and I are here for you.

I set the brownie down as I entered my room but had no desire to eat. After a few sips of milk, I collapsed on my bed and, exhausted from the night, fell into a deep sleep. The world and all that had happened quickly faded away.

Bec’s beautiful eyes looked deeply into mine.

Bec! Bec! Her arms stretched out, reaching for me as she drifted away. Bec! I screamed, waking myself. My heart sank, guilt pouring over me. Would I ever be the same?

As I look back on our first meeting, I realize that it didn’t go quite the way I mentioned earlier. It’s not that it didn’t happen the way I first said. It’s just that I didn’t give all the details.

Here is a more accurate and somewhat embarrassing account.

Hi, I’m Becky, she said with a smile that lit up the summer day and eyes that sparkled green.

John. I don’t need training wheels anymore, I awkwardly replied. For some reason, I was at a loss for words.

I mean, I’m John.

Here is where the story actually went after our initial introduction.

Bec studied my face from ear to ear and hair to chin. She slowly stepped back one step and looked me up and down before tilting her head from side to side. If I hadn’t felt uncomfortable with my silly response earlier, I definitely did now.

Hmmm. You look like a Johnny to me, she said at last.

No, I don’t! I look like a John.

Okay, then, Johnny. Her eyes shimmered in the sunlight as a grin started on one side of her mouth and slowly worked its way to the other.

I crossed my arms in apparent frustration with the loudest humph a five-year-old boy could muster.

Bec just smiled even more and crossed her arms with an even louder humph than I could have ever imagined a girl having.

I had to go to the next level. I crossed my eyes so hard that they hurt and tightened every muscle in my neck until my head shook back and forth. It was a drastic move. She had to know that I was John.

Oh, fun, Bec said.

I uncrossed my eyes just long enough to see that level two had no impact on her and that she had crossed her eyes, her head shaking as quickly as mine.

All right, then, I growled. I had to go to level three. It wasn’t perfected yet, and I had never been able to carry it out, but if ever there was a time for level three, this was it.

Lowering my hands to my side and returning my eyes to their natural position, I looked at Bec. She had no idea what was about to happen.

She is going to be terrified and impressed at the same time, I thought to myself.

Slowly, I raised my hands to my side. Then, a little higher. I crossed my hands in front of my now puffed-out chest. The time had arrived.

I thought carefully through my checklist. Arms crossed. Check. Three breaths. Check. Hold breath. Check. And now for the icing on top of the cake. I puffed out my cheeks to make it appear as if I would explode at any time.

What are you doing? Bec asked.

I’m holding my breath until I pass out.

No, you’re not, she laughed.

Yes, I am, I threw back at her.

How can you talk to me if you’re holding your breath?

Uh! Now I am. And I’m going to hold it until I pass out, I said as I started my checklist again.

Arms crossed. Check. Three.

Okay, Bec interrupted.

Okay, what?

You can hold your breath until you pass out.

I stared at her in disbelief.

Bec continued, When you pass out, you’ll start breathing again. Unless you hit your head on a rock or something.

Really?

Yup.

How do you know? I let down my guard.

My mom told me when I tried the same thing. When I was a baby. Her eyes gleamed even more as she emphasized the word baby.

I think, I’m not sure, but I think she called me a baby. Countdown time!

Arms crossed. Check.

It was nice meeting you, but I have to go. Bec waved and turned to go. She looked back and smiled.

Okay. Bye, Bec.

Even though I should still be angry with her, that smile caught me off guard. I smiled and waved back.

Maybe we can play together again sometime, Johnny.

Aargh. A rolling started in my stomach as anger poured over me.

John, I yelled, but she just kept going.

I grabbed my bike and headed home.

The closer I got to my house, the angrier I became. Gravel popped underneath my bicycle tires as I closed the distance between the dirt road and my home.

Reaching the yard, I threw my bike in the grass and ran to the front door. Once in, I let the door slam closed behind me, letting everyone know that I was home and that I wasn’t happy.

Johnny, what on earth is the matter? my mom questioned as she looked me over to see if I was hurt.

The anger that was building inside of me erupted with more ferocity than I had imagined possible.

Th-That girl, I sputtered.

What girl? Mom asked inquisitively.

Bec. A new girl.

I met her and her mom at the store yesterday. She is delightful and polite. But what happened? Mom’s eyebrows raised, and I knew that she was genuinely concerned and worried.

A few tears rushed down my cheeks. Mom walked over and knelt in front of me. I felt her cool hands cup my face as she tilted my head up until I was looking into her eyes.

What happened, Sweetie?

She called me Johnny, I squeaked out.

She what?

She called me Johnny. The anger erupted into a flood of tears.

Mom’s chin started to quiver, and she looked away. Her shoulders began to shake as she let go of my face and covered her own. I could see her ears turning red as she started wheezing.

Mom! Are you okay? Are you okay? I had forgotten about my own problem.

Mom coughed and took several deep breaths before looking up, tears pooling on her cheeks. She tried to look serious, but a huge smile kept spreading across her face.

Oh, Sweetie, she said. Your name really is Johnny. Her lips quivered, and this time, she laughed right in front of me.

I know. But I didn’t want her to call me that.

After a few deep breaths, Mom reached out and pulled me close to her.

You know I love you. Don’t you, Johnny?

Aw, Mom. This time we both laughed together.

The following day was perfect. The summer sun rose to run off the coolness of the night. Clouds, yellow, orange, and golden on the bottom but pure white on the top, were etched in silver, drifting silently across the sky. Rays of gold peeked through and disappeared again as I chased bugs in the front yard. I could hear the phone ringing inside the house, the call of mourning doves, the whir of the hungry hummingbirds. Everything was perfect until Mom opened the door and said that Bec wanted to meet me at the same place we met yesterday.

What? Why? I asked.

I don’t know, Mom replied, but you’d better get going. She’s already on her way.

Okay, I said, trying to use my saddest voice. Bye, Mom.

Bye, Johnny.

Mooomm.

Go. And be nice.

I rounded the corner, temporarily forgetting about Bec, bugs, and everything else because I had arrived at the best corner on the road. It was steep enough to gather a