Summary of Steven Stosny's Living and Loving after Betrayal

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

Book Preview:

#1 The pain of intimate betrayal is real and comes from a primitive part of the brain that developed to protect us from leaving the tribe. It is highly irrational, but it is nonetheless powerful.

#2 Intimate betrayal is defined as a sudden revelation or a gradual realization of your partner having lied, manipulated, stolen, or cheated. It can be difficult to deal with, as it can strike suddenly and unexpectedly, or it can be a gradual realization of your life never being the same after your partner’s betrayal.

#3 betrayal and anger are typically inseparable, for a while. The reasons are more biological than psychological. Anger temporarily numb pain and provide a surge of energy to overcome perceived threat.

#4 The cycle of anger and resentment that typically follows intimate betrayal is: you think about the betrayal and get angry. The anger increases your energy, confidence, and sense of power. Then the amphetamine crash happens. The loss of energy and power create a void that is soon filled by self-doubt, depressed mood, or numbness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Mar 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669377504

IRB Media

With IRB books, you can get the key takeaways and analysis of a book in 15 minutes. We read every chapter, identify the key takeaways and analyze them for your convenience.

Book preview

Insights on Steven Stosny's Living and Loving after Betrayal

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 4

Insights from Chapter 5

Insights from Chapter 6

Insights from Chapter 7

Insights from Chapter 8

Insights from Chapter 9

Insights from Chapter 10

Insights from Chapter 11

Insights from Chapter 12

Insights from Chapter 13

Insights from Chapter 14

Insights from Chapter 15

Insights from Chapter 16

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

The pain of intimate betrayal is real and comes from a primitive part of the brain that developed to protect us from leaving the tribe. It is highly irrational, but it is nonetheless powerful.

#2

Intimate betrayal is defined as a sudden revelation or a gradual realization of your partner having lied, manipulated, stolen, or cheated. It can be difficult to deal with, as it can strike suddenly and unexpectedly, or it can be a gradual realization of your life never being the same after your partner’s betrayal.

#3

betrayal and anger are typically inseparable, for a while. The reasons are more biological than psychological. Anger temporarily numb pain and provide a surge of energy to overcome perceived threat.

#4

The cycle of anger and resentment that typically follows intimate betrayal is: you think about the betrayal and get angry. The anger increases your energy, confidence, and sense of power. Then the amphetamine crash happens. The loss of energy and power create a void that is soon filled by self-doubt, depressed mood, or numbness.

#5

To recover from intimate betrayal, you must do what will make you feel more valuable and lovable, not temporarily more powerful. Defensive reactions to intimate betrayal force you into reactive, narrow, and rigid perspectives that inhibit growth and further erode self-value.

#6

High emotional reactivity is a normal brain function that is triggered by negatively perceived events, situations, or people. It is extremely difficult to be yourself after an intimate betrayal, as anything can trigger memories or impressions of the betrayal and intense emotions in reaction.

#7

The brain’s pattern matching is normally accurate, but intimate betrayal presents a special problem for it. The stronger the emotional component of the brain’s neural snapshots, the less precise its matching process.

#8

After a betrayal, it can be difficult to think about your deeper values, as you are usually overwhelmed by your feelings. But the key to your recovery is to begin thinking and acting in accordance with