Coming to Life: A Journey from Fear to Love and Growth

By Sarah Dakhili

Coming to Life is a spiritually therapeutic book, aimed to inject awareness and consciousness into what we are doing and how we are choosing to live our lives. Mental health issues continue to rise in our world and our psychological theories and approaches continue to increase with them. Yet, few mention the importance of a spiritual practice within recovery; recovering the connection with Self. On a global scale, we are at a time where more and more people are experiencing a strong polarity between creating and living with fear, versus creating and living with love. Sarah discusses how this dichotomy (and at times, dance) presented itself in her own life, repeatedly in the shape of self-destructive patterns and behaviours followed by leaps of faith and growth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Apr 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9781982294199

Sarah Dakhili

Sarah is a passionate advocate of love in action. She was born in Iran and grew up as a refugee child in Sweden. She lived in England for several years until she migrated to Australia in 2007, where she currently resides. Sarah has special interest in painting, writing and meditation and works as a Mental Health Social Worker, Psychotherapist and Art Therapist, supporting people challenged with chronic pain, trauma recovery and mental health issues.

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Copyright © 2022 Sarah Dakhili.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9418-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9419-9 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 06/08/2022

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1

Bondage & Battle

Chapter 2

Freedom & Courage

Chapter 3

Gratitude & Abundance

Chapter 4

Forgiveness & Joy

Chapter 5

Ego, Inner Child & Compassion

Chapter 6

Trust & Faith

Chapter 7

Growth

Dedicated to my sister and her children

Preface

Throughout my life, I have been a seeker of wisdom and truth, always intrigued by the great mysteries of life. It has been mostly through forgiveness, humility and a daily practice with presence that I have grown in love and awareness, and united with the authentic Self that lies within me. In the words of Maya Angelou: Those who learn, teach. And so, my mission in life is to share the wisdom of my soul with the world. I believe that the soul is the place where the God within us resides. It’s where love lives.

Coming to Life is an autobiography about my journey towards discovering my Authentic Self through surrendering to the energy of love and forgiveness. It is a book about pain, growth, exploration, trauma recovery, self-love, self-discovery and realising that your story is your strength. Starting from a little girl caught in an overpowering bubble that presented itself as war between two nations as well as a war between my parents, I start off by sharing about my upbringing, growing up as a refugee child in challenging, abusive and painful situations, moving from country to country in search of happiness and peace while living in a constant state of internal battle and suffering. This pattern was something that I continued to carry with me into my adulthood, my relationships, and my various life choices. Despite the years spent focusing on personal development and healing, I continued to experience anxiety, shame and fear, living in a state of fight and flight, until I discovered the process of understanding the consciousness that is living through me.

Coming to Life is a spiritually therapeutic book, aimed at injecting awareness and consciousness into what we are doing and how we are choosing to live our lives. Mental health issues continue to rise in our world and our psychological theories and approaches continue to increase with them. Yet, few mention the importance of a spiritual practice within recovery, which is regaining the connection with Self – your essence. On a global scale, we are at a time where more and more people are experiencing a strong polarity between creating and living with fear, versus creating and living with love. I discuss how this dichotomy (and at times, dance) presented itself in my life over and over again in the shape of self-destructive patterns and behaviours followed by leaps of faith and growth. What I also discovered along the way was that, although our experiences may be unique and individual to us, the destructive patterns that we tend to fall into are nevertheless common and shared within us all and that they can indeed be shifted and transformed through expanding our awareness and returning back to love over and over again. At the end of each chapter there is a self-reflective page offered for the reader, as my intention for this book is to assist my readers with their own growth.

The desire for writing a book about my journey first came to me at a time when I had reached rock bottom for the first time in my life. I was in my mid-twenties and had taken the initial steps towards recovering from a mental health condition (depression and severe anxiety accompanied by an eating disorder) while healing from having lost my desire to live. Back then, a book such as this one would have been influential and effective to my recovery. At the time, besides my mother and sister, I did not have much else in my life other than books by Louise Hay, Robin Sharma, Dr. Wayne Dyer and Paulo Coelho. These books helped me awaken and slowly come out of a very dark time in my life where I had reached the end of my tether and lost the desire to live. On a deep level, I could relate to every word written in those books. Deep down, somewhere within my soul, I believed their words to be true and inspirational. Initially, writing was my desire to perhaps, through my story, one day be able to help inspire others and be a messenger of hope. But soon enough I came to realise that I needed to write so that I could hear the voice of my Self; the voice of the wisdom and truth within me.

Whenever we are at the lowest possible point of our life, we are faced with a time of humility. This time of humility is a precious time. It is the time of opportunity and choice. It is when you are given a choice to view life as something other than black and white, a time where you cannot help but to see colour all around you and realise that there is much life and wisdom yet for you to tap into. Somehow, from within, this humility opens you up for a deeper knowing beyond what you have allowed yourself to utilise so far. It is a time when you subconsciously or consciously choose to become a student of life rather than a victim of life. This is a sacred time of wisdom and knowledge. I have had many of these rock-bottom moments in my life. Looking back, these sacred moments of despair were the true moments of my becoming.

In my journey, immersing myself in books written by those who had turned their pain into their message helped me commence my journey from an internal fight and fear to spiritual growth and wisdom. This was when I realised that I don’t have to follow anyone else’s path or ideas of what and where my life should be and by what age, but rather turn my pain into my message and embrace the idea that everything in my life happened for a reason and is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to. I am exactly where I am meant to be, and I am yet to see the ending of it all. When we give up our need to control how and when things unfold, we start to practice the art of surrendering and allowing. The healing path is all about this yielding art. As we practice letting go of our need to control, we allow for life to unfold naturally and in accordance with our growth and highest truth.

I am here to live with love no matter what and to be the change that I wish to see in the world as well as in my own life. I am here as a reminder that even when all feels lost, my authentic self and consciousness will continue to guide me in remembering the truth of who I am. This perspective has assisted me in commencing a daily practice of surrendering to the concept of essence, which I have come to understand as a state of beingness. This is how we discover our true Self. This Self has a journey of its own. It’s not here to be controlled by our conditioned mind-made fears or ideas of how life should unfold. This Self has a soul that is connected to the intelligence of our Universe. My Self is the soul of a beautiful woman, a unique spirit. She is a free-spirited creator. She is sacred to the power of love. She is a warrior. She is an instrument of love and peace and she shall never give in to anything less than her true nature. There will always be times of struggle. Challenges are a part of life, but they also make way for how this Self continues to grow and evolve in its lifetime.

Within my soul there was always an intuitive feeling that writing about my journey and sharing my wisdom with others is what I was meant to do. I never thought that I would ever get around to writing this book. But the signs kept re-appearing, and they were simply too powerful for me to dismiss. Somehow, writing about my own story gave me the feeling that perhaps whatever was inspired from within me would, in turn, help my loved ones.

I believe that there is a story within us all, and that this story must be told as it may bring much wisdom, inspiration, healing and insight to the world around us, including to ourselves. You are not your story, and yet your story is a symbol of your strength. It doesn’t matter whether it is a story about success or failure. Every story provides us with an opportunity for growth and learning. This is my intention for the readers of this book. We are all powerful beings, born with an ability to change the world for the better. The expansion of human intelligence and consciousness continues to lead to the improvement of our world. If we take an honest look back in history, we can see that the world has continued to improve, rather than worsen. The world is not getting worse, it is indeed getting better. In other words, as we make our personal growth a priority, we are better able to help others rise and make a progressive difference in our world. Personal development is essential for trauma recovery, self-motivation, increased self-esteem, and human evolution.

Acknowledgements

Firstly, I want to thank my compassionate Self, for being the kind voice within me that is connected to my intuition and inner guide. The part of us that is connected to our essence, and the intelligence of all that is. Without this inner peace, love and knowing within me there would be no book. I thank this compassionate Self for always being by my side. Even when I didn’t acknowledge its existence, constant support, love, encouragement and feedback, this subtle inner voice was forever present. I thank my compassionate Self for being my sounding board and my best friend, even as I continued to dismiss it over and over again. It was always there by my side, cheering me on and helping me believe in love, in life and in myself one more time, and always one more time. I give thanks for realising that a daily connection with my Self is how I can continue to return back to the truth of my existence. Through the ups and downs, its love has proven to be more real than I could have ever imagined. I thank my compassionate Self for taking the power wheel whenever I have felt powerless and for teaching me that love is the bridge between me and everything, and that this love is forever within me. I am made of this love. I am love.

Without my connection to my Authentic Self and showing up for myself, I would not have discovered nor implemented the art of forgiveness, compassion and self-love. I would not have understood what it means to discover love underneath anger and pain. I now know that my soul chose the perfect father for my growth in this lifetime. I now see him with empathy and humility. I forgive him. I now see the perfection within the imperfect family that I was born into, and the challenges that we all faced together and on our own. We were all perfectly chosen for our growth in this lifetime.

I would also like to thank my wonderful mother for her support, courage and strength. Her love for her children has been her greatest strength and weakness. In between this dance, her fears became the paramount teachers of our spiritual growth as a family. I am so immensely proud of the woman she is today.

I give thanks for my beautiful sister. Without her, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. We almost lost her as a child, and as an adult. But the Universe has continued to watch over her as her life has been one of strength and love for her family. We are like night and day and we haven’t gotten on well for years, and yet this contrast has taught me a lot about myself and life. Sister, you are a part of me, and I will forever honour, love and respect you despite our differences. You have taught me the power of unconditional love. You have taught me the power of faith and that love knows of no time nor distance. You have also taught me that truth will always set you free. Your spirit is stronger than any I have ever known.

I would also like to thank my angelic friends who were placed on my path to guide me, love me and help me find my way again. You all know who you are. You have been so giving of your time, friendship, knowledge and spirit at various chapters in your life and from the moment, our paths crossed. They say that life brings us angels who help us shed light on our true nature. Thank you for being there for me through my highs and lows.

Last but not least, I would like to thank the people who helped me re-publish this book and chose to support this book in reaching its intended audience. Without them, this book would not be able to have a life of its own and pursue its purpose, which is to help inspire, empower and help others in their own journey towards healing despite trauma and hardship.

Chapter 1

Bondage & Battle

"There are three methods to gaining wisdom. The first is

reflection, which is the highest. The second is limitation, which

is the easiest. The third is experience, which is the bitterest."

(Confucius)

Bondage

(The Cage)

According to the dictionary, the word bondage means, A state of being greatly constrained by circumstances and obligations. It refers to a state where you feel that your freedom is jeopardised, and you are considered a slave or a captive to a situation. It can be anything from financial hardship, feeling trapped in a job you hate, unresolved trauma that stems from abuse, parental neglect, self-judgement, self-doubt, stress, anxiety, toxic relationship settings or ill health. It can also be as extreme as living in an actual war where you have absolutely no control over the circumstances around you, a place where everything is against you except for the powers of faith, fate, and destiny.

Bondage is an invisible cage. You are trapped without knowing that you are trapped. For a long time, bondage was all I knew. Pretty much everything went under the definition of war and battle within the system of my existence. I was born in Iran, an Islamic country where the worth of a woman is considered one third of a man’s, and this gave me a head start in feeling less worthy. This country was originally the land of greatness. Historical icons such as Cyrus the Great and Darius III had created a Superpower that ruled the world. It is a nation of immense art, culture, food, nature, history and natural resources. However, since the Islamic Revolution in 1978, this land of plenty and its people have been experiencing extreme conflict, torture, war and separation. To this date, there is much oppression within its political system, and in turn, the religious Islamic regime continues to remain an enemy of the west. The world does not hold a good image of Iran despite its amazing people, culture, art and history. This is very sad as there is so much beauty and depth to be explored within this nation.

Like many other children in Iran at that time, I felt this sense of separation and fear on a continuous daily basis. I don’t recall ever feeling safe or at ease. Not only was the nation filled with incredible injustice, torture, and hardship, but the suffering and violence on the outside continued to mirror itself within our home and in my parent’s destructive relationship with each other. As a child, I had a hard time connecting to the world around me. I often felt misunderstood by my peers, parents and family members. I was a dreamer. In fact, I have always preferred the world of fantasy and creativity more than the world of actuality and reality. Creativity has indeed been my saviour. Visualising and dreaming were my favourite things to do. Escaping reality was my coping mechanism, which in time, also turned into a self-destructive pattern of behaviour where I continued to escape and run away from my uncomfortable and unwanted feelings and challenges as opposed to facing them (more about this in the coming chapters).

Conversely, I would receive negative comments of concern by my father’s friends because I had an imaginary friend that I used to talk to. As life went on, I came to recognise these hurtful comments as scars that imprinted on my sense of Self. Although I was only a child, I would take them on as truths. These so-called truths damaged how I began to perceive myself. My parents would often be told by friends and family members, in a negative demeanour, that I am too sensitive and that due to my sensitivity there was something wrong with me. My father and one of his close friends often forcefully encouraged me to stop imagining, daydreaming, or talking to my-Self; "Stop talking to yourself. Only crazy people do that."

Adults who have little awareness, dismiss the fact that children who have imaginary playmates are not only using their imagination to cope with reality, but that they also have psychic abilities. These psychic abilities are gifts that we all have as we enter this world. It is what connects us to our spirit and helps us relate to the world around us, including to nature. It is awareness that is connected to consciousness, which, in turn, allows us to create the kind of life that we want to experience in this lifetime. It is also what connects us to the joy that assists us on our path to eventually live with a sense of purpose. This is what Einstein, Edison, Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell and many other scholars throughout history have often been referring to when they spoke of the importance of unlocking your imagination. Your imagination is the space from which your energy creates. Everything that has ever been created and contributed to the expansion of our world has been done through our imagination. There is much healing that can take place within this space. Imagination offers you freedom from your cage. It’s the place where we are given permission to dream, to hope and to become co-creators with the Universe.

"When you want something, all the Universe

conspires in helping you to achieve it."

(Paulo Coelho)

Our imagination is also a tool for manifesting our desires. People said metal can’t float, and yet ships were built. They said men can’t fly, and yet airplanes were constructed. Even in my own life, I can think of several examples of how the things that manifested themselves in my life, both pleasant and unpleasant, were first and foremost created in my mind and imagination, both on a subconscious as well as an unconscious level. My many years of living in Australia, for example, was first created in my mind and imagination. I had no idea how I would be able to make a life in a country so far away from the one that I was raised in. Yet, I never gave up. My desire was so strong and from the heart, that life continued to open doors for me in unexpected ways. This is what I like to call the power of intention.

I have also manifested and created illness in my life. Personally, I believe much of it was due to unresolved trauma and toxic wiring that contributed towards a highly stimulated nervous system and a life lived mainly in a state of fight, flight, and freeze. Our emotional brain is known as the Limbic System. This part