LOVERS psychology of married lovers

By maria iriarte

From "the papers" or "till death do them part." The incisive phrase that establishes the beginning of a married life, already assumes a commitment to another person. Specifically, with that person you love. But what happens when two married people fall in love? Falling in love with one's partner is ideal, but it is not always the case.

Sometimes there can be situations where you think you love two people at the same time or that you fall in love with your lover and you don't know what to do with your marriage.

From "the papers" or "till death do them part." The incisive phrase that establishes the beginning of a married life, already assumes a commitment to another person. Specifically, with that person you love. But what happens when two married people fall in love? Falling in love with one's partner is ideal, but it is not always the case.

Sometimes there can be situations where you think you love two people at the same time or that you fall in love with your lover and you don't know what to do with your marriage.

From "the papers" or "till death do them part." The incisive phrase that establishes the beginning of a married life, already assumes a commitment to another person. Specifically, with that person you love. But what happens when two married people fall in love? Falling in love with one's partner is ideal, but it is not always the case.

Sometimes there can be situations where you think you love two people at the same time or that you fall in love with your lover and you don't know what to do with your marriage.

• Language: English
• Publisher: maria iriarte
• Release date: May 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201219772

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

From the papers or till death do them part. The incisive phrase that establishes the beginning of a married life, already assumes a commitment to another person. Specifically, with that person you love. But what happens when two married people fall in love? Falling in love with one's partner is ideal, but it is not always the case.

Sometimes there can be situations where you think you love two people at the same time or that you fall in love with your lover and you don't know what to do with your marriage.

Let's talk about psychology yes ?

Self-deception and the justification of the married man as a victim are common elements in people who decide to get involved in a love triangle.

Men link infidelity to the reinforcement of their virility, because culturally they have been told that the more women they have, the more men they will seem. Some studies indicate that while they do it to endorse their manhood and seek pleasure, women want affection, understanding and affection, explains José de Jesús González Núñez, president of the Institute for Research in Clinical and Social Psychology.

The causes of infidelity are logical: when one or both people stop loving each other, which is derived from a lack of affection, low self-esteem or the arrival of children. Sexual dysfunctions are also reasons, or , by a compulsive addiction to sex, among other factors.

And what about the lover who enters this love triangle?

"The lover claims to be, especially at the beginning, unaware of what he is getting into . In certain cases, lovers are unaware of the married marital status of the unfaithful person because they simply omit it," says the doctor in Clinical Psychology and Research, Inmaculada Jáuregui Balenciaga, author of the research 'The figure of the lover in infidelity: the other face of narcissism' .

After interviewing several women who define themselves as lovers because they have been in a relationship for at least a year with an engaged and/or married man, Dr. Jáuregui concludes that they are people in love, who act against their beliefs and values (they know they are cheating on a third person), but they continue in the relationship because they feel reciprocated and use self-deception as a defense mechanism.

This defense mechanism is evident when, unanimously, none of the lovers experience this triangulation as such . In fact, it is surprising that these couples talk about fidelity, discuss it and even reach a possible fidelity pact, when both parties in turn maintain extra relationships, either with the official spouse, or in the case of lovers, with other people, although the purpose of these extra relationships is for various reasons.

The woman/lover justifies her partner's lies because she identifies her as a 'victim' of a suffocating , unsatisfactory and hopeless relationship. She sees herself as a redeemer , who is also saving herself through that relationship.

According to Jáuregui's research, the lover is generally a vulnerable woman , who does not feel fully satisfied with her work and/or her interpersonal relationships and, therefore, finds in that love triangle a lifeline for her own crisis. existential.

From this perspective, falling in love is seen as a liberation in the sense of an exploration of new possibilities, starting from the impossible, an attempt to make the imagined real. Alberoni (1988).

Once the first stage of infatuation and mutual sexual satisfaction is overcome, the process of 'making official' the relationship begins, which is a source of great frustration because very few successful cases of extramarital relationships are recorded that culminate in official and/or publicly accepted relationships. (with or without marriage).

Not being able to make the relationship official is a source of a lot of frustration, anger, anxiety and, to a large extent, a reason for psychological consultation. It is not intended to end the relationship and this secrecy does not seem to be a problem .

The fundamental therapeutic demand is how to manage frustration, distance. In other cases, the main motivation is to seek an expert opinion that assesses whether or not there is love, manage the end of the relationship because the unfaithful person has decided to return to his spouse , indicates Dr. Inmaculada Jáuregui.

We are witnessing a picture of emotional dependency towards the married person, who insists on maintaining an asymmetrical relationship and intensifying the anxious- avoidant picture . There comes a time when the relationship becomes toxic because it is a vicious circle of arguments, passion and reunions, without becoming official as a relationship, in the face of friends and family. "Loving people give themselves completely as if it were an official love relationship, while unfaithful people seem to register within a more narcissistic orientation to receive what they lack. It could be said that they want to have it all , "concludes the study.

The mistress is unaware or denies the domination to which she is being subjected because the rules are imposed by the married person and she is not given room for manoeuvre. The lover adapts to these rules without perceiving how her character and autonomy are changing. We are dealing with a person with notable insecurity (low self-esteem) who puts his energy into that relationship, despite the fact that he is aware that he does not have the appreciation or recognition that he would like.

According to Jáuregui's research:

The type of male hegemonic loving domination is perfect because it is not imposed by brute physical force, on the contrary, it is a whole mental and affective manipulative network that allows people to submit voluntarily, thinking of themselves as free subjects. It is a domination psychopolitics based on new forms of power. As André Rauch (2009) affirms, saying I love you in men subtly encloses the other in a web woven by fascination, favoring their submission and docility.

The extramarital relationship is, in short, an example of a narcissistic disorder: because both the unfaithful person and his lover are moved by the principle of immediate pleasure and not by reality, which would imply empathy with the people affected.

The reasons for getting involved in a love triangle