Precious Rising: Embracing All That I Am

By Precious McKoy

• Are you seeking to heal your family from generational cycles of trauma and abuse? 
• Do you want to know how to remain grounded in faith when dealing with a family crisis? 
• Would you like to overcome adverse childhood experiences that can break healthy bonds in your life?

If any of these quest

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: May 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885042437

Book preview

Dedication

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To the people I get to do life with—my

loving family. Thank you for being my

shining light and fountain of joy.

Epigraph

A Journey about

Prevailing

from

Pain

to

Passion.

Introduction: Author’s Note

Think about the most challenging thing you experienced as a child—maybe you had an abusive parent, maybe there was alcoholism, maybe there were drugs in your neighborhood or home, maybe there was an unexpected death, or maybe the decisions of others affected you. I know a lot can happen behind closed doors. Every family goes through situations beyond their control.

I suffered in silence for a long time until I embraced sharing my story. By the time I was nine years old, I became a survivor of adverse childhood experiences as someone who was molested multiple times by more than one person. Childhood sexual abuse was one of many unfortunate circumstances I had to overcome as a child. The truth is, what happened to me eventually affected all of us in the household in one way or another, leaving a lifelong imprint not only on my life but the lives of my loved ones.

Being raised as a pastor’s daughter, I perpetuated the belief that pastor’s families were supposed to be perfect. As a little girl, I did not understand the dynamics of the consequences of my adverse childhood experiences impacting my life over time. Even worse, not knowing how to process the pain and suffering has been something I’ve had to learn how to deal with throughout my life. Never thinking about myself, I constantly served others, but the most important element of how to serve others was missing—all of me.

I believe we all have the power to rewrite history by changing the narrative in our lives. My greatest desire is to inspire others to reverse all types of generational cycles of trauma and abuse to prevent lifelong challenges that can break healthy bonds in their lives. I happen to know that unless we heal our childhood wounds, history will impact how we live. I have been able to move beyond the unfortunate events in my life while honoring the makeup of who I am—even the most undesirable things that developed me into the strong, ambitious woman I am today. To help others going through difficulties in life, I learned it is better to let my true, authentic self shine through—prevailing from pain to passion.

Empowering others who are struggling to talk about traumatic life experiences is an integral part of my healing journey to move forward. I have felt empowered to share my own life story to help families go through difficult situations. This book is written as part memoir, part self-help guide and will inspire youth-serving practitioners, counselors, therapists, and particularly families impacted by adverse childhood experiences to pick up the broken pieces, end the vicious cycle of pain, and live from a place of constant healing and recovery. You will learn more about my journey in the following three parts:

In Part One: Young, I share stories about how my childhood was turned upside down. Growing up in an outwardly happy family, I found it difficult to tell my parents about my life-altering events because I secretly held my deepest pain. The tremendous amount of pressure to fit the expectations of others did not allow me to speak boldly about my painful childhood memories.

In Part Two: Vibrant, I share the strong will and determination of how I grow into my womanhood, determined to put my troubles and sorrows behind me as I prevail in life. I demonstrate how my childhood affected every aspect of my life. When history repeats itself in the most devastating way, I must learn to heal and recover.

In Part Three: Free, I share stories that will help you learn how to own your truth when less-than-desirable situations happen in your life, how to take action to strengthen your circumstances so negative impacts of your past have no place in your life anymore, and how to heal when experiencing a family crisis. I no longer had to reframe my past to put a pretty bow on it or to be held captive of my memories. I learned that showing vulnerability builds community.

You will love this book if, like me, you enjoy stories that teach life lessons, bring a deeper meaning to life, or uplift and remind us that we are all in this complex life together. By reading this book, I desire that you will find the inspiration you need to successfully position yourself as your child’s best advocate to advance your family with intentionality and purpose. As intentional parents, we should be committed to passing down the positive traits of our family’s legacy while reversing generational cycles we do not wish to repeat.

This work reflects actual events in my life as truthfully as present recollections of experiences over time permits. All persons within are actual individuals; there are no composite characters. The names of individuals have been changed to respect their privacy. Occasionally, events have been compressed and dialogue has been supplemented.

Talking about trauma can be triggering. While reading this book, remember to practice self-care and seek help if you need to. If you have parenting questions about addressing truly harmful behavior at home, I encourage you to start with the resource guide at the back of this book.

Wishing you healing,

Precious

Part One

Young

One

Trouble in Paradise

I can’t find them! I could hear my sister, Shay, yelling with frustration in her voice as she was trying her best to find me. My brother, Tyrone, was trying to help her look for me while we were having a great time playing one of our favorite games, hide-and-seek. During the next round, one of the other players decided to twist the rules of the game by suggesting we play on teams. I was proud to be selected to be on his team since he was bigger and stronger than the rest of us.

You two count to one hundred. Precious and I will hide for you to find us together, one of the players said.

We quietly tiptoed away as the others placed their heads down in the palms of their hands on the couch in the living room so they couldn’t see where we were going to hide.

I could hear them counting as loud and fast as they could before they came looking for us, "Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, fifty-five, sixty, sixty-five, seventy, seventy-five, eighty, eighty-five, ninety, ninety-five, one hundred, ready or not, here we come."

My teammate grabbed a comforter, sneaked me into the walk-in closet in my parent’s room and turned off the lights. I wasn’t alarmed at first because we were supposed to be hiding. I got a bad feeling inside once he started taking off his clothes and instructing me to be quiet and do the same. I felt awkward, but I complied. My heart started to race as he placed the comforter over the top of me. I knew this was not how to play the game but was afraid not to listen.

I was caught off guard by what started to happen because I couldn’t see anything. Suddenly, I felt his body parts inappropriately touching me. Every second I was stuck in the closet with him while he had his way with me felt suffocating. I lost a part of myself as I kept quiet.

When it sounded like the coast was clear, he got up and didn’t even tell me what to do about cleaning myself up. All he told me was not to tell anybody, which gave me a strong feeling we had done something terribly wrong. I felt so gross and disgusted that I ran outside the closet to lock myself in my parent’s bathroom.

For several minutes, I desperately stared out at the driveway through the small window inside their bathroom, hoping my parents would hurry up and come home soon. Like most little girls in need, I longed for the comfort of my parents. There was no one to console me. I was helpless.

For the next several hours, I felt lost and lonely trying to figure out what to do next. I slowly grabbed a bar of soap and rag to clean myself up as my eyes filled with uncontrollable tears until they were bloodshot red. I must have cried for hours staring at my face swelling up.

I was only nine years old and barely grew into my tiny body. So, I was too young to understand what was happening at that moment. He was a fifteen-year-old boy, calculating each step to get me exactly where he wanted me.

I lost my innocence that day. I was unsure what to call it, but I knew I was not supposed to be in that situation. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the bathroom with a look of defeat. I thought this was no match I couldn’t handle because I was someone who would normally rough it out. I had to fix my face and pull myself together. So, I did. After what I experienced, I laid awake at night because the darkness became scary. I tossed and turned, trying to comfort myself. Each and every day, I woke up a little bit stronger.

Humble Beginnings

You must know where you came from to know who you are and where you desire to be in life. Embrace it all.

I genuinely believe family is everything. I was wrapped by a support system I realized was missing for so many others. It was as if God knew exactly what I would need as the right combination of people around me to thrive in such a complex world.

I was fortunate to grow up in a traditional Christian household with my loving family in the eighties and nineties. There were six of us: Dad, Mom, Rooster, Tyrone, Shay, and me. Our parents were considered youthful parents by completing our family in their mid-twenties. They had the energy to run around with us but also had to learn how to navigate being young adults while raising a family.

Being born third in the line of my siblings, I had the middle child syndrome in every sense of the definition as a people-pleasing, peacemaking type of child. I was wise beyond my years. I kept up with my responsibilities around the house and, as a result, mothered my siblings. My brothers and sister would often call me bossy as I repeated most of what our parents would tell us to keep us in line and out of trouble. Since I behaved maturely, I became independent. I spent more time outside the house playing sports, joining academic clubs and organizations, and working jobs as soon as I became old enough.

I had two older brothers. My oldest brother, Rooster, who’s six years older than me, was charismatic, witty, well-spoken, and well dressed. As the oldest child in our family, he was the golden child. Everywhere we went, people gloated over him. My older brother, Tyrone, who’s one and a half years older than me, was a down-to-earth, easy-going, fun-loving kind of guy. We have shared a strong bond throughout life. He was the kind of person who could read me well. We often understood each other without having to say much. His sense of humor kept