Help for the Hurting Child: Christian Approaches to Therapeutic Parenting

By Larry E Banta MD

The primary purpose of this book is to assist those caring for children unable to be with their original parents. There are many reasons this occurs. Some might be truly orphaned, their parents having died from AIDS, Ebola, or another epidemic or because of an accident, war, terrorism, or some other illness or tragedy. Others perhaps come from s

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bookside Press
• Release date: Jul 5, 2022
• ISBN: 9781990695612

Larry E Banta MD

Lawrence E. Banta MD LFAPA is a medical doctor specialized in psychiatry with subspecialty in child and adolescent psychiatry. Over the past four decades, he has worked with children in various countries as well as the US who have been displaced and traumatized. At the time of writing, he is providing outpatient mental health service and consultation in the Boise, Idaho, area. He lives in Boise, Idaho, with his wife, Evelyn, a licensed professional counselor. Together, they provide consultation and assistance with child-serving agencies internationally. Dr. Banta enjoys camping, photography, and travel.

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Copyright © 2022 by Larry E. Banta, MD FAPA

ISBN: 978-1-990695-55-1 (Paperback)

978-1-990695-62-9 (Hardback)

978-1-990695-61-2 (E-book)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

The views expressed in this book are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. Some names and identifying details in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

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Contents

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1: Systems: How Things Really Work

Chapter 2: Creating a Successful Home: Structure

Chapter 3: Normal Development and Attachment

Chapter 4: Reactive Attachment Disorder

Chapter 5: Basics of Behavior Management

Chapter 6: Making Disciples

Chapter 7: A Word about Boundaries

Chapter 8: Creating a Confident Child

Chapter 9: The First Days

Chapter 10: Understanding Childhood Trauma

Chapter 11: Sexual Abuse and Sexualized Children

Chapter 12: Sexuality Education in the Home

Chapter 13: Preparation for Independent Living

Chapter 14: Understanding Mental Illness in Children

Chapter 15: Developmental and Neuropsychiatric Disorders

Chapter 16: Finishing Strong

Chapter 17: Spiritual Warfare

Chapter 18: Suicidal and Self-Destructive Behavior

Chapter 19: Administration of Medication

Bibliography

About the Author

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®.

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica Inc.™

Used by permission of Zondervan (www.zondervan.com).

All rights reserved worldwide. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the US Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica Inc.™

Help for the Hurting Child: Christian Approaches to Therapeutic Parenting by Larry E. Banta, MD

Reviewed by: Mihir Shah

During various stages of development, there are special times when the child, or even the adult, is more vulnerable to the effects of trauma.

Well researched and comprehensive, Banta’s work is a fusion of his experiences and deeper probings as they pertain to paving a healthy and functional pathway for children who have been displaced from their original families for one reason or another. What gives the author’s work even greater credence and legitimacy is the firsthand accounts and interactions he has had with those working directly with the children, from foster parents to orphanages. Piecing together the three core topics of psychology, psychiatry, and religion, the work is a bona fide guide toward providing a holistic and therapeutic game plan to develop the child.

More than anything else, the text focuses on helping authority figures—the stewards of our children’s future—avoid the constant disruptions in their developmental experience that have so tragically become a trademark of well-known adoptive placement systems like foster care. To this end, Banta does an exceptional job of helping educate the masses on acquiring an understanding of child development, both the necessity of it and the science behind it. In essence, his theory is that adults first must be committed to the process of child development with Christian approaches before the child can be expected to exhibit that same level of commitment to faith and the family system.

The author takes incredibly complex topics and finds a way to simplify them so even the layman can understand. In particular, explaining psychological concepts like extinction, withdrawals, and mental illness can be rife with confusing theories. However, he filters out the complexities using scripture and examples and leaves only the substance for the reader to digest. The holistic approach to development is predicated upon balancing all aspects of humanity, from spirituality and physical health to mental and emotional well-being. If any of these core categories are off-kilter, Banta suggests that chaos will ensue and open a path for Satan to enter and corrupt the mind.

Describing a series of systems throughout, Banta emphasizes that positive energy is a prerequisite to establishing healthy growth in a child. Conjure the image of a child who has grown in isolation. It becomes evident that an appropriate level of attachment is necessary, as is the importance of acknowledging that there will be a learning curve with the child. They simply won’t mesh seamlessly with an adult’s discipline style or even a style that inundates the child with love that often comes across as out of pity. Specifically, the author lays out remnants of a system that can establish and reinforce the attachment with a healing child. In particular, daily and cultural rituals are essential to overall progress.

Perhaps the most intriguing aspect of this roadmap is its ability to highlight development from the entire lifespan of a child from infancy. Undoubtedly, the portion on dreams, especially REM sleep, and understanding the fundamentals of behavior management are the cornerstones of conditioning and psychology as a whole. Conversely, it is not simply the behavior of the child that must be evaluated, but also that of the adult, who must be cognizant of every action and communication and how it could affect the healing child. Above all else, faith in Christ acts as the great equalizer, focusing on unconditional love and forgiveness regardless of the behaviors and the potential shortcomings from the scientific front. Collectively, however, the author’s strength lies in the thoroughness of his work and in his ability to weave together science and religion for the betterment of the child.

RECOMMENDED by the US Review

Preface

PREFACE

During the past several decades, I have had the opportunity to meet and work with many who have served as foster parents, adoptive parents, house parents in orphanages and children’s facilities, administrators of facilities, as well as working directly with several state agencies in Idaho and Nebraska serving children in out-of-home placement. I have trained many workers and administrators over the years but have learned countless lessons from those serving as the caregivers of these special children. With my own background in child and adolescent psychiatry and the experience of working with the special people who dedicated their lives and careers in working with these children, I have been able to compile some material that should be helpful for anyone who is involved with children who are not able to be in their own homes or with their original families.

My strong desire is that this manual would serve as a reference, a starting point, toward continued learning for those in this type of children’s ministry. There is always more to know. We must always be looking for better ways to accomplish the important work of helping these children to get a great start in life in spite of the situation that they come from. An important part of any ministry is to be humble enough to learn and profit from the experiences of others. There is good science behind much of what we can use in enhancing this type of ministry.

The science of psychology offers a great deal in terms of understanding what happens in normal and abnormal development. The great work on understanding attachment and how it truly affects the entire course of life has been one of the great discoveries of this field.

The medical specialty of psychiatry has offered some approaches, well studied, as to how to reach these children and to assist them with getting back on a good developmental track to be able to be successful. This includes the judicious use of medication combined with therapeutic approaches shown to be effective in working with children.

Theology is the foundation on which we can discern what is true from the above disciplines and to provide the child with understanding his origin, the true meaning and purpose of life, what is morality, and what is the basis of the rules that we live by. Our belief in the Creator God and His Son Jesus also provides us with the ultimate destiny of life, heaven.

Utilizing the principles above, we can truly help the children to become PRODUCTIVE COMMITTED CHRISTIAN ADULTS.

Introduction

INTRODUCTION

The primary purpose of this book is to assist those caring for children unable to be with their original parents. There are many reasons this occurs. Some might be truly orphaned, their parents having died from AIDS, Ebola, or another epidemic or because of an accident, war, terrorism, or some other illness or tragedy. Others perhaps come from situations in which original parents or adoptive parents are not able to care for them due to factors related to either the child or parents. Whatever the situation, these children do not have the advantage of living with their original set of parents and are now in some type of alternative home placement.

The placement may be a foster home, adoptive home, orphanage, children’s home, residential school, or other type of placement.

The issue of raising children who cannot be with their parents of origin has always been a challenge. As Christians, we are commanded to care for the widows and orphans, as this fulfills true religion:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27)

The growing problem of orphaned and abandoned children provides a great challenge for the church today. This was mainly an urban issue for many years, as families from rural areas traveled to urban areas and left their children there when they felt they could no longer care for them. Over the years, I have met many of these children, some as adults. Many had the opportunity of a loving home to grow up in, either through adoption or in a children’s home. Some grew up on the street and endured sometimes terrible trauma and loneliness. Now the issue is widespread and can be found just about everywhere, even in the rural communities of African countries or in India, where many ministries are reaching out. In the US, the problem of homeless and abandoned children is growing. Further complicating this issue is the problem of sex trafficking. This is a great opportunity for God’s people to provide a special and needed ministry in many different ways.

The concept of parenting is something we learn from our own parents, good or bad. Most of us, Christians in particular, learn to modify our behaviors when we have the desire to improve on the parenting styles of our parents. Otherwise, we generally repeat their errors, often lovingly but unwittingly made, and continue those dysfunctional patterns through yet another generation. Parenting children we procreate is often difficult enough, but choosing the noble task of the ministry to care for children who do not have parents or cannot live with their original parents is a real challenge. It must be done right.

The concept of therapeutic parenting is to accept the challenge of raising children that need more than just parenting. This involves learning how to best deal with sometimes a very damaged, hurting child. Love is not enough, but is a very good start. Approaches need to address the whole child. Psychology and psychiatry have offered much in how to understand and care for the special needs presented. There are many approaches in terms of housing.

One way to care for them is the traditional orphanage or children’s home. Many types of children’s homes exist throughout the world—some do well, while others do not. The results depend on keeping the right focus in the ministry and developing a program that maintains a healthy environment that successfully addresses physical, spiritual, and mental challenges.

Some orphanages use the model of a normal home. A couple, often still raising their own children, will manage a home with twenty or more children often of both sexes and all ages. This works for some, as the outcome is fairly good much of the time. However, some orphaned children have trouble tolerating the idea of someone else representing their mother or father—especially the mother, due to the trauma of having been separated from her, abandoned by her, not protected from abuse by her, abused by her. There is a subconscious tendency for these children to blame the foster or adoptive mother for the situation that left them homeless. They tend to take out the anger of being abandoned, hurt, or betrayed on the nearest representation of a mother, the female in the home. If abuse was perpetrated by a father figure, then anger toward the one representing that role often occurs.

Over the years, after working with various models and consulting with homes in several countries, I’ve found