Secrets

By Melinda J. Kaffer

Will Todd ever overcome the demons from his childhood? Despite all effort he puts into moving forward, he can’t seem to find the peace his soul longs for. Will he continue to live a lie? Although Maggie has found love, her heart continues to ache for Todd. Will they ever have a relationship?
Jenna and Grant are faced with challenges that put their marriage to the test. Will Jenna lose her faith in God and Grant? Is Grant’s relationship with God strong enough to carry them both through the darkness?
Tessa shares a secret with Hunter that changes their future. Will the secret remain tucked away in only hearts? Will the path they choose break the hearts of their loved ones?
Hank and Bev continue to grow closer in their relationship; however, the skeletons in Hunter and Tessa’s closet could draw them apart.

Dearest reader,
I would like to take the time to thank each of you from my heart. Some of you have been with my journey since my first book, The Crooked Path. As some of you know, I have faced many challenges, but Jesus has been faithful.
Secrets warps up the Thread of Hope series. Now, I’m going to take my writing in other directions. I’m forever grateful for your prayers and ask that you continue to pray for me and my loved ones.
Hug.
Melinda xoxo

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669834298

Melinda J. Kaffer

Melinda graduated from Lighthouse Christian Bible College located in Beebe, Arkansas, with a degree in Christian education. Reading a good Christian fiction book is her favorite pastime. She currently resides in Alabama.

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Copyright © 2022 by Melinda J. Kaffer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 07/05/2022

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Contents

Part One   White Lie

Prologue   Peoria

1   October 1994 Peoria, Illinois

2   Macomb, Illinois

3   Macomb

4   Macomb

5   Macomb

6   Macomb

7   Macomb

8   Peoria Two Months Later

9   Peoria

10   Macomb

Part Two   Just One Touch

11   Peoria

12   Macomb

13   Macomb Christmas Day

14   Peoria

15   Macomb

16   Macomb

17   Macomb

18   Macomb

19   Peoria

20   Peoria

Part Three   Love

21   Macomb

22   Peoria

23   Peoria

24   Macomb

25   Peoria

26   Peoria

27   Peoria

28   Peoria

29   Macomb

30   Peoria

Part Four   A Common Thread

31   Sixteen Years Later 2011 Macomb

32   Macomb

33   Macomb

34   Macomb

35   Macomb

36   Peoria

37   Peoria

38   Macomb

39   Peoria

40   Macomb

41   Peoria

42   Macomb Six Years Later June 2017

I would like to be a child again, playground

noise and store-bought toys . . .

—Mindy

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Part One

White Lie

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If I told the truth, surely your heart would rather hear a lie . . .

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,

saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not

of evil, to give you an expected end.

—Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)

Prologue

Peoria

M ags, I screwed up . . . I really screwed up, Todd could hardly speak through the lump in his throat.

Maggie felt her stomach turn flips as she allowed her swollen eyes linger into Todd’s ice-blue eyes longer than she intended. He looked lost. It was as if he was dead. The smell of sour whiskey nearly caused her to lose her evening meal.

She was thankful for Trent. He was more than understanding. He assured her Todd was welcome. He allowed the two of them to have alone time. Only God knew how Todd would shut down if Trent would insist on hanging around. Nevertheless, Trent was only a whisper away. Maggie was sure he was listening to bits and pieces of their conversation. That was okay because Todd had no way of knowing.

Toddy, I’m sure you’re overreacting. I mean—

Todd felt the hot tears roll down his cheek. He could still hear Tessy’s sweet voice calling him Toddy. He remembered his reaction. He was downright rude. He felt his heart harden as he demanded she will never call him Toddy again. He acted like a foolish man. Why did she fall for him? Better yet, why did he allow her to enter into his heart? Stupid. Absolutely stupid.

Hey Toddy, come here. Maggie reached out, only to be pushed away.

Mags, don’t you ever call me Toddy again! Is. That. Clear?

Maggie felt her heart rate speed up. Who was this man? Where did her Toddy disappear? Why did she ever allow him to move to nowhere land? Really? Macomb? What the heck happened to her son? She was brought back to reality at the thundering sound of her son’s voice.

I. Am. Talking. To. You. In case you didn’t hear me, I’ll reiterate. Don’t you ever call me Toddy, clear?

Silence.

Clear?

Yeah sure, Todd. I hear you—

Maggie was interrupted by the sound of Trent knocking on the door to her private office. She was sure the world could hear the sound of her heartbeat when Trent’s voice echoed into the room.

Hey? What the heck’s going on in there? Baby, are you okay?

Maggie wasted no time, she quickly replied, Yes, baby, everything is good. We should be coming out in a few.

Todd’s outburst went from bad to downright insane. Like a madman, he started yelling expletives. His language was vulgar and cut through her heart like a dull knife. She never heard him use such profanity. Before she could count to three, Trent was standing beside her. To her surprise, he appeared calm. However, she knew otherwise. Her husband detested people speaking to her with such disrespect.

Listen, Todd, I think we can work out whatever it is that’s troubling you. Heck, I know firsthand how life can be tough and throw a few curve balls.

Todd felt a peace. Was Trent right? Could everything work out? Todd only allowed the disillusioned thoughts to tumble in his twisted mind for a brief moment. Heck no. His life was beyond repair. And why in the heck did he come here? He needed to leave. He couldn’t stay.

Alone, in the darkness, is where I find comfort . . .

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1

October 1994

Peoria, Illinois

T here was an eeriness that swept over Todd as he sat in his dark apartment. How many times had he sat in this room willing his life to fast forward? Countless. He hated his life then, and he hated it even more now. He was sitting at his desk, where he spent more hours than he cared to admit; reading, drinking, thinking, and writing. Somehow, the bedroom seemed smaller. Maybe because he tasted the sweetness of freedom. Yet here he was, back on Main Street living above the pool hall.

It took some persuasion and a few hundred bucks to convince the proprietor to allow him to keep Misfit, his dog and best pal. He supposed he should be thankful that the proprietor gave him a break because Misfit was all he had. The old guy pointed his bony finger in Todd’s face and declared if any of the tenants complained, he would have less than one hour to get out with his mutt. Todd assured him he had nothing to worry about; Todd was after all, proud of how well he trained Misfit. So far, all the neighbors thought he was a cool dog.

Todd considered notifying Mags, his mom but decided he wasn’t up to having her and Trent in his life. He didn’t need them. He was back to being a loner, and that suited him just fine. He only hoped his phone call to Maggie convinced her he wasn’t living in Peoria. He couldn’t tell her he planned to continue living in Macomb. So he simply lied. He hated to lie to her but he had no other choice. He simply told her a better job opportunity came up in Ohio. He didn’t elaborate much. He kept his story short and sweet. Sure, he would need to call her from time to time. Mainly to assure her he was fine.

He could still see the pain in Mags’s swollen eyes, and it troubled him, really it did. But what about all of the pain she inflicted on him? She’s probably the most selfish woman on planet Earth. And he was more than happy to have her out of his life. She deserved every harsh word that spewed out of his mouth. Yes, he loved her. But not like a son loved his mom. He just loved her his way, and he wasn’t even sure if his way was considered love. Heck, he felt like his life was one big contradiction and he only had Mags to blame.

Todd figured he was not destined to have a family. Yes, he tasted the goodness of love but he screwed up. Heck, his life was one big screwup. And he had one person to blame: Maggie. She literally robbed him of his childhood, glory days, and manhood. Sure, for a brief moment he considered reuniting with her and come to know Trent, but it took no time for him to come to his senses.

Why would he desire to reconcile with a woman who subjected him to such pain? Yes, over the years, he continued to remind himself she did the best she could. One, she had no education. Two, she was alone. Three, she tried to teach him to live honestly with himself and others. Four, she loved him. So why couldn’t he forgive her? He supposed the answer to the question he tossed around was simple. She never had time for him but she had plenty of time to fall in love and run off into the sunset.

Todd spent countless hours dreaming of how he could convince Mags to walk away from the life she freely chose. He had high hopes for the two of them to live life as a normal family. If there was such a thing. Yet, all of his dreams crashed at his feet. He was sure Grant, his former coworker, lived the all-American life. Todd missed him like crazy but he really missed the one person in the world who would forever hold his heart in the palm of her hand, Tessa. He loved her so much.

Love. That silly four-letter word literally drove Todd insane. He knew what it was like to fall madly in love only to experience disappointment. He could still hear the sound of Tessa’s sweet voice, her carefree laughter, and her cute childlike giggles. Todd sighed as his thoughts travel back into the shadows. His Tessa was not only fun, but she was extremely intelligent. He longed for one more chance but he, of all people, realized life wasn’t about second chances. The way he perceived life, he messed up really bad and didn’t deserve a second chance.

Todd downed his JD and refilled his goblet. He was starting to feel comfortably numb, just the way he liked. Life as Todd knew it came to a halt just a few months ago when he broke Tessa’s heart. Her voice continued to vibrate in his mind like a time bomb. Her words were like fire as she demanded they go their separate ways. His heart still ached at the thought of what he must have done to her.

Todd glanced at the book he purchased titled I’m OK—You’re OK by Thomas A. Harris, Tessa’s favorite read. She recommended it, but he completely forgot about the book until he noticed it at an old secondhand bookstore, Bookworms Only.

He liked going to the old bookstore. Somehow, he found comfort in secondhand books. Maybe because the pages were somewhat warn, kind of like his life, or maybe it was the smell of the pages. You know, the old musty smell, kinda like him. It could be because some of the pages were torn, or even missing. Todd supposed he identified with all of the scenarios.

As Todd looked around his scarcely decorated apartment, he felt his heart drift back to just a few short months; yet seemed a lifetime ago. The first time he lay under the stars with a woman, not just any woman, but his Tessy. Yes, he allowed every detail of the night to play over in his mind, from their shoulders touching to her sweet smell and her story.

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Memories of what seemed to be a million yesterdays

If she thinks I’m going to share my story, she is disillusioned. It will be a cold day in, well, my lips will remain sealed. Although, it would be nice to taste her lips. Yeah sure, I would love to hear your story. Todd had to refrain from chuckling. He knew without a shadow of doubt that her life had been a bed of roses.

Tessa proceeded to tell Todd every single detail about her childhood, and all the way up to her young adulthood. She was sure she felt hidden doors start to open. Doors she kept locked for so many years. As far as she knew, she hadn’t even shared with Hunter the true battle that raged within her when she was younger. The war of bitterness toward her mom. Yes, she had shared with Hunter how she felt about her dad and maybe some about her mom. But not the secret details, she was ashamed to admit, even to herself. Yes, her mom is and always have been one of her best friends. But there was still that secret war that raged within Tessa’s heart which she kept suppressed.

The thing is, her voice was just above a whisper, I’m so ashamed I battled with such feelings. Tessa paused for a brief moment and then continued.

I realize my mom did everything she could to provide for me and she did such a wonderful job. But it’s like she became a robot, and well, she never really seemed happy, at least not until Grant came along. I will forever be grateful for Grant. He has done so much for my mom.

There was silence for a beat. It was almost like a holy hush. Todd was trying to process everything that Tessa had shared. Tessa took a deep breath and then continued.

I guess in the beginning of Mom and Grant’s relationship, I was a little jealous. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but I was. I supposed it was because he was able to give her something that I couldn’t. He gave her joy. Anyway, that’s all water under the bridge. We’re a happy family. The now moment is what counts. Right?

Todd merely nodded. He was lost for words. He tried to recall if Grant had shared with him that Tessa was his stepdaughter. For some reason, he believed they had always been a happy family. Maybe Tessa had no idea what it was like to live the crazy life he lived, but she had a story. And her life wasn’t exactly a bed of roses.

Cat got your tongue?

Uuh, no, Todd replied.

Oh, sorry. Anyway, at least Hunter has always been there for me. He’s been with me through thick and thin.

Hunter? He must be the guy she was with when I saw her a while back.

Yep, my bestie, Hunter. He’s been like a rock for me. I love him like a brother. I can tell he would like for our relationship to go deeper than friendship level. But that’s not happening, Tessa felt a pang of guilt as soon as the words tumbled out of her mouth. She chided herself and wished she could take them back. She didn’t want Todd to get the wrong impression. After all, she was trying to gain his trust and he was sweet on the eye.

I don’t know, I guess I wouldn’t want my relationship with Hunter to be any other way. I love him like family.

No, you’re good. I think I understand.

Good. Hey, I would love for you to meet him. I think the two of you would hit it off.

Number one, Todd had no desire to meet Hunter, and number two, he had no right to be feeling jealous. What Tessa did with her life was her business, not his. She was not his girlfriend. Heck, they weren’t even really friends. Fact is, they were just mere acquaintances. Maybe one day. Why did I just say that? Idiot!

That would be great. Now, it’s your turn to tell me your story.

They both turned their heads and allowed their eyes to lock. Todd wanted so badly to kiss her but he wouldn’t. Not now, anyway. He felt his defenses come down a notch or two. Maybe he should share just a small portion of his childhood like the fact he never met his dad and had no idea where he might be. But instead, he whispered, It’s late. You should be getting home. Your parents will be worried. Todd could hear the sound of Misfit breathing. He could tell by Misfit’s steady breathing that he was sound asleep.

I’m a big girl . . . and they trust me. Do you?

Everything within Todd wanted to trust her but he couldn’t. At least not yet.

I love classical music, Todd whispered.

Well, that’s interesting, Tessa whispered.

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Todd shook his head and chuckled. He couldn’t believe his idiotic reply. I love classical music. He stood to his feet and stretched. He needed another drink, so he staggered to the kitchen to pour himself one. He came to the conclusion that he had two best friends. Misfit and JD.

When he returned to his bedroom, he once again picked up the book. He believed that somehow the book would make him feel close to Tessy. But did he really need a stupid book? Nope. He knew she would always be close to his heart.

Todd muttered a few expletives and then took a gulp of his drink. What is it that Mags wrote in that ridiculous letter she tucked away in the shoebox? Without second-guessing, he went to the closet to retrieve the shoebox. There was still a small amount of cash in the box, but not much. He reminded himself he needed to land a job like soon. He picked up the warn letter and returned back to his desk. With shaking hands, he opened the envelope and started reading.

My dearest Toddy,

If you are reading this letter, then you have finally opened the shoebox. You can’t fool me, I’m sure the box set somewhere for days, or maybe even weeks. But that’s okay, God has a perfect timing for everything. Before I go any further, I can only hope you haven’t removed the cloth. If you haven’t, please do not do so until you have finished reading this letter. Thanks, Toddy.

As you know, I’m not the writer in the family, you are. But I’m going to do my best to pen my running thoughts on paper. You have been gone for less than an hour; yet, in many ways, it seems a lifetime. I so miss you, but I realize you’re a man. You must do what you feel you must. I suppose if I were to be honest with my heart, I resent our life came to this. However, I know resentment is poison, so I humbly ask God to remove every ounce of selfishness from me. After all, doesn’t resentment stem from selfishness? I have probably been one of the most selfish mothers on planet Earth. And for that, I’m very sorry.

I realize I could easily give you one excuse after another for the lifestyle I subjected you to, but I won’t. To put it plain and simple, I made the intellectual decision to become a prostitute. Trust me, this is very difficult for me to admit, and I do live with my poor choice every single day of my life. I’m sure this is difficult for you to digest, so if you must stop reading for a moment, I do understand. But don’t you dare remove the washcloth. (((((Hugs)))))

Okay, if you took a breather, welcome back. Before I go any further, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the choices I have made. Anyway, I think you understand what I’m trying to convey. Let’s move on to another subject.

Toddy, I really am concerned about your personal life . . . meaning, your love life. You’re a very nice-looking man and you deserve happiness. Yes, you’re young, but still, time stops for no one. I mean, it seems only yesterday, I was your age. I want you to promise me you will allow your heart to be opened to love. Okay?

Please don’t base all relationships on mine and Moe’s. We both know I’m not in love with him, and he’s most likely not in love with me. However, we do care deeply for one another. I guess I was never destined to experience the kind of love most people have. But that should not stop you from pursuing true happiness. Okay, enough said on this topic.

Now, about your writing. Please promise me you will follow your dream. I know what you’re thinking . . . that you have followed your dream by moving away from Peoria. Maybe you’re right. But Toddy, God has given you a special talent in writing. Please don’t allow it to waste away. I challenge you to finish some of those novels you started.

Okay, now I’m going to ask you to stop reading and go ahead and remove the cloth. Well, go ahead . . . what are you waiting for?

Okay, Toddy, are you done blowing off steam? I want to assure you I did not give you my entire savings. This is the money I have been saving for you since you were a toddler. I wanted to have funds for your college, in case you decided to go.

Now, don’t think about trying to give it back to me because I won’t take it. And you know how stubborn I can be! So please, use the money however you see fit. It’s yours, Toddy. Okay? The way I see it, this is the very least I can do for you. I mean, I robbed you of your childhood, and for that, I’m so sorry. I suppose it would take me two lifetimes to make up for all of my mistakes.

I really have no idea how much money is in the box, but I do know there’s enough for you to make a down payment on a house if you would like. And no, I’m not trying to tell you how to spend the money, like I said, it’s yours. I simply remember you saying something about a house. Hey, you could get a dog! You always wanted a puppy. Or you could just put the money in the bank and allow it to accumulate interest. Like I said, it’s yours. I’m not trying to tell you how to spend it, or anything like that. You know me, just being Mom. I guess, once a mom, always a mom. At least I’m not a bossy mom. Am I?

I only ask that you wait for a few days to call me. Once again, I love you, Toddy, with all of my heart. I have taken enough of your time. Make sure you eat three healthy meals a day, and call soon, but not too soon. Okay, maybe I’m a little bossy.

Love,

Mags (Mom)

Todd crumbled the letter in his hands and tossed it across the room. He wiped the hot tears that stung the back of his eyes and downed his drink. He then ambled to the kitchen to pour himself another stiff drink. However, he found himself dropping to his knees at the sound of the one small clock that hung on the wall in the stuffy living room, just above the sofa. At that moment, what hit him the hardest about the darn letter was that even Mags admitted she