The Fateful Text

By Georgie Gee

Things were jogging along nicely for Lexi, a 50-year-old holistic fitness instructor, until her safe little world turned upside down when she fatefully opens a text message from her husband that was clearly intended for his lover. Her husband, Nathan is a successful businessman who is used to getting his own way and tries to manipulate her into simply ‘letting it go’ and getting back to normal but Lexi has other ideas.
In her bid not to be manipulated by Nathan, she takes herself away to think things through and by chance meets a man who is in the country on business. His name is Conrad. He’s a high-flying, workaholic, businessman from the states; he’s instantly intrigued by her and engineers another chance meeting, which results in a friendship blossoming between them.
Despite Lexi’s husband’s attempts to get her to return home, Lexi and Conrad end up spending an amazing weekend together and in that time their friendship escalates into the deepest connection of mind, body and spirit. The two of them fall so deeply for each other that by the end of the weekend Lexi is faced with the decision of whether to go home and try to save her marriage or to continue her relationship with this man whom she now feels, could well be her true soul-mate.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press UK
• Release date: Sep 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9781982285371

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Copyright © 2022 Georgie Gee.

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of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-8536-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8537-1 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 11/15/2022

Contents

About the Author

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Lexi’s Appendix

Sweet yummy treats

About the Author

Throughout my life I have struggled with many health issues that resulted in my regularly being in and out of hospital, from a small child into adulthood, until I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type 3 at the age of 38. This is a condition that affects the connective tissues, in a nutshell, they are far too soft and as the connective tissue holds one ‘together’ both through the skeleton and the internal organs, it explained why I had so many problems. However, having received this diagnosis, that was where it ended, the NHS offered no further help or advice, and I was left to get on with it.

From then on, I made it my purpose to do the very best for myself. I have spent my life proactively doing everything I can to make myself as well and as healthy as I possibly can be. I’ve studied health and wellbeing from many different angles for 20 years now and learned from some amazing people along the way who have afforded me life changing and empowering information.

For many years my world revolved around exercise and diet and I was doing very well. In my quest for any knowledge to do with health and well-being, around seven years ago, I came to learn of the principles of the holistic lifestyle. I became very interested in the concept of treating my ‘being’ as a whole, mind, body and spirit. This incredible approach, combined with the knowledge I already had of exercise and nutrition, took my health to a whole new level and it has completely changed my life. I learned on my journey that it’s impossible to have a healthy body without a healthy mind because the body is a physical manifestation of our thoughts and feelings. We need to address it all to be healthy, happy and whole.

I now lead a normal life and one wouldn’t know I had a problem now unless I told them. I’m very proud of the level of wellness I have managed to achieve for myself with this knowledge and am truly passionate about creating awareness of the difference this approach can make to one’s health and wellbeing.

In my opinion, since we have been faced with this pandemic, it has NEVER been more important for individuals to take responsibility for their own health and wellbeing.

I had always wanted to write a novel and so, I decided that I would write a beautiful love story, with all the basic principles of the holistic lifestyle laced throughout as an enjoyable introduction to this healthful and life changing practice. I hope you enjoy it.

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1

Lexi walked round the house checking that the doors and windows were locked, picked up her suitcase from the hall and stepped outside. As she locked the door, the neighbour’s cat spotted her and came trotting across the garden for a fuss. Lexi bent down to stroke it.

‘’Sorry Pepys I haven’t got anything for you today,’’ she said as she stroked his thick, black fur. He responded by rubbing the side of his face affectionately into her. She stood up and loaded her case into the car, ensuring the cat wasn’t under the car before she got in, set up her sat nav and went on her way.

Lexi was a 50-year-old mother of two grown up children; she was a Holistic Lifestyle and Exercise Coach married to her husband, Nathan for twenty years. Four days earlier her life was jogging along nicely. She was happy at work, happy at home and her life was what one would call ‘sweet’. However, three days ago this was all to change.

Nathan was away on business; his work regularly took him away from home. Lexi was at the end of a long day at work at a gym fairly close to where she lived. She had just finished teaching her last class of the day; she switched off the lights and locked up the gym studio, then headed to the reception desk where she handed over the studio keys. The lad on reception looked up as she approached the desk.

Good one tonight? he enquired.

Yes, excellent thank you, Lexi replied. She loved her job; she loved exercise and everything to do with health and wellbeing and was extremely passionate about what she did, totally driven by it.

I’m going to hit the sauna before I go home, she said, finishing with "see you in a bit,’’ and walked off in the direction of the changing rooms.

She opened her locker and checked her phone. She noticed a ‘missed call’ from Nathan and called him back. Hey, how was your day? she asked.

Oh, good thanks, and you? came his reply.

Yes, fine thanks. I’m a bit knackered to be honest, I’ve covered someone else’s classes today so I’m going to relax in the sauna for a little while and unwind before I go home. How did last night go? Nathan was currently working on the final stages of a big project that he’d been working on for the last 18 months.

Oh, you know, nice meal. We got most of the business done over the table and then spent the rest of the night in the bar! he replied jovially.

This wasn’t an unusual statement from Nathan.

Lol, typical, she laughed. How many of you?

Five of us.

Suitable hangover this morning then? she enquired.

Not too bad, came the reply.

Ok, well, I’m going to get off now, see you when you get back tomorrow, bye, love you.

With their brief exchange complete, Lexi popped her phone back in the locker and pulled out her towel and swimwear. She removed her sweaty kit and had a nice, hot shower to relax her tired muscles. Towards the end she turned the water down cold, cooling her body right down, taking her breath away and making her gasp a little; then she turned the water back hot again to finish. When she was done, she popped on her bikini and headed for the sauna.

Oh, bliss, she exclaimed as she lay her tired body down on her towel on the wooden bench, the heat on her skin instantly relaxing her. There was just one other lady in there who had just participated in her class. They had a little chat and after twenty minutes or so, a very ‘spent’ but suitably chilled-out Lexi, gathered her belongings from her locker and put on her pj’s to drive home. It was now 9pm and she didn’t see any sense in getting dressed just to go home and get undressed again!

Heading back towards the reception desk Lexi saw two of the male gym staff pick up a girl and throw her in the pool fully clothed. It was her birthday, and this was the ritual at the gym when there was any kind of celebration. They were all a little high spirited and counted to three as they swung her over the pool, cheering as they let go on ‘three’ and she flew out of their hands and hit the water.

You rotten lot! she exclaimed, dripping wet as she climbed out and they all laughed. By now there was quite a group of staff at the reception desk, socialising and congratulating the birthday girl. At that point Lexi’s phone bleeped to alert her to a text. She fished in her bag for her phone, opened up the message and froze...

Paul was one of the other personal trainers who worked there; he could see from Lexi’s expression something was quite obviously wrong.

Are you ok Lex? he asked. Lexi and Paul were very good friends, having worked together for over four years at the gym. They were very like-minded and got on very well both in and outside of work. She looked at him and passed him her phone, presenting him with the message she had just received from her husband.

‘Hey sexy minx, you left your knickers on the floor! P.S. You were amazing last night xx’

Oi oi! Paul winked and lightly elbowed her in the side.

Lexi’s serious expression remained as she turned to her unknowing friend and said, "Nathan has been away since Monday Paul.

The jokey expression on Paul’s face instantly dropped as her words sunk in.

Oh shit, Lex! Paul exclaimed No way! I’m so sorry, Jesus! What are you going to do? he asked, horrified at the situation that he found unfolding in front of him.

Lexi looked at the message again and said, I’m going to reply to him, that’s what I’m going to do!

She replied to her husband saying, I don’t think that was meant for me, was it?

Within about fifteen seconds Lexi’s phone started to ring. She didn’t really need to look to see who it was.

She answered the call saying, There really isn’t an awful lot you can say right now is there?

Lexi please! came her husband’s anxious voice from the other end.

She gave him no chance to say any more, Please?... Please what Nathan? Please ignore that last message? Or is it more a case of, please let me off this once? Her voice cold and stern.

No! Completely flustered Nathan began to fumble for his words. I mean…

Again, she didn’t allow him to continue, What do you mean Nathan? Exactly what DO you mean? She pressed the red button finishing the call and tossed the phone into her bag, a mixture of anger and upset raging up inside of her. She took a moment to breathe and tried to get control of the stress response that was now surging through every cell in her body. She managed to compose herself to a degree, aware of the celebrations still happening all around her and then exclaimed to Paul, Oh my God, I didn’t see that one coming! Her cheeks were already flushed from the sauna, but now her jaw started to quiver as she spoke. Paul put his arm around her and led her away from the celebrating crowd.

Jeeze Lex, I honestly don’t know what to say! he was absolutely ‘crushed’ to see his friend being dealt such a nasty blow.

God Paul, I would never have expected this in a million years! she said in disbelief as their conversation became more private.

What are you going to do? he said concerned.

Right now, I have absolutely no idea… Oh… my… God! she said slowly as the horrible reality of what had just happened kicked in.

When is he due back home?

Tomorrow evening,

Are you gonna be ok? I mean, I don’t mind coming back with you if you want me to, if you don’t want to be on your own? He offered supportively.

Aw, bless you sweetie, no, honestly, I think I need to just get home and think this one out by myself, but thank you anyway, she assured him.

Ok, I’m here if you need me hun.

Thank you, sweetie, I know you are and that’s really kind of you, she said kissing him on the cheek.

Hey, I know you’d do the same for me, he gave her a reassuring hug as he kissed her cheek.

Right, I’m going to go, she said heaving her heavy bag onto her shoulder.

Drive carefully, he said. He could see how shaken Lexi was by this despite her effort to be calm and added, Text me to let me know you get back ok please.

Yeah, will do, she said turning towards the foyer to leave.

As she pushed through the heavy glass door her strong exterior began to slip away, the tears started to roll down her face and she had a shaky feeling in the pit of her stomach. She walked through the car park, opened the car door, slung her gym bag on the back seat and launched herself heavily into the driver’s seat. She took a big sigh reaching into her handbag for her phone again. She opened up Nathan’s message and sat staring at it, almost as if she hoped it’d go away but of course it didn’t, it just continued to glare back at her in all its horror. Her shoulders began to shake, her breathing started to heave and finally she gave in to her battered emotions and started to cry. She sobbed for a full five minutes, either bawling into her steering wheel or staring back into her phone whilst hugging herself with her free arm, trying to process this awful burden of knowledge. Eventually and after quite some time she managed to compose herself enough to drive the car. She started up the engine and drove home.

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2

Lexi pulled up to her house and parked in darkness. She’d forgotten to put the outside light on before leaving for work. As she walked up the path, Pepys, ever eager for a fuss, came trotting straight out from under the hedge to greet her making a little ‘brrrp’ sound. Bending down to pick him up her tears started to flow again; she momentarily consoled herself, hugging him into her like a furry teddy bear. The cat oblivious to her emotional state, just purred loudly as she buried her head in his comforting fur and cried. After a few minutes she popped him back on the ground, ‘cuffed’ his fur off her face with the back of her sleeve, picked up her bags and unlocked the front door. She walked in, switched on some lights and just stood looking around in a daze for a few minutes.

What on earth am I going to do? she said out loud to herself. She went into the kitchen, picked up a sage stick and lit it, letting it burn for a few moments and then blew it out allowing the smoke to flow from it. She then proceeded to walk through the house wafting the smoke into every corner, high and low with a feather, almost on autopilot as her tangled thoughts played over and over in her head. This was a ritual she performed every day to cleanse the energy of her home. On her holistic path she had also become very spiritual and this was one of many things that had become part of her daily practice.

Once she had ‘smudged’ the house, she returned to the kitchen, poured herself a glass of water and went upstairs; she brushed her teeth and went into the bedroom. She’d only finished decorating it about a month ago; it was all shiny and new in beautiful aqua and purple tones with a lovely new bed, all new furniture and an eye-catching rug on the floor to finish it off. She’d been so thrilled with it and now she was sitting there not even noticing it as she sat alone with her thoughts, wondering to herself, "How on earth am I going to handle this?

Once more she broke down and cried but just at that moment her phone ‘bleeped’, it was a text from Paul to see if she’d got home ok. Bless him, she said to herself out loud and replied to his message. She lay on the bed with the light on staring at the ceiling. A short while later her phone bleeped again and again it was Paul; clearly worried about her.

I hope you’re ok, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Lord only knows what must be going through your head right now, please do call me if you need me.

He was a sweet man, only 24 years old, a personal trainer following the same path as her, they both went on courses together and were fiercely passionate about their jobs, their own lifestyle choices and the health of the planet, they gelled very well both as work colleagues and as friends.

I’m ok, I think. Well… Quite honestly Paul I don’t know what to think, I’m just so shocked. Obviously, he can’t deny this, he’s sent me a message intended for her, but I have no idea what ‘this’ is! I’ve no idea if this was a one-night stand or if it’s an affair that’s been going on forever? I simply have no idea; all I do know is that it’s happened!

Their messages started back and forth.

What do you think you’ll do? he asked.

I really don’t know, it’d be different if the message had said, I’m so sorry, you’re a lovely girl but I’m married and that really shouldn’t have happened! But no, he was sounding quite pleased with himself. As far as I could see from that message, there was certainly no sign of ‘regret’ in there anywhere. I can’t help feeling that whatever he says, his only true regret at this present moment in time is pressing the wrong contact number on his phone!" She was now convincing herself.

Could you forgive him if it was just one night? came the obvious question.

Oh Paul, don’t! I really don’t know. Right now, I feel like the rug has well and truly been pulled out from under my feet, I don’t even want to think about it!

As she was tapping in her reply to Paul her phone received another text message, this time it was Nathan. Can we talk?

Arseholes! she exclaimed out loud to her phone.

With absolutely no intention of replying to him she finished her message to Paul. I’m off to bed now, thank you for caring. X she finished.

To which he replied, Take care lovely lady, I’m here if you need me, you know that, just call me. Lexi, you are worth so much more than this. X His kind words provoking her tears to flow once again.

She took her phone downstairs and put it on charge. She read both of Nathan’s messages again and shook her head.

What on earth am I going to do? she said again to herself.

She went back upstairs and lay on her bed; all sorts of things were going through her mind.

‘How long has it been going on?" Was it someone he got talking to in the bar?’

As she kept thinking about how it might have come about and all the possible scenarios, she worked herself up until she made herself angry.

Bastard! she shouted out from the silence, but then her rational side argued back at her, ‘actually, as horrible as it all is, if he hadn’t sent that message to me, I would be none the wiser’. Then another thought occurred to her, ‘if this is an affair and it’s been going on for a while, he’s also been sleeping with me!’ So, for the rest of the night Lexi tortured herself, with every kind of awful scenario imaginable whirring around in her head.

She spent the whole night tossing and turning, finally managing to get to sleep around 4.30 am, the alarm rudely awaking her at 7am. She wearily sat up in bed and drank her glass of water. She felt awful; she had a heavy, tired head and an obviously low mood. She pulled the blind up and sat in bed looking around her, slowly coming back to terms with her reality. It hadn’t been a bad dream. This had happened and in about twelve hours he’d be walking through the front door to face the music. She wasn’t tearful now, just numb and very tired; she went downstairs and made a coffee, took it back upstairs and got herself showered. After putting her make up on, she then went back down and made her breakfast, all of this on a very slow, methodical autopilot. Only managing to stomach half of her green smoothie, she grabbed a banana and her kit bag and went out of the door to work.

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3

One thing to be said for being in the fitness industry, you don’t get time to think or dwell! She took two classes in the morning and another two in the afternoon as well as two personal training sessions. It’s impossible to overthink when you’ve got to bounce about like the energiser bunny and motivate people, so the day passed by quickly. After her last class she went in the gym to stretch out.

Angie, one of the other gym staff came over for a chat.

Hey Mrs, how are you? she asked cheerfully plonking herself down next to Lexi.

Ha, don’t ask! Lexi replied, her tone giving away the heaviness inside of her.

Seriously, that bad, eh? Angie frowned at her response.

It doesn’t get a great deal worse I’m afraid Ange! and she told Angie the events of the night before as they sat on the mats together.

So, what are you going to do then?

Lexi sighed, I really have no idea.

When’s he back?

Tonight, Lexi replied, shrugging her shoulders and giving Angie a look as if to say ‘Any suggestions?’

Angie sat back on her heels. Wow Lexi, I can’t say I envy you right now! So, you know nothing about her or whether it’s been going on a while?

Nope, Lexi shook her head, nothing at all, just that it’s happened. She turned to her, What would you do?

Angie thought for a moment, Well you have to hear him out. Let him explain himself, you can’t make a decision when you don’t really know what’s gone on, he might have been pissed and not even known what he’d done till the next day! she said trying to think outside the box and give her friend the best of bad scenarios.

That maybe so, but in the text message I received he didn’t exactly have his tail between his legs! Lexi said in a very matter-of-fact way and told Angie what the message had said.

Oh lordy! she cringed with empathy.

Exactly, I have so much going through my head right now Angie… Why now? For goodness’s sake! We’ve got through the kiddy stage where they seem to drive a massive wedge between you both and then all the teenage trials and tribulations that followed on after that. This should be a time when we get to relax and enjoy our time together again. I honestly didn’t see this coming and now I’m wondering, if we can’t resolve this, we’ll probably have to sell the house and go our separate ways. Quite honestly Ange, the thought of a mortgage at 50 and struggling to make ends meet is frightening me but not as much as staying with him and not being able to trust him, or always thinking that, maybe I’m not enough for him!

Her eyes filled with tears as her emotions began to surface again.

Saying nothing, Angie sympathetically placed her hand on Lexi’s arm as she continued, Angie, I’m 50 and in the space of one day, I’ve gone from being happy-go-lucky and enjoying what I would describe as a happy and ‘safe life’ to sitting on the top of the crap-heap not knowing where I’m going to be in a week’s time! As she expressed herself, her brow furrowed with worry.

Angie put her arm round Lexi and gave her a hug, Try not to overthink this hun, I know it’s easier said than done but hear what he has to say first before you make any decisions, you don’t know the full story yet. I know it’s not going to be pleasant, but you might be able to work things out between you, you just don’t know until you have all the facts, she said, desperately trying to sound positive. They finished their exchange; Lexi went to the changing rooms, grabbed her kit bag, and left the gym. Questions, going round and round in her head like a tornado; she threw her bag into the boot and drove home.

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4

Nathan wasn’t home yet. Lexi went into the kitchen and started to prepare some food, then shot upstairs to have a shower. She stood under the hot, powerful jets of water, stinging her skin and just let her mind go blank. The heat was relaxing her, making her feel tired after her energetic day’s work on top of her restless night the night before. In a lethargic manner skipping her usual hot/cold routine she bent forwards allowing the hot jets to hit her back and stayed there until the water started to lose temperature. She switched the water off and leaned out to grab her towel, catching sight of herself in the mirror, her face looked terribly stressed. She stared at her reflection for a moment, not liking the sad and troubled image that stared back at her. She stepped out of the bath and went to the mirror. Lexi strongly believed in the law of attraction and that what we give out, we draw back to us. She also believed that the words we speak and the thoughts we think shape our reality.

Our words are spells (that’s why it’s called spelling) and the more strongly we connect to them and the more feeling we put into them, the more strongly the universe takes them as an affirmation. Lexi regularly did affirmations, both for releasing and bringing in. As she stood in front of the mirror, she heard the front door open then click shut, bringing her abruptly back into the present moment. She faced herself, took a breath and looked deep into her own eyes and connecting with every word said, I release the need within me to be a victim and I now take back my power. She repeated this over and over, then blew ‘life-force’ into her words by blowing hard into the air, she grabbed her dressing gown, put it on and went downstairs.

Her legs felt weak as she went down the stairs. She walked into the lounge and there he stood, awkwardly awaiting her initial reaction. How was she going to be? Will she start yelling and screaming? To be honest, he knew it would be no more than he deserved.

Nathan was an attractive man. Medium height, warm brown hair, quite fit for his age and he looked after himself going to the gym 3 times a week. It went with the territory being married to an exercise professional. Although he wasn’t quite as fanatical as her about the principals of health and wellbeing, he was a good-looking man and had never been short of female admirers.

She stood in silence and looked at him. She could feel the strain in her throat as she tried to choke back her tears. He could see her wrestling with her emotions and stepped forwards reaching out to her with his arms.

No! she said sternly, instinctively stepping backwards and putting her hand up like a stop sign.

Don’t touch me! I don’t want you anywhere near me! she recoiled.

‘Here we go,’ he thought, bracing himself. Ok I won’t touch you; I’ll stay here. But we need to talk, I’ve been trying to work out what I was going to say to you all the way home in the car. I just feel so terrible, he said, almost as if he needed sympathy.

Oh, diddum’s! How awful for you! she responded sarcastically.

A little voice inside his head said, Yep, take that one on the chin, sunshine you asked for that! He then offered, I just want you to know that nothing like this has ever happened before.

Oh really?

Yes, really! he protested as she continued.

So, it’s the first time you’ve ever done anything like this and you’ve been caught out straight away? Do you really expect me to believe that Nathan?

It’s true, I promise you, that’s the truth! he said trying his best to reason with her.

Yeah, well, your promise isn’t exactly held in high regard right now Nathan! and before he could say anything else, she added, Why Nathan? Why now? Throwing her hands up in the air. Nathan’s head dropped, I don’t know, he shrugged.

You don’t know? She glared at him, what kind of an answer is that? Am I not enough for you? Do I bore you?

Nathan shook his head, No, no, no, nothing like that, it just wasn’t like that!

Oh really? What was it like then? she persisted.

He ran his hands through his hair and sat on the arm of the settee trying to figure out what he could say that would limit the damage. Of course, the damage was already done and no matter how carefully he chose his words he wasn’t going to make the situation any better.

We’ve both been working on the project and spending a lot of time together, the deadline is in little over a month, it’s been manic! You know it has babe? He looked at Lexi searching for some kind of understanding but this pathetic look only fuelled her fire.

So, you thought you’d have a shag and relieve a bit of the tension, did you? she mocked.

No, Lexi! No! he protested, I never set out for this to happen, please believe me, I feel fucking terrible, he said raising his voice now in sheer frustration.

Good! I’m glad you feel fucking terrible! she said raising her voice to meet his.

Yeah, ok, I asked for that. But please hear me out. It was never my intention for this to happen. We’d all been working really hard on the merger, there is just so much still to do before the deadline. We had dinner, working all the way through, then we sat in the bar after dinner still working but we’d had a few drinks. I don’t know, it just kind of happened.

Lexi just stared at him silently.

It just happened Lexi, he repeated looking up at her earnestly. I’m so sorry, really I am.

The tears started to roll down Lexi’s face.

It just happened, she said croakily, lightly shaking her head and before he could come back with anything else she added, How old is she?

Thirty-five.

Was she good? she asked as Nathan visibly ‘cringed’ shaking his head and saying

Lexi, please don’t do this.

Please don’t do what? Please don’t want to find out about the lady that you’ve been unfaithful to me with? Why not? I want to know! She protested really raising her voice again now, Is she more attractive than me? Is she better in bed than me? Tell me, don’t be shy, shyness didn’t stop you shagging her in the first place! Her tongue razor sharp now.

Please Lexi, this isn’t getting us anywhere, he said desperately trying to diffuse the situation, but Lexi wasn’t having any of it.

Tell me about her, I want to know. I want to know what it is about her that was worth pissing all over 20 years of marriage, she must be very special! She could see Nathan was visibly shaken by this statement. He shook his head as he said, I didn’t piss all over 20 years of marriage!

Didn’t you? She questioned, looking him straight in the eye What did you do then? Did you think of it as just a bit of fun and I’d be ok with it? He squirmed but she didn’t give him a chance to answer. No. You didn’t! What you didn’t think was - that you would be stupid enough to send your lovers message to your wife by mistake!

He observed her energy change; her upset had now turned to anger. She walked into the kitchen and started to carry on with the dinner, not that she’d be able to eat anything. She started to throw things noisily into the pan for a stir-fry; Nathan followed her into the kitchen.

You still haven’t told me what it is that’s so special about her, she carried on not letting the point go and also not looking up from what she was doing.

Sighing he wearily replied, We’re on the same team, we work well together…

Have you always fancied her? she interrupted.

No! Honestly! he protested, It’s like I said, we’ve been working so hard to get everything in place for the merger, it’s all been so intense, we had a few drinks and it, it just happened. If I could turn the clock back I would, honestly. He reached out for her arm but she surreptitiously manoeuvred herself just out of his reach. She placed the pan on the hob and started cooking.

Inside her head she was so angry and what had sparked that anger was his reaction when she had said he’d pissed over the marriage, because he so clearly didn’t think of it like that. In her head she felt he had trivialised it, as if she was the one making a ‘big thing’ of it, it was this that had angered her and with it came an innate strength she never knew she had.

She cooked in silence as he stood leaning against the doorframe watching her, not knowing what to say next. He realised that this wasn’t going to be like one of his ‘deals’ at work, this wasn’t going to be at all easy. He struggled to think of something constructive to say that wouldn’t land him any deeper in it. He knew he was in the biggest trouble of his life, that was obvious, but he hadn’t bargained for the ‘pissed all over the marriage’ bit! Surely, she wouldn’t leave him over this… surely? It simply hadn’t dawned on him that the situation really could be that serious. As she carried on cooking, he started to feel a streak of panic going through him. He thought back to the night in question, had he known this would be the result he would never have done it. But ‘done it’ he had, and now he was facing the aftermath. It was actually easier when she was upset, now she was angry he was going to have to tread very carefully indeed.

She dished up the dinner and took hers to the dining table. She wasn’t at all hungry but having done so much physical work during the day she had to put away some much-needed, good quality nutrition and calories and she ate what she could.

He came in with his food, put it on the table and broke the silence by saying, I can’t handle this babe, what can I do? There must be something I can do! I just need to know we’re alright.

Lexi didn’t even look up from her plate, We’re far from alright Nathan! She snapped back.

Of course he knew this, he was just desperately trying to undo the damage. I know, I know, it’s just… Oh God! Honestly, I’d do anything to turn the clock back, I truly would.

She put her cutlery down, looked straight at him and said quietly but precisely, But that’s just it, isn’t it Nathan, you can’t, can you? You can’t turn the clock back and take it all away. It’s happened, you did it and at that point in time it was exactly what you wanted to do. And, what’s more, I’d lay money on it that if you hadn’t sent me that message by mistake and you had got away with it, it would’ve happened with her again and again and again.

Nathan dropped his knife and fork on his plate and slumped back in his chair, looking into his lap and shaking his head. Not because he disagreed with her but because he simply couldn’t argue with her. She’d hit the nail right on the head.

She picked up her plate and went into the kitchen, popped it in the dishwasher, got herself a glass of water and went upstairs.

Arsehole! She muttered under her breath as she reached for her toothbrush. If he thinks it’s all just going to be ok because he’s said sorry, he’s very wrong! She finished in the bathroom and went and laid on the bed with a book, she’d shut the bedroom door just to confirm that he wasn’t welcome in there. She lay on her belly propped up on her elbows and read for a bit but found herself re-reading the same paragraph and then page over and over. She was just going through the motions; not really taking any of it in, her head was elsewhere. Where her brain once was, now sat this huge, tangled mess of questions, accusations, anger and blame. Her neck and shoulders felt sore and stiff with tension. She shut the book, rolled onto her back and lay looking at the ceiling. In a bid to quieten her mind she focused on her breathing, first making her breaths deep and slow into her belly and then she started closing one nostril with her finger on alternate breaths to create a calming effect.

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5

The next thing she knew it was 4.30 in the morning and she needed the toilet. She got up and went to the bathroom, from the landing she could hear Nathan snoring in the spare room, she returned to her room and went back to sleep. She woke to hear Nathan in the shower. Looking at the clock, it was 6.40am. Lexi only had one class on a Friday, late morning and then had the rest of the day off, which she enjoyed as it gave her a nice easy end to her week and a longer weekend.

The shower switched off in the bathroom and she could hear him moving about. Next, the bedroom door opened. Lexi was lying on her side with her back towards the door and pretended to be asleep while he got his clothes out of the wardrobe, she felt him go still. He stood there with his clothes in his hands and looked at her asleep. He was absolutely full of regret. He went over to her, bent and kissed her cheek, then turned and left the room to get dressed and go to work. Lexi didn’t move, still pretending to be asleep. The only tell-tail sign of her being awake (that had gone unnoticed) was the tear that fell from the corner of her eye, onto the side of her nose, ran over the bridge of her nose and then dripped onto the pillow.

She waited for the front door to click shut behind him then got out of bed and went to make some coffee. Some very, very strong coffee! She had no need to be up this early but there was no way she’d have been able to fall back to sleep. She took her