It Could Always Be Worse!: Fake People That Piss You off Simply by Their Abuse of Words

By Drew Park

This is a book about the love of words and those people who abuse them - THE FAKES! Those people who always seem to say or write all the "right things" but hidden behind their facade lies malicious intent or even worse. This book tries to expose these fakes you may have already suspected are in your life but have never been able to nail them on it. You will now have a guide to doing just that. It is provided by a silly old bugger with experience in spotting fakes. The scourge of our time. All done of course with his tongue firmly in his cheek.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Oct 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669831167

Book preview

Copyright © 2022 by The Author.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 10/11/2022

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CONTENTS

Testimonials

Welcome To Your Experienced Guide To Fakeism

Introduction: Welcome To My Word World

Chapter 1 Indicators That You Should Join My Little Organisation (The Righteous Word Cult)

Chapter 2 Interpreting Those Strange, Ambiguous And Disengenuous Words From Particular People In Your Life

Chapter 3 Our Character And Personality Will Determine The Words We Use. You May Need To Fight That!

Chapter 4 I Hate Success Because Then Failure Must Be Just Around The Corner

Chapter 5 Don’t Forget Your Sense Of Humour

Chapter 6 Has Political Correctness Gone Too Far?

Chapter 7 Meetings Do My Head In

Chapter 8 Relationships Could Always Be Worse By The Words We Choose And How And When They Are Delivered

Chapter 9 Relationships Can Be Even More Worser Or The Worstest If It Is Thought That Words Should Not Be Necessary At All?

Chapter 10 I Love You

Chapter 11 Let Me Give It To You Straight

Chapter 12 You Condescending And Sactimonious Bastard

Chapter 13 Words Are Not Chosen By Accident

Chapter 14 Are We All Equal Under The Words?

Chapter 15 Who Knew There Are Rules About The Way We Should Use Words?

Chapter 16 Word Speak

Chapter 17 Weasel Words

Chapter 18 The Status Of Words

Chapter 19 Words Are Mightier Than The Pen

Chapter 20 Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words? Are Words Or Talk Really Cheap?

Chapter 21 Doin’ Fine

Chapter 22 Words In Songs

Chapter 23 Don’t Play With Your Food But Do Play With Your Words

Chapter 24 What Do You Think Those Canes, Walkers And Scooters Are For?

Chapter 25 What Is My Favourite Word?

Chapter 26 It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Misuses A Word

Conclusion

Appendix: The Laws Of The Cult

The Back Page Review

TESTIMONIALS

"Treat this literary masterpiece as an exemplar of just how good a self-help book can be. Its genius lies in three fundamental principles. It forces you to:

• Ask questions about your life that you would never have thought to even contemplate if left to your own devices;

• Seek solutions in a way that would never have occurred to you or anyone else to whom you may have ever spoken; and

• Solve a problem, so complex, that there is actually severe doubt it ever existed in the first place and certainly one you never knew you had.

Enjoy the boundless improvements to the core of your very being." XXX (The publisher has redacted this name for national security reasons)

I found this book to be insightful, intriguing, innovative and in the bin. That should have been my first clue … (Author’s neighbour whose name is withheld due to ongoing court proceedings)

This is a warning. Do not read this book within throwing distance of anything precious in your home.(Ann Gerr)

This book reminds me of what happens to you when you drive past a terrible accident. It is painful and emotionally distressing but you somehow find it so hard to look away. (Khold Hart)

I found this book a joy to read in bed. However it was so funny that I had to get up to relieve myself on a regular basis. At least that is what I tell myself. (Lord I. P. Knightly)

I wish I could meet the author in person so I could demonstrate in a physical way just what I thought of his book. (Hedley Butt)

The author is truly gifted. He can be likened to some brilliant medical scientist who is so ahead of his time he has actually found a cure for a disease we cannot yet diagnose. We can only hope the medical world will catch him. (Sic Lee)

This book is full of enlightenment. (Bee Juan)

Forceful, it is! (Yoh Dah)

WELCOME TO YOUR

EXPERIENCED GUIDE

TO FAKEISM

This is a book by a silly old, bearded, slightly dishevelled and eccentric man who just happens to love words. A man who feels a compulsion to share experiences of a lifetime spent listening to and reading the thoughts of others, not for its own sake, but to try and make sense of what drives our choice of words. Words that can be so clever, meticulously crafted and beautiful in their own right. Perhaps this beauty is because they are inseparable from the full gamut of emotions they can evoke. Can you think of any relationship of any kind where the words of others can have the potential to so inform and shape us? Develop in us a mind that is inquisitive, open and loving of life however you choose to live it. They are indeed precious and should be treated as such.

Words are a medium by which we can find and share meaningful things. But chosen poorly or penned in the wrong way they can be abused for the purposes of evil. So let us expose this vile threat and the fakes who perpetrate and perpetuate it. I refer to this book as a guide because it is designed to help you identify these fakes.

People misuse words all the time but most commonly it is through a simple mistake or lack of thought and bears no ill will. Often it is funny. I am all for shaping the future of words to take into account all sorts of things such as slang, humour, eccentricities and even the weird or just confronting. I am by no means a language purist. To me it is really interesting to think of words as living things. They are created and, if used often enough, become adopted into our vernacular, hence the regular additions into our dictionaries. Older words are so intriguing in how well they reflect the context of their time and even how they themselves have developed and sometimes been reinvented in their meaning. I think there is a lot of interest and fun to be had with such analysis.

But there are those around us who deliberately abuse words and intend harm or deception – THE FAKES! A mean scourge upon our time. It is not the fault of the words but what can be the malicious intent behind their use and the way they are strung together. These fakes are only becoming sneakier in hiding their real intentions and secreting their true colours. They can be difficult to uncover and expose, but spot them we will.

The wisdom of the agers

This book goes out to all you avid word listeners, readers, orators and writers. In particular though, to those other older people who, like me, are sick and tired of inane conversations that go nowhere and can be so tedious it hurts. Conversation of itself cannot surely be the only goal. It doesn’t necessarily add anything just because you can move your lips to so engage. One of the real benefits in getting older is that you just have no more time for boring shit and you feel like you have earned the right to say exactly what you think whenever you like and to whomever you like.

I know you would have heard or seen this sort of expression before because I have even seen it printed on t-shirts and all sorts of paraphernalia so it must be true. But it should not be a function of age. Everyone has that privilege but perhaps because of social norms or ideals about what it means to be in a polite society we shy from it. This only allows the fakes in. Fakes have no such compunction and abuse the word for deliberately evil means or just speak crap to fill what is, for them, an awkward silence, just because they can. I love silence ……. then we can think about and formulate something that is worth saying. So we need to call out all fakes on their attempts to influence us for their own nefarious or at best, simply stupid purposes.

If not convinced yet, look at it this way. My guide will at least mean your conversations will be much spicier and get to the nub of the issue at hand much more quickly. Nothing should be implied or left for the other person to interpret for themselves. I guarantee that to allow this is a recipe for disaster. More often than not, others will take away their own version of events, make shit up that suits them or just simply get the wrong end of the stick altogether. Such a rookie error.

At my age, I am always made conscious about just how precious one’s time is. So I have taken on the challenge of trying to improve our discourse and to inform you about what is really going on behind all of those fluffy and disingenuous words. Given how much I have been smoking while writing this, I ask that you get on board pretty quickly so I can at least see the first wave of social reform while that is still possible for me.

The central goal is to root out and expose these fake bastards for who they really are - word murderers! Word murderers misshape what can be the magic of honest language for their own advantage or just to get their jollies. Dare I say it - word terrorists could also be apt. For the purposes of this analogy, they are holding honesty and sincerity to ransom. Luckily for us they don’t want to blow themselves up publically. They think they are so clever that they can avoid this while still achieving their goals. Very moderate terrorists I guess. They don’t fantasise about 72 virgins waiting for them after such an event.

Just as an aside by the way, I can only guess the whole hoping for awaiting virgins thing only works on males. I am not good on the detail of the gentle nuances around sex but from what I have been able to work out women may not look upon male virgins in the same way. I may be wrong and it may be a great source of fun I suppose but I suspect a fair bit of training would still be involved.

One saving grace for us is that these fakes commonly don’t work together but would secretly love an audience for their manipulations. Those who would appreciate the subtleties of their art and indicate, just as subtly, their support. Could you imagine any of them getting together to meet about how they will achieve their purposes? It would be a complete shambles because everyone would mistrust each other and would not believe a word that is said. This only highlights that fakes can recognise other fakes.

Don’t be complacent though because they may be a solo act. As individuals, they can still be a potent force. They have not yet summoned the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse but even 1 horseman can be pretty scary.

Embrace the wisdom of older people to come to understand this plague. To appreciate the mischief that can lie behind even the simplest of words or phrases.

So to all you other silly old buggers out there, I can only say this. We need to unite and get behind this challenge. To educate people to interpret what others may really be saying when they come out with crap that just pisses you off.

It could be as benign as just speaking off the top of their heads on subjects they know nothing about just to