What Really Matters

By Sage M.

Margo Daisy Silverstone, an 18 year old girl destined to inherit her father's throne, finds herself abandoning her life after her brother kills himself. In his memory, she decides to fulfill her life-long mission during which she makes new companions, enemies, and unravels things about herself and her life which she'd been oblivious to for years. This book explores genres of mystery, adventure, dystopia, and psychological fiction all while following the doom of a not yet seen world, Bellumintus.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sage M.
• Release date: Nov 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215724972

Book preview

I

Everyone speculated Bellumintus would end in a merciless war. Bodies of once praised soldiers, fathers, brothers, best friends, people plastered on our streets like they're pieces of brick from a torn down house. Finally, as nothing. I believed so too. I thought I'd had to sit in my palace of a little kid's dreams while knowing my brother was out fighting for the lives of the people who viewed him not as worthy as me. I don't know which one is worse: that or the truth. I don't know which one was worse: that or holding his corpse as I realized he overdosed on the same drugs he swore not to use ever again. But soon I had to realize I had no such option to ponder, for now I could just run. I didn't want to do so. His death made me realize that all I've done for the past 18 years of my life was run and leave and burn. I'd beg for God yet he never seemed to exist when I needed him. Especially when I was running past the Silent Hill castle gates as all my memories, hopes and dreams burned down with it behind my back. It was all my fault. Where was he? Why wasn't he there when my life crumbled in front of my feet and I could do nothing but watch. I refuse to let him co-exist with whatever the hell I am because he refused to co-exist with the truth, the truth he created so I, of course, could suffer. So that I could run down a steep hill into the dead city I was forced to call home, between its establishments and underpaid homes as if everything I did was a load of shit. So be it then, I'll keep crying thinking about how my everything was nothing and I had to turn it into something again. And somehow, I did. I was born on a Sunday, I died on a Sunday, I came here on a Sunday. I remember looking up at the building. Most buildings nowadays had names of the establishment on them, but this one didn't. I don't think they knew what they were. That's exactly why I was so fascinated when I saw that that was not even on their list of worries, but it was always on mine. Everything was so old, so worn. I called out their „imperfections" to prove a point I didn't have. I ceased to notice the meticulously decorated gardens, same vines I admired whenever I visited my Lei as they enhanced the beauty of the windows, laughter exuding from the happy residents, how the Sun kissed the sage green walls beaming the place's energy, how my own pupils widened when I finally took a breath and calmed down. You just couldn't be stressed or upset here.

„Whoever did this knew what they were doing." –I thought to myself. For the first time in months, I smiled. It was like my body worked for me as it took me inside. The smell of Aurorian roses was so prominent in the room I couldn't help but notice it. I observed my surroundings, hoping to understand the nature of this place, to perhaps pin point the power dynamic. I was surprised when I noticed there really wasn't one. Every age group, skin color, ethnicity, body type participated in every activity present. To my right, a couch facing a flat screen TV on the wall. It was so simple yet so...pretty. I wasn't used to seeing children be children, yet these were doing just that. They didn't know what they went through, what their parents or siblings went through to end up here. They had to run just like I did. Of them I felt proud, but I couldn't say the same for myself. They played board games, laughed, drew, sang, talked. When they'd make a mistake they didn't threaten. All of them clearly, genuinely, loved each other. Behind them stood a few adults and teens as they watched the news displayed on the TV.

-Royal of Silent Hill reported missing as of this morning. She was last seen entering her bedroom the night prior. The princess's family is devastated and extremely worried. If you or anyone you know have any information as to where this beloved figure could be, please contact the police immediately. –the reporter said.

-That's all they could come up with? Am I really that unimportant now that I'm no longer pretending to like these people? –I said out loud on accident. No one really noticed, except one middle aged woman. She seemed kind in the way she talked, the way she looked at me, the way she dressed. She gave off the same energy as the place she was in. The not-so-hidden elements of nature plastered everywhere, the plants that seemed so well taken care of that you'd think this was a flower shop, all were just a reflection of her. She came up to me and introduced herself as Heather, the owner and main caretaker of this place. Something about her told me I could trust her, so I did.

-I'm Margo.

She smiled. I knew she already knew that but, for some reason, she responded as if she didn't.

„Lord, your absence may all be a lie for you are the reason this woman did this without knowing just how badly I needed it. Why couldn't you have done these things before, though?" –I thought to myself. She fulfilled the need to be met, to have someone get to know me without having a single clue as to who and what I am. There was no question about it, she knew my name, my past, my present and all the secrets I vowed to hide forever. My mother, no matter how hard she tried, could not be Heather. I felt like a little kid when she showed me around the place and, finally, told me the name of where I was soon to reside.

-We call this The Runaway House. By we, I mean the people who live here. Everyone else ignores this place, since they heard we're devil worshipers or something. Even the police are too scared. It's kind of funny, none of us are even Christian. We all worship the Crown.-she said then looked at me with a smile-I know you must be very familiar with them.

I changed the subject. The thought of talking about any sort of power I could hold made me feel shitty, for I was amongst people who will never understand it and that very power was the reason my brother ended his life.

-Could I see my room, please?

-Well, of course!

We proceeded to walk all the way up to the very last floor which had only one door which was bigger in length but smaller in height, the attic. It didn't resemble an attic. This was the most beautiful room I had ever seen. It felt like I was in a garden. All it was missing was a fountain with a white bird as the center piece. I noticed it was already occupied by someone. One of the beds seemed way too personalized to not belong to someone. That person had their clothing neatly hanged on a clothing wrack. There was a singular window at the very end of the room with violet curtains maintaining a sense of privacy. The room smelled of paint, yet it didn't bother me. I walked around, almost skipping, admiring every detail someone had put into it. Heather stayed quiet and simply watched me try to figure out this person's life just by seeing their things.

-An artist that likes doing hair as well. –I voiced as I pointed on the wooden box filled to the brim with paint and hair dye –They seem to love the color purple... it's everywhere –I continued with a small laugh hiding behind my every word. It wasn't one to make fun of this person, it was to show how intrigued I am with this stranger. I didn't need Heather to confirm, because It already did. The Sun was already setting, so I looked out the window and down at what was bellow. There, I saw her. I was surprised by her appearance. I expected her to have dyed hair herself, but it seemed like its color was not altered with. A natural blonde with the prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen. She was watering the flowers on the windowsills. It seemed like she was talking to them, telling them stories about her life in a language only they could understand. Her smile was a fire, one that warmed a cold family. My body was made of fire, one that burned houses down and killed. It felt like she had full control over my mind and I had no intention of resisting. I just knew this room was hers. There was no doubt in my mind. The fire confirmed with a single thought.

-Her name is Allison. She's been here since she was 12. –Heather said as she walked towards me and eventually stopped beside me to watch the view. Her view was the sunset, mine once was too. –She's the third gem. You see that bracelet around her hand?

I nodded, then looked at the ring around my middle finger, then back at Allison.

-She wears it just to represent who she is. I'm sure you'll love her. She's the

-Sun and we're all just daisies. I'm familiar with the saying.

She didn't say anything. I could see in her eyes that she was proud that she made a slight break-through.

-Well, if you need me, I'll be in the lobby. Here's the key to your new place.

Heather left the keys on the bed I would soon call mine and left. I didn't listen to her, I couldn't. I felt this need to know more about Allison even though I already knew plenty. Her demeanor, the way she moved, I didn't understand it. Why would she go all the way back to the well by the side of the house, which I only later noticed, to gather more water just to pour onto the willow tree? Surely, it didn't need the water, but she still went through the hassle of all of that to do it. Why did she care so much about all these plants, especially in winter when they'll die anyway? These questions, the Ring could not answer. Eventually, I couldn't ponder more, for she had felt someone's eyes on her and looked straight at me. I flinched and then ran back, away from the window and closed the curtains. Though, I could not do that before seeing her smile and wave at me as if we were long-time friends seeing each other in the street. She wasn't at all afraid or taken back. I didn't understand that either. I frantically looked around the room. I came empty-handed so I couldn't occupy my mind with unpacking. I sat down on my bed, my cheeks turning red, fidgeting with the keys Heather tossed onto it. I hated it. I hated these feelings.

„Fuck, I can't do this shit again. Lei doesn't deserve this. She's still here, I know she is. I promised her I'd go with her, I can't betray her.-my thoughts raced, overwhelmed with guilt. „But...she never came back the way she promised. 'I swear to come back as a bird, a white bird!' She lied to me. It's been two years... I took a deep breath, managed to calm myself down ever-so-slightly when I heard footsteps. I immediately stood up and tried to do something, anything, just to not look like a weird stalker when she comes busting into this room to call me a killer or something alike what they call me. In walked a male figure, one I knew very well.

-Margo! You didn't tell me you were coming! –he said with excitement flowing through his words.

-It wasn't in my interest to come but I felt obligated.

-Uh-huh. –I could tell he was a little confused but didn't say anything about it.

-Isn't it so cool, the Ring in the same room as the Bracelet with the Necklace right under them!

-Yeah, it is.

His chad-ish smile wiped off his face as he noticed I am no longer the 16 year old girl that did him a favor, one that almost cost hers and her brother's life. He didn't seem quite appreciative, but I didn't blame him at the time. He was no older than me, nor any younger. I brushed it off as: „He didn't know how. He barely had any person-to-person interactions." I sat down again, he did too.

-What happened to you? You ghosted me. Like I get it, you're busy but, come on, we were best friends. Maybe even more-

-We were barely friends, Jeremy. You're romanticizing something that was not as great.

-It didn't feel like that to me.

-That's because you barely interacted with anyone. God will everyone just shut up for a year?!

I laid back and stared at the ceiling.

-Margo, what happened? –he insisted. I hated how well he knew me, how he knew I'd easily give in, how I tried to hide my emotions and thoughts but it wasn't in my nature. He wasn't very academically smart, but it felt like he had studied me so well that it made him the top student.

-I don't want to talk about it.

-I know that's not true.

-Can you stop quoting Theo and get the fuck out of my room?

He bit his tongue, then quietly got up and left. This had been the first time he couldn't get me to talk. I didn't get up from how I was laying, my legs bent at the end of my bend, hanging off it with the rest of my body looking up at the ceiling, starring at the spots where Allison painted stars, constellations and planets. It was such a beautiful sight. I had spent my time viewing it thinking about what my life had become, what I had become. I hated the thought of being, my bones felt uncomfortable, my skin on them. It was like I could feel everything and then, suddenly, absolutely nothing. I could see myself laying there, hopeless. My thoughts were insults, those that I'd hear from my very parents, for they did not know I was the Ring they hated so deeply.

„Look how you've killed, how you've ended, how you've hurt. How dare you cry? Stop crying. You are the ugliest crier I've ever seen. It's all your fault, Silverstone, you did it. Why are you crying? There is people out there suffering and you dare make this about yourself. If you dare shed another tear you will prove you are nothing but a liar, a traitor, a burden."

I looked at myself looking at my wrist then biting my cheek, not knowing what I'm feeling, but knowing it wasn't happiness. I flipped to the other side, my stomach onto the bed, and hid my head in my crossed arms. I couldn't cry, but, man, did I want to. It all felt so unreal.

„Theo can't be dead. He promised he wouldn't." I felt like a naive kid, one that never had someone break their promises before. I closed my eyes so tight, anything but not to see the Sun draw on my wall. The Sun I once called Lei's. Time slipped, I fell asleep.

II

The world ended in December. It wasn't snowing, it wasn't raining, but I had never been colder in my life. The Sun was taunting me with its heat which it selfishly hid from my limp, lifeless body. It felt as if it knew that I still refused, negated that this was what I am, and for that, it laughed as I lost it all once again. It would not allow me to forget the first time I felt like I belonged again. And that day was my second night at the Runaway house.

That day I chose to walk around and explore even further than what Heather had shown me. I had no interest in meeting anyone, making friends or creating bonds which I was certain were completely useless in these moments. That day the Sun left me. It promised it would come back, but so did she. I didn't need it though. I could barely feel alive, so why would I need proof that I was? I left my room feeling as if I was hung-over or high, high on the meaning of every little move I've made. As I walked down the carpeted stairs, which I could not keep my eyes off of, for the design was so familiar to me, I could hear life continuing without me. No one starred at me, no one thought to contact the police and rat me out, no one knew me. It was so confusing, yet so freeing. While I did feel invisible, I also felt like I was being seen for once. The lobby was fuller than usual. I could hear yelling when I was on the floor above. In that moment I remembered all the fighting, the hitting, the insulting. How was I related to such a monster? My mother did not deserve to be told the things I was, for she actually tried to love us even when she saw our father in us. She'd kneel down to me and tell me how much she loved my eyes, how she would lose herself in their glow, how they were the path to safety she didn't know was possible. And just like that, it would all stop. I'd cry in her arms like a toddler and still, somehow, I could not say I loved her. She was no better than any of them.

-The Ring knows what you did even if you refuse to admit it!!! –a woman yelled.

-Yeah I know what you did!! –I said in a joking manner. That's what Theo taught me: when you can't handle something, make a joke. –What did he do? –I turned and asked a stranger next to me.

-She thinks he cheated. I don't think so I mean, not to sound rude, but why would anyone do that to themselves?

I ignored how blatantly rude that was and paid attention to the woman who was awaiting my answer:

-So he did cheat! I knew it!

-No... he didn't. –I had never felt a stronger „no" from the Ring before.

-What DID he do then, huh?

-That's not how this works, ma'am. I can only say if your statement is a lie or the truth and ask yes or no questions.

I was quite shocked, though I didn't show it. These people had absolutely no doubt in my words, they didn't question whether I was actually the Crown's first gem, better known as the Ring. None of them exuded suspicion, but I could feel one pair of eyes endlessly glued to me. I knew he'd do something dramatic after the way I treated him last night but what he chose to do was...embarrassing.

-Do you want me to kill him for you? I'm not sure how true the newbie's words are.

At that moment I was prepared to projectile vomit from second hand embarrassment, kill him but also just take my shit and leave never to be seen again. I did none of those, unfortunately. Instead, I looked at him with absolutely no emotion and left. What I didn't know, though, was that I wasn't walking away by myself. Right behind me walked Allison. She was frantically trying to catch up to me and eventually did. I didn't have the strength nor will to speed up, even if it was Jeremy behind me and not her. I could feel my heart starting to race as she called for me. She knew my name, just like Heather and everyone else, yet she chose to let me introduce myself and didn't say it as she called. I wanted to talk to her so badly, to get to know her, especially after what Jeremy just pulled, but at the same time my hands shook and my chest felt like it was going to explode. It was just the way she said it, that three letter word, the way she walked a bit faster up the few stairs we were separated by. She did all so normally, yet to me it felt new.

-Hey! –she said in an excited tone. –I'm Allison, your roommate.

My eyes widened as I tried to hide my smile. I wanted to put my thoughts into words, my mind a ruckus.

„You are the most stunning person I have ever seen."

I panicked so badly that all I could mutter was:

-Oh.

-I was just about to ask you if you needed anything, like clothes or sheets last night, when I realized you already passed out. I didn't want to wake you, you seemed so calm. It felt rude to.

I mustered up the courage and perfectionism I had to have when I was still around political faces, so important they could take words straight out of their ass and people would worship them, to answer to her and not just freeze and stare.

-Yeah I was truly exhausted from the long trip.

-Right, so, do you? I'd love to help a fellow „gem". –she said and smiled. I could feel the fear melting away as my brain finally realized she was no such threat. Even with that, I was afraid to ask for help, to admit I needed something even as simple as a shirt or bedding. Once I weighed all my options, I realized that receiving something even small from her would mean so much to me and would make the transitioning process easier. Perhaps it would also make me forget about all the trauma I endured recently. But my ego was stronger.

„You hurt so many people just by existing, remember? You should feel lucky that they even let you stay here. No way in hell are you about to admit you need help and especially not receive any. Do not get close with this girl, you'll just ruin her life too."

-I'm good, thank you.

She knew that was a lie. I felt like she could see right through me, but I just let her. I was too weak to defend myself from nonexistent danger like I did all those years before.

-Alright, well, if you do need anything at any point... make me your first option, will you?

I nodded. Contrary to what I thought she'd do, she didn't leave. Instead she sparked up another conversation as we walked towards our room. I held my hands in the pockets of my black coat I always wore as to hide the fact I was shaking. She asked me typical conversation starter questions like:

-What do you do in your free time? I like painting on everything, even hair! –she laughed.

„God you're doing this because I said you're not real, huh?"

-I used to plant daisies in my free time.

-Daisies? I love daisies!

-You don't have to lie to get me to open up. –I said and allowed myself to smile.

-No, really! Ellis wanted to plant roses and such around the garden so I used the Bracelet's power to have them choose daisies instead. Ellis takes care of planting and repotting the plants we have. They don't do it alone but, you know.

I nodded whilst glancing around all the levels I previously ignored.

-If you don't believe me, ask the Ring.

-It already told me you're telling the truth I just wanted to know more.

Surprisingly, she wasn't upset. She laughed a little in a tone of: „Wow, you little shit." Eventually, we got to our room. That was when I realized I had nothing. No clothes to prove I didn't need any, no books to read, no poems to read, no guitar to play...  I once again closed off, got quiet and uncomfortable. I think she noticed, which is why she offered again.

-Here, you can have this bedding I made. I haven't used it so it's clean.

-No, no I'm alright.

-No, really, it's okay! We can pretend it was yours all along. Besides, I don't show anyone my work so no one will even know.

She handed me the sheets. I thought it was adorable how she knew just the right ones to choose. The entire set was sage green but had daisies painted all over it. I held them, loosely, in my hands and observed the detailing she put into each petal, each stroke of fabric paint, how soft they were. I looked up from the gift and into her eyes for the first time since last sunset and thanked her. Her smile brightened. She seemed so proud with her back straightened and chin slightly up. We were the same height but I felt like I was looking up at her. My sinful self, looking up at a pure soul.

-So, would you mind telling me your name now?

I contemplated, but eventually decided I'd shoot this arrow and hope it doesn't hit my head.

-Margo.

-Pearl. The meaning fits you.

-How the fuck do you know what my name means?

She laughed, and seconds after I did too.

-I can read minds, remember? So, better question, why were you thinking about the meaning of your name?

-I don't fucking know. –I said, still laughing.

That was one of my best mornings. I completely forgot about the happenings before my conversation with Allison and had such a marvelous time doing normal, human things with her. For example, I had realized I haven't eaten anything, so she offered me leftover bread rolls she stole last night so I wouldn't have to go all the way down again. There were quite a few so we shared them. She wouldn't rip the bread roll and „politely" eat them the way we had to in the Castles. No, she took bites out of it, and soon I did too. Somehow, it tasted better. Maybe because I was imitating her. Most likely because of that.

Her help with putting on the new bedding wasn't expected, but needed. No one thought to teach a person being how to do basic human activities, no, instead they had someone do it for them. I immediately laid down on the bed afterwards, Allison did the same.

-Thank you. –I said while I looked at her, then at the ceiling.

-I'm glad I could help you. I can tell you're a great person, Margo, you just need to let me know you.

-I've heard that one a plethora of times. It's best you remember me as this than a merciless killer out to get everyone.

-You're not that, none of us are. They just call us that because they can't handle being wrong about their ideologies. I mean, I don't know what's true and what's wrong. There isn't proof that any of their theories are accurate. But, there's proof of us. Isn't that enough? Enough to live on and be the exact opposite of what they say?

-I guess... I still can't help but to believe something they say has to be true. Wouldn't it just be easier to be dead?

-That would be a collective decision, you know?

-I know, I know. One gem dies, the other three go with.

We went quiet for a little until my mind screamed so loudly I had to say it. I didn't look at her, but I could almost feel her smiling again. She changed the topic for a reason unknown to me.

-The world needs us, we still have to find the Crown. I don't want any of these wonderful people to die. Especially the kids...

-Wonderful my ass. They were just fighting like an hour ago.

-Don't we all fight? Sometimes out of love, sometimes out of hate. Those two people are no representation of the wonderful souls that reside here. You should meet them. –she turned to me.

-Not today, I would rather crawl through snake filled deserts than even hypothetically see that piece of shit.

-I don't blame you. I can't stand Jeremy either. How about today we just stay here and talk?

-I'd love that, actually.

III

That day was murky water. It was the dirt in my shoes the day I decided my world shall end. That's what you get for cursing the Sun when all it ever wanted to do is warm you and assure you of life, the same life you selfishly chose not to protect or save because you could not deal with your own. They were so nice, they were so kind, and you, as always, killed all the hope they had for a better future. No, you didn't kill them, or their hope, you killed their future. That's what I imagine God would say if he ever wanted to speak to me.

-It was all your fault.

That's what I imagined everyone said when they saw me. Today was the day. Today I was going to prove I'm not that bad by doing one good thing and many more bad ones.

The street lights glowed. Oh, how they glowed. It was almost as if I could see it: December, winter; today, warmth. It was a lightshow. Today was a lightshow.

My heart was a lightshow, waking up in the middle of the night next to her. It was a bitter-sweet feeling. I knew her smile, her intelligence, her dreams, her passions, her love, her. But, when I looked at the person I'd previously known, it was someone else. At that moment I knew I could not, under any circumstances, fall for this girl. The feelings I previously basked in like the fresh air of woods, or the warm sunlight gracing my face, had to be abolished. I stood up from my bed and looked at Allison. Her expressions were of laying in a field of daisies while you daydream your worries away. I could not continue whatever this was. It was not right. Before I could comprehend the time of day, or night, I was in a hallway I had not paid attention to before. It wasn't very long, but still intriguing enough for me to keep walking even after I had left my dissociative state. The door in front of me presented a design I thought I had never seen before. Embroidered were vines and flowers all tied together so gracefully. They reminded me of the first time I went to the Capitol. Well, the first time I remembered. Everything there was so detailed, so neat and clean, yet it felt like home. I remembered the design, for every room of the Capitol had that exact design. I was confused as to why it is in such a place, and only here, at the end of a hallway I didn't plan to visit. I opened the door without announcing myself. Luckily, no one was there to begin with. The room was bigger than I had envisioned. Tall stacks of books plastered all around the walls, hiding its worn, peeling paint. The room was lit up by lamps placed everywhere where there was space. There were a few benches as well, none occupied but none empty. It felt like I was interrupting an investigation scene in a high-budget movie, or maybe, a part of one. It smelled of decaying books and warmth. I explored it, in hopes of finding an occupation, or something to give me purpose again. I could feel the lights glow and trace every little spec in my eyes. I always loved libraries. There was just something about how homey they are, and how much time I'd spend with Theo, Lei, Cleo, Aurora, Derek on the floor of them, talking about everything and nothing, ever since we could read. Now three are dead, two are left behind. But the memories never left. They etched into my mind like the flowers and vines on the door. So many things reminded me of those nights we spent together, my hand in Lei's, her head on my shoulder. One of those things were books about the Crown and its gems placed on one of the benches. Someone had carved a „T" into the table, as if they were occupying it forever. The books were left open, some were annotated, marked. It was a mess, one I knew exactly how to understand, because it was Theo's mess. He always put the open books on the upper right, the closed ones on the left, the papers in-between pages he annotated and in front of him. My brother always sat facing the door. He didn't trust anyone, not even his own ears. I picked up a piece of paper he placed in front of him and read.

„MDS-19.6. JE-3.3. AC-24.6. KS-4.5. =43"

-Hey! M! Sorry to interrupt your sleep but Heather's been calling us. –her soft voice whispered to me as I realized where my body truly was, in my bed cuddled up to Allison's. It felt like I had entered heaven in the arms of a compassionate God, one I had not yet been taught of. She could barely look at me, her eyes were glowing in a light I could not shut up about. I told her, immediately, of the dream I just had. She didn't hurry me, she insisted I ignore Heather's voice and tell her everything.

-That's my birthday!

-Huh?

-June 24th, that's my birthday.

-I guess that makes sense... June 19th is my birthday as well. Why would Theo write our birthdays like that though?

-Yeah, and what does the 43 mean...?

-Are you two fucking deaf?! –Jeremy yelled and startled Allison. At that moment I felt such an overpowering amount of rage towards him, one I had never felt before, just for scaring a girl I met yesterday. I titled it as me just being upset because of how comfortable this girl made me feel from just talking for a day.

-Oh fuck you, Jeremy. We'll be there in a minute. –she said.

He just about left when I called for him.

-Wait. –I stood up and walked up to him. He seemed so proud that I decided to give him any form of attention. That seemed to be exactly what he wanted the day before. –Were you born on the third of March?

He squinted and tilted his head, unsure as to whether this was some sort of trick or a genuine question. And if genuine, why?

-Uh, yeah. Why?

-Thanks. Now get the fuck out.

He was already outside the room, just a few centimeters away from the door which I closed immediately as the last word left my mouth. Allison let out a small laugh, then raised her eyebrows, knowing I was about to tell her something important. She always did that, even when I had nothing to say. She wouldn't get upset if I didn't, instead she'd say something sweet that made me feel okay again. But, at this moment, we both ignored Jeremy's whining and protesting against being left out of the conversation, for I did have something to say.

-He was tallying up all our birthdays, which means that the Earring's initials are KS and their birthday is the 4th of May.

-This is how we find them!-she jumped up and hugged me so tight I felt like I fell into her. After a second, I hugged back. She smelled just as sweet as she talked. I still remember it... a mix of some candy I've loved as a kid and paint from on her pants. I remember digging my head into her shoulder, right before she pulled away, but still held onto my arms as she looked into my eyes. I will never forget those blue eyes and how they guided me, everything I was beneath all my sadness and all my guards, as she said something that my heart could not take.

-I swear I could kiss you right now!

Without even knowing, or noticing, I nodded. She laughed, she definitely noticed. I felt so stupid in the moment, but I had no time to sit in it like usual, for my hand was already in hers as she ran down the stairs.

-We're coming, Heather!!!

„Is this what it's like to have a crush on someone? To be so close to it but not there yet? To like someone you've just met, yet the one thing you hate more than anything makes you two feel like eternal best friends? To be connected to someone by the exact thing you were left for?"

Every now and then, as we ran, like kids on a flower field, she'd look at me and I would smile at her. I hated her for what she was doing, and doing so marvelously. With Lei it was different. With her there was no real fight, except the one between us. We'd fight for ages and love in secret. Lei hid her love for me in her poem filled drawers. Once we finally embraced and admitted what it was and how we felt, we still hid it. She said it perfectly in her poem. I still remember how it goes: „Between a Daisy and the Sun, our love hid, for between curtains, life had begun." As much as my soul glowed at her sight, I hated how hidden it had to be. But here, with all these people who did not care, it didn't have to be that way. None of my words had to be inscribed in codes of loving smiles, they could just...be. It was scary and new, but exactly what I needed. And if it all went away, then so be it. I wouldn't have wanted to spend this journey with anyone other than her light freckles under the sunlight in a room I, for once, remembered truly. We were in the cafeteria which at that time was empty, all for Heather and of course, Jeremy. Allison dragged me to a bench, one just like the one in my dream, which the two were already sitting at. On the table they had some sort of takeout food packaged still, almost as if it would not let them eat without me and Allison. I think my confusion was obvious. It reminded me of all the times Theo and I would sit down and interrogate anyone who would speak to our little sister, Cleo. All we wanted was to insure that this kid did not grow up how we did.

I was the last to sit down and waited not a second to ask what was going on.

-Since the three of you are all here, in one place, you should probably look for the fourth. I'm here to tell you that if you need anything, even a life to be sacrificed, I am first in line and I will gladly do anything.

-Thank you, Heather.

-Yeah, thanks.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't help but stare as I wondered: Why is someone willing to give up their life for a few teenagers? She seemed so determined, as if this was the meaning of life and everything that came before was just preparation for the moment when the three, and soon, four gems unite. I hated it, I hated that someone was willing to die for me. Enough death was caused by my being, none of which I wanted, so I looked her in her eyes and told her:

-No. You're not dying for us, no one is. No one is dying, I don't care if it takes my entire dignity away. And don't tell me some smart saying. We're gonna find the fourth gem and then the Crown before it kills or hurts anyone and then... I don't know... move on!

Allison was looking at me and showing her agreement by nodding. She seemed almost proud. Jeremy, on the other hand, gave me a dirty look. It was as if he wanted Heather to die for him, or something of that sort.

„Man, I do not like that guy."

-Me too. –Allison whispered under her breath as her movement towards facing Heather and Jeremy, across us, covered what she said. My words created silence, one I did not plan on breaking. I began to feel bad. Heather must've felt so excited to show her willingness to help, her pure good deeds she would turn towards saving us and the world. At that moment the thought of another person dying because of me kept screaming in my head that I needed to make it known that that cannot happen ever again. Jeremy was the first to start eating, which soon followed the rest of us. He always seemed to make the first move in everything, even the conversation he was about to start.

-So, that thing in you guys' room. Why did you ask for my birthday, Margo?

-Don't talk with your mouth full it's disgusting.

-We're not in a Castle, Allison. Also, I didn't say anything to you.

-I didn't say anything to you meh, meh, meh. –she mocked him. It made me laugh, I'll admit. I didn't plan on answering, but because of that, I did.

-I had a weird ass dream that had mine and Allison's birthday in it, so I was wondering if the 2nd one was yours, because, you know, second gem.

-What happened in the dream?-Heather asked.

I explained it, leaving out the part about my deceased girlfriend's head on my shoulder. That was only a memory I remembered at the moment. I believed that place does exist, somewhere, probably the Capitol. I didn't have much freedom to roam those huge buildings back then, so I wouldn't know.

-In conclusion, we think the fourth person is the Earring. We still don't know what the 43 means though.

-I mean, he treated it like a math problem or some bullshit.

-Say it like that again and I'll cut off your tongue. He did it for a reason, it's not „bullshit".

-Woah, calm down princess, I'm just saying.

-Jeremy, shut up.-Allison interrupted.

-Also, how'd the guy die? I didn't know he was dead.

Allison could tell I was not able to contain how badly I wanted to hurt