Love from an Alien Sun

By Ameena Mayer

Burned-out activist Medea Mendez thought she was done battling evil when she and other humans fled from a dying Earth with the Atralians. But once she arrives on the planet Euphora, she learns these aliens are using the humans they save as test subjects in a deadly experiment.

Medea's only solace comes from her lover Jules, a former heroin addict who is stuck in prison for a mysterious crime. Each time they meet in virtual reality, the fire between them grows stronger. Together, they realize the only way for Medea to defeat the Atralians is to do the unthinkable. Medea is desperate to find another way, but if she doesn't act fast, she will fall victim to the experiment before she has the chance to save everyone.

With beautiful prose and unforgettable characters, Love from an Alien Sun is an immersive adventure centering on a woman's courage and passion.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ameena Mayer
• Release date: Nov 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215385920

Ameena Mayer

Ameena Mayer has a Masters in English Literature and is a college English teacher in Vancouver, British Columbia. She has always had a passion for stories and their ability to transform and heal. When she isn't writing science fiction and fantasy novels, she enjoys singing covers of classic rock song, watching rom-coms, and spending time with the gorgeous trees in her neighbourhood. She hopes your day is filled with magic.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

The sun tore into the sky like a flaming sword through red silk. The solar flare alarms had sounded, warning everyone to seek shelter, but Medea lingered outside for as long as she could. As she spread her arms, the torrid heat pierced through her silvery suit and bit her like a viper.

Brilliant bluish-white light drowned the triangular huts that circled the lake. The blast was a relentless army of fiery spears ramming into the planet’s atmosphere, and she dashed into her hut as though this were the proverbial light one saw in death. She threw off her flare suit and rubbed cream over her reddening arms to tame the burns. Her skin was peeling from when she’d stayed out in a blast a few days ago, but this was a small price to pay for her tattoos from divinity. Her warrior sun had cleansed her spirit and calmed her mind.

She put on her black headset and prepared herself for the lecture awaiting her on the phone. Jules, are you still there?

Where did you think I’d be, sitting in a hot tub sipping Bellinis?

She flopped onto her cot and massaged cream into her neck. No, but that’s a nice visual.

Flattery will get you nowhere today. There’s no point letting aliens rescue you from a dying planet if you’re going to roast yourself when you get to the new one.

Despite his scolding tone, she broke into a smile. His Glasgow burr rolled his R’s and warped his vowels in a symphony. The Atralians taught me about star worship on the trip over here from Earth, she said. At first I thought it was hokey, but it’s really quite wonderful.

Nothing wonderful comes from the Atralians.

What, they don’t give you gourmet meals in prison?

Their cooking puts Martha Stewart to shame. On that note, I gotta run. They’re serving dinner.

Try not to choke on it. When I see you next, we’ll dine endlessly on pizza and chocolate.

I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to that, he said in a velvety voice.

She touched her lips, where he’d kissed her so brazenly a week ago. Copy that.

Medea pulled off the headset and sat up, waiting for the cream to kick in. A picture of her ginger tabby cat Marmalade hung on the wall. He’d been her only family when she’d left Earth, and despite the dangers of space travel, she’d taken him with her. But he’d refused to eat on the Atralians’ spaceship, and though the aliens fed him intravenously, he died a week into their journey. This was her sixth day on the new planet, which the Atralians had named Euphora, and not an hour had gone by when she hadn’t questioned her choice to come here.

Though Euphora wasn’t perfect, it was a fair ride compared to Earth. With blankets of forest ripped from Earth’s skin, oceans burdened with black crosses of oil, and the rich few clinking glasses of champagne over the dying, her former home was hardly paradise. But after spending years trying to save it, she’d soared away on a spaceship made of diamond, which rendered her more privileged than the corporate hounds she’d battled.

She sprawled on the narrow cot in her dingy hut. As she waited for the sting of her burns to disappear, she longed for Jules, who was locked away on the other side of Euphora, her new home for better or worse.

I DON’T MEAN TO BE rude, Darth Vader, but you could use some colour. Medea hung a wet T-shirt on the six-foot-tall cactus. It had several arms that bent upward and proved helpful when it came to hanging the laundry. The biodome she lived in was rich in flora, a welcome contrast to Earth. But the lack of colour in this alien world was a mood killer. Her red dwarf sun was a tyrant, flooding his kingdom with infrared wavelengths and forcing the flora to gobble up any scraps of visible light, which made them appear black to the human eye.

She flopped face-up on the scraggly black grass. As she brought a leg to her chest, she squinted at the sun, which resembled a colossal runny egg in the dim red sky. It was unbelievable this was the same sun that had expanded into a dazzling warrior yesterday and ravaged her so splendidly in his tantrum of ultraviolet radiation. But at least his light and warmth enveloped her all day, every day, the gift of her planet being tidally locked to him, forever showing him the same side, as if hiding an embarrassing blemish.

As she rose, an Atralian, otherwise known as an orb, glided close to the ground, its basketball-shaped body of clear diamond crystal giving off a yellowish-white glow. Four vertical bands of light, each one a rainbow colour, blinked within it as it sped up and zoomed toward her.

The orb hovered near her feet for a few seconds before landing on the grass. Unless the Atralians jumped from one surface to another, they could raise themselves no more than a few inches off the ground. Thank goodness they couldn’t fly like birds. They’d be able to monitor people far too effectively, and she wouldn’t be able to get away with anything.

Those burns are terrible, the orb said in a gravelly male voice. Didn’t you follow protocol yesterday?

The Atralians wanted the humans to feel comfortable communicating with them, so they used universal translators to speak with human voices. Though conversing with faceless spheres was impersonal and a little creepy, she was getting used to it.

My neighbour fell and hurt herself. I was helping her. Her voice was smooth. Hopefully, she was convincing.

The Atralian’s lights stopped blinking. From what I’ve seen, you humans aren’t capable of heroism.

She huffed. Back on Earth, there were plenty of heroes. They just didn’t win. The orb hadn’t met enough humans to make such a harsh judgment. Two groups of them, each consisting of a hundred people, had come to the planet before her. The first, which included Jules, had arrived a year and a half ago; the other, six months ago.

Apparently they didn’t. But let’s get down to business. Your week of isolation is over. Today, you’ll begin your work in the community garden. Please be on time.

Like the other newcomers, she’d been asked to stay within the confines of her hut and yard the past week to ensure she was free of any viruses before she joined the community. Though the orbs had cured the humans of many diseases on the ship, they wanted to make sure they hadn’t missed any insidious contagions. This was fine, as she was exhausted from her intergalactic journey. But she was sick of lazing around. I’ll be there with bells on my toes.

The orb’s lights darkened. I don’t think that would be a good idea. Bells will distract the workers.

She chuckled. It’s just a saying.

You humans are always talking in riddles. No wonder you have so many misunderstandings.

As the orb glided away, she gave it a dirty look. The Atralians could try to be less critical of their guests.

She flinched as a scream pierced the air. It was one of many that had echoed through the settlement over the past week. According to the Atralians, an unsightly insect resembling a giant, hairy cockroach lived in the dome and struck terror in people whenever they saw it. It was odd she hadn’t spotted one, but she had no complaints about this.

Thick shawls of heat enveloped her, and she winced as she stretched her arms. Though she’d put on her sun-blocking contact lenses, she’d forgotten to apply sunscreen. The biodome filtered out some of the harmful radiation, but the settlers had to take many protective measures, especially during solar flares. The Atralians could predict when one was coming hours in advance, and before it hit, people had to make sure they were either near their huts or in the village square or workplaces where there were flare shelters. But she couldn’t let protocols stop her from indulging in her trysts with the sun. They were the only thing that burned away her guilt.

Once in her hut, she turned on a lamp, and its soft light bounced off the white floor and walls. Living in a home with no windows was depressing, but this was better than having to protect against the sun when inside. She gently lathered her slender legs and arms with sunscreen, her normally bronze skin a bright shade of red. But the pain was satisfying, as it took her mind off her inner torments.

To make the humans comfortable, the Atralians kept them on an Earth calendar with a twenty-four-hour day. According to her watch, she had one hour before her shift in the community garden began. She tried to run her fingers through her thick, wavy hair, but the knots wouldn’t grant them passage. She tied her black mane in a bandanna. After all, this wasn’t a job at Nordstrom.

She ambled into her front yard to pluck some vegetables from her garden for lunch. While on the ship, she’d dined on the vegetables, fruit, legumes, and grains from the dome. They were tasty, though any food was better than the Spartan diet of rice and beans she’d eaten on Earth during her last year there. By 2047, food had run low in most countries.

When a ginger cat approached her and pushed against her legs, her hand flew to her chest. The cat was the spitting image of Marmalade, with a patch of white on its neck and a small piece of its left ear missing. But how could this be? She’d been so upset when she’d found Marmalade dead beside her on her bed that she’d called for an orb to wrap him in a blanket and take him away. She’d assumed the orb had released his body into space. But the Atralians had advanced technology, and on the ship, people who’d barely been alive had regained their health by taking the orbs’ medicine. Could the Atralians have found a way to revive him? She scratched the cat on the back of his ear, Marmalade’s favourite spot, and the feline let out a familiar meow.

Oh, Marmalade, it is you! She picked him up and squeezed him to her chest. You’ve come back to Mommy. She closed her eyes, relishing the touch of his soft fur against her cheek and his thick purr that never failed to bring her comfort.

But the purring ceased, and something clammy wriggled against her. Her eyes flew open, and she screamed at the alien life form in her arms. She threw it to the ground and backed away. Resembling a cross between a squid and a jellyfish, the creature was translucent peach and two feet long, with an oval body and four squid-like legs. Shiny pink tassels dangled from each leg. On the top of the creature’s body sat what resembled a peach peony, and in its centre was an aperture, opening and closing like a mouth. At first, the mouth was unsettling, but she couldn’t pull her eyes from the peony top when it began sparkling as if it were enchanted. It was like the life form was offering this peony to her as a gift.

An arm ending with a hand extended from both sides of the creature’s body. Medea’s eyes widened as she inched closer to examine these appendages. Other than the translucent jellyfish flesh, they resembled the arms and hands of a human baby. Equally startling were the life form’s grey eyes, which also looked human. They were located just below the peony top and stared at her with a pleading, desperate look. There was an ache in her throat. The creature was suffering. It was covered in black blisters that didn’t seem a natural part of its anatomy but more like a disease or deformity. The poor thing was so helpless and fragile, and she had this strange sense that she knew it. There was an innocence about it that made her want to protect it. She squatted beside it and touched its hand, and her lips parted as its soft, squishy fingers curled around her thumb.

Who did this to you? She spoke like a concerned mother.

Its legs twitched sporadically, and when she placed a hand over them, they stilled. The creature gently curled one of them around her hand and draped its satiny tassels over her wrist.

You want to be friends? she said.

A spinning disk of light appeared in the life form’s centre, and a searing pain ripped through her body, along with an aching sorrow. She snatched her hand away as if she’d touched a hot element and bolted up, her heart leaping into a gallop. She inspected herself for wounds but found none. As she gazed at the creature, it sent her the same pleading look, and her pulse slowed. The life form meant no harm. It seemed like the creature had transmitted its pain to her as a means of communication. But this was difficult to believe. She’d never experienced anything like this before.

Perhaps her compassion for the creature had tricked her body into feeling its distress, as she’d always been empathetic toward the suffering of living things. When she was ten years old, the city cut down a maple tree on her street. They didn’t complete the job, so the stump remained. It was a foggy Toronto morning, and to her, the sap oozing from the stump was blood leaking into the evil breath of humankind. She even wrote a poem about it. As she got older, her sensitivity toward the pain of living things increased. She was the type of person who picked roasting worms off sidewalks and never killed bugs. Seeing the squid-like creature so sick had made her empathy run wild. But who, or what, had caused the life form to suffer, and how could she help it?

As if the creature had heard her thoughts, it stretched an arm toward her. She knelt beside it and took a deep breath before touching its open hand. An inexplicable force clamped her eyes shut, and a vision she would never forget entered her mind.

Myriads of these creatures were floating in water, all of them covered in black blisters. Whenever the life forms moved their legs, they became limp. Some of the creatures had fading lights, but many had none. Descending through the water were pinkish vines on which some of the life forms must have been feeding, as their peony tops were glued to them. But no matter how much they fed, the blisters remained, and their legs barely moved. An insufferable pain cut through her, and sorrow crushed her like bricks. Right before the scene turned black, a chorus of children’s voices cried out, Save us from the rainbow lights. They have done this to us.

When her eyes snapped open, the life form’s arm dropped to the ground. Its eyes closed and its light went out. A wave of nausea rolled through Medea. The creature had most likely taken on the form of Marmalade because it knew this would attract her to it. The Atralians had harmed many of its kind, and it needed her help. Though it looked dead, it might revive if she released it into its natural habitat, but where might that be? She stared across the field extending from her yard to the large lake circled by the huts in her settlement. The life form must have been aquatic, but it didn’t come from her shallow lake. Given its bioluminescence, its home had to be an ocean, but the dome didn’t have one. Oceans existed outside of it, however.

Maybe the life form had come from one of them. Or maybe it was from another world. On Earth, when she’d gazed at the stars, she’d always wondered if aliens were out there. Little had she known that her present galaxy, Messier 49, had been shining down at her from the constellation Virgo, redolent with life-bearing planets. But the Atralians had airtight surveillance around Euphora. Besides, the life form looked too helpless to steer a ship. And it was unlikely the Atralians had brought it here. If they’d wanted to harm it, they would have done so on its own planet.

A drizzle sniffed her leg, its bald hedgehog face poking out from its silver shell. Medea resisted the urge to pick up the small creature and stroke its pink head. The four-legged rascals were cute, but they bit. She wished cats existed in the dome, but besides insects and worms, the drizzle was the only animal here.

As she admired the red sunlight reflecting off its lustrous shell, a revelation pulsed in her mind. The orbs had wanted to create a mammal to fertilize plants and moderate the insect population in the dome, but it had to have a short lifespan so it wouldn’t overrun the place. So they merged the DNA of two species, creating the drizzle. The Atralians had bragged about this to the humans. Given the squid-like creature’s hybrid appearance, the orbs had to have bioengineered it and added human DNA.

Medea clenched her jaw. Maybe people had been screaming when they saw these life forms. The hairy roaches might not even exist. That was why she hadn’t come across one. If the shape-shifting creatures were escaping from the Atralians, the orbs wouldn’t want to advertise this. But why were they creating these life forms and torturing them? Whatever the reason, she had to protect the one in front of her—if it was even still alive.

She picked it up and cradled it in her arms like a baby, its flesh soft and sticky. As soon as she was inside her hut, she gently placed the creature on the floor and emptied one of the crates the Atralians had loaded with food rations. After filling it with a bucket of water, she laid the creature inside and peered at it. When the life form lit up and its eyes fluttered open, she breathed a sigh of relief.

I’m glad you’re back. You’ll be okay while I’m gone, right?

Her face tingled as the creature stared at her with its intelligent eyes. She hated leaving it alone when it was so vulnerable, but if she didn’t show up for work, an Atralian would be at her door in no time. She was about to slip some bread into her backpack, but the life form’s eyes were glued to the loaf, which had a strong cinnamon scent.

Do you want some of this? She held a piece of bread above the crate. The creature floated horizontally in the water, and it shifted so that its peony top faced her hand. The life form had to eat to stay alive. But what if the bread made it sick? Its digestive system might not be able to handle human food.

When the mouth in the centre of its peony opened, she couldn’t help but slip the bread into it. No one was going to starve under her roof. The creature closed its mouth and blinked at her in the slow way Marmalade used to when he gave her cat kisses.

You liked that little snack, did you? She put the bread on the counter and tossed two pieces of fruit in her black backpack, along with a map showing her the way to work. I’ll give you more when I get home. She drifted to the door and looked over her shoulder at the crate. Goodbye . . . She wanted to address her guest with a name. What should I call you? She leaned against the door, scratching her head. I know—Beauty, because you’re so beautiful. In fact, I’ll call all of your kind the Beauties. She opened the door. I’ll be back soon, Beauty. You’ll be safe here. No one will hurt you again.

She took her first step beyond her yard with trepidation. She’d come to Euphora thinking she’d left corruption behind on Earth. But evil lurked in the dome, in the form of diamond balls filled with rainbow lights.

CHAPTER TWO

Medea plodded home from the community garden, achy and sweaty from nine hours of planting seeds and shoveling soil in thirty-degree-Celsius weather. A dense bambria forest separated the community garden from her lake, and she walked amidst bamboo-like black plants, their segmented stems towering thirty metres above her. Their clusters of round, leathery leaves granted her shade, and the ones that had fallen cushioned her steps.

Normally, she would have delighted in the surroundings, as humanity had destroyed so many of Earth’s forests. But the vision that Beauty had sent her flashed in her mind, and as she trudged through the black forest, the thin bambria stems leaning in random directions became sinister. What other gruesome fairy tales existed in the dome? If the Atralians were heartless enough to harm a helpless creature like Beauty, what were they capable of doing to the humans?

She wished Emerald were here, but since Medea had landed on Euphora, the orb had been exploring the solar system’s moons. On the ship, the humans had been paired with Atralian companions to teach them about their new lives and assist them with anything they needed. Emerald was Medea’s companion and had gone beyond the call of duty, listening to Medea whenever she needed to talk and staying up with her on sleepless nights. She was one of the kindest individuals Medea had ever met and couldn’t have anything to do with harming the Beauties. Perhaps she could help end their suffering.

The phone in her pocket beeped, a welcome distraction from her musings. It had to be Jules, as the Atralians had given her this phone solely for the purpose of speaking with him, and he was the only one who had her number. Perhaps he had information on the Beauties. She tapped the phone’s receiving button and stuck on her headset after pulling it from her backpack.

How’s that hot tub? she said.

Heavenly. Look, I can’t talk long. When I was on kitchen duty, a bloody orb started yelling at me, and I smashed a bunch of dishes. They’re putting me in solitary confinement for the next four days.

I’m so sorry that you—

A guard is coming. I gotta go.

She shoved the headset into her backpack and kicked up some leaves. She wished he hadn’t gotten himself into trouble again. Right now, she needed him. Even when he was glum, his voice was a wind chime that lulled the storms in her. Communicating with other men had been like climbing Mount Everest without gear, but talking to Jules was as easy and natural as breathing.

A full-figured young woman with frizzy red hair and tricksy blue eyes came from behind Medea. So you joined that prison program too, huh? Lena gave Medea a playful punch on the arm.

A grin pulled at the corner of Medea’s mouth. Lena had just graduated from high school when she’d left war-torn Russia for Euphora. Medea had grown to like her spunky personality as they’d gotten to know each other on the Atralian ship. I sure did. It’s the best volunteer job ever.

During Medea’s trip to Euphora, she’d met Jules online as part of a volunteer program. Created to pacify the discontented prisoners locked up on the cold, dark side of the planet, the program offered each inmate the opportunity to start a friendship with a partner from Euphora’s sunny side. Though Jules lived in darkness, he managed to shine sunlight into the black places within her.

Lena slid a finger along the thin, rubbery band decorating her neck, the universal translator that matched Medea’s. At first, I joined the program just so I could get a phone. Back home, my phone went wherever I did, and I was going through major withdrawals from not having one. A smile spread across her freckled face as she strolled beside Medea. But I got matched with this hottie named Akito, and he’s awesome.

Medea twisted one of her long black locks around her finger. Are you two dating?

Lena rolled her eyes. I wish. Unfortunately, he’s gay. But we have the best time using the Mind Merger. Yesterday, we were in a dance club, watching male strippers and doing ecstasy. The high felt so real. Then I had ten shots of vodka, and I didn’t even puke like I would’ve in real life. She shivered with excitement, then tripped on her shoelace.

As she squatted to tie it, Medea sat beside her and took out a water bottle. That Mind Merger sure is something else. She sipped her water and envisioned Jules’ arms wrapped around her outside the Taj Mahal. The program’s participants weren’t allowed to meet in person, at least not until the inmate’s prison sentence was over. The Atralians didn’t want people escaping the prison or attacking it. So the partners met in whatever scenario they chose using an interface device called the Mind Merger, which joined their minds while their real bodies lay dormant. She was dying to meet Jules in person, but for now, virtual reality would have to do.

Medea passed Lena her water, and as she glugged it, her sapphire eyes tightened. I have no regrets about leaving Earth, Lena said. I like it here. But something freaky happened to me. I left my dog on Earth, but he showed up in my yard yesterday. At least I thought it was him. When I hugged him, he turned into this creepy squid thing covered in black blisters. Within seconds, it died. When I asked some orbs about it, they said they’d never heard of such a creature and would look into it. She gripped the empty water bottle and searched Medea’s eyes. Have you seen anything like that?

Medea pulled her eyes away from Lena and rubbed the back of her neck. So people had been screaming because of the Beauties. She wished she could tell Lena about Beauty, but at the community garden, Lena had been chummy with the orbs supervising their shift. Medea couldn’t risk them finding out about her guest. I can’t say I have. But that does sound freaky.

I guess I should expect stuff like this to happen. After all, we are on an alien planet. Lena took off her backpack and rummaged through it. Darn it, I forgot my phone at the community garden, and I’m expecting a call from Akito. She sprang up and slung the backpack over her shoulder. Thanks for the water and the chat. And if you see one of those aliens, let me know.

Medea sent her a quick smile. Sure thing.

She continued walking, and her spirits lifted when the dark forest gave way to the field leading to her hut. As soon as she got home, she threw off her backpack and rushed to the crate. Beauty’s light was strong, and when Medea knelt beside her, she splashed her legs merrily in the water, blinking slowly at Medea like before.

She pulled off her brown bandanna. Happy I’m back? Beauty stretched an arm toward the kerchief, opening her hand.

You can touch it if you like. She held the bandanna over Beauty, who clutched it and let it go before swatting it, a frisky look in her eyes.

Medea beamed. You want to play? She dangled the kerchief higher over Beauty, the way she would tease Marmalade with a feather toy hanging from a rod. When Beauty reached for it, Medea lowered it just above Beauty’s hand and then raised it before Beauty could catch it. After doing this a couple of times, she let Beauty grab hold of the bandanna, and her tassels thrashed the water. They played like this for ten minutes before Beauty’s hands descended into the water.

Medea’s stomach fluttered. Though Beauty wasn’t Marmalade, she brought back so many fond memories of him. This, combined with the creature’s human traits, made Medea desperate to keep her alive. But as happy as Beauty seemed, her blisters remained. Maybe with rest and sustenance, they would disappear.

After filling her washbasin with water and sponging herself down, she fed Beauty a chunk of bread. She scraped together a small dinner for herself and offered Beauty bites from her plate, which she readily accepted.

She spent the rest of the night telling Beauty cute stories about Marmalade and reciting nursery rhymes. Whether or not Beauty understood her, her eyes sparkled while Medea talked. When it got late, she sang lullabies to Beauty until her eyes fell shut.

It’s time to sleep, little one, but I’ve had so much fun with you tonight. After putting on her nightshirt, she pulled down the black sheet on her bed. She was about to turn off the lamp, but Beauty stretched an arm toward Medea with her hand open.

I think you want to say something to me. Just go easy on me this time. She held her breath as she touched Beauty’s hand. She dreaded feeling the same pain as before. When Beauty’s clammy baby fingers curled around Medea’s thumb, she immediately withdrew her hand, but not because she felt physical pain. Her attachment to Beauty didn’t stem only from her resemblance to Marmalade. She reminded Medea of someone very special she’d lost two years ago. The memories of that tragedy spread across her mind like fresh snow.

I’M SORRY FOR YOUR loss, Medea, Dr. Hogan said as he stood next to her hospital bed. But at least you haven’t sustained any injuries. You could’ve broken some bones, or worse, when you fell down those stairs. With his rosy cheeks, white beard, and belly nearly bursting through the buttons of his white lab coat, he resembled Santa Claus if he’d gone to medical school. But he couldn’t give Medea the gift she yearned for, which was to have her baby kicking in her arms.

She winced as she sat up in her hard bed. They’d induced labour a few hours ago, and her insides felt ripped apart. At least Niko is in jail. She spoke in a withered voice. After the nurse had taken her baby away, Medea had broken into a fit of sobs. Now she lay limply in her bed and barely had the strength to talk.

You should feel happy about that, Dr. Hogan said.

I doubt I’ll feel happy about anything again. She rested her hands on her stomach. For eight months, her child had grown inside her like an angelic song rising to a crescendo. But now the music was replaced with a silence loud enough to shatter her bones, and all because of an ugly man’s temper.

During the first few months of her relationship with Niko, he’d hit her on a regular basis, not hard enough to throw her to the ground, but enough to damage her spirit. All she had to do to incite his anger was look at him the wrong way or put his socks in the wrong drawer. Once he found out she was carrying his child, he stopped hitting her, but yesterday, he’d lost his job and had unleashed his anger on her by pushing her down the stairs. As she crashed downward, all she thought about was her baby, this song that filled her, allowing her, at last, to feel complete.

It’s natural to feel hopeless and despondent, Dr. Hogan said. Having a stillborn baby is a big trauma, but there are grief programs you can join. You might develop severe depression, so if you feel like you’re having trouble functioning, and especially if you’re having suicidal thoughts, please tell your GP so they can get you on some medication. He spoke in a calm, clinical voice with threads of warmth running through it.

The fluorescent tubes buzzed above her, and rain pounded the window beside her. She rubbed her belly in slow circles, trying to remember how to breathe. It was as though she’d died with her baby and was forcing herself to go through the motions of being alive. I appreciate your help, but happy pills aren’t going to make me feel better. Nothing can help me. Her lips barely moved as she spoke.

I know it feels that way right now, but you will recover from this. The light from the fluorescent tubes reflected off his glasses, obscuring his eyes. She couldn’t tell if he was being sincere or if this was a line he fed all his traumatized patients.

I’m ready to see her. I want to hold my child. Earlier, she’d been too caught up in her anguish to look at her baby. But now every inch of her body ached for her child, the song she’d lost.

Of course. The nurse will bring her in shortly. He took a pen in his plump fingers and scribbled some notes on