Live Deliberately

By Michael Warren

Every day, we are bombarded with opportunities to get distracted, waste time, or worse. The things that fight for our attention are the things that want to destroy us – and we let them.

We have unseen, unmet needs pushing us to make bad decisions. We don’t know why we do the things that we do, but we sin, repent, and repeat.

To fight for our present, we need healing for our past and hope for our future. We must face our brokenness and bring it before God’s throne in search of healing. Only then will we be able to make the most out of each moment. Only after we are free of the shackles of our wounds can we enjoy the life God has for us. And only after we stop running from the pain can we start to become the people God made us to be.

In this book, you’ll learn how to identify the problem, heal the past, build the future, own the present, and live deliberately. While temptations and distractions will still be there, you can at least arm yourself with knowledge to make it a fair fight.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664286092

Michael Warren

Michael Warren served as a missionary in Bolivia for several years and in the church in various capacities throughout his life. God has healed him through prayer ministry training, courses, books, and personal revelation, but mainly through his relationships with men and women seeking God. A land surveyor, he lives in Sacramento, California, with his wife and two children.

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Copyright © 2022 Michael Warren.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8608-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8607-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8609-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022922470

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/29/2022

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter One — Identify the Problem

•The Problem of Identity

•The Problem of Pain

•The Problem of Porn

•The Problem of Distraction

•The Problem of Performance

•The Problem of Purpose

Chapter Two — Heal the Past

•Feel the Old Feelings

•Bitter Judgments

•Bitter Expectations

•Foundational Lies

•Inner Vows

•Forgive Others

•Forgive Yourself

•Move Past the Past

Chapter Three — Build the Future

•Develop Hope

•Goals and Plans

•Maintain Perspective

•Worry and Stress

•Build Towards Something

Chapter Four — Own the Present 73

•Un-Numbing the Spirit

•Feel Everything

•Deal with Issues that Arise

•Be Uncomfortable

•Honor Others

•Tragedy, Defeat, and Disappointment

•Roles vs. Identity

•Beauty in the Mundane

Chapter Five — Live Deliberately

This book is

dedicated to my wife, Esther. Your

love, patience, and kindness has healed many more

wounds in my heart than you can imagine.

Special thanks to Taylor Horn, Kyle Marks, and Bryan Japhet

for your help with this book and your input in my life.

INTRODUCTION

Time waits for no one.

The years drift by faster and faster.

Life pushes us from one stage to another. When we are young, we wish we were older. We put things off, saying, I’ll do that when… imagining the right time to do something.

Then time pushes us forward. We either get what we wanted or don’t, but it doesn’t matter. Somehow or other, our life doesn’t turn out how we expected. People have disappointed us. We have disappointed ourselves. Life beats us down with a swift punch of tragedy or by the slow drip of routine and responsibility.

And still, time pushes us forward, whether we want it to or not. The right time never comes, and things only get busier. Our free time gets less and less.

Time goes by, and our choices feel more and more limited. Responsibilities overtake our freedom to do the things we think that we want to do. Our actions and reactions come from a wellspring of wounds and hurts. Life passes us by, and joy is either a distant memory or a distant hope.

We fall into a comfortable routine of Christianity where nothing ever changes. There is only complacency, lethargy, and stagnation.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. God designed us for more. He did not die on the cross so we would stop seeking to be better after receiving salvation. He wants to carry on that good work in us to completion. He wants our joy to be made complete, and He wants us to have life and have it to its fullest.

Yet, there’s a reason people tend to have mid-life crises. It doesn’t matter if they have achieved what they had set out to do, or they haven’t, because success does not correlate to fulfillment in life or happiness. There is a lack, and they are not fulfilled. And thus, they need something to reignite a spark of life in them.

It’s that abundant life that Jesus offers that is so elusive to us. Paul was content whatever the circumstance, but we are discontent whatever the circumstance. Something has been shut off, and it is not external but internal.

There’s a quiet desperation that settles into anybody who will let it. We numb that awful feeling with many different things. Something is missing. The sheen of youth wears off, and we can no longer cover up the feeling with optimism for the future. We have experienced many highs and lows, yet the desperation remains. The lack remains.

The trite idioms are not sufficient. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. This is a good idea for a moment, when courage is needed to do something you might not otherwise do. But following this idea to its logical conclusion leads to unfulfilling hedonism and pleasure-seeking. It is, by definition, self-centered. It shirks our responsibilities and roles for the desire to feel good in the moment, even if it isn’t good for us long term.

In the same way, live like it’s your last day, sounds good at first. But if I did that, then there are many things that I wouldn’t do. If it were my last day, I would not help somebody move, I would not go to work, I would not renew my driver’s license, I would not do anything that took any of my precious time that I did not 100 percent want to do. Even worse, if it were my last day, I would not try to be a better father, husband, friend, or follower of Christ. I would not seek a deeper, more personal relationship with God or the people around me. I would only seek to please myself and trust my salvation instead of working it out with fear and trembling.

Something else is required of us. God expects us to enter a process of sanctification. We are expected to make the most out of our days. Instead of them slipping by, we are expected to grab each one and squeeze it dry. But that is much easier said than done.

So many things hit us each and every day that push us forward, having us simply solve problems.

This book is for every person who has ever felt life slip by. It is for anyone longing to experience a more abundant life in Christ. It is for anyone who has hurts and wounds in their past and cannot seem to get beyond them. It is for all of us who get stuck and complacent in our Christianity. It is meant to help us when our growth stalls. And it is for anyone who does not understand why they do the things they do.

Each section in this book is a tool to use on a personal path of growth in freedom and relationship with God. They should be approached as such. Just because a specific tool may not be needed at the moment doesn’t mean it will never be useful. Take each tool and use them as necessary to grow a deeper relationship with God and develop a full, abundant life. If a tool isn’t needed at the moment, hold onto it, as God may use it in the future.

There are sample prayers throughout. These are not magic words or meant as anything more than a helpful hand when the words are hard to find. As often as possible, pray these types of prayers with other people with whom you can be vulnerable. They can pray with you and for you, but more importantly, it will seal the prayer better in your heart and in your memory. Use everything to develop a closer relationship with the Lord, a better understanding of yourself and your feelings, to push yourself for more holiness, and toward a fuller life with Christ.

Also, God is a God of equilibrium. The only extreme He wants is extreme devotion and pursuit of Him. Extremes are helpful to break a bad habit, but eventually, moderation and balance are expected. Break the habit, and then find the balance.

This book is meant to challenge you to change things, break habits, make new habits, and shift the way you view and do things. The problem with quiet desperation is that it is quiet. We try to hide from it, pretend it isn’t there, and life passes us by. Well, it is there, and it’s time to see it for what it is: a roaring lion seeking to devour us. We can ignore it and let it slowly kill us, or we can fight it and kill it.

It’s time to start fighting.

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CHAPTER ONE

Identify the Problem

T he only way to fix anything is first to find out what is broken. Life pushes us forward, and we find ways to cope with all of our broken parts. We learn how to jiggle the key just right so that the door opens. Pretty soon, the methods that we use feel normal. Then, they become necessary.

There are things that we need to do, and as time marches on, the list only increases. After a while, life becomes taking care of responsibilities at home, work, church, and sports, leaving very little time left over for what I really want. This is a misnomer. I will still be unsatisfied if I get what I really want or what I really want to do if I am unsatisfied with my life. A respite from responsibilities may be pleasant or relaxing at the moment, but it will not satisfy.

That is because God has created us with a drive to experience joy with everything we do, not only when we get me time. If we are not content whatever the circumstance, we will not be content in any circumstance. There will always be something missing.

Too many things come against our contentment. Some we have sought, and they did not give us the joy we expected. Others came to us, and we merely accepted them into our lives—all of them we can choose now to throw off.

That is the choice we face. We can choose to recognize a bad or good circumstance for what it is, do our best, and then learn and improve. Or we can disconnect from the things happening around us to avoid feeling the crushing disappointments or slow, steady drip of life’s responsibilities.

God has laid the path before us. It is rocky, uncomfortable, painful, and scary. It requires us to stop coping and start looking for the broken parts. It also requires us to lay down our pride and accept that there are still many broken parts of ourselves.

By accepting that there are things in our lives that are not working as they should, we can start to see the bandages that we have put on top of them. Then, we can rip the bandages off so that God can begin healing the actual wound underneath.

The road we must walk when we seek to remove the ways we cope is painful. But in it, we gain contentment, joy, and the promised abundant life. It’s time to remove all of the walls built to protect ourselves from hurt, pain, and danger. Then, we can walk confidently down that road toward the life God has for us.

The Problem of Identity

Growing up, the message to me was, You can be anything you want to be. Even though this is not 100 percent true (as there are some things that I simply do not have enough natural talent and ability to become), the principle is true enough. If you work hard and consistently on something, even the most challenging things will be attainable. But because I had all of the options of where I could go, I never had anybody point me in the direction of where I should go.

Training up a child in the way that they should go is not only teaching right and wrong so that they grow up and do what is right. It is more about training up a child in their own way. Not giving them all the options in the world, but instead knowing them and training them in the way they should go. This takes much more time and work than simply allowing them to choose for themselves.

Not receiving this growing up, we do not have a path in front of us that we can rely on.

Roles are also becoming more muddled and even erased. Children don’t have nearly