Turtle Talk

By Paul Enns Wiebe

Rose Lombard's turtles, with her aid and like Asian elephants with their mahouts, can draw pictures of themselves, then bow before the camera; they can search a dictionary; they can spell their names on a computer; and above all, they can "read-write," using a large homemade word-board to which they guide Rose

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul Wiebe
• Release date: Nov 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9798218114664

Paul Enns Wiebe

Armed with a Ph.D. from the University of Chicago, Paul Enns Wiebe taught comparative religion at Wichita State University until taking very early retirement from his tenured position to become an independent writer. He has published nine novels and counting, as well as a pair of nonfiction books and a passel of articles in his academic specialties.  

Book preview

TURTLE TALK

by

Paul Enns Wiebe

"It is a pity they cannot talk, because it would be charming

to have their views.

What do they think of us,

and do they get a laugh out of it all?"

James Herriot, If Only They Could Talk

"There are more things in heaven and earth,

Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Shakespeare, Hamlet

FOREWORD

Some turtles can talk—or, more precisely, they can read/talk.

Such a claim is, of course, hard to believe. But if readers are able to suspend their natural skepticism, if they read critically but with an open mind, they should find my allegations at least plausible.

Before reading this piece, the careful reader would be wise to view my YouTube documentary, Rosemary’s Turtles. It runs 33 minutes and should be approached with a critical eye, taking care to look for nuances. Though it may seem that in the long final section, the turtle taking a double-blind test we had constructed for him failed, the context shows that he, Toot, thought that he was the one who should be dictating the terms of the test. When Rose explained the game he would be playing with us, she asked him if he was ready for it; she then offered him the Yes/No choice, with the convention of hitting her thumb meaning Yes and hitting her forefinger meaning No, Toot hits the space between the two, indicating something like ambiguity.

Paul Enns Wiebe

November, 2022

FROM PALO ALTO TO THE GROVES OF OREGON

2003-2007

In the Crescent Park area of Palo Alto, a realtor who admits to being the top salesperson in the U.S. is offering a home with 7,216 square feet of living space. A sleek brochure advertises the merits of this home with such captions as La Dolce Vita, La Belle Epoque, and La Puerto del Sol. No price is listed, but a quick visit to Google brings up the realtor’s site, which informs its discriminating clientele that this property can be had for $8,800,000.

This outlay would purchase such amenities as a sense that one has been transported to Monet’s garden in Giverny, a pool designed by a specially commissioned waterscape architect whose plan was inspired by the pool that graces Hearst Castle, solid granite counter tops, handcrafted 24-karat gold light and bathroom fixtures, and heated towel racks. Ownership will also place one among neighbors who include many celebrities, Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, well-known power brokers of the high-tech industry, and leading academics from nearby Stanford University. Any curious passersby who has plucked the brochure from the plastic case at the edge of this property can only imagine the heady conversations that float through the citrus air when this class of persons gathers for a catered social occasion.

A few blocks from Giverny, one comes across a neighborhood consisting of substandard apartment buildings and an occasional small house on the mend. Here the population tends to the bilingual and drives used cars. Weekend nights are a time for birthday celebrations featuring high-decibel salsa and coolers packed with Corona Beer.

Within this district, hidden behind an aging redwood fence and under tall, untrimmed oaks, sits a 960 square foot cottage that rents for $1200 a month. To those few who know its secret, this tiny dwelling seems as out of place in its neighborhood as it