A Reason to Look for Tomorrow

By Saad Manasterli

Poetry is a form of expression but, for people dealing with mental illness, expression is often a luxury they can't afford. Sometimes it takes encouragement to help someone shed their mask and allow others to understand their struggles.

A Reason to

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: Jan 9, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889266372

Book preview

A Reason to Look For Tomorrow

Saad Manasterli

new degree press

copyright © 2023 Saad Manasterli

All rights reserved.

A Reason to Look For Tomorrow

ISBN

979-8-88926-636-5 Paperback

979-8-88926-637-2 eBook

I wanted to dedicate this book to Teta, my late grandmother. She always believed I would accomplish great things. Thank you for believing in me.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

Friendship and Love

Room for One

Time Wasted

To Love That Wasted My Time

How Do You Love

Dream of Mine

Jittery Nerves

A Relationship

Chores

Still

Original Sin

Regardless

Sing Along

Smile My Lover

Threads of Love

This Love

Wayward Soul

You Rise

You Showed Me

What Was It Supposed to Mean?

Your Man

On to the Rest

Love

In Your Eyes

Highway

My Earth

Beauty

A New Beginning

Back to Me

A Moment to Think

Worthy of Us

Cursed

Back to You

My Zen

Chapter 2

Mental Illness

Depression Is a Sin

My Night

Out of Steam

Restraints

Seasons Change

Sleepwalking

Time Has Passed

Turning in Circles

Not Bonding

Bloodstains

Nothing

Wishes

Hopes

Me

My Reflection in a Bag

Muted Lips

Let You Know

Lets Go

God as My Witness

Hallowed Calls

Heavy Heart

I Don’t Want to See My Face

Crown

Bittersweet Friend of Mine

Clown Face

A Curse to Me

Another Friend

For Sale

Seer

Buildup

The Train

Withered

Cancer

Abandoned Cabin

A Way to Cope

In the Soil

Chapter 3

Society

Forsaken

You Czar

Aren’t Allowed

Kindness

Faith

One

Rewind

Squares

Tell Me

Tomorrow

Useless Psalms

Wide Shut

She Remained

Fame

Poetry

Scheme

In Layers

Life Is a Simile

Ignorance, Ignore Me

Desirable

Fairy Tale

Ashtray

Buffering

Cross Fires

Always Cold

Debt

Worth Forgiving

A Better Future

Chapter 4

Identity

Plan

Sideways

Spectator

The Void

Too Fleeting

Tormented Blurbs

Truth Within a Lie

Evaporated

Nameless

Home of Birth

I Am What I Seek

Illusions

What I Feel Like

You Keep

At Peace

In Disguise

Father

Fiction

Fruitless Desires

Be Forgotten

By the Batch

As I Lay

See It Clear

Awake

Joy

Travel

No Longer Here

Misplaced

Fire

Home

Ball and Chain

Imperfection

Dismantle

A Reality

A Cup

Damnation

Weakness

Challenges

Patience

Blood Is in My Eyes

Who Keeps Score

Maybe

Path

Turns Scary

Confined

Playing Pretend

Acknowledgments

Appendix

Introduction

I am alive today due to my ability to uncork my bottle and share with the world, for the first time, all of me. All my walls have crumbled; this is me, uncorked.

I have suffered from mental illness since I was a teenager, and it has taken years to figure out a treatment plan to manage it. A combination of medication, writing, and self-reflection have helped, but I still have ups and downs. I am still triggered by certain things. But I am also more than my illness. I am a successful human being with a career, a family, and friends who love me. I have become more confident in myself and my abilities, although the scared teenager is still there within me.

Some of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses is dissipating. Mass media and popular culture have helped to shed light on the complexities of mental illness in general, but there is more work to be done. According to National Institute of Health statistics, 21 percent of US adults experience mental illness (US Department of Health and Human Services 2020). That’s about 52.9 million of us (in 2020). Most people know somebody who struggles, whether they are aware of it or not. Some win their battles but, unfortunately, some lose. And the COVID-19 pandemic has only made things worse—according to the World Health Organization, the pandemic has caused a 25 percent increase in depression and anxiety (World Health Organization 2022).

So, my goal is to share my struggles and show readers who may be similarly struggling that they are not alone in the fight. I write for the masses who are in the same boat. I am finally in a place in my life where I can break the chains and shed my burdens to share my deeper, darker side. I can free myself of these troubles. I understand I am not alone, that I continue to fight alongside many others in silence.

My pains and struggles stem from bottling up my emotions, from wearing a mask to make sure the people around me are not aware of the struggles and battles I fight within myself daily. Sometimes thoughts and phrases roil in my head, and I must get them out in whatever medium is close at hand (including having my wife type them on her phone if we’re in the car). The words just fight their way out. When I write, I remove the mask and face myself head on, expressing my pain in verses as I create poetry between the paper and the pen. Sometimes I can go days without a single verse—those are the good days. But on others I am slammed by verses left and right, high and low. These are the bad days, and going through a slump makes it harder. But I fight the slump daily. I make it happen because I am strong. And I want to help others do the same.

My mental illness went undiagnosed for a long time. Once diagnosed, the miracles of modern medicine helped me treat the symptoms for a while. But the body adapts