Table for Two

By Soekie Sandra Krog

In this book Soekie Sandra Krog offers insight into the various challenges and considerations concerning remarriage in later life. Highlighting the discussions to have before taking the next step includes finances, intimacy, extended family and other interesting topics. A good read at any stage of matrimonial elligibility, Soekie draws from her own life experiences to illuminate a lesser discussed topic.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Soekie Sandra Krog
• Release date: Jan 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215011133

Book preview

Table of Contents

CHAPTERS

CHAPTERS

PREFACE

MARRIED OR NOT?

WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED AGAIN?

WHAT WOULD BE THE PROFILE OF MY PARTNER?

WHAT CAN I OFFER AND EXPECT IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP?

IS THE MOURNING PROCESS COMPLETED AFTER A SPOUSE'S DIVORCE, BREAK-UP OR DEATH?

THE FAMILY TREE.

HISTORY: MY SNAKES AND LADDERS?

WERE THERE PAST RELATIONSHIPS THAT COULD INFLUENCE THIS ONE?

PERSONALITY, NATURAL GIFTS, CHARACTER TRAITS, VALUES, SKILLS AND STRENGTHS:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT COMPARISONS OR CONTRASTS?

WHAT IS YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM?

DREAMS, SPIRITUAL GIFTS, CALLING, MINISTRY

LOSS OR GAIN?

COMMUNICATION, STRESS, CONFLICT AND PROBLEM-SOLVING.

HEALTH AND MEDICAL HISTORY

MOTIONAL NEEDS AND FULFILMENT

SEX AND INTIMACY

WHERE DO WE NEST? AND TRIBAL ADAPTION.

FINANCES: BUDGET IN AND OUT

HABITS, LIKES AND WEAKNESSES 

PREPARE FOR THE WEDDING

PREPARE YOURSELF

––––––––

PREFACE

––––––––

‘Table for two?’ the waitress asked. I was overwhelmed with joy. ‘Yes’, he’ll be here soon, I anticipated.

How did she know that this was a special date after having lunch at a table for one so many times?

Two years and two months after my late husband, Johan Krog passed on, I felt that I'd processed most of the grief. As I moved to another house, I felt ready for a new beginning, missing a friend and soulmate. Although I was unsure about whether or where to find a man of God, I prayed and waited on God.

7 November 2022, I received a LinkedIn invite from an old acquaintance with whom I had a radio interview on Radio Pulpit several years ago. His wife passed on four years before, and we started corresponding on work and ministry. He indicated how he valued my input in his children's lives through the music I produced over the years.

He invited me to lunch soon after that. I was excited. Deep in my heart, I knew this could be my future husband with only one little problem: he was 17 years older than me! Well, if I were 20, or maybe 40, it would not sound so unreasonable, but I was 63, and he had just turned 80.

Though he was a man of good report, I was unsure about a few things. My Ouma Ella always told me to marry a man who belongs to the same church and political party as me, but since then, and being married twice before, I realised it was not that simple this time around.

That day, after Ron Lindeman asked me for lunch on 7 December 2022, I dreamt about two bicycles: a new, sporty red one and a more old-fashioned green bike. In the dream, I wanted the red bike, but I clearly heard God's voice saying he gave me the green one: it would not break and would bring me where I needed to go. I accepted it.

A month later, Ron visited me in Stilbaai and proposed. During this visit, Ron and I took time to work through a LIST (received from a dear friend, Karel Nel) containing all the matters of importance to collect information to see if we were on the 'same page' concerning most areas of our lives. This also helped to identify differences and similarities between us. It was of GREAT VALUE. After working through this list, I accepted his proposal, and within three weeks, we were married.

I truly believe that God brings people together in his proper time and opportunity. Ecc 3:11   'He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.' This unconventional meeting was yet another proof.

Is love still so blind?

Statistics have shown that many couples who felt deeply mesmerised by the euphoria of infatuation, even for the second or third time, find themselves sooner than not in a situation they have not expected: the honeymoon phase has faded, and the bright light of reality casts sad shades of disappointment.

This writing might help to eliminate the effect of some disappointments before they take place, i.e. before a man and woman decide to get married.

According to the prophet Amos, there should always be an agreement between two people before they can walk together.

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to meet? Amos 3:3

MARRIED OR NOT?

‘It is not good for a man to be alone.'

According to the Great Originator of marriage, it is seen as a good thing: 

'It is better to get married than burn with passion or desire'.

'Two are better than one and

'What God has joined together, let no one separate.'

‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the LORD’. Prov 18:22

Marriage might seem an old-school term in this modern age, but a union between one man and one woman is a COVENANT between two people. It is even called holy matrimony, which correlates with the Originator's conditions: both are believers. These people are genuinely BORN AGAIN, serving Christ alone.

The Bible compares a marriage between a true believer and non-Christian to the bearing of an UNEQUAL yoke. 2 Cor 6:14 ‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?’

Many people find themselves in a situation where they consider a long-term close relationship with a new partner after a divorce or the death of a spouse.

Whether you are 20, 40, 60 or 80, it stays the same: the desire to belong and be loved, to be beautiful (for a girl) and to be respected, strong and a hero for the men.

Whether you fall in love for the first, second or seventh time, the procedure is entirely predictable: Man sees girl, a girl sees a man. A man likes a girl, and a girl likes a man.

They talk and start feeling a sense of connectedness or chemistry. Then they touch, date, express their feelings and enjoy one another's company, decide to see one another more often or stay

Reviews for Table for Two

[Ron Lindeman · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I can attest to the fact that Sandra tells it as it is, humour, warts and all! My wish is that others of similar age groups considering marriage will take her council seriously and with honest self examination, before making the final decision to marry - and still be prepared to make necessary and appropriate adjustments if need be. Ron.