A Three Dog Life

By Abigail Thomas

When Abigail Thomas’s husband, Rich, was hit by a car, his brain shattered. Subject to rages, terrors, and hallucinations, he must live the rest of his life in an institu­tion. He has no memory of what he did the hour, the day, the year before. This tragedy is the ground on which Abigail had to build a new life. How she built that life is a story of great courage and great change, of moving to a small country town, of a new family composed of three dogs, knitting, and friendship, of facing down guilt and discovering gratitude. It is also about her relationship with Rich, a man who lives in the eternal present, and the eerie poetry of his often uncanny perceptions. This wise, plainspoken, beautiful book enacts the truth Abigail discovered in the five years since the acci­dent: You might not find meaning in disaster, but you might, with effort, make something useful of it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins
• Release date: Feb 1, 2007
• ISBN: 9780156033060

Abigail Thomas

Abigail Thomas worked as both a book editor and book agent before writing her first short story collection, Getting Over Tom. Her second and third books An Actual Life, and Herb's Pajamas, were works of fiction. Her memoir, A Three Dog Life, was named one of the Best Books of the Year by The Los Angeles Times and The Washington Post. She is also author of the memoirs Safekeeping, Thinking About Memoir, and What Comes Next and How to Like It.  The daughter of renowned science writer Lewis Thomas (The Lives of a Cell), Thomas has four children, twelve grandchildren, and two great grandchildren. She lives in Woodstock, New York, with her dogs.

Reviews for A Three Dog Life

[schnurmacher · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Abigail Thomas nabs you from the beginning and she does not let go. She makes you see the vital in the mundane. You are caught up in a life meticulously observed. Modest and honest, it was a delight to read and kept me company on a very rainy day in Venice.

[mahallett · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Best books 2006. LA times. Washington Post Very enjoyable read about a very sad story.

[aspenhugger · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

"When Abigail Thomas's husband, Rich, was hit by a car, his skull was shattered, his brain severely damaged. Subject to rages, terrors, and hallucinations, he was sent to live in a nursing facility that specializes in traumatic brain injuries. He had no memory of what he did the hour, the day, the year before. This tragedy is the ground on which Abigail had to build a new life. How she built that life is a story of great courage and change, of moving to a small country town, of a new family composed of three dogs, knitting, and friendship, of facing down guilt and discovering gratitude. It is also about her relationship with Rich, a man who lived in the eternal present, and the eerie poetry of his often uncanny perceptions. This wise, plainspoken, beautiful book enacts the truth Abigail has discovered in the years since the accident: You might not find meaning in disaster, but you might, with effort, make something useful of it."~~front flapThe only reason I gave this book 5 stars is because I couldn't give it 10. This books is shattering, exquisitely written, hauntingly beautiful, illuminating, and life changing. I urge you to read it -- you will tumble headlong into a world that's unimaginable yet all too real, and follow Abigail as she stumbles to find her center in the midst of the upheaval of her world.

[anne_green-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a moving story, beautifully told of the author's handling of the aftermath of her husband's accident. Out walking the dog one night, he was knocked down by a car and sustained horrific brain injuries. It's a story of finding some kind of acceptance of a life that's been irrevocably changed and a future that's been snatched away. There's no sentimentality here, just clear, sensitive narration of things we all hope we never have to experience. Largely it's about the mutual comfort to be found in the relationship between animals and humans (in this case the author and her three dogs). For dog lovers (or any animal lovers) the following passage, describing the author's occasional naps with her dogs (before the third arrived), rings so true:"... you might frind us together sleeping. We are doing something as necessary to our wellbeing as food, or air, or water. We are steeping ourselves, reassuring ourselves, renewing ourselves. Three creatures of two different species finding comfort in the simple exchange of body warmth."

[amandafite · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I read this in a few short hours, it was a sweet story about love and dedication. Makes me want to hug my husband a little tighter.

[kristelh_15 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I love the title"Three dog life" from the aborigines who sleep with their dogs. A cold night is a three dog night. Our pets sometimes are what help us through the difficulty in our lives.

[satyridae · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

The wolf is always at the door. Thomas writes sparely and movingly of how her husband's devastating brain injury has changed and illuminated her life. Difficult to read without doing some personalizing and catastrophizing, for me anyway. Solid, moving, and unsentimental.

[lisamaria_c · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I feel bad giving such a low rating to this--it's so...literary in its intent, and Abigail was a woman I found it easy to identify with undergoing a terrible tragedy. It wasn't far in that she was telling of her first date with her husband at Moon Palace in the Columbia University area of New York City, and it brought back memories--it was where my mother took me for my first taste of Chinese food as a child. There were a lot of landmarks for me such as that one in this memoir. But some of that identification was undercut by my feeling too conscious of the literary style--usually first person, but sometimes second person, often in present tense, shifting in time, with jumbling, stream-of-consciousness touches. Abigail Thomas teaches writing and at times the book screamed New Yorker to me. (The magazine, not the people.) I do like literary fiction; I can even name entire novels I've read--and enjoyed--in the exotic second person. But the good books make me forget I'm reading in a literary style--this made me overly aware of it.The other reason I can't honestly rate it high is that it was such a downer. Please understand, for me ratings are a completely subjective marker--and if I'm honest this isn't a book I enjoyed. Despite what the title and cover might lead you to believe, this isn't a heart-warming book about dogs. This is the epigraph heading the book:Australian Aborigines slept with their dogs for warmth on cold nights, the coldest being a "three dog night." - WikipediaAbigail Thomas enters a "three dog life" when her husband is severely injured by a car accident. His frontal lobe gone, like others who have sustained Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI), her husband Rich would suffer: "psychosis, paranoia, hallucinations, aggressive behavior, rages." The man she'd known and loved was--gone. Yes, there are three dogs who feature in the narrative--but this isn't a story about dogs. This is about mourning a person not yet dead but just as irretrievably gone. And despite mentions of family and friends in this memoir she comes across as isolated, alone. Not even three dogs can provide enough warmth to withstand the chill this book exuded to me.

[leila_summers_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Engaging, sad, raw, honest, and at times, even witty. I enjoyed the author's writing style. Scattered thoughts are typically what happens in reality after such a tragedy. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one in any way, you may find yourself physically nodding along at times in understanding.

[tfs93 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This one is so different from any memoir I have read. It is more like short stories, not too much uplifting here. It is sad, filled with longing, loneliness exudes from the pages. It is worth reading. Life was not what the author expected it to be, whose life is Really? She still has thoughts and interesting ideas that we need to know. It won't win the happiest book award, but is totally worth taking the time to read!

[copperkid_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Rich and full of wit, Abigail Thomas has exposed herself so openly to us possibly for two reasons: to release her burden; and in so doing she connects with our own fears and weaknesses, and provides us a guide to dealing with them. She had, of course, not intended ever to have this opportunity, but the shock factor was the edge that made a heart-stopping experience such grand fodder for this excellent writer's intelligent and capable discourse. This is a keeper.

[autumnesf · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Memoir of a woman whose husband is hit by a car and sustains a TBI. This is her story moving forward with a husband that is forever damaged.

[fliss88_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I like the writing style of Abigail Thomas, she talks to the reader with an easy dialogue, you could almost be sitting down with her, sharing a pot of tea. After an accident left her husband with Traumatic Brain Injury, her life changed dramatically. She has to re-learn how to love this different man who is still her husband. Three dogs help her to cope, and her story is one of courage, guilt and honesty. This is not the sort of book I usually read, but over the course of several months, I kept seeing it in book shops, or picking it up at my local library, so fate played a part in my taking it home, and I'm glad I did.

[tbert204_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

My wife adores this book. That, and the fact that it recognizes the majesty of dogs, I had to pick it up.It's an easy read. A stream of consciousness voice that flits through the details of her husband's tragedy that leaves him with brain damage and the voice of a sage. His quips drop like Zen koans, cutting through preconceptions, like poetic innocence. These scenes with her husband are the most compelling.I didn't realize, at first, that this was something like a collection of essays. So it doesn't unfold chronologically. The author bounces around the timeline, but once you're oriented, her words read breezy and honest. The strength of her writing is in her voice. I felt her life, her experience and reflection on events. Could feel her home. The smell of her dogs. Her pain. Guilt.While I usually pine for more detail when reading one's biography, I really enjoyed the vagary of Thomas's revelations. And felt I knew more about her without the details.

[paperbackpirate · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

"Australian Aborigines slept with their dogs for warmth on cold nights, the coldest being a 'three dog night.' - Wikipedia"So begins A Three Dog Life, but it has as much to do with dogs as The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. It's a memoir written by a woman whose husband gets hit by a car and becomes a new man because of traumatic brain injury, and how she copes.One of my favorite chapters taught me about Outsider Art, which is basically art made by people with no formal training, but was originally a term reserved for the art made by insane-asylum inmates. Abigail begins collecting Outsider Art made by the residents of the rehabilitation center her husband is at who have also suffered brain trauma, almost obsessively. She then seeks out Outsider Art made by people with brain injuries in galleries. She discovers there is an Outsider Art Fair and goes. She also shares descriptions of her own husband's art.I was fascinated by the fractured conversations she shared with her husband, especially the ones that made sense even when they weren't supposed to. She talked about how one time her friend got a new dog and brought it over for a play date. The dogs were all running around the house, barking like crazy and being silly, making the author and her friend laugh and laugh. Suddenly the phone rang. It was her husband calling from the rehabilitation center (a few miles away) asking if she could keep the dogs quiet!The book is generally anecdotal. I wouldn't recommend this book to most people because many of the chapters were sad and some were just uninteresting (there's a chapter where she tells us what's in her refrigerator). However, I think people who have loved others who have dealt with brain trauma will find this book comforting. My friend's dad suffered from a stroke and hasn't been the same since. Some of the things she's told me about him reminded me of the man in this book. I suggested she read A Three Dog Life and she told me she had already read it and liked it very much.

[burnit99 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A rather sweet and touching account of the years after Abigail Thomas' husband, Rich, is hit by a car and suffers a traumatic brain injury which has remade him in many ways. His days are spent in an institution, and his memory is a cratered landscape. He lives in the present only, and is prone to weirdly poetic observations. But Abigail is a constant in his life, and has learned how to remake her life even as Rich's has been remade for him.

[splinfo · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A beautifully poignant memoir. It is much more a story of resilience than tragedy but it is both. Highly recommended to anyone at any stage of life who has faced loss and the overwhelming feelings of powerlessness. At 182 pages, set aside a thoughtful day to read this or take it on a weekend away.

[bons_11 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Non-fiction easy read of a difficult life altered by an accident resulting in authors husband's brain injury. Abigail's writing style is uniquely interesting, few words stated creatively but still very simply. As the story is told the burden is easy to feel through her words yet Abigail's comfort with her new life seems to be strength also. Rick's jumbled comments and views on situations he should know nothing about was nothing short of amazing.

[realbigcat · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is a very touching memoir. I was drawn to the book by a comment of Steven King saying it was the best memoir he ever read. I wouldn't go that far but it is very good. The point is that don't take life for granted because when you least expect it, life jumps up and bites you. The authors husband is hit by a car and has a serious brain injury that ultimately requires him to stay in a nursing home permanately. It the struggles are brought upon from this situation that are the basis of her memoir. A very touching and mostly sad tale but I think people can easily relate and thats what keeps you reading. In her times of struggle she finds comfort in her three dogs. I would highly recommend this book as a touching story and a quick read.

[dawnlovesbooks · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

touching story of a wife dealing with her changed life after an accident leaves her husband permanently brain damaged.a few quotes that sum up the themes of the book for me:" an unexamined life may not be worth living, but the overexamined life is hell.""how great to be enjoying the ride, however uncertain the outcome.""we are all looking for the place we belong."

[whisper1_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Abigail Thomas beautifully chronicles the process of discovery, disbelief, grief, hardship and then the realization that life must go on after a devasting accident which left her husband permanently brain damaged.Short chapters weave life before and after the devasting moment when her husband tried to save their dog and was hit by a car. Without self pity or self agrandizement, Thomas tells the story of courage and self discovery after reconciling the inexplicable fact that her husband will never recover. In a profoundly poignant, insightful manner, Thomas shares her journey to the institution where she witnesses both the shell of the vibrant person her husband once was deteriorate into a raving, hullicinating, angry and tramatized man and the small, short periods when he is lucid. When all around is out of control, Thomas finds solace in simple comforts such as three dogs, a cozy bed, soft snow, a warm fire, friends and family.I recommend this book. It isn't over the top dramatic, rather it is a beautifully written simple story of a very complicated situation.

[brsquilt · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

coping with husband who has brain damage

[emcnellis16 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Life is not perfect. Tragedy can strike at any minute. How do you handle it when it happens to you? Thomas faces her tragedy with grace and poise. After her husband is injured in a horrific accident, Thomas begins the seemingly unending cycle of hospitals, doctors, and emergency calls. Eventually, Thomas realizes that, while Rich’s life may remain in a state of limbo, her life must go on. She manages to find a balance between the wife she continues to be, and the woman who must now find meaning in her life -- on her own terms. She finds comfort with friends, family, and above all else her dogs. This is truly a story of love, loss, and ultimately – healing.I applaud Thomas for her ability to stand by her husband under such devastating circumstances. Her memoir is honest and thought provoking -- sharing her feelings of fear, self-reproach, and even happiness. Her love for Rich is evident in her writing. A Three Dog Life is a true love story and a joy to read.

[brianna_h_2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A Three Dog Life derives its title from the Australian aborigines who slept with their dogs for warmth; the coldest nights being “three dog nights”. Abigail’s husband’s traumatic brain injury places her in the most difficult time of her life. The warmth and love from her three beloved dogs comfort her, hence her three dog life. This new life is one that she has to build on her own; different from any life she has lived before. Abigail navigates the unchartered waters of dealing with a husband in a nursing home, the guilt, sadness and welcomed freedom of living alone, and embarking on a new life journey with such perceptive insight that it simply took my breath away. Thomas’ writing is sparse, plain, artful and so insightful that I feel that I could read anything about her or her life so long as she wrote it. Her self-awareness and ability to describe her thoughts and feelings is nothing short of brilliant. Most amazing is how she recounts her husband’s newly acquired astuteness and his uncanny ability to hone in on exactly what she is thinking or exactly what is going on in her life without any way for him to obtain actual knowledge of these things. Rich’s newfound ability is an unexplainable miracle. Reading this book changed the way that I view those suffering brain damage from a traumatic injury. I no longer see them as less than whole; they are just different – altered- sometimes these changes bring about gifts not previously possessed. Rich’s random comments show a gifted ability to describe his condition and a keen sense of self-awareness. Though his short-term memory loss may cause his inability to remember where he is or what he did five minutes ago, he is able to describe how he feels by saying, “I don’t know who I am. Pretend you are walking up the street with your friend. You are looking in windows. But right behind you is a man with a huge roller filled with white paint and he is painting over everywhere you have been, erasing everything. He erased your friend. You don’t even remember his name.”This book is a gift to everyone who reads it. I will treasure it always and recommend it to everyone I know.

[horomnizon · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I'll admit that for the first third of the book or so, I was just sort of depressed and wondered why I was reading it....but Thomas' language and the way she tells these vignettes from her life after her husband is hit by a car. Her dogs are a great comfort to her, and she learns to adapt her life to what her husband has become.While my gut reaction was "this is depressing", by the end, her ability to cope with what has happened feels natural - not forced and overly happy, but real. Quite a good read, even for people not going through something like that themselves.

[cms519 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Beautifully written. She captures the poetic thoughts her husband has in an amazing way.

[moonbridge · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book about the author's life after a car accident damages her husband's brain is not depressing as you might think. It is a very personal conversation mixing smiles with sadness, and is an introspective mix of past and present that blends beautifully together into a heartwarming, sensitive story of coping and hoping. No, dogs are not the main characters.

[yourotherleft_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Thomas writes a touching memoir that uses her life experience after her husband is badly injured when hit by a car to provide valuable insight into life, getting older, and living with and loving dogs. Given the title, I expected it to be more about the dogs, but is instead more about life and learning to play the hand you're dealt. I felt I could relate to her in her relationship to her dogs as well as some of her feelings in general. One of my favorites was this:Twenty years ago I asked a friend if he felt (as I did) a kind of chronic longing, a longing I wanted to identify. "Of course," he answered.... "What is it we are longing for?" He thought a minute and said, "There isn't any it. There is just the longing for it." This sounded exactly right. Years later and a little wiser, I know what the longing was for: here is where I belong.And another...I can't influence the future and I can't fix up the past.What a relief.I also particularly enjoyed the chapter where she talks about her husband "remembering" the things that are going on her life that he had no way of knowing anything about.

[pugterranian · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

As did Cathy Crimmins, in her wonderful memoir Where is the Mango Princess?, Abigail Thomas lost her husband to a near-fatal brain injury. Still married, but to a man she hardly recognizes and can no longer care for safely, she struggles to piece her life together again. One way to cope is to adopt a second and third dog for companionship. This is a beautifully written, gentle little heartbreaker of a book.

[legaleagle_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This wasn't what I was expecting at all. The title and cover photo are a bit misleading - the story didn't really have anything to do with dogs. It was actually a memoir of the author's experience after her husband suffered a traumatic brain injury. It was a heartbreaking story and I appreciated the author's honesty, but it felt a bit disjointed and terse. It was so short and fast-paced that I couldn't really engage much with the story. It was a nice story that gave some insight into traumatic brain injury, and I'm glad I read it, but it just wasn't what I expected.