Two Arms and a Hand: Or What I Learned from Being Stupid
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David Monaghan
David has aspirations and visions of flying like Superman and driving a hot car like the Batmobile. He is a father, husband and all around good guy to those around him. He is an avid collector of dragons and super hero memorabilia. He resides in Selah, Washington with his fiancé, after living in Phoenix, Arizona for several years. He was glad to leave there and come back to his home in Washington State. His lifelong dream is to visit Ireland and England, and to revisit Paris, France, where he visited while serving in the US Navy.
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Two Arms and a Hand - David Monaghan
TWO ARMS
AND A HAND
Or What I Learned
From Being Stupid
David Monaghan
Copyright © 2023 by David Monaghan.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
Rev. date: 12/12/2022
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
849366
Contents
Power Tools and Other Injuries
The Circular Saw Story
Two Arms and a Hand
Nathan and Dolly
Nathan’s cosmic time dilemma
Nathan and the gate.
Know When to Ask a Question and When to Shut Up
Christmas Toys
Getting The Parents’ Car Stuck In The Mud
Teaching Pam How To Drive
My First Encounter With Love
Kidnapping a Catholic Priest
Leaving A Dog At a Gas Station Outside of Omaha, Nebraska
Jamie And Her Temper Tantrum
My Hip Replacement
He Who Runs With Chainsaw
Oh, the Fun You Can Have with a 55 caliber Machine Gun.
One of the important things I have learned is that when you are out in public, NEVER try to pet someone else’s Chihuahua. Those little rat dogs are VICIOUS! I tried to pet one, once and the little bastard bit me on the finger...thank God that was all it was. I admit I was wrong. I should have asked first and not just reached out and try to be nice. You never know how they are going to react unless the owner holds them and allows people to pet their little rats.
I had a dog at one time. Nathan was a German shepherd/Rottweiler mix. He was so smart and I think he tried to outsmart me, but I usually won. I lived in an apartment complex and I had the second floor apartment. There was a sister and a brother that lived nearby. Absolutely adorable kids! The little boy..or little man as he proved to everyone around him, wanted to pet Nathan. I always told him that Nathan needed to sit first. He waited till Nathan was sitting properly and he would lavish love all over that silly dog. One day, his sister came up and while we were walking, she asked if she could pet Nathan. Out of nowhere, the little brother appeared and announced to her that, "YOU CANNOT PET HIM UNLESS HE IS SITTING! WAIT FOR HIM TO SIT, FIRST!" He looked at me and I told he was correct. The little girl looked at me and waited patiently for Nathan to sit and she, too, lavished him with all the love she could muster. Damn dust in my eye. I had to wipe away the tear that the dust caused. Those two kids were my favorite tenants in the complex. They always waited for me to walk Nathan so they could love all over him. I missed them when I moved. They missed that damn dog and I had to rehome him because where I went, he couldn’t come with me. I found out a few years back that Nathan had passed from old age and the man that owned him showed him as much love as I did when I had him. He was a good dog. I learned that when you own a dog, it’s a question of who owns who. They will love you without question and will always welcome you home. They will never ask where you were. Just greet you with all the happiness they can muster. Love your dog. They will love you back.
Power Tools and Other Injuries
Another lesson that I learned is that no matter how hard you try to be careful, it may not always turn out that the care you took will help. OUCH. It will hurt, but it will teach you to be aware of the things you didn’t see.
I bought a piece of glass that was encased in plastic and cardboard. It was a pane of glass for a picture frame. It was covered in plastic and backed with cardboard. Easy to remove. Uh huh. Sure it is. I then grabbed the left side of the package with my left hand, thumb adjacent to the glass. (This is important to remember). I grabbed the other side with my right hand and YANKED the glass out with my right hand. Little did I know that the glass had an adhesive square holding it in the package. I then yanked again. This time, the glass came loose, thereby slicing a huge gash up the side of my left thumb. It was about a 1/8th inch deep. When I regained my senses, I realized it was starting to bleed. YIKES. I put the glass down carefully and went into the bathroom to run it under water. When I realized that it was BAAAD, I pulled the band aids out and began to open them one by one and apply "DAVID’S FIRST AID’ to my open wound. It took exactly 5 band aids Well, it was still bleeding, so I figured that clear packing tape would help stop the bleeding. It slowed down and finally stopped, as far as I could see. I waited a few hours and then went next door to the neighbors. I knew from talking to him that he was in the medical care field. I brought the tape and gauze, asking him if he would rewrap my cut.
You might want to consider some stitches and have that looked at. It looks deep and you could have cut some tendons.
He said.
It’s a flesh wound and I am going to be fine.
I replied
"I’ll rewrap it, but I really think you should have that looked at.