Barley Corn John

By David Bailey

This is a tale that can be enjoyed by all ages, though some of the inferences may be lost on the very young readers. Many individual chapters can stand by themselves as they depict today's concerns-notably, corporate greed and how it is solved by Barley Corn. No money, no problem. When you want to sneak into the state fair, even though you promised not to do so, you take an "oath" to "always" sneak in. An oath always supersedes a promise. The book spins a tale of a tall villain who is in pursuit of Barley and his friend. This, after Barley and his friend witnessed the villain (Tunnel Man) shooting two people. Barley accidently kills a bear with a Civil War sword. This puts his name and picture in the newspaper. Tunnel Man sees the paper identifying Barely and his whereabouts. The chase is on. Belief in ghosts, childhood adventure and misadventure, are a part of the story. Some of the chapters are based on actual happening-notably, the apology in church as seen by the author in his early youth. At the heart, this is a fun book filled with dreamy humor and youthful adventure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 15, 2018
• ISBN: 9781641382991

David Bailey

David Bailey has worked as a telecommunications design engineer in Europe, Australia, Africa and Hong Kong for the past fifteen years. He built up an excellent reputation whilst working for IDC Technologies as a superb instructor in the area of radio engineering. He currently consults to a number of blue chip clients in the telecommunications industry.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Cigar Log

I kept a clear eye on the gutter, being that was what was important. The streetcar clanked by, and out of one of the middle side windows a lit cigarette butt landed a foot or so from the curb. I pounced this fast and ground the glowing end into the grass. I did a right proper job and stripped the tobacco right into my hand-sewn cloth bag. The bag was almost half full, but a full bag is better than half. In front of me were several more butts and then a big find—a bunch of butts in a pile of ashes right up next to the cement of the curb. The pile was from an ashtray in a car. Red lipstick showed on some of the butts, and quite a few had almost half of the tobacco left in them. By the time I got ’em, all stripped and stuck the tobacco in my pouch, it was just about full. I didn’t really care what kind of cigarettes I got my tobacco from, but if I had my druthers, I’d just as soon strip down a Lucky Strike, as that was my Pappy’s smoke.

It was full enough in my pouch, so I just hurried right along home so I could get my grass cutting done. Pushing that lawn mower along always took too long. Rather, one could be fishing, hunting squirrels, rolling marbles, or taking a nice smoke over in the woods. I pushed her as fast as lightning, and I could care less about a few missed patches.

Youse ain’t got as much as I have.

Sure ’nuff, Larry was right behind me, didn’t have to sneak. The mower did all the work for him. Larry held up his pouch, and it was full and tight OK! I had mine in my front pocket and wrestled it out. My pouch was so full I had a dickens of a time getting it out. I held up my pouch, and Larry gave me that sheepish but sort of mean look.

Maybe so, but youse don’t have all Camels.

I got Lucky Strike, I replied. That was enough for Larry. Let’s me and you go down to the woods and have a pipe full.

Good, I’m ready to go, said Larry.

Glad we’s out of school.

We were glad, glad that Miss Thompson was somewhere else. Don’t look out the window. Stop shooting those rubber binders. Pay attention! You don’t have your homework again, do you? She made us be quiet and sit still. I guess she couldn’t understand how boring it was sitting there all day while there was so much to do outside of school. I heard teachers talking in the hall, and they thought she was twenty-nine or thirty years old. That explained it! She was old and couldn’t understand us. Anyway, were glad she wasn’t around. I knowed she wouldn’t let us head for the woods and smoke our pipes.

Well, after mowing the lawn, I made a beeline to the woods along with Larry and my dog Pen. It was going to be night soon, and the shadows were showing long faces. Through the trees we could see Cigar Log—a cottonwood that was a giant when it was standing and now was a giant log lying even with the ground, a perfect place to sit on top of and light pipes. Larry and I, Steve, and Jay named the log ’cause it looked like a cigar with ashes falling on one end. That was nothing but reddish bark hanging in strips. We climbed onto the log and took our pipes out. Tamping the tobacco into the pipes, we were just ready to light them when around one of the other big cottonwoods Steve and Jay appeared. Jay looked like he often did, with cuts on his face and showing a black eye. If there was a fight to be had, Jay always seemed to be there. Well, the four of us were on the log now, and our pipes were glowing bright red with each puff as the dark settled in. Larry said we had to draw straws to see who was going to tell all about what happened. That made a lot of sense. So Larry got four sticks with one being short and held it behind his back and shuffled them up.

Now youse guys draw.

He held out his hand with the sticks, and sure ’nuff, I pulled the short stick. Well, it was decided then I would have to tell what happened. We knew I was to go to our friend Mr. U. P. North and have him help write out all of the goings-on. Now we did stretch the truth a little, but you can’t be absolutely correct in every detail. If you only glanced at a dead man’s face, it’s hard to be 100 percent true when you describe it. It was now dark, and an owl hooted right outside of the grove of big cottonwoods. When you hear it, it gives you a shiver to your toes, and if you had been thinking or talking about ghosts, your mouth goes dry. When that owl hooted, we all headed for home. And as sure as my name was Barley Corn John, I never stopped once till I got there!

CHAPTER 2

An Apology

The happenings all started when we were in church. It was a hot day, and the windows were all decorated with various pictures of holy things—angels, babies, sheep, clouds with people in them. The people bulged out in their arms and legs and looked fat. So did the babies, fat and round. There were various colors—red, green, yellow, and more. The colors made the windows pretty and nice, but as for the fat people and babies, it would be okay by me to leave them out. Most of these windows were pushed out and open, and a slight breeze helped keep down the sweat on the back of your shirt. The preacher was in front of the church dressed in long black robes with a tie around his neck left untied and dropping down both sides of his chest. He looked real uncomfortable and hot, but he had a big smile on his face and seemed to stare off into space above the heads of all the people. I thought at that time I sure wouldn’t want to be a preacher and have to dress in those silly robes and be so hot on a real warm day. I later found out they only have to work on Sundays, so I guess the preacher job would be just fine.

The service commenced with the singing of a real upbeat hymn and a lot of Bible reading from members of the congregation. The preacher then went to his wood stand and gave a long talk about how we all were sinning and heading for the wrong place. The preacher said we had to change our ways and repent or it was going to get mighty hot for us. He made such an impression on me that I vowed not to smoke my pipe that day. The preacher finished after a long talk. Church members were fanning themselves with decorated fans they had brought, but most just used the church bulletin for their fans.

The preacher announced that a member of the congregation was requested to address the church. The preacher went over and sat in a big black chair and stared off into space. The man that was to address the people stood up and moved real slow to the front of the church. I could tell he was real nervous as he kind of shook as he moved forward. He had a nice black suit on with a blue and red tie. I guess he was as hot as he looked, and his face was mighty pale as if he had never seen the sun. He was in front of the church, standing tall and slender. I thought he looked like that Civil War president. He fidgeted awhile and then cleared his throat.

I come with an apology to the congregation. The minister suggested that I make this public apology.

He went on to say how sorry he was for knowing Agatha. He went on saying he knew her¹ and talked about the Bible and being biblical. There were all kinds of people starting to shift around and look a might uncomfortable. Agatha had on a large yellow hat with a wide brim. Her face was kind of hidden, but I could see her face turning red as the man spoke. People were staring at the ceiling and floor and just plain looking off into space. Every now and then someone would steal a glance at the speaker or Agatha. The man wasn’t the only one who knew Agatha. Shucks! I had seen her more than once and knew her to say Hi, Agatha if she was on the street. We all knew her. She worked at the malt shop.

She sold all of our gang a malted milk whenever we had enough money to get one.

The man gave a final apology and sat down. The church was silent. Then the organ began playing, and everyone got up and talked some and headed for the doors. My Pappy had a disgusted look on his face. He then stated he was never coming back. That morning my mom had said all kinds of nice things to get him to go to church. Now I could see he wasn’t going again.

I asked Pappy what this was all about. He said he would tell me later when I was older. I asked again, and he said, Well, son, he knew her. Right then I could see why he wasn’t going to go to church there anymore. I’m sure my Pappy knew Agatha, just like me. One time my Pappy bought the entire gang a malt, and Agatha made the whole lot for us. He knew her then. I knew Mom would make me go to church there again. I sure didn’t want to stand in front of everyone and apologize. I made a vow right there and then, if anyone asked me if I knew Agatha, even though it would be a lie, I was going to say, I didn’t know her—never heard of her!

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1 Genesis, Chapter 4:1, And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Caine.

CHAPTER 3

Tunnel Man

As soon as we got home from church, a big chicken dinner was prepared. When dinner was over, everyone lazed around in the heat. My aunt Mildred was fanning herself with the church bulletin. I could see right then that was the best use of the bulletin that day. By and by I started to get uneasy, and I wanted to slip away down to the woods. I hankered to have a pipe full even though I had thought better of it whilst I was in church. I didn’t know if there was really anything wrong with it, but the preacher was set against drinking and smoking. Soon everyone was stretched out on a couch or snoring clunked up in a chair. That’s when I slipped out all Injun-like and headed for the woods. I remembered to grab my stash of tobacco and my corn cob pipe but forgot matches. I was just entering the path when I saw Larry ahead. I gave a whoop and a wolf howl, and that stopped him in his tracks. I found Larry with matches, and of course he had his pipe and tobacco. We soon settled down on top of Cigar Log and had our pipes shooting wisps of smoke into the leaves over our heads.

We settled down and felt real comfortable and cozy. I was just taking a good puff on my pipe when Jay and Steve came from around one of the big cottonwood trees. They didn’t have their pipes or tobacco, so they just joined us on the log talking about nothing of importance. The talk started to turn around as to who was the bravest. Jay reckoned he was the bravest and the toughest. Jay was an okay kind of guy, but he bragged an awful lot. When I first met him, I was on my way to school, and there was this kid standing on the corner. He came up to me and grabbed me by the front of my shirt. He was sounding like a real tough guy. He demanded a nickel or else! This went on every day for weeks with me giving him a nickel. Some weeks after this my Pappy told me to grab him by the front of his shirt and, if he didn’t back down, to wham him a good one. Well, that’s exactly what I did, and Jay and I had been friends ever since. If you stood up to him, he ain’t so tough. But he was a real braggart.

We were wondering what to do when I thought of the abandoned house. Larry and me had been there lots of times. You could go through the different rooms and imagine all kinds of adventure from a gang of pirates splitting a treasure to Indians sneaking through the house. We knew for a fact that Indians would put their guns and bows and arrows under the front porch when they came visiting. We knew it was so because the people that lived there some time ago came to our school and told us all about it.

The scariest thing about the house was a tunnel that ran from the yard to one end of the house. As the day was hot and I knew the tunnel was cool, I spoke up and said, Let’s go to the tunnel.

Well, everyone agreed except Jay. He didn’t say a thing, but it looked like he would rather do anything other than go to the house with the tunnel. Not so long ago Jay had been with Steve and me at the house. We took turns running through the tunnel, but when it was Jay’s turn, he wouldn’t budge. Calling him chicken, clucking like a chicken, saying he was a baby, scaredy-cat, afraid of his own shadow, did no good. He wouldn’t run through that tunnel even if a mean hound dog was on his tail.

We all headed through the woods and over several fields and more woods, and then there was the house. The house had a big porch all along in front and down one side. It was two stories high and still had a pretty good coat of white paint. Most of the windows were knocked out, and the roof had bare spots with no shingles. It wasn’t dark, so it seemed more friendly than at night. It could be downright creepy at night. I didn’t know if any of us would go there then! Not me anyway. When we got to the front yard, we went right over to the three apple trees. They all had nice big green apples, and we started picking and eating. Most of ’em would have a worm or two, but no mind—we just ate around them. After grabbing a few more apples and stuffing them in our shirts, we went over to where the tunnel started. The place where it started was in front of the porch near the right corner about twenty feet away. You had to jump down into a hole about six feet deep.

We were gathered around the hole and sat silent for a minute. As you looked into the tunnel, it was kind of scary with yellowish earth on all sides ’cept the top, and that was board. It was pretty dark too.

Well, who is going first? I said. Larry said Jay should go first. You could see Jay didn’t like the idea. We all chided him for a while. Then I said, I bet you a nickel you are afraid to go. Jay liked his nickels. Like the time he said he would beat me up if I didn’t give him a nickel. Of course, that was the first time we met. Now he was in a tight spot and didn’t want to lose too much face.

All right, I’ll do it. With that, Jay jumped down into the hole and started running into the tunnel. It wasn’t long when we heard a loud yelp from the tunnel, and then Jay came running real fast, got ahold on the rim of the hole, and scrambled out. Why he didn’t even stop for his nickel, but started running across the field, climbed over the wood fence, and ran lickety-split for home. He hadn’t said a word.

We all wondered why he was so frightened. Steve said we better go in and see what it was that made Jay run without collecting on his bet. As there were three of us, we would stick together and