Who I Was And Whose I Am: My Journey from "Downcast" to "Deliverance"

By Jean Tindall Killough

Let the Light of Hope Shine The book "Who I Was and Whose I Am" takes the reader on a journey of one person's life from downcast to deliverance. One recurring comment from those reading the manuscript has been "That could have been me!" With this, we know that few people walk through life in this imperfect world without experiencing dark times. When we or those around us fall short, we are apt to lose hope and see the future as dim. Often we believe it is about following the rules and regulations, especially in religion. When we strive and fail, this can leave us with a feeling of unworthiness. However, the author's perspective on life totally changed when she began to study the Word and realized the vastness of the Lord's love. As she learned to forgive, trust, and release her life to Him, she realized He was redeeming what she had previously seen as lost. Therefore, the book actually takes a turn in the road where it is not as much about the life of one person, but instead about helping others discover the light of truth that will lead them to this same freedom, peace, joy, and blessings. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643498584

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Who I Was And Whose I Am

My Journey from Downcast to Deliverance

Jean Tindall Killough

Copyright © 2018 by Jean Tindall Killough

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Bible quotations are printed in italics with reference to book and verse. Permission to reproduce these verses is based on compliance of the restrictions and credit line as quoted below:

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Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society, Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

This Book is Dedicated to:

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the redeemer of my soul

My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, keeps me humble by the very price He paid to save a wretch like me. He continuously inspires me through His love and brothers to follow our Father’s will.

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all who led me to Jesus or a closer walk with Him

My Dad, Shaw P. Tindall, was always my encourager and faithful in his love. He never once pointed his finger at my shortcomings. Instead, when I was a child, he pointed the way to church where I could learn about Jesus. After this, he always motivated me to reach beyond my comfort zones.

My Children, Grandchildren, and Goddaughters have allowed me the privilege of sharing their lives and often gave me purpose to strive beyond my limitations. The seasons of my life have many treasured memories with each of them that far surpass the value of silver or gold. They have inspired me to work hard, to learn more, and to write poems, Bible studies, and this book to enthuse others with the never-ending hope we all have in Jesus.

My Brothers, Extended Family, and Many Friends have walked beside me in this crazy life with all its peaks and valleys. I cherish their love and continual encouragement.

My First Bible Teacher, Tom Webb, set my heart on fire for the Word. He taught me the difference between belonging to a religion and having a personal relationship with my Lord. He revealed great insights into the transformation and enabling of the Holy Spirit. He ignited a hunger in my spirit that can only be quenched by reading the Word every day.

My Sisters in Christ at Bible Study Fellowship taught me to take time alone with the Lord early in the morning in His Word and prayer, before the hustle and bustle of the day. When each lady shared God’s enlightenment to them personally during their weekly study, it truly revealed the Bible as the living Word. They also taught me to pray the promises of God with full expectation of His presence and response.

My Pastors, Steve and Becky Riggle, set a strong example of standing firm by faith and never being intimidated by man. If the Bible says it, we can believe it, trust it, and live by it because God is always faithful to His Word and children.

Acknowledgments

Today, I can unequivocally say, The Lord blesses me abundantly! He envelopes me in His love, and I deeply treasure His constant presence. I share the thoughts in this book that others might find this same hope and joy in Jesus. As recorded numerous times, He continuously takes me out of my comfort zone to answer His calling one step at a time. He sends His Holy Spirit Who enables me to go beyond my personal limits, but He also sends incredible encouragers who embolden me to answer His call. God placed an urgency in my heart to complete this work, but with it, I was intimidated by my flesh to put much of the past on paper. With the reassurance of two wonderful sisters in Christ and many friends, these writings have been completed.

Anna Flores and I have served together in ministry for many years. She has one of the sweetest spirits of anyone I have ever met and truly walks in the image of God. Anna seeks the Lord with all of her life and is a profound prayer warrior. In all our years together, I have never heard her say a negative word against anyone. In this, I knew I could trust her with my deepest thoughts. As she read each chapter, her kind words inspired me to write the next.

Mary Lou Covington and I have also served together the past few years in ministry. She has an incredible tender heart for everyone and continuously cheers me on during challenging times. I consider my writing talents to be minimal at best and would feel intimated to ask any other English teacher to read this book prior to editing. Her constant reassurance gave me confidence that the Lord was directing my words.

Many friends were excited to hear the Lord was leading me to write this book and expressed a desire to read it when complete. They have also been patient with me, as my time with them has been extremely limited during the year it took to finish this work.

Introduction

God has placed it on my heart for several years to write the story of my life. Often I have pondered how to even start this task. It is certainly not easy to speak of a hurtful childhood or my own bad choices. But there is no other way to tell of the Lord’s great love, mercy, compassion, and forgiveness, unless I tell the depths from which I came. Should certain times and episodes be eliminated or should I tell all? This has been my quandary. Since my primary purpose is to tell of the Lord’s amazing grace, I will do my best to protect and harm no one. Therefore, I will relay my testimony without necessarily expounding upon all the details. I firmly believe every person is equal at the foot of the cross. I am a sinner, and no one comes to the cross more guilty than I.

…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:23-24)

Broken Clay

Lord, let the things of the past,

Be put where they belong at last.

Let the old fall as broken clay at our feet,

Let us step away with You, the future to meet.

Let each of us throw away the need to blame,

Let guilt never rise from the feelings of shame.

Lord, set the course for the remainder of our life,

New birth in You, give peace from strife.

Let our family be children of You.

May we unite in purpose, to live our life anew.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 2: 12-14)

Though there are many chapters in my life that fall far short of God’s perfect plan, I am thankful that He has enabled me to forgive others and myself. Where we come from can either mold our lives in a positive manner or it can keep us so negative that we never experience God’s all sufficient love. He is more than capable of putting the past in its proper perspective, because He holds our future in His almighty hand. May the Lord encourage and bless you abundantly through this testimony.

My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long. (Psalm 35:28)

Who I Was and Whose I Am

Set on the right road, but from it I chose to stray,

The paths of my life, crooked and rocky along the way,

God allowed me to come to the end of my own,

Before Him I fell, His precious blood, my sin to atone.

Broken and bewildered from that place I had come,

Before God could use me, I had to fully succumb.

He planted the burning desire for His Word.

My life totally changed, when His plan I heard.

His Son, the Word, is now my daily bread,

I cling to His wisdom through all He has said.

As He changes me, He sets me to serve,

Knowing full well, His blessings I do not deserve.

He planted His joy deep within my soul,

Problems come, but cannot take their toll.

I was darkened with sin, tattered and torn,

Now my purpose is Jesus to Share with others of scorn.

For the Lord is great, and greatly to be praised. (Psalm 96:4)

Chapter 1

Crying Out to the Lord for He Is Here to Tell

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Before I begin, let me assure you

I would not trade my life for any other.

It is in this life, with all its ups and downs, that the Lord has drawn me close to Himself. It is in the desperate moments that I fervently cry out to Almighty God, and He faithfully answers. He has even graciously used many bad episodes to bring help and hope to others along life’s way. The Lord has enveloped me in His love. He has also sent many with whom to share His tender affection. Today, I can unequivocally say, The Lord has blessed me abundantly! I share these thoughts that others might find hope in Him.

I was born at St. Joseph Hospital in Houston, Texas, on December 1, 1941. Six days after my birth, America entered World War II with the bombing of Pearl Harbor. My dad was legally blind in one eye and exempt from the military. I am extremely grateful that he was able to stay home and take his children to a small Baptist church in our neighborhood. It was there that I prayed and asked Jesus to be my Savior. Shortly after this, my dad began to work seven days a week, ten to twelve hours a day, and attending church together ended. I have wished many times that it had continued, but though brief, it set the course for the rest of my life.

Thank You, Daddy

There was a man, who gave his life away,

That those he loved can have a better day.

Walking before all, giving with a generous heart,

Working long and hard, unselfish sharing he did impart.

Instilling trustworthy and faithful traits that endure,

The motives of his heart remained pure.

Many say Our Heavenly Father’s image is formed,

By how our earthly parent performed.

Thank you, Daddy, for allowing me to see,

Glimpses