Ashlyn's Journal

By Andrew Yackuboskey

On June 20, 2016, life for Andrew would change forever. Ashlyn's Journal is based on the true story of the year following the death of Andrew's daughter. A year's worth of journal entries were compiled writing down his raw thoughts, feelings, and real experiences as he struggled to cope with the grief. Throughout the journal, many extraordinary experiences took place in the hours, days, weeks, months following Ashlyn's passing. The extraordinary experiences with a father's deep love for his lost child nurtured a great deep faith in God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 24, 2018
• ISBN: 9781642580518

Book preview

Preface

The following journal is one dad’s account of his feelings and emotions in the year following his daughter’s death. This is in no way, shape, or form a substitute for forming your own thoughts and feelings about your own life.

~*~

A lot of what is written here was unedited because I wanted to preserve the rawness of it, the realness of what we went through. I feel it was much more important than any grammar errors that you might find.

On June 20, 2016, our lives would forever be changed. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I worked the midnight shift and all was normal until I got home around 9:30 a.m. My wife was completely distraught as she told me she couldn’t feel our baby move at all. I tried my best to remain calm but inside I feared the worst. We tried everything, from feeding my wife leftover Father’s Day cake to induce a sugar high to get Ashlyn to move. I tried talking into her belly to get her to respond or wake up.

In every effort, every attempt, there was nothing. Nothing but stillness. We called the doctors and they told us to meet them at the hospital. Driving there was the longest drive of my life, a half hour drive felt more like a twenty-four-hour drive. On the outside I was calm, collected, and completely relaxed. On the inside, I was in a full out panic and extremely stressed out.

~*~

It was the hummingbirds that restored our hope and faith. The messengers sent from above, they were everywhere.

~*~

When my wife looked up at me with such pain and agony, there’s no words in this language can describe.

~*~

You can cry your rest of your life

But

Know that Ashlyn is happy

And she wants

Us to be happy too.

~*~

I must live a good life so I can be reunited with her.

June 20–June 30

Reflection: On Living a Simpler Life

You must live a much simpler life. A life worth living. A life using all of God’s gifts and talents he gave you.

The Parable of the Talents (Matt. 25:14–30)

It will be as when a man who was going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one—to each according to his ability. Then he went away. Immediately the one who received five talents went and traded with them, and made another five. Likewise, the one who received two made another two. But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and buried his master’s money. After a long time, the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them. The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. He said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ [Then] the one who had received two talents also came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. See, I have made two more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ Then the one who had received the one talent came forward and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a demanding person, harvesting where you did not plant and gathering where you did not scatter; so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground. Here it is back.’ His master said to him in reply, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I did not plant and gather where I did not scatter? Should you not then have put my money in the bank with interest on my return? Now then! Take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten. For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And throw this useless servant into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’

Room 5908

Why was I freezing to death in a climate-controlled room for two days? I kept checking the room’s thermostat and it read seventy degrees every time, even seventy-one degrees at one point when more people were in the room, so how was it I was shivering so? Was it because I was going into some form of shock? Maybe, but that doesn’t