Unbridled Forgiveness

By Sharon Hedrick

Unbridled Forgiveness is a story about the effects abuse can have on a family yet how we as Christians must learn to forgive even what seems most unforgiveable. Like many mornings, Joanne Liggins would awake to find that the love of her life was no longer by her side. She wondered how she could ever be happy again. She and Kenneth had vaguely known each other until attending a party of a mutual friend. From that night on, they quickly fell in love and, once graduating from high school, were married. Soon they had a beautiful baby girl, Bella. Yet now because of one tragic night, Joanne's life seemed over. Her mother, Marcy, had taken over most responsibilities in taking care of young Bella, hoping that someday Joanne would find it in her heart to forgive the madman responsible for all her pain. Marcy and Bill Liggins married young, and from the first day of their life together as husband and wife, Marcy knew this would be no fairy-tale marriage. Prior to their wedding day, Marcy was pursuing her passion and dream of becoming a registered nurse. Bill robbed her of that dream and made sure her life slowly moved toward becoming a nightmare. Each of her four children, Devin, Joanne, Rick, and Fran, had suffered in some way throughout the many years of physical and mental abuse brought on by this madman. Someone who should have loved and protected his family seemed to thrive more and more each year in abusing them. Marcy escaped the place she had tried so hard to make a happy home once, only to find herself drawn back in by the deceit and promises that Bill would never keep. It wouldn't be long before she would see just how much evil her husband enveloped. Soon she would escape him forever, yet at a cost. Kenneth, her loving son-in-law, would lose his life. Anyone that knew Kenneth had been certain that he would do it all over again to save the life of Marcy and her children. He had laid down his life so that others could live and, in doing so, set the Liggins family free. No longer could Bill inflict the abuse as he had done for so many years on his family. Prison would now be his home, a place from where he would seek forgiveness of all the horrible things he had done while living in freedom. The Liggins were each day by day putting their lives back together. Dreams were beginning to take form. Happiness was replacing their once-sullen and fearful hearts. It appeared now that because of the heroic actions of their beloved Kenneth, true love could once again become a possibility. Some had forgiven Bill for the atrocities put on their lives; others had not. Only when we fill our hearts completely with the love of Christ, seeing others the way he sees them, are we able to manifest unbridled forgiveness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781644248423

Book preview

Chapter 1

Learning to Live Again

It was a chilly April morning in Virginia, and Joanee was startled by the sound of a strong, windy rain. For a moment, life seemed normal again until reality reminded her that Kenneth no longer lay beside her where she slept—that is, when she slept. Slowly her mind began to think back to the man no longer in her life. He had been taken away so suddenly. It had been almost three years since that fateful night, yet Joanee still had a hard time convincing herself that she would never again see the only man she had ever loved, at least not in this lifetime. Because Joanee had accepted Christ as a young girl, she knew in her heart that one day she and Kenneth would be together again. Yet until that appointed time that God had planned for her life to end, how would she ever learn to live without the love she had for so many years prayed for?

This particular morning was much like the night Kenneth had been murdered. The rain seemed to be slamming itself onto the earth, and the trees appeared as though they were dancing within the force of the winds.

Joanee looked at the empty space her husband once occupied. Instantly, the tears formed in her eyes as she began to feel the aftermath of the pain she had endured, coming back to remind her how much she had loved him. They’d been so happy together and had made so many plans. There were so many places they wanted to see and things they wanted to do. Most of the dreams they spoke of would never come to pass. They had time enough for just a few. The most important was the birth of their daughter Bella, their beautiful baby girl. Kenneth had been so happy and excited the moment doctors announced he was the father of a baby girl, six pounds and two ounces. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he had become the doting father. It was apparent to all who witnessed the two together that he loved this child more than life itself.

It wasn’t long before the similarities of Bella and her father became apparent. Before she could even walk, she was reaching to anyone for hugs. She was already so trusting, so loving. That was just one of the ways she began emulating her father. It seemed that early on she was exuding the same sweet characteristics that had made Joanee fall in love with this man she and her young daughter would lose much too soon from what seemed to be their fairy-tale life.

Joanee and Kenneth had known each other since elementary school yet never really spoke much until their sophomore year of high school. That changed once the two were invited to a birthday party of a mutual friend. The evening had started to wind down; friends were beginning to leave, and Joanee had stayed behind helping with the cleanup, as did Kenneth. The two started up a conversation seemingly out of nowhere, and from that evening on, their attraction for each other grew. Soon it had blossomed into something wonderful, and it was obvious to everyone that the two had quickly fallen in love. It became rare at that point to see one without the other. Finally, Joanee had in her life what had always been missing, true and unconditional love. God had heard her prayers and had given her something that had for so long seemed unattainable. It was an emotion she had secretly feared she would never know. Still, she knew that with God there were no secrets. He already knew everything about her. He understood her heart and was always listening even though her mind often tried to convince her that he was not.

As Joanee lay in bed, looking out the window, her mind would not settle for just one precious memory. So many flooded her consciousness that she soon began to smile. For just a moment, she could almost smell the scent that Kenneth’s body would expel when he was close to her. It was as though she could reach over and wrap her arms around him as she had done so many times in their brief life together. Moments later, she was brought back to reality and was reminded that all she had left of him were memories she refused to relinquish. How can I make it without you? she softly whispered. How? Again, tears of relentless pain began to flow, joined by the sound of her unyielding sobs. In her heart, she felt she would never be happy again.

Chapter 2

Escaping the Madness

Joanee’s childhood was not unlike those of other children, or so she thought. She had an older sibling, Devin, the opinionated, green-eyed beauty with curly brown hair who was one year her senior, and two younger siblings, Fran, who was the spitting image of Joanne with her petite stature, long dirty-blond hair, and hazel eyes. Rick was the only brother and was just a little older than Fran, looking more like his father, hair a very dark brown and eyes that one could compare to the ocean blue. Surely, one day he would melt the hearts of many women just by looking into those eyes. Joanee and Devin shared a room while the younger siblings had rooms of their own. The family had moved into the modest four-bedroom rancher located in Chesterfield, Virginia, a month before Joanee would begin fourth grade. Her mother had already registered all the children, with the exception of Fran, who was just three years old at the time, therefore too young for school.

Joanee was protective of her little sister. From the time Fran was born, she was feeding and changing her. She had proven to be more mature than her years early on. Rick was the rambunctious little brother. It was a challenge most of the time trying to keep him from getting into mischief. He would often come out of his room running, pretending to be one superhero after another. Bill, their father, often worked nights, and it was hard trying to keep Rick quiet during the day so that he could sleep. Often Joanee or Devin would take both the younger siblings out with them, trying to keep some peace within the home. Sometimes Bill was a great father, yet there were many more times that he had the entire family living in fear.

There were things about him the children loved—he could be very funny—and there were the times he would take them to their favorite department store. Those were the moments the children reveled in. On the store occasions each child was allowed to pick out two bags of candy for themselves, which was a treat because they were rarely allowed to have sweets. There were also the times when the family would go to the beach or to the park. Times like those made their life seem normal.

Still, as the years went by and Joanee began to get older, she would come to realize just how abnormal her father really was.

Marcy was the mother and wife within the family. She was a timid woman, and when Bill was at home, she seemed to do whatever he commanded of her without question. As Joanee transitioned into her teenage years, she surmised that her mother was and had been that way in order to try to bring at least some appearance of normalcy into the lives of her children. She had done whatever was necessary to keep her husband as calm and happy as possible, a feat that would one day prove impossible.

Joanee began to recall a day that she came home from school. She was thirteen at the time. As soon as she put her key into the lock of the door, she had a sense come over her that something was wrong. As she slowly pushed the door open, it appeared that her instinct had been correct. In the living room, there was broken glass and dirt scattered across a good portion of the floor. A closer inspection revealed torn pictures and plants that had been knocked over and thrown about. Joanee was sure her father was responsible for this disorder. Suddenly she wondered where her mother could be. Mom, she started to yell as she walked down the hallway toward her parents’ bedroom. Passing by Fran’s room, she thought she heard a whisper: Sissy. Joanee quickly turned toward her little sister’s room and walked in.

Fran, where are you?

Not seeing her anywhere, Joanee was about to leave the room when she heard a sound coming from the closet.

Sissy.

Quickly Joanee went to where she heard the sound of her sister’s scared voice. Inside the corner of the small closet sat Fran holding her baby doll Gina.

Hey, sweetie, are you all right? Joanee asked.

Fran nodded. Still Joanee could see that whatever had transpired had placed terror into the very heart of this young child.

Look at me, baby. Do you know where Mommy is?

I don’t know, Fran cried. Daddy was hitting her. Me and baby Gina got scared, so we hid in here. I heard someone leave in the car. I didn’t know if it was Mommy or Daddy, and I was too scared to come out and look.

Don’t worry, sweetie. You just stay in here while I go and see if I can find her. I’m sure she’s all right. Joanee was trying to reassure her little sister as well as herself. Fran was just seven years old during this particular incident and had stayed home from school because of a cough, runny nose, and slight fever. As Joanee started back down the hall toward her parents’ bedroom, she thought of the frightened little girl she had just left in the security of her closet and was angry about what they both had already witnessed in their young lives.

Joanee reached the bedroom door, and after a few seconds, she softly knocked.

Mom, it’s me Joanee. Can I come in?

There was no response. After knocking once more and still no answer, Joanee quickly became anxious. Not knowing what she might find on the other side of the door, she decided to open it. At first glance, things appeared to be in order until she looked toward the dresser. At that point, she noticed that some of her mother’s possessions, such as her jewelry box, perfumes, and angel collectables, had been knocked over with several things broken. As Joanee walked farther into the room, a fear came over her as she saw her mother lying on the floor by the side of the bed.

Oh my god, Mom! Are you all right?

Joanee shook her mother’s body, looking for any kind of reaction. What seemed like several minutes had only been a few seconds as Marcy began to slowly open her eyes.

What happened? she asked Joanee.

I don’t know, Mom. I just got home a few minutes ago, and Fran told me that Daddy had hit you again. Where is he now? Joanee asked.

Suddenly a familiar fear began to emanate on Marcy’s face.

Now I remember. Your father, he became so angry. I asked him if I could take you children shopping to get a few things. He said I just wanted to go looking for another man. Joanee, it’s not true. I just wanted to do something with you all today. I thought as your father got some sleep from working last night, we could go out for a little while. I thought the fresh air would do Fran some good. I should have known he would not allow it. I just made him angry. It’s my fault, Joanee. I’m so sorry.

Mom, it’s not your fault, so stop blaming yourself. You should be able to take us places. I see my friends out with their moms all the time. Daddy is just crazy!

Don’t say that, Joanee. Your father’s not crazy. He just gets angry sometimes.

Joanee was beginning to fume as she listened to her mother once again defending this man. If he weren’t crazy, then he was just evil, and she proceeded to tell her mother so.

Mom, can’t you see that he’s getting worse every day? You need to leave him. Just get away from here before you end up dead.

I can’t leave him. Where would I go with four children to take care of? I have no way of supporting you all. I have no education. I haven’t held a job since before Devin was born.

Marcy began to sob.

I’m so sorry, Joanee. I try to make him happy, really I do.

I know you do, Mom.

Joanee felt bad about the way she had spoken to her mother. She knew Marcy wasn’t strong enough to flee at the current time but prayed God would eventually help her find her own strength in his.

Mom, if you aren’t going to leave, then we really have to pray for God to protect us. And if Daddy doesn’t change soon or gets even worse, we need to know and trust that the Lord will show us a way out. And I’m sorry if I upset you by some of the things I’ve said, but I worry so much about Daddy hurting you. It’s not fair for us kids to have to worry about you all the time. Here now, let me help you up.

Joanee helped her mother to her feet and slowly toward the bed. Marcy cautiously sat down as though she expected pain to be present somewhere in her body. Joanee checked her mother for any injuries she might have sustained from her husband’s beating. She knew he had hit her in the face. It was evident from the time she found her because of the blood seeping from her nose. As she looked closer, she saw red marks on her mother’s arms. As she looked even closer, she noted what appeared to be red marks encircling her mother’s neck.

Mom, did Daddy choke you?

Joanee could tell by the look of horror on her mother’s face that she had suddenly remembered everything… why she had been unconscious and the terror she’d felt as she battled for her very life.

Mom, he must have choked you until you passed out. He could have killed you. You need to find a way to leave him.

Marcy began to sob.

I don’t know what to do, Joanee. Your father would never let me leave with you kids anyway. He’s promised to kill us all if I ever did or even tried.

Bill very rarely kept his promises, yet Joanee feared that this promise he meant.

Maybe he would try to kill us if we left. But, Mom, I think that unless we do leave, one of us is going to likely end up dead.

I know your father has no right to do the things he does, especially when he decides to beat on one of us, but I really think he has some good left in him. I just have to help him find it. I have to at least try. With everything he’s done and all he’s put us through, I still love him.

For God’s sake, Mom, how can you say you still love him after this? Maybe you need to look at yourself in the mirror before you make up your mind.

Joanee took the mirror that had not been interrupted by her father’s rampage from the top of Marcy’s dresser. She walked over to where her mother sat, covering her face with her hands, crying.

Mom, look. I want you to open your eyes so you can see just what love looks like to your husband. The man you say you still love, he did this to you. I mean it, Mom, look!

As Marcy reached for the mirror with one hand, it would be a few seconds before she would remove the other from her face. Finally, she opened her eyes, looking at not only her reflection, but also her future.

Mom, do you see what he did to you? You need to look hard, I mean really look. Your neck still has the marks from where he choked you. Do you really want to stay with him?

As Marcy looked at herself in the mirror, the battered woman looking back at her was no stranger. She had gazed at the image of herself many times after Bill had decided she was due a beating. Still, she could never bring herself to leave him.

Mom, I am so tired of being afraid all the time. You know he beats me and Devin too. He has even beaten on Rick and Fran. I hate living this way!

Marcy knew the pain her daughter was feeling. The sound of her children being beaten was more than she could bear, yet still she held on to the fantasy that in time things would get better.

Joanee, honey, I am sorry for being so weak. Still, I think your father just needs to talk to someone about his anger. I can’t give up on him yet. Right now, I need to get myself cleaned up and put the house back in order. When he gets home, I know he’s going to feel awful. I’m going to plead with him to get help.

Bill would be home a little after midnight. He was working the four-to-twelve shift, and although it gave Marcy plenty of time to think of how she would approach him about seeing a professional, she knew in her heart that even if he did promise to go, just like every time before, he would never keep that promise.

Joanee knew her mother well by now. Until she came to the conclusion on her own that Bill was not going to get better, that he would continue the abuse, the efforts of persuasion would continue to be in vain.

Finally, she began the process of helping her once again. Minutes later, she was reaching down to the floor, picking up things as Marcy slowly began getting off the bed. Soon they were both retrieving the broken items that had once been neatly placed on the dresser. Neither one said anything. In the quietness of the room, they both thought about their lives, and each yearned for them to be better.

Chapter 3

Learning to Live Again

Slowly Joanee made her way out of bed. She didn’t even have to think about it as she headed toward the kitchen. Minutes later, she found herself putting water into the coffeepot. She reached into the cabinet where the coffee and the filters were kept, and soon the freshness of the aroma filled the air. As she waited for it to finish brewing, she walked outside to get the morning paper. Heading back into the kitchen, she sat down at the table where she began her morning read, looking at the obituaries first. It had been that way since Kenneth’s death. She often wondered when she read about someone young passing on if there were someone missing them the way she missed her late husband.

Looking over at the coffeepot, she could see that it had finished brewing, and proceeded to get up and walk toward the cabinet that held the cups. She began pouring the steaming brew into her cup and quickly realized she was letting it overflow. There on the countertop lay a hand towel that she slid over to where the coffee now sat and began wiping it up with one hand as she held the cup with her other hand, trying to confine the spill.

Once she had cleaned up the morning mess, she opened the refrigerator and pulled out her favorite creamer, French vanilla. Pouring in just a little under a tablespoon, she put the container back into the refrigerator and walked back to the table and sat down to finish with the paper. After continuing through the obituaries, she opened the paper to where the jobs were listed. Joanee knew that soon she would have to decide what she would do to earn a living. She had been surviving mostly on the life insurance received from Kenneth’s death. It had been a fairly large sum, yet it was beginning to run out. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She knew she had mourned long enough and needed to get on with her life. Joanee looked from the paper and out her window, where her mind began to search for memories of the life she used to know. She could picture Kenneth cutting the grass, washing the car, or coming home from work. He always looked happy. It was as though life was exactly the way he had wanted it to be, only better.

Even if Joanee were in a bad mood, all it would take was that smile that emanated from his loving face to get her over it. He’d put his arms around her, kiss her on the cheek, and say, "Baby, life is too short to be mad. Besides, when you