Narcissim: Second Timothy Three Is Here!

By Gwendolyn Wehage

Narcissism: Second Timothy 3 Is Here! is written to encourage those who are victims of a narcissist in their life. When we understand what we are encountering and that it isn't really about us as much as it is about the narcissist, we can learn to deal with it biblically.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 18, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644160978

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Narcissim

Second Timothy Three Is Here!

Gwendolyn Wehage

Copyright © 2018 by Gwendolyn Wehage

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Introduction

Sin produces guilt and shame in all of us, as it should. Mankind is hardwired to be mean-spirited and selfish. Without Christ everyone is to some degree sinful, some worse than others. Our greatest challenges come when we encounter a person or a group of people who don’t think they need forgiveness or salvation. Haughtiness exudes from them in great, swelling demonstrations of superiority, as though God owes them something. Everyone has times like this, but there is an even bigger problem when a person or group of people live in this state all the time.

Let us keep in mind that every encounter we have in this life, even the abuse, is for our own training. God wants to burn off the dross of our pride and replace it with humility and His character qualities. It is often true that the victim of narcissism has been complicit in some way with those who abused them. As children there is no defense against those who abuse, but as the children grow into adulthood, they remain enabling to avoid the consequences of standing up for the truth. We can see this in some of the stories within these pages, in which the bystanders, called the enablers, remain silent when they see flaws or injustices perpetrated by the narcissist.

The narcissist is so deeply influenced by his own desire to be superior that he taints every interaction with others by his own fantasy about it, ready to work control over someone, even exacting revenge when the slightest disagreement arises.

In this book, I am not interested in telling on people for the sake of gossip. Rather, I aim to show the face of narcissism and understand the traits, tactics, and character of the narcissist, to know, through Scripture, what the proper actions are in response to ploys and devilish encounters with these disordered personalities. Since who did what is not important so much as the lessons learned from the encounters, fictitious names are given to characters in each encounter.

Most of the examples of the actions and responses of narcissism in this book will be based on my personal experiences. Some came from the experiences of others. Since it doesn’t matter who did what, the encounter will be mentioned but the real names will be changed; after all, people can change over the years, and those who have not changed will not be changed by exposure.

The purpose of the book is to show the nature of narcissism, its effects on its victims, and possible biblical solutions in dealing with this disordered and selfish personality.

The tons of bricks that were piled on my back for many years have been lifted. I have heard from the Lord, and He is healing in wonderful ways. I am not referring to physical healing—although that is happening, too—but emotional healing. For many years I had to depend entirely on the Holy Spirit, which is where God wants me to be. Sometimes the battle was intense fighting the darts of the devil. He used people who wanted to destroy me, narcissists who had only one thing in their mind, which was to control me through a demeaning and disrespectful attitude.

These people judged me, not on sinful behavior but my personal beliefs. They never desired to learn why I think as I do or discover my motives; they were concerned solely with the fact that we disagreed. In the mind of the narcissist, there is no room for any belief other than theirs. They will bludgeon anyone who stands up to them with boldness.

The narcissists in my life have judged me on past sins that were forgiven, even though God brought about a changed life in Christ.

As believers we have to learn to go with God, even when those who claim to be Christians bring in false doctrine and manmade rules to mold us into their image instead of seeking Christ to become more like Him.

I am deeply blessed that my husband is on my side in this, realizing that in the years I have been battered, he is solidly with me in our resolve to live for Christ. Far too many people live for everything else but Christ. They will stand firm with family in order to keep them in their life, negating God and His principles about maintaining worldly relations.

When we must have family above all else, we cannot be sold out to Christ. God has clearly shown us in His word that we are to go with God, leaving behind family who refuse to learn and who attempt to work ruin into our lives because of their ungodly mindset. And, yes, I am speaking about family members who claim to be believers, but mock us, demean us, and refuse to communicate or listen in order to resolve something.

Luke 14:26 says: If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.

I write a lot about this subject because it is the condition of our world: if we do not understand what we are dealing with, we may give in to the ungodly for the sake of peace. I am here to tell you that we have actually been commanded to get away from these people in order to walk with God. There is no peace in our lives as long as there are people surrounding us who relish our spiritual destruction.

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues, and you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them and the Gentiles. When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death, and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next, for truly, I say to you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes. A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household. (Matthew 10:16–25)

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! (2 Timothy 3:1–5: Perilous Times and Perilous Men)

The good news is that we can walk with godly people. Our circle will be small, because there are not many left, but one good friend is all we need, and that friend is Christ.

John 15:15 says, No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.

God has instructed us to not remain friends with those who manipulate or cause divisions and turmoil. We are to become separated from nonbelievers who will not repent and trust Christ, and we are to separate from believers who walk disobediently to the Word while working to malign our walk.

Proverbs 26:21 says: Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife. God is deeply concerned with the quality of our relationships. We are not called to remain in every relationship, even if those involved claim to be believers. A profession of Christianity is not necessarily proof of a born-again status. When someone is born again and works ruin among the brethren, we are to pull away from them too.

Titus 3:10–11: As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

Notice in verse 5 of 2 Timothy 3, God commands us from such people turn away. We are in disobedience when we remain in the company of those who are troublemakers. They will keep our focus on all the drama instead of on Christ. In Titus 3 we are commanded to have nothing to do with them.

Narcissistic leaders, whether in churches or homes, will demand secrecy to silence truthtellers. God speaks to every individual believer; there is no need to dominate or control others. In fact, the Lord forbids the domination of church and family leaders by instructing them to lead by example and by speaking, never by force or punishment to intimidate.

Here is a description of what the body of Christ should look like:

Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment. (1 Corinthians 1:10)

. . . so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it. (1 Corinthians 12:25–27)

If there is a disagreement, we are to respectfully go to the word and to prayer to resolve it. Those who have already been told the answer need to hold their ground lovingly, firmly, and boldly.

When we obey God, telling the truth boldly, standing our ground, and encouraging repentance in the one who causes division, one of two things will happen: they will either repent and be restored, or they will run away. When unrepentant troublemakers run away, it is a blessing, but it is even a greater blessing that they repent and be restored. However, let me warn you, in these last days of apostasy, there is a greater chance they will merely leave, or corrupt leaders will drive out godly people who desire truth.

Proverbs 28:1: The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, But the righteous are bold as a lion.

We are living as in the days of Noah, when everyone did what was right in their own eyes and few who will listen. Praise the Lord we know the end of these things. When this life is over, our reward awaits us. A home with nothing but pure love in the presence of our Savior is in store for us. How could we ever be intimidated by this wicked world when we know all this truth? Hallelujah!

For the past forty years, self-esteem has been taught in our schools and churches and now we have a predominantly narcissistic culture that lacks compassion and empathy. In other words, the 2 Timothy 3 crowd.

There are those in the psychology industry who believe that more than 60 percent of people with narcissistic personality disorders get their bents from genetics, leaving only 40 percent from home environment and other influences.

Those who display the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder lack empathy and remorse—and someone else is always to blame for whatever negative behavior they exhibit. These are natural human responses to life: self at the forefront of everything and the extraordinary ability to justify whatever we want.

I do believe that part of a child’s response to life is based on their environment and parents’ attitudes, but from my own experience I see, too, that often children display their disorder at very early ages, too young to have been influenced by their environment. By too young I am referring to younger than two years old.

I have seen manipulative behavior in very young children before they had time to learn it from anyone. Every human being is born with the original sin of self-involvement that began in the garden of Eden. Teaching a child either by example or by training to pay more attention to himself than to others, or to pay attention to others to elevate the self, comes so naturally that it is as easily embraced as breathing or eating. When we feed this natural bent toward sin through excessive praise or lack of proper discipline, we grow the monster that is inside.

Sadly, those parents who attempted to raise their children in the Lord were faced with outside influences that tainted their children’s view of life to such a degree that they were less swayed by their parents and families than they were by the culture.

While parents were working to teach them manners, kindness, selflessness, and empathy for others, the culture was busy feeding their natural selfish inclinations with mantras like You must learn to love yourself, reinforcing the animal in them that wants them to live without restraint.

It has been hard on parents with narcissistic adult children, because the narcissist blames the parent for many things that often never happened or were insignificant events used as excuses to condemn. You see, for the narcissist nothing is his own fault, he is responsible for nothing, so the parent is the convenient scapegoat for all his woes. The narcissist does not have the ability to take an objective look at himself to see what his part in the conflicts are; he must always divert attention away from himself to remain prominent in his own eyes.

It is interesting that the narcissistic adult child sees the parent as intolerably imperfect, not worthy of his honor and respect. This attitude would be amusing if it were not so tragic. In order for the narcissistic child to hold a parent in such contempt, he must believe he is perfect himself; otherwise, he would be a hypocrite for expecting perfection out of a parent when he is not himself the picture of perfection.

Selfishness never makes much sense. The narcissist wants others to be unselfish with them, show them empathy and kindness, but do not think they need to exhibit the same character qualities themselves. This is the character of the narcissist.

Hypocrisy is the monster that hides behind the door. Everyone has one, but only those who have Christ can overpower the monster with the love and working of Christ in us.

We see a rising tide of narcissism in our culture, more intensely than we have ever seen before. Selfish people made an effort to quench their ignoble character qualities in an age when it was not acceptable; it managed to keep the monster smaller and in check. Now that the monster has been fed daily meals of Do it your way, Love yourself before loving anyone else, Do good deeds to make yourself feel good, along with other equally disgusting mantras that diminish the human experience, we have created the most selfish culture this world has ever seen. So selfish that many treat parents with