My Journey, My Path, My Passion

By Eva Rivers

Her alter ego was wounded by uncertainties of life that held her captive. Plagued by hurts unseen by others, struggles and tears unnoticed as her faith was being tested. She would pivot into a journey through a path that would lead her to her destination while seeking freedom. Take a glimpse into the future of a woman and her alter ego (Ave), who carries her passion in a purple box. It's a riveting true story of a family of six living the Psalm 23, walking through the valley of the shadows of death, yet seeking life. Ave and Eva side by side takes a journey through a path that leads to their passion. Come experience My Journey, My Path, My Passion as you become compelled, enlightened, intrigued, and inspired!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 14, 2019
• ISBN: 9781684090280

Book preview

chapter 1

My Monthly Flow of Life

My monthly flow of life reappeared during a time of celebration. It was the second month of the year, and my sister Laura’s birthday. Her children and grandchildren worked hard to prepare for this special surprise occasion. This was a milestone for Laura; she was turning ten years older than fifty. My niece asked me to choose a birthday theme in Laura’s honor. I chose It’s Your Time, a song that I felt was very appropriate because it related to some of Laura’s life experiences. Most of her family was coming together on this special occasion to help her celebrate.

Special occasions and celebrations, as it seemed, was the time when my monthly flow of life would reappear. I was familiar with the story in the Bible about the woman with the issue of blood. I knew what she meant when she said she wanted to be made whole. I was young when my monthly flow of life started—nine years old to be exact. After all these years of flowing, I was ready for it to end. What was unusual about my monthly flow of life this time was that I hadn’t seen it in over four months, so it really caught me off guard. Yes, I knew that the change of life, menopause as it was called, was taking over my body. I had reached that milestone in years. Middle age, as I had heard so much about, crept up on me like a gentle breeze. Yes, the hot flashes, cold chills, hormone unbalance, and mood swings had taken over my body. I was adjusting to it pretty well, or so I thought. Laura had already experienced all these changes. Now it was her time to live her life to the fullest.

I was feeling good in my spirit about this time of special celebration for my sister Laura and just happy to be getting away from the hustle and bustle of life; excited to rest, relax, and spend time with my family. Everyone from my household was excited about attending the special celebration—everyone, that is, except my husband, Willie. I wasn’t really surprised or upset that Willie wasn’t attending. He knew about it and had the option to attend but chose not to. We had been experiencing complications and difficulties in our marriage for years, and it was more than just a strained relationship. After the discussion with everyone of how we would travel, we decided that Trell, the oldest of the three siblings, would drive her car. Tiny was the second oldest and had just purchased her used car but hadn’t taken it too far out of town. Ron, our son and the third oldest, would also be riding with Trell as well as Gene, Trell’s son. Willie was at work when we left, so we didn’t have a chance to tell him good-bye before we left. Willie is a hard worker and a Christian man that is devoted to serving God. He attends church every Sunday and holds a high position.

The trip was very long and unexciting as we traveled. Ann, my other sister, drove fourteen hours by herself to come to support Laura. Her birthday was also in this month; she was only twelve months younger than Laura. Mom and I road in the car with Ann. We were going to visit some other relatives after the celebration, one of which was Jane, who was ninety-six at the time.

As we trailed each other to our destination, I often wondered what Trell and the others were talking about on the way to Laura’s special celebration. There really wasn’t much to see as we traveled except for trees, cars, houses, and a gas station every now and then. On the way to the special celebration, all I did was think about my life and the journey it had taken me—a journey that I really didn’t understand. Life for me hasn’t been no crystal stare. Life has taken me to places I didn’t want to go, places I hadn’t thought about going, and places I never want to go again.

As we safely arrived to our destination, reality kicked in; it was time to celebrate my sister, Laura’s birthday. The special celebration was as beautiful as Laura was once it got started. Laura seemed to be surprised and very happy to see her mother and all her children, grandchildren, and most of her immediate family there, including her husband, Sammy. Sammy had said he wasn’t coming to Laura’s special celebration. Sammy is usually quiet and isn’t much of a crowd pleaser; he reminds me of Willie in that aspect. Sammy’s appearance was not only a surprise for Laura but for us as well. He even rode with Laura in the truck as she drove to her celebration. We were told that Laura knew about her surprise celebration but acted as if she didn’t so that no one would be suspicious. She even prepared some of the food.

The song It’s Your Time by gospel artist Luther Barnes was playing as Laura entered the reception hall wearing the colors black and red, which showed off her beautiful silver hair. The atmosphere in the place was very quiet until Laura entered. Various comments were made about Laura as a mother, daughter, grandmother, and sister, but what stood out the most to me was that her husband, Sammy, was with her. Sammy doesn’t talk much around us but is very observant and appears to be sneaky and sometimes shy. When the opportunity presented itself for Sammy to speak, Sammy didn’t say a word about Laura. It was almost dead silence as he looked perplexed, almost scared. A praise dance followed the silence which lightened the air. It’s Your Time, a poem I had written for the occasion, was read. My body was here at Laura’s celebration, but my mind was on the other side of town thinking of Willie. I often wondered what we had in common. At least Sammy was here supporting Laura. I felt as if Willie never supported me. I would sponsor poetry events, and Willie would very seldom show up, and when he did, he would sit in the back with a sour look on his face. Frankly, I would ask myself what we had in common.

The answer was really simple. It was sex; not just sexual desire but sex even if I didn’t desire it. Don’t get me wrong, most times I enjoyed every moment of it. Learning, teaching, and experiencing new ways was what made it even more exciting. I am sure Willie enjoyed it. Oh, I know he did! Because that’s all he wanted to do, wanted to talk about, and waited for all the time. And so did I. Until one night, before the break of day, a voice spoke to me loud and clear and asked, What are you doing wallowing in this bed of sin? It startled me, and I sat straight up in the bed scared out of my sleep.

Bed of sin? I asked. Yes, you have been neglecting what I have purposed you to do, the voice answered. I was baffled and confused as the voice continued to speak because I felt that in all our years of marriage, I was being submissive to my husband. The voice spoke clearly and said, "No, you haven’t been. You are in lust, and you crave Willie. Think about it. Think of the times when you should have been in church serving me and you were here in this bed of sin trying to please Willie. Sex was the little god you were serving. Sex and lust took over when your Willie said, ‘Let’s stay home today. It’s too late to go to church now.’ That was all you needed to hear."

You did what Willie said, you didn’t say, ‘No, I think we should go to church.’ When in the back of your mind, you knew you should have. Think of the way he said he loved you but never showed you any type of intimacy, affection, love, or romance. It was all about sex. You actually were his sex slave in a bed of sin. Willie even told you that for him love is just kissing, feeling, hugging, and having sex. Willie said for him there is only one kind of love. You tried to explain to him that it’s different types of love, but he said there isn’t. He believes there is only one type of love, and it includes sex. I know that you believe he was taught that way and when he was growing up that was all he knew. But he is a grown man now, and you both have been married long enough to have learned about true agape love. You explained everything I told you to tell him about the different kinds of love. I also told you to sustain from sex with him. You told him what I revealed to you and his response was, ‘I don’t believe God will tell you something like that. You just don’t want to have sex with me.’ In the back of my mind, I knew what he would say. I knew how his mind worked.

The voice continued to speak and said, "That’s why your marriage is in shambles because the line of communication has broken down, and he refuses to listen and acknowledge what I told you to tell him. You even renewed your vows over ten years ago and told him why sex and lust was getting in the way of your marriage. That’s why I took that desire of sex and lust away from you. Willie still can’t understand because he wants you so bad. I have a purpose for his life, and he isn’t listening to what I am trying to tell him. There is no excuse for him to continue in that behavior of always wanting sex, unless it’s a mind thing. In his mind, he really does think that the lust and sex he desires is the only real love that there is. Sex in that bed of sin has consumed his mind. You think you are being submissive to him, but you are not. Not in that bed of sin."

As the voice spoke, it had my full attention. That’s his issue to handle not yours! You have given your all to help him but you can’t. He has to be obedient to my will.

With loud applause, Laura’s birthday celebration was coming to an end. The applause caught my attention, and I realized everyone was giving Laura her presents, hugs, kisses, blessings, and well wishes. Her birthday cake had pictures of her in her younger years. She had the biggest smile on her face that I had ever seen as she looked back at the memories. She was very happy with her surprise birthday celebration and so were we. She thanked everyone for coming. Even though Laura had a great big smile, her outside didn’t match her inside. I could tell by the mask of contentment on her face. I know because I had crossed the same path myself. Yes, Laura, It’s Your Time. Your time to free yourself from whatever is holding you down. But to be honest with you, I don’t know if she can let go of some of the emotions that are stirring inside of her; she has always had a soft heart, a heart full of love and compassion. I sometimes think she has missed out on her own life to the fullest by giving her time to everyone else. She fell on hard times and had bad relationships. She even went into a depressed state, and it overwhelmed her to the point of losing herself for a while. We had to help Laura through this rough time—yes, a time that almost seemed unreal, times when she didn’t know what was going on around her, times she didn’t know her nights from her days. She didn’t even know what was happening to her, although she was a God-fearing woman. She went through some mind-blowing situations that she can’t even remember. We had to stand in the gap for her and pray that God would heal her mind, and he did that and more. I pray that she has found true love and happiness in her life. As Laura’s celebration was coming to a close, she thanked everyone for coming to help celebrate her special day, a day I know that she would never forget especially since Sammy was there. As we departed, I started thinking about my monthly flow of life literally and physically. I wondered, Will it ever end?

chapter 2

Cousin Jane

Another long but interesting car ride with my sister Ann and our mom kept my mind off of Willie. We were traveling to Florida to visit some of our relatives that we hadn’t seen in a long time. Our conversation as we traveled included Laura’s celebration and how it went, but we mainly focused on our destination. We noticed many orange groves, a lot of vacant property, and beautiful as well as some not so beautiful houses. During this time, I was still experiencing my monthly flow of life, which should have been almost gone. Upon arriving at our destination, which had a few crooks, turns, and turnarounds, we were greeted with smiles and hugs from our family members, Sue, Kyle, and our oldest family member, Jane, who wasn’t very coherent at this time.

I was glad Ann offered to take mom on this trip and ask me to tag along. Sue had prepared a great dinner for us to enjoy, and we did just that, but she was so exhausted she decided to eat at a later time. We talked and reminisced about the old days and times, especially Sue and Mom. It’s always a lesson to be learned by listening to the elders in the family. As night fell and tiredness crept into our bodies, it was time to clean up and go to bed. As I lay down in a clean and comfortable bed, I fell fast asleep and had a peaceful rest. Peace was something that I often longed for.

The next morning, Kyle was helping Jane to get dressed and ready for the day. He was her caregiver and her grandson. I noticed that he didn’t seem to be very happy. He pushed her to the breakfast table in her wheelchair, and Sue gave Cousin Jane breakfast because she could barely feed herself. Jane loved coffee, and she would almost burn herself trying to drink it, but she refused to give up until she had finished drinking what she wanted of it. After we prepared and finished eating our breakfast, we discussed our family history and found out as much as we could about it from Jane after she warmed up to us. This was history all by itself because Jane doesn’t talk to everybody. Kyle, Ann, and I stayed in the kitchen, while Mom, Sue, and Jane went into the living room. Kyle decided to open up to us.

He said he felt as if his life was closing in on him, and he wasn’t living up to his potential and he didn’t