Life: Essence of It All

By Elvis C. Foster

This book, to some extent, is perhaps a strange cocktail, a book about life observations written by a computer scientist, occasionally pulling from philosophy and often drawing from Scriptures. The observations included in this small volume are attempts by the author to understand this very complex thing called life. It includes his observations about people, the world, and life. In sharing this work with the public, it is the author’s hope that the reader will travel with him through the various topics included to the discovery that there is more to life than just the mundane activities of survival that we often get obsessed with.

The book consists of thirty-one short topics touching on issues such as love, decision-making, human tendencies, race relations, life as a teacher, family and society, friendship, good versus evil, truth versus falsehood, psychological prisons, stewardship, knowledge and enlightenment, human communication, test of character, and love. The book begins and ends with a focus on the very pertinent and important issue of love.

The intent and objective of the author is to inspire additional thought, reflection, and in some cases research on the topics covered. It is also hoped that as readers contemplate the various topics discussed, they will find their points of equilibrium on these issues.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662446870

Book preview

1

This Business of Love

What do people mean when they say the words I love you? Essays, books, and chapters of books have been written on the word love. Yet the four-letter word love remains so multifaceted. It is elusive to try to define it using just a few other words. Life experiences have taught that the word love is a very ambiguous English word that has been widely misused. Below is a list of possible meanings of the phrase (figure 1–1).

Figure 1–1: Some Possible Meanings to I Love You

You will readily observe that not all the meanings are positive. Some of them are quite mean and selfish. Others appear to be reasonable, but are really dangerous. Some are sensual and some are genuine. How do you determine what a person means when they tell you, I love you? The answer to this question lies not solely in the words, but in the attitude, behavior, record, and emotional (unspoken) conduct of the individual.

This leads to another question. Would you love someone who is mean, selfish, ugly, unkind, or cruel to you? Hardly. You love someone who is the opposite of these traits—someone who is kind, gentle, patient, understanding, and considerate, among other good qualities that you look for. Correct?

1.1 Observations

There are five concepts about love that I now share with you. The first two concepts are definitional while the latter three are observational.

The word love is particularly confusing to English-speaking people. Some languages have various ways of expressing human relationships. For instance, in ancient Greek, there were five words that have been translated to the English word love:

Agápe means unconditional, voluntary, selfless, genuine love.

Philia refers to fraternal or brotherly love. Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, got its name from this root word.

Eros refers to passionate, sensual, relations, hence the modern word erotic.

Storge means natural affection typical among family members and as experienced by parents to their offspring.

Thélema refers to the desire or intent to accomplish something.

In other languages such as Spanish, there are similar distinctions. In English, we have no such luck. We use one word—love—and rely on the context to determine its meaning. Inevitably, sometimes there are misunderstandings.

In the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Alexander Moseley draws from the work of Aristotle, Plato, and others, to present love as multidimensional and multifaceted. He uses terms such as Agápe, Philia, and Eros to explain three dimensions of love—paternal love between God and human beings, fraternal or brotherly love, and passionate or sensual love. Next, he writes about the nature of love, arguing that there are conceptual, physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. He closes his disposition with the argument that there are ethical aspects to love as well (see [Moseley, n.d.]).

In the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Bennett Helm writes about the sophisticated nature of love in making distinctions for different scenarios. He then examines love as a union that seeks to incorporate others in a we relationship. Next, he describes love as a robust concern, citing the example where one loves someone and therefore cares deeply about the person’s relatives. Next, he describes love as a valuing measure, arguing that love places value on the target(s) of its affection. Helm then moves on to the emotional dimensions of love, advancing that love tends to develop a very complex emotional relationship with its target(s). He closes his essay by focusing on the value and justification of love, arguing that while there appears to be a symbiotic relationship between the two, they sometimes contradict each other (see [Helm 2013]).

From a human perspective, we tend to love someone because of some reason(s) that is (are) supplied. For example, the phrase, I love you because you’re beautiful, is a widely used expression. We find it naturally easier to love a person who shares our values, and possesses traits that we consider desirable.

From a spiritual perspective, God loves us despite our traits and tendencies. Before we knew or cared to recognize Him, God loved us. This type of love cannot be fully explained or understood by human beings. It is beyond our finite limitations. The Bible declares in [John 3:16 NKJV], For God so loved the world that He gave. And in [1 John 4:7–8 NKJV] it says simply, God is love. God defines love and love defined God. He is love personified.

1.2 Spiritual Perspective and Concluding Remarks

I often think about the fundamental difference in motivation between human love and divine love. We human beings love because of…God loves despite…our unworthiness. We need a reason to love. God does not.

Several centuries ago, there was a famous king of Israel called King David. In contemplating God’s awesome love, he also wrote one of several magnificently elegant poems. Read the entire poem in [Psalm 139:1–24 NKJV] (I was tempted to insert that piece of poetry too). Verse 6 of this poem is rather pertinent here: Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.

Here is a definition and exposition of love that you should always remember. I like it so much; I have memorized it. You will not find a better exposition on the topic anywhere. It was written centuries ago by the apostle Paul [1 Corinthians 13:1–13 NKJV]:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

We may not fully understand love. However, we can choose to graciously accept it as a precious gift from God. Chapter 31 provides some more insights and thoughts about this passage.

References

[Helm 2013] Helm, Bennett. 2013. Love. In Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Accessed May 21, 2016. http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/love/

[Moseley, n.d.] Moseley, Alexander. n.d. Philosophy of Love. In Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Accessed May 21, 2016. http://www.iep.utm.edu/love/

[NKJV 1982] Thomas Nelson Publishers. 1982. Holy Bible, New King James Version. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc.

2

The Decision Process

I have observed that we human beings make decisions based on the following factors:

Reading: What we have read

Listening: What we listened to

Recollection: What we recall from reading or listening

Other information: This involves drawing on experience, and/or getting information from multiple sources and from others when necessary.

Analysis: Our analysis of situations.

2.1 How We Arrive at Decisions

It appears to me that whenever a scenario that requires a decision arises, we draw on what we recall from having read something pertinent to the situation or having heard some information that can be applied to the situation. The human brain is a wonderful super-computer, and it often does this recollection automatically. A process of analysis then takes place, leading to the decision. Figure 2–1 illustrates this decision-making process.

Figure 2–1: The Decision-Making Model

But there is a huge problem. As human beings, we often make mistakes or bad decisions. Why? Well, there are several relatively smaller problems that lead to this dilemma. There are five potential problem spots in the decision model of figure 2–1:

Reading: Some people do not read very well. Others cannot read at all. Still others do not read enough. Very few people read as much as they should.

Listening: Listening is a discipline that has to be learned. Unfortunately, not many people have mastered this skill. They have become so accustomed to noises and distractions that their listening has been physically and/or psychologically impaired.

Recollection: It appears that the human capacity to recollect information is sometimes selective. As human beings, we sometimes conveniently forget things that we do not want to revisit. Sometimes we also conveniently remember things that we want to use in our decision-making. The flip side of this also appears to be true. Sometimes we forget things we would have liked to remember and remember things we would have liked to forget.

Analysis: This is perhaps the most problematic area in the decision model. Like listening, analysis is a discipline that has to be learned. Not many people have mastered this skill. Analysis requires pulling the right information from the recollection reservoir, applying it to the situation at hand, examining alternatives, and choosing the most prudent one. This is easier said than done. Some people are just terrible at analysis simply because they are too (mentally) lazy to try. Others have trouble reading, listening, or recalling.

Other Information: Even if someone is excellent at reading, listening, recollecting, and analyzing, there is no guarantee that that individual will always make wise decisions because there is the factor of the unknown—there may be other information critical to the scenario that is simply not available to the decision maker.

Now let’s revisit the question Why do we make mistakes? The simple answer is, there are limited ways to be correct (sometimes only one) and many ways to be incorrect. The only scenario that leads to a sound decision is where all information relevant to a wise decision is available and used by the decider, and correct analysis of that particular problem has taken place. On the other hand, any combination of the following will lead to a flawed decision:

Problem in the area of reading the relevant information

Problem in the area of listening

Problem in the area of recollection

Problem in the area of analysis

Relevant information not available

So there are five broad areas that could inhibit sound decision-making. In the field of mathematics, if there are N things that can be arranged in any order, the total number of possible arrangements is N-factorial (written as N!). To evaluate this, you keep multiplying N by one less, all the way down to 1. Mathematicians like to express this as follows:

Applying this to our decision model, the number of possible ways to make a bad decision in a typical decision scenario is 5-factorial, which is 5(4)(3)(2)(1). If you multiply these numbers, you get 120. So to drive the point home, in a typical decision scenario, you may have one way of being correct and 120 ways of being incorrect!

Fortunately, not all decision scenarios are as scary as this may seem. Sometimes there are multiple ways at arriving at an acceptable solution. The objective here is to underscore that decision-making is not always easy. It is therefore a good idea to develop the habit of making decisions that are grounded in reliable facts and evidence. This practice becomes even more critical as the decision scenarios become more complex.

2.2 Reflection on the Proposed Decision Model

This proposed decision model is made purely based on my observation of life. I do not claim to be a psychologist, nor have I done any formal experiment on this. I leave that to experts in the field of management and/or psychology. However, since I am now sharing it with the public, it is only reasonable that I take a look at how the model stacks up against other known decision models.

My reflection has led me to a scholarly article on the emerging theory of evidence-based management (EBM). According its proponents [Briner, Denyer, and Rousseau 2009], EBM may be defined as follows:

Evidence-based management is about making decisions through the conscientious, explicit, and judicious use of four sources of information: practitioner expertise and judgment, evidence from the local context, a critical evaluation of the best available research evidence, and the perspectives of those people who might be affected by the decision. (p.19)

The authors postulate that within the context of a business organization, sound decision-making on any given problem or scenario is contingent on four critical factors: internal contextual information about the problem/scenario, external evidence related to the problem/scenario, the values and preferences of the stakeholders, and sound judgment by the decision maker. This line of thinking is fully consistent with the decision model of the previous section.

Another article by [Tort-Martorell, Grima, and Marco 2011] makes the argument that sound decision-making is contingent on reliable information and sound analysis. This also is fully consistent with the proposed decision model.

It should not surprise you that the decision model proposed in this chapter is consistent with the existing decision model that you are likely to find in the literature on management and possibly psychology as well. The reason for this is that the model is based on observation of human behavior and common sense. (However, we should be careful about the term common sense since, as many have observed, it’s not so common anymore.)

2.3 Spiritual Perspective and Concluding Remarks

Have you seen anyone who likes to read, listens well, remembers (not just conveniently) what he/she reads and listens to, is not too proud to take advice, and exhibits sound critical analysis skills? Quite often, that person will make sound decisions.

Please take one last look at the decision model of figure 2–1. Notice that underneath the scenario icon, there are three rectangles and three ovals. The ovals represent information centers, and the rectangles represent activities. I would like to submit that your information centers should include adequate knowledge of the Almighty. Centuries ago, a wise king, Solomon, reputed (among Bible scholars) to have been the wisest man who ever lived, wrote, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding [Proverbs 9:10 NKJV].

References

[Briner, Denyer, & Rousseau, 2009] Briner, R. B., D. Denyer, and D. M. Rousseau. 2009. Evidence-based Management: Concept Cleanup Time? Academy of Management Perspectives, 23(4), 2009. pp. 19-32.

[NKJV 1982] Thomas Nelson Publishers. 1982. Holy Bible, New King James Version. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc.

[Tort-Martorell, Grima, & Marco, 2011] Tort-Martorell, X., P. Grima, and L. Marco. 2011. Management by Facts: The Common Ground Between Total Quality Management and Evidence-based Management. Total Quality Management & Business Excellence, 22(6), 2011. pp. 599-618.

3

Three Haunting Tendencies

I have observed that many human beings exhibit the tendency for three haunting dispositions—namely selfishness, pride, and ingratitude.

3.1 The Tendency Toward Selfishness

Most human beings exhibit the tendency to be selfish and mean. The typical human being wants all that is good for himself/herself, next of kin, or friend, but mostly for self. He/she does not like to share unless the sharing brings some benefit to himself/herself or someone he/she cares about. Neither does he/she think about the other person’s feelings when seeking to gratify self.

We learn selfishness at a very tender age. A baby learns to grab at things and hold on to them. Little children learn to snatch and hoard things for themselves and for their friends. With the passing of time, society teaches us to make decisions based on selfish considerations. In a capitalist society, businesses operate, and government policies are formulated and implemented based on the fundamental premise of human self-interest. Human beings are often so selfish that, the majority of the time, they do not realize that they are! And in many cases, you dare tell someone that they are selfish, they become offended. This reminds me of the words of this secular song by Carly Simon:

You’re so vain,

You probably think this song is about you.

You’re so vain!

I’ll bet you think this song is about you.

Don’t you? Don’t you?

3.2 The Affinity to Pride

The typical human being is naturally proud. He/she likes to win and often does not like to take the lower seat. For many people, readily conceding failure at anything is very difficult. For others, saying I’m sorry about anything is like extracting a wisdom tooth. A typical person tries to find justification for every mistake or wrong, unless doing so will leave them the loser. For many, admitting error in judgment is extremely difficult. For others, it’s a non-option. As human beings, we like to identify ourselves with success and hate to be