How Deep Is Your Sin?: When Sin Becomes a Lifestyle

By Deidre Kelly

Repent, confess your sins, and you are forgiven? Is that person you see in the mirror the same person on the inside? Sometimes reflections can't be trusted!

Pastor Riddley is a great pastor who is well-known in the city of Atlanta; everyone he meets thinks highly of him. Pastor Riddley, however, comes from a troubled past in which now he has turned his life over to God. He has now become a saved man. Pastor Riddley is married to the most beautiful Christian woman, Olivia, who seems to be the best thing that has ever happened to him. She has changed his life in so many ways, but for some reason, he cannot stop lying! Can Oliva trust her own husband? Is he who she thinks he is? What you don't know can hurt you, especially when sin is blinded by love!

What's done in the dark always comes to the light. Secrets are meant to be kept. The past is the past until death do you part, but sometimes it comes back to haunt you! What goes around comes around, so trust no one because you just might be sleeping with the enemy!

God forgives your sins, but is that enough?

Say your prayers, Christians, because karma is back, and the bitch ain't playing!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636928876

Book preview

Chapter 1

In the Beginning Was the Word

The sound of the gunshots was so loud. No one knew what direction it came from. People were running, screaming, and crying; they couldn’t believe what had just happened. The police sirens could be heard in the distance, lights were flashing everywhere, and the birthday celebration looked as if a horrible tornado had ripped through it!

As the cell doors began to close, the sins of a Christian were deeper than anyone could imagine! This was the beginning of an end!

*****

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. As Pastor Riddley lay in bed, thinking about his past life and all the mistakes he made, he was happy that God had saved him. He was lying next to the love of his life, starting a new church ministry, and being genuinely happy for the first time; he knew he was a blessed man!

His new church was called Worship the Lord Ministry. The congregation was growing consistently. Everyone loved the messages that they were receiving and the love that was shown from each member. Pastor Riddley was a friendly man; he was very personable, took time to talk to his members and visitors. The members loved him and almost praised him for the man of God that he was and had become.

Everyone has a past, but Pastor Riddley prayed that is where it would stay—in the past! You see, fifteen years ago, before he became saved, he was a worldly man, a man about town, and a ladies’ man. There was nothing he had not done, tried, or attempted; he had no limits. If it could be done, you better believe Mike, Michael—which is his name—did it! Who said God can’t change a man? Well, look at Pastor Riddley. God can do anything; at least that’s what everyone thought when it came to Pastor.

Pastor Riddley was happily married. His beautiful first lady was named Olivia, and she was sweet as pie and beautiful inside and out. She had long flowing black hair, tall average frame, and a smile that was irresistible. Everyone loved First Lady Olivia as well. She was always pleasant, understanding, and giving. You could talk to her about anything because she was a great listener and adviser. Olivia was president of the choir and had the most angelic voice you ever heard. Members would be so excited to hear her sing and couldn’t wait for Sunday mornings.

Olivia was the stepdaughter of a preacher. She too had a past that no one knew about. You see, Olivia was a defiant teen. She was molested at a young age, ran away at fifteen, was pregnant at sixteen, but her mother made her give the baby up for adoption. No one knew how all this affected Olivia and was unaware of her pregnancy! Even though Olivia was a different person now, who was saved and had lived a productive life, she still held the memories in the back of her mind. She is very happy with the love of her life, and they have a bright future together.

Pastor Montgomery was married to Olivia’s mother but was not her father. He came into Olivia’s life when she was seven years old. Olivia never really knew her real father because he ran out on them when she was four years old. Pastor Montgomery was a longtime preacher/sugar daddy, you see; that’s how he met Audrey, Olivia’s mother. He was much older than Audrey, and he definitely loved the ladies. Olivia’s mother knew the type of man he was but still stayed with him. Even though he was a no-good man, he was a great provider for Olivia and her mom. Pastor Montgomery was a handsome, sharp dresser and, yes, still a sugar daddy to this day. When Olivia’s mother passed away, Montgomery made no secret that he still loved the ladies. In his days, he abused his leadership to get what he wanted without any repercussions; late-night prayer meetings, hospital visits, and out-of-town engagements was how he kept his secrets.

Now the Church of Victory was a megachurch pastored by Montgomery. He had over 2,500 members. People always wondered how that became a ministry so big. Everyone has secrets that they bury in hopes they are never dug up.

*****

It was a sunny Saturday morning, Pastor Riddley was taking his usual run at the park, when suddenly a soft voice said.

Michael Riddley?

Yes? he replied.

Hey, it’s Stacie, Stacie Johnson! Pastor’s eyes got really big!

Stacie, is that you?

Pastor heard that Stacie had made some changes, but damn! You see, Stacie was an ex-love of Pastor Riddley; she knew him as Mike. Stacie was also involved in ministry, in the music department. She was a person well known in the churches and very popular in other cities.

Well hello, Mike, Stacie said. Long time no hear from you!

Yes, it’s been a while, he said. He was nervous like a little schoolboy!

So, Mike, I heard you started your own church, Stacie said as she began to walk closer to him.

Yes, I did, and things are going very well!

That’s nice, Stacie said. So aren’t you going to ask me to go visit?

Umm, umm, well sure. He really didn’t want her to come!

I will do that soon, she replied, but until then, let’s have lunch one day.

Lunch, umm, he stuttered, I’ll have to get back with you on that one.

Okay, just let me know what works for you, and we can make that happen. She handed him a business card while smiling.

When she walked away, Riddley’s eyes couldn’t help but to follow her. He could not believe how different she looked. I mean, it had been many years since he last saw her or had any contact with her. At that moment, all sorts of memories started to flood his head.

You see, back in the day, he and Stacie had a love affair. True, it was many years ago, but to see Stacie after all these years brought up a lot of great memories. Lord, forgive me, you know you saved me from that life. I am happily married and saved, please remove these thoughts from my mind. Riddley then let out a big sigh. Stacie, why have you come back after all these years? And he stared at her business card!

Chapter 2

Let the Church Say Amen

It was Saturday, and time for choir rehearsal. Brian was minister of music. He was a tall GQ type of brother. His wife, Gemma, was choir director; she didn’t look to be his type at all, but hey, you can’t help who you love! Worship the Lord Ministry had a nice choir with lots of members. Gemma was awesome when it came to directing. The choir had a wonderful band, and everyone loved the music department. Now Brian, he was a great minister of music, kind of bossy, but his only problem was, he had a wandering eye. True, he loved Gemma because she was the mother of his son, but he was falling for Debra. Debra was a member of the choir. She sat in the front row, in the soprano section. Her hair was always stylish, and she was professional and well-put-together, nothing like Gemma. A few of the choir members knew about the affair between Debra and Brian, but Gemma, she had no clue.

After choir rehearsal, Brian was having a conversation with Debra, unbeknownst to Gemma, several choir members looked on. They knew the conversation was not about rehearsal because of the expressions on their faces. One member even heard Debra say, What time later, during the conversation.

Sunday morning service was on fire as usual. The choir had everyone on their feet, the congregation was packed, and everyone was having a hallelujah time! Pastor Riddley soon got up to deliver the message; he started off with a song, and everyone joined in. You see, Pastor had an awesome voice; he used to sing in the clubs back in the day. He would sing the panties off the women with no problem. Yes, back in the day, he had all the women, wooing them with his voice and suave conversation.

The church service was going well. Pastor was starting his sermon; the church was quietly listening to his open text when, to his surprise, in walked Stacie. As Pastor’s attention was quickly drawn toward her, he stumbled over his words and had to repeat the text. Anxiety started to set in as Stacie took a seat in plain view of Pastor to see. He didn’t think he would react like this, but he did. So overcome with anxiety, he started to sweat and almost fell off track with his sermon. As he was preaching, Stacie seemed to be in full swing of enjoying the service, standing and witnessing to his every word, and saying amen as loudly as possible. Even though Pastor was into his preaching, inside he was so nervous and thinking, Stacie, what are you doing? He even turned to his wife sitting in the choir, a couple of times, wondering if she noticed the nervousness.

Church service was finally over, and Pastor was out in the vestibule, shaking everyone’s hands, as he does every Sunday. Stacie darted in line to make sure to get a handshake and say a word or two to Pastor. As the line got shorter and shorter, Pastor noticed how close Stacie was getting to the front of the line. Sweat started to drop from his face as he felt as if everyone was watching.

Stacie grabbed Pastors’ hand and said, Hello, Pastor.

His knees felt weak, and he thought he was going to faint.

Hello, Stacie, Pastor replied, How are you?

Stacie responded with a big smile, I am well. How are you, Pastor Riddley?

Riddley was almost speechless; his mouth became dry and almost felt as if it was glued together.

I’m blessed, he replied in a short tone.

Just as Stacie was about to strike up a short conversation, Pastor detoured his attention toward his right-hand man and asked if he could get his briefcase and hat from his office. This threw Stacie off and ended the conversation. Pastor then continued to greet members and noticed that Stacie was off to the side, talking to First Lady Olivia. He quickly got the other members through the line and rushed over to see what Olivia and Stacie were talking about. You see, Olivia never met Stacie; Pastor never spoke of Stacie to Olivia. That was the past, and that’s where he wanted it to stay.

Hey, I see you met Stacie.

Olivia responded, I did. She said, "Mike, you never told me about Stacie, what a nice person!

Pastor said, Oh, I didn’t. Well… With nothing else to say, he grabbed First Lady’s hand and said, We must go. Remember, I have an afternoon engagement, and I need to go rest awhile, and I suddenly have a headache! Well, it was nice to meet you, Stacie, come back and visit soon. Pastor quickly walked off without saying a word!

On the way home, he was very quiet. Olivia thought it was due to his headache, but all the while, Pastor was thinking about his past with Stacie, and the look of sin was all over him! All day, Riddley couldn’t stop thinking about Stacie, wondering what she was up to. Is my past coming back to haunt me? Do I still have feelings for Stacie? Lord, please help me. I love my wife, but Stacie, OMG, Stacie!

Chapter 3

Picnic Surprise

Today was the church picnic. Everyone looks forward to it every year, it’s almost like a family reunion with the grills smoking, DJ playing music, kids playing, people dancing, and yes, that soul train line and hustles rocking the picnics, card games going on, and lots of laughing and talking.

As Pastor was making his rounds, he noticed at a table far off in the corner, sat Stacie! Stacie wasn’t alone as there was another person sitting there that he didn’t know! He quickly walked over to the table, wanting to get the inevitable over with.

Hi, Stacie, I didn’t expect to see you here!

Stacie said, I didn’t know I needed an invitation.

Oh, no, Pastor responded anxiously. Everyone is welcome. He shifted his eyes toward the man sitting next to her. And who is your guest? he asked with a side smile on his face.

Oh, this is my friend Johnathan!

Hi, Johnathan, I’m Pastor Riddley. Well, you can call me Mike, he said sarcastically.

Nice to meet you, Johnathan responded. Nice to meet you as well. I’ve heard a lot about you, Pastor Riddley, he said as he chuckled.

Pastor said, Oh really? He looked bewildered. Well, I hope it was all good, he said nervously while looking at Stacie.

Oh, it was, he said. Stacie told me how you were friends for many years, how you two sang together back in the day and how you were close. I also hear congratulations is in order. You started your own church, and I hear you are a great pastor.

Wow, is that it? He smiled while looking surprised.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it, Johnathan said while both of their eyes shifted toward Stacie.

Well, I hope you two help yourselves to the food and fun! As he walked away, he couldn’t help to look back twice, wondering, What the hell! Stacie was staring back each time he looked back, with a huge smile.

The picnic was going great. Everyone was having a good time, and suddenly, Pastor noticed that Stacie was walking in the direction of Oliva. Stacie, we need to talk, this is crazy!

Hey, Stacie, Olivia yelled as they started to approach each other!

Hello, Olivia, nice to see you again.

Thanks, Stacie.

Nice picnic you have here.

Yes, it is, said Olivia. Great turnout!

So how are you? Stacie asked.

The conversation turned out to last for several minutes until Pastor made his way over.

Mike, Olivia said excitedly, look who’s here!

Pastor said, Hey, Stacie, as if it was his first time seeing her that day. Pastor asked, So what are you two talking about?

Olivia said, Oh, nothing much. Stacie was just admiring my outfit, and we were talking about shopping.

You see, Stacie was a sharp dresser, mostly name brands and expensive jewelry; her hair was always whipped, and she always smelled good.

Shopping, huh, Pastor said, looking unsure at Stacie.

Hey, Liv, I will get back to you with that info! said Stacie.

What info? asked Mike.

Oh, Mike, it’s just women stuff!

Pastor looked at Stacie and thought, What the hell are you up to? Are you trying to destroy my life?

At this point, Mike Riddley didn’t know what Stacie was up to. He was even afraid to think about it because he knew her character. He just didn’t want his life turned upside down because of his past. Pastor ended the relationship with Stacie, who was very hurt but loved Riddley so much. He cared about Stacie and loved her at one point as well, but couldn’t continue the relationship for obvious reasons. Hmm, what could those reasons be?

Pastor was finally able to relax; the picnic was winding down, and Stacie had long left. Even though she was gone, Pastor kept an eye out for her. There was one person that noticed how Pastor just wasn’t right after he spoke with Stacie, and that was Brother Carl. He noticed that the Sunday Stacie showed up at church as well. Carl couldn’t help to wonder what the connection was because not only was he Pastor’s right-hand man, but he was also a close friend. Carl’s wife, Darshay, was also good friends with First Lady. She as well sang in the choir and sat behind First Lady in the alto section.

Hey, Mike, you okay? asked Carl.

Yeah, yeah, man, I’m good. Why you ask?

Carl said, Oh, you just seem a little off today.

Oh, nah, man, I’m cool. I’m cool, Pastor said, trying to perk up his demeanor. He quickly changed the conversation to say, Man, this picnic was nice. Everybody seemed to be having a great time."

Yes, I will agree, replied Carl. You pull it off every year, and it gets bigger and better!

Thanks, man, replied Riddley. I try! They both laughed and parted ways.

Later Carl was still thinking about Pastor’s demeanor around Stacie. They had confided in each other, but Stacie’s name never came up. Interesting, thought Carl! He was hoping there was nothing going on between the pastor and Stacie. No, he thought, he’s a great man, I can’t imagine him doing anything wrong!

Carl, he was a nice man with a great family. He was a great provider and always kind. Darshay’s his wife; she was very bossy and sometimes just downright mean to Carl. He did the world for her, but she just seemed not to appreciate him. Carl was very giving; he would give you the shirt off his back if you didn’t have one, but he had secrets of his own. Carl was an undercover sugar daddy. He loved to spend money on women who had great potential but couldn’t afford the finer things in life. Of course, he cared about them and even fell in love with one; her name was June. He had known her for many years, but never let her know that he was attracted to her. June was also a member of Worship the Lord Ministries. She was very intelligent, beautiful, and held several positions in the church. June didn’t have much, but she still seemed to keep herself together. Carl was attracted to her from the first time he saw her, over ten years ago.

As the picnic was coming to an end, Carl saw June heading toward her car.

Hey, June, I need to meet with you regarding Pastor Riddley’s anniversary. Can I give you a call and set up a time?

June said sure, unaware of Carl’s intentions!

Chapter 4

Unexpected Announcement

Meeting day came, and Carl was running late, so he texted June to let her know. It was fine because she had almost forgotten about the meeting since it had been weeks later, after their initial conversation. June arrived at the restaurant and thought, Wow, this a nice place, and wondered how Carl knew she liked seafood. Fifteen minutes after she sat down, Carl arrived.

June, I am so sorry for being late, he said as he handed her a dozen roses!

June’s eyes lit up. You didn’t have to get me flowers because you’re late, she said, smiling.

Carl said, Oh no, I had those before I knew I was going to be late.

June, with a weird look on her face, said, Really?

Yes, really. He started to smile. Carl had a smile that would lay any women on her back. He was a stylish dresser, upscale type of brother, and always smelled good!

Okay well, thank you, I guess, she thought.

So is this restaurant cool?

June said, Absolutely, looks kind of expensive, though. So, Carl, how did you know I liked seafood?

Carl smiled and said, Are you ready to order?

As the waitress started to bring their food, June noticed that none of the conversation they had was about Pastor. Carl talked a lot about his job, things he liked to do, and asked June questions about her life and what she liked. For some reason, June’s eyes shifted toward Carl’s ring finger and noticed there was no ring! Had she not paid attention before, if there was ever one there, or was it that she didn’t care? She knew he was married, but why was he not wearing a ring?

Lunch was practically over and still no conversation about Pastor. June was puzzled.

So, Carl, what about Pastor’s anniversary?

Carl looked up as he was wiping his lips, which were so enticing. June thought at that moment, Wow, how I would love to kiss those lips, while feeling as if she was in a trance!

June, June, you okay? asked Carl.

Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I was just remembering something I forgot to do, June lied.

Oh, okay. You were asking what about Pastor’s anniversary. What about it? Carl asked.

Well, I thought that was the purpose of this meeting!

Carl had to smile. He then said, I apologize, June, well, I guess I kind of lied!

June almost dropped her glass. What! she said loudly before she knew it. Lied?

Calm down, baby.

What, baby?

Okay, June, let me explain, he said as he touched her hand. June quickly pulled away. Please listen. I didn’t know how to get you alone to tell you this, and all I could think of was to use Pastor as a reason.

June, still not understanding what was going on, started to grab her purse and leave. Carl stopped her by, once