The Road Less Traveled: A Story of Love, Pain, Hope and Everything In-Between

By Elizabeth "Beth" Billingsley

Life doesn't always work out the way we planned. Things happen that we have no control over, and circumstances seem overwhelming. I never thought I'd marry an abusive man-a man whose mental demons turned him into two different people. I never imagined being a widow at the age of thirty-eight. I never dreamed that one decision could so profoundly change my life and my viewpoint of mental illness. I didn't know how much I still had to learn about myself. Through these circumstances, I now know more about who God is. I also know who he is not. I know more about who I am now, and I know who I will not be anymore. I have always believed in my head God could work everything out for good and that He loved me-now I know in my heart. Head knowledge and heart knowledge is completely different. I invite you to read these pages with an open mind and heart. Allow our story to shed light in dark places. Freedom is within these pages-the freedom to be yourself, to be loved for who you are, and to bring your hurts into the light of God's love where he heals all things. Remember, love is the greatest of all things and it does conquer all. Love has already won.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 14, 2016
• ISBN: 9781681972909

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The Road Less Traveled:

A Story of Love, Pain, Hope, and Everything In-Between

Elizabeth Billingsley

ISBN 978-1-68197-289-3 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68197-290-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2016 by Elizabeth Billingsley

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

*Who Was Jeff Anyway?

Jeff and Beth

The Beginning of the End

Dark Places

What I Learned About Jeff

What I Learned About Elizabeth

What I Learned About God

Loving Someone with Serious, Untreated Mental Illness

Conclusion

About the Author

Introduction

I’ll never forget the first time I met Jeff Billingsley that cold November evening in 2009. We met through mutual friends and shared a connection to Tennessee. That particular evening he was wearing a dark-blue pressed shirt, jeans, and the biggest smile I’d ever seen that made his sea blue eyes sparkle. Wow! I could have gotten lost in those eyes. They matched the blue in his shirt perfectly! We charmed each other immediately, and the rest is history. We married in May 2011 and started what we both thought would be a wonderful life together. As I put my hand into his and walked down the aisle, I did not know the kind of inner demons he was fighting.

A little over three years later, my life changed forever on June 10, 2014, when Jeff committed suicide at our home. And this is where my journey began on this road less traveled.

I never thought I would be here at this point in my life. I never thought I would be on this journey at all when I looked back to the eighteen-year-old girl ready for life—talk about a road less traveled, I’m there.

The last six years have been a learning experience to say the least, both with good and bad times. My purpose for writing The Road Less Traveled: A Story of Love, Pain, and Hope and Everything In-Between is twofold: (1) to tell our story with compassion and truth and (2) to tell the world there is still life and hope after pain and tragedy.

Not everything within these pages will be easy to read. My experience was not easy for me to acknowledge, much less put on paper. However, several months after Jeff’s death, as I was learning about him, myself, life, and faith in general, I decided that telling our story would be helpful to others. In fact, it might even save a life, a marriage, or a relationship.

I hope that you will read my story with an open mind and heart. I ask that especially from Jeff’s close friends and his family. I know you loved him as much as I did.

With much love,

Beth

Chapter 1

*Who Was Jeff Anyway?

Jeffery (Jeff) Owen Billingsley was born on March 7, 1968, in Richmond, California, a suburb of San Francisco. His father worked with Jeff’s uncle at a local liquor store, and his mother worked in a local grocery store owned by other family members. Jeff loved the first fire engine he laid eyes on when he was four years old. His dad would often take him to the fire station in Richmond to see the engines. He told me once that he burst into tears while walking down the street with his mom after he saw a lime green fire engine. His mother asked him why he was crying, and he told his mom through tears That fire engine must have been a bad because it got repainted! Good fire engines are red! His mom reassured him that it was just that particular city’s color for their fire engines and that it had not been bad. He told me he was serious about his fire engines from a very early age.

His father moved the family to Cairo, Illinois, when Jeff was seven years old. His dad owned a successful local restaurant there called Burger Haven. Jeff grew up in Cairo and continued his love of the fire department as a young boy. In fact, he spent most of his time there not just because he enjoyed it, but it also helped him escape a chronically abusive home life and, later on, trouble at school as a teenager. He proudly told me that he knew how to use the pump controls before he could do his multiplication tables. He knew more about fire trucks than anyone I know. I am grateful that the firefighters of Cairo mentored and showed kindness to Jeff during his childhood and adolescence.

He became a volunteer firefighter in high school and began to take an interest in law enforcement. He joined the air force in 1986 and headed to Blytheville, Arkansas, where he spent the next four years learning logistics and working in the US Air Force Honor Guard. He always joked that he joined the air force to see the world and instead saw Arkansas.

His time with the air force was up in 1990, and he decided he was interested in becoming a Pulaski County sheriff’s deputy in southern Illinois. Between 1990 and 1993, he worked as a sheriff’s deputy and as a Mound City, Illinois, police officer. He did everything from drug interdiction to traffic stops. He always told me he was glad he got his start in a small town, but he wanted more.

He took a job with the Memphis Police Department (MPD) in 1993 and started patrolling in the big city. Memphis had always fascinated this small town guy, so this was really a dream job for him. He told me that on his first call in Memphis with his FTO (field training officer), they arrived and a coffee table flew out of the front door and almost hit them. He said to himself, "Jeff,