Forgiving God

By Patricia Schultz

Why does God need to be forgiven? When you experience trauma, there are two main questions that need to be answered: "Why did God allow this to happen?" and "Why didn't God stop it?" This book is one person's journey to understand how survivors of trauma may be able to recognize that God did not allow the trauma to occur, and although he may not have stopped it, he was present with the victim at all times. It is possible to move beyond being a survivor to thriving and fully embracing the life God provides once you are able to forgive God and heal your spiritual relationship with him. This book is about spiritual healing to thrive within your life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 10, 2018
• ISBN: 9781641407465

Book preview

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Forgiving God

Patricia Schultz

ISBN 978-1-64140-745-8 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64140-746-5 (digital)

Copyright © 2018 by Patricia Schultz

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Introduction

This book is about healing from childhood abuse and trauma. So why another book on this widely published topic? What can this book provide that previous books have not already discussed? Maybe nothing—maybe just another perspective. Or maybe this book can help explain one person’s belief about the importance of healing the spiritual aspect of life. Not only is emotional, psychological, and physical healing necessary when someone has experienced trauma, but how does a person heal a broken relationship with God? How do you forgive God for the horrible things that you have endured? How can you understand that God never wanted you to be abused so he never left you alone?

Through my own journey to heal from childhood trauma, I have been able to build a relationship with God. This book is my story so others may be able to allow God in their lives also. Hopefully, by sharing my story, I can connect to others who have experienced trauma and possibly help those who are working with victims have a better understanding of the results when someone has experienced trauma.

One of the therapists I’ve worked with on my journey helped me recognize how I can relate to others. During a therapy session, we discussed a topic that resulted in me asking questions about how to deal with the emotions related to childhood trauma. When you are in an abusive situation, emotions are not safe, so you don’t allow yourself to feel. Unfortunately, the therapist was not able to answer my questions as he had never experienced abuse or trauma.

He responded by stating, That is why you need to write this book. People who have not experienced trauma such as you have do not think to ask those questions. There are a lot of people in the world with the same questions, and you can help to answer them. You understand.

I believe you need to go beyond being a victim and survivor to fully embracing the life God has for you. The abuse doesn’t need to define you. You can embrace the blessings God has given you and love him. I have learned that God really does love me; in fact, he always loved me. I can be thankful for those negative experiences, because those are what have taught me to be the person I am. Without those experiences, I don’t know who I would be, but it sure wouldn’t be this person.

God has led me to heal so I will be able to help others. I praise God for bringing me through all I have endured. I can help others learn how they can trust him and recognize how he has been present in their lives. They can recognize that even though they are angry and blame God, he does not need forgiveness as he was always present and did not allow these evil acts to happen. Man has free will, which can result in evil actions. But when people are victims of evil acts, God protects them through survival, and he can use these experiences for good. I believe this is what God has done for me.

I realize I am definitely not an author, but I pray this book touches someone—even just one person. I want to share this story and say, You know what? Look at how phenomenal God is and what he has done.

He wants you to know he loves you and he wants to help you heal. He wants to help because he loves you and he doesn’t expect anything in return. He wants you to live your life with him as part of it. Let him lead, and this journey will take you to incredible places. When you are able to trust God and love him as he loves you, you will want to follow him and live the life he offers. The peace and fulfillment are beyond anything anyone can experience on their own.

I can’t begin to explain the emotion of being able to recognize how the years of abuse do not control my life. I still have memories, but they do not interfere, and I can decide how I want to respond rather than be afraid and focus strictly on survival. So here is my story.

Part I

Victim

Most people have an understanding of psychological abuse, but I am not sure if many people recognize or understand there is also an aspect of abuse that is spiritual. While I was growing up, my mother was abusive in many different ways, especially from a spiritual aspect.

The primary thing she taught me throughout my childhood was that I was her mistake, her punishment from God. I was the result of an affair, and even though she never verbalized this with me, I was well aware that I did not matter to her in any way. I was taught to believe in Christianity, and God was used as a weapon to teach me how he should be feared. Teachings were focused strictly on the law of the Bible and the grace of the Gospel was nonexistent. Church was primarily for weddings and funerals, except I needed to attend Sunday school and had to be confirmed within the local church as this was what looked appropriate to others within the community. But even with these forced teachings, I would be condemned. It didn’t matter how I lived my life; God didn’t love me or want anything to do with me. He simply used me as his tool, and no matter what I did, I would never be saved. I don’t know if you have ever heard of hell on earth, but I honestly believe this is where I was. Part of my belief is that hell includes being away from God. Throughout my childhood, this is exactly where I was. I had no hope. Even though God does not really leave you, when you do not recognize his presence, you are without hope.

When my mother’s boyfriend approached me to begin a sexually abusive relationship and set the stage by stating, You don’t have to do this, but if you don’t, no one will ever love you, I was well aware I really did not have a choice. I also recognized this statement of never being loved included God. It really didn’t seem that anyone cared whether I even existed—definitely not my mother; and even though she was not married to her boyfriend, he had been the only father figure in my life. And the only thing he was focused on was having a sexual relationship with me.

I had older siblings, but my sisters were so wound up in their own needs. They didn’t pay attention to me. And to my brother, I was only there to be a hindrance unless he needed someone to blame to avoid his own punishment. So when my mother’s boyfriend approached me with the proposition of learning to be loved, having the chance of being noticed by someone was very inviting. Unfortunately, I was naive and really did not comprehend what was expected.

The cost was incredible because for the longest time, long into my adult years, I was defined by the five years of sexual abuse during the ages of twelve to seventeen in my life. Until I was able to work through a significant part of the healing process, I