Dragonflies...From Broken to Beautiful

By Paula Cunningham

You might wonder how an average girl, living a normal life, could find herself in the pits of addiction. I wondered that very thing. How could I have ever allowed myself to be controlled by a pain pill? So I decided to trace my steps, and find out exactly where I went so wrong; that's how this book came into existence. My story was written entirely by me. It's an honest account of my journey from being broken to becoming a far more beautiful version of myself. When I say beautiful, I'm not referring to physical beauty; I am referring to my soul, my spirit, and the essence of who I am. There is much that I am ashamed of, and sincerely wish I could undo. However, I have realized that I cannot change the past; I can only learn from it and make the present and future better than I thought possible. So, I choose to look at my journey as a blessing, for it's made me into the person that I am today, and I'm extremely proud of who I have become. It wasn't easy; it required a lot of hard work and determination, but it was worth every bit of pain that I endured. My sincere hope is that my story can serve as a lesson for others. I want my nightmare to prevent yours. And if, by chance, you're in the middle of your own nightmare, I want you to know that I am living, breathing proof that there is a happy ending waiting for you. Allow me to share with you what I never wanted anyone to know, my addiction and how I overcame it. Freedom and a bright future are waiting for you. Let me help you get there.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9781641405393

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Dragonflies...From Broken to Beautiful

Paula Cunningham

Copyright © 2018 Paula Cunningham

All rights reserved

First Edition

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc

New York, NY

First originally published by Christian Faith Publishing, Inc 2018

ISBN 978-1-64140-538-6 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64140-539-3 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Dedication

Above all, this book is dedicated to God; He is the source of everything good and right in my life. Second only to Him comes my family, the most important people in my life: my husband, David; my son, Nick; and my daughters, Madeline and Natalee. You are my reason for living, and you bring me more happiness and joy than you will ever know. I love you with all that I am and all that I have!

Preface

Some years back, I was born to a mother, a father, and a sister. We were an average family, living a very normal life in Southwest Louisiana. My sister was six years older than me. We were as close as any two sisters could be; I absolutely adored her! This was the start of a very normal life. Yet many years later, I would become someone I had never imagined. My life changed in ways that I never planned for nor wanted. How could this happen to someone who had only the best intentions?

About a year ago, I decided to put my thoughts down on paper; I wanted an answer to that very question: How could this happen to someone like me? I wanted to see exactly where my path had been and where I had gone so terribly wrong. At first, I was writing this down simply for my own therapeutic benefit; I wanted to find healing. But as I got deeper into my story, I realized that someone might be able to benefit from this; that’s when my journal writing turned into writing this book. My sincere hope is that my story can serve as a lesson for others. I want my nightmare to prevent yours. And if, by chance, you are in the middle of your own nightmare, I want you to know that I am living, breathing proof that there is a happy ending waiting for you. Allow me to share with you what I never wanted anyone to know—my addiction—and how I overcame it. There is a bright future waiting for you. Let me help you get there.

A Thought to Ponder

A brilliant man once said, There are two kinds of people in the world: those that acknowledge their issues and problems, and those that deny having any. I am here to tell you that I am a proud member of the first group!

Chapter 1

Growing Up, Me

So, here’s where my story begins, my birth.

My father was self-employed and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. We lived in a comfortable neighborhood and had everything we needed. My parents instilled good values in both my sister and I, insisted that we do our very best at everything we took part in, and expected us to make good grades. We were well taken care of, and carefully supervised; we weren’t allowed to hang out with the wrong people or do bad things. Much was expected of us, and we (usually) met those expectations. Both of us went to good schools, and then went on to the local university in our town. We both earned college degrees, and then we each went back to school to complete our education degrees. My sister began teaching high school, while I taught elementary school; we are both still teaching in those same areas.

Looking back in time, I vividly remember being bored throughout most of my childhood; I constantly wanted something to do, yet found very little excitement. I rarely felt much contentment. As I got older, I found freedom with my friends and began to enjoy my life more. I loved being with my friends and having fun. We didn’t exactly get into trouble, but we did spend a lot of time drinking, as well as going to bars and clubs. The last two years of high school were filled with fun. I hated going to school, but found happiness in socializing with my particular group of friends. We spent the entire week planning our weekend, and then spent the weekend following through with our plans.

When I started college and got a part-time job, I found even more freedom. I had a new appreciation of life and enjoyed this time very much. However, I don’t think I was mature enough to discover who I actually was or what my purpose on Earth was; I just kept busy and avoided boredom as often as possible. I worked part-time throughout college, and truly enjoyed everything that goes along with having a job.

I’ve often heard that a person should spend time getting to know themselves: an intimate knowledge of their values, morals, and exactly what makes them who they are. I knew myself in a very general sense, but I don’t think I actually put much thought into my deepest thoughts and desires. Instead, I would often just go with the flow. (Hint: This is not exactly a good idea.) Being easy-going can be a good thing; but when it comes to the bigger issues of life, more consideration is necessary. Looking back, I realize that I should have put considerably more thought into what was important to me, to planning my future, and to discovering what life issues I was not willing to budge on.

During college, I dated the guy who I eventually married; he is the biological father of my three children. We had dated for almost seven years by the time we walked down the aisle. Now you would think that in all this time, we would’ve learned everything possible about each other. Yet as much as we knew and understood each other, there were parts of us that hadn’t fully developed yet, or we simply had yet to encounter that part of ourselves. I guess only time can expose certain aspects of a person.

We spent most of our free time together. Overall, we got along well, but we spent too much time arguing. I would say that the majority of our arguments were rooted in the desire to control one another. We had differing opinions on various topics. But instead of truly trying to understand the other person’s point of view, it seems that we just wanted to change the other person’s opinion. I feel certain that if we had been able to properly communicate with one another, our relationship might have grown much deeper.

My (now) ex-husband also worked part-time throughout college. We were both heading in the same direction: we were going to graduate from college, find a good job, get married, and raise a family together. We discussed our plans for the future as we continued to work toward our goals.

Upon graduation, I got my very first teaching job in a nearby town. I had earned my degree in criminal justice, but once hired, I agreed to go back to school for a degree in elementary education. The only way I could teach school, without already having a degree in education, was to commit to taking classes each semester. This sounded like a great opportunity to me, so I was more than happy to make the commitment. As excited as I was to begin my new job, I was not prepared to be a school teacher. I was overwhelmed at first, but in time, I learned my way around the classroom. When he graduated from college, he got a job with a local computer software company. Although his salary wasn’t great, the job held the promise of promotion.

Chapter 2

Adulthood Begins

Several years after I began teaching school, we got married. I had always wanted children. In fact, I vividly remember sitting in our living room when I was just four years old; I was playing with my baby doll, wishing she was a real baby. In time, we had three amazing children—one son, Nick, and two daughters, Madeline and Natalee. This was the first time in my life that I felt truly content. My family has always been my top priority; I love teaching school, but my family has always come first. Things were pretty good for the most part, but we never quite grasped the concept of maturing together as a couple and living within a budget. Life lesson: My father always told me to live beneath my means and save my money. I can’t begin to count the times I heard him say that. Those words of wisdom were pounded into my head, yet somehow, I didn’t follow his advice. I would recommend, to anyone desiring financial stability, to follow this piece of advice; my father was totally right!

In this life, nobody is exempt from troubles and stress. No matter how well you live your life, problems will arise; that’s one fact of life you can count on. However, I’ve learned that it’s not the actual problems that cause us so much grief; rather, it’s the way in which we handle the problems we are dealing with. There are so many facets to the decisions that each of us make. With that being said, we should understand this ahead of time; that way, when problems arise, we will be a bit more levelheaded in our thinking.

Just as each person is created differently, so too does each person handle stress differently. When I began to feel stressed, I chose to go shopping. When my (then) husband was stressed, he chose to gamble. Looking back, both of these activities were just attempts to fill a void in our lives. As you can imagine, both of these habits could easily create financial problems, and they did. As our problems increased, financial trouble increased, and our arguments increased. We seemed to argue a lot!

When my (then) husband first started gambling, he would tell me about his gambling trips. I didn’t like him gambling at all, but I tried to accept it. However, in time, he informed me less and less; there were many trips to the casino that I never knew about, and I imagine there are still many more that I am completely unaware of. He would agree to be gone for only a few hours, yet rarely did he stick to that time frame. As the hours passed by, my worries grew. Many nights, I would lie awake wondering if he had been killed in a car accident on the highway. To this very day, I don’t know how much money he actually lost at the casinos; and in all honesty, I no longer care.

In hindsight, there was no reason for our