My Life behind the Scene

By Mae Barrett

In Mae's life, at the heart of her story, she had to learn through her relationships after finding out multiple times that Billy was cheating on her even through high school. There were times she wanted to let go of the relationship, but deep down in heart, she felt she was losing something very special, not knowing that Billy had his eyes on women, drugs, and the different places. He chose to find love in the streets. After giving her life to Christ, Mae ended up marrying Billy because of her pastor telling her that since she gave her life to Christ, she and Billy had to get married, even when she knew that he really wasn't the man for her. She took in an eight-year-old child in her house and put her under her wings as goddaughter. When the girl was fifteen, Mae's husband slept with the girl, and Mae knew then it was a wrap. After Mae shared her hurt and pain with her friend Sandra, she began telling Mae to put him and her out. Instead of putting them out, her husband pushed her into the hands of another man. After falling in love with Cliff, she just knew that he was everything to her as well. She ended up letting him go as well because he was the type of guy who was trying to destroy her life through sex and drugs. In this society, you can never know who to trust in a relationship; that is why it's so important to pray before battling with something unnecessary that will cause danger to your mind, body, and soul.

In the memory of our loved ones: My two grandmothers Mary Jane Wardsworth and Lilly Barrett, second mother Mrs. Shirley Ann Miller, my two brothers John Douglas Barrett and Isaiah Cleveland Junior Barrett.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644249819

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My Life behind the Scene

Mae Barrett

Copyright © 2018 Mae Barrett

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing, Inc. 2018

ISBN 978-1-64424-983-3 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64424-981-9 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter One: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Two: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Three: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Four: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Five: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Six: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Seven: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Eight: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Nine: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Ten: My Life behind the Scenes

Chapter Eleven: My Life behind the Scenes

I choose to dedicate my book to my Lord Jesus Christ and Savior. He is the one who inspired me to rewrite my life! Truly, he is the lover of my soul. I’m nothing without him. I give him all the glory and honor for everything that he has done and what he is going to do.

Acknowledgments

I truly want to first give honor to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one who pushes me into my destiny. I give honor to my beautiful mother, Mittie Perry, who is the most loving and beautiful mother in the world. I want you to know that you have been there for me through thick and thin, good times and bad times. Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. I also give honor to my three beautiful daughters, Saphronia Denise Barrett, Regina Mae Ailep, Brianne Nicole Rucker; my two sons, Arrel Roger Ivey and my baby boy, Cordaro Lamar Ivey; also to my two sons-in-law, Patrick Ailep and Gerard Rucker; my god daughters, Vertie Kashonda Rogers, Monique Jackson, Jacque Geathers, and Jenny McPhee. I also give special thanks to my church. Mae’s deliverance outreach ministries, House of Ichabod stage play family, to a very special friend, my producer and director Ronald Miller, and to all my wonderful grandchildren. I’d like to give a special acknowledgement to my great-granddaughter, Sophia William, who is very special to the family. I give a special shout out to someone that I have grown to love and have fun with at Rehearsals Ms. Gwendolyn Alexander Hinton.

Preface

I hope and pray that my book will be a blessing to you. God told me many years ago to write my life story. Initially, I was hesitant and didn’t want to do it. I began to receive confirmation from various prophets. At times, I struggle with my emotional self because of my past experiences. In my book, you will come across some things where you may feel like God is talking to you. I want everyone to know that this book has been written and approved by God so the next person can be set free from anything that is not good in their life. First of all, let God heal you from your past hurt. If you are in a bad relationship, know that God can take away every pain. We all are seeking God in some kind of way to get delivered. One thing’s for sure: I can testify about my past. I was truly attacked by the enemy, but now I’m free. If this was you in the past, tell God you want to be set free as well. Stop trying to be your own boss. We all come from different lifestyles. We all have different stories to tell. We all have gotten hurt in some type of way. There is nothing too hard for God. A bad lifestyle can be changed into a good lifestyle story.

My Introduction from Me to You

Before I could do anything I knew that I had to be healed from past hurt. At that time in my life. I felt like nothing could hurt you more than the one who you loved and slept with every night. Knowing deep down in my heart I needed God to really go as deep as he could to take away the pain and suffering. Because of what I been through with my ex-husband and others. I didn’t want to have anything to do with a man. As the years went by God begin dealing with my inner man just to let me know that I needed to get rid of my emotional spirit that was making me think that all men were a like.

Chapter One

My Life behind the Scenes

The Beginning of My Life

I remember growing up as a young child and all the things I went through. You can always tell the story, but can you forgive and forget? In my book, I will tell as much as God will allow me to. During the time when I was growing up. My mother wasn’t a church going woman, but she had love for many of her friends and family. All I ever saw around my mother were men. I really didn’t want any men around her at all. Some daughters are like that when it comes down to their mother. What I could not understand back then was why so many of her guy friends were drawn to me. Even when they would come over to visit, they would have their alcohol, and they’d be sitting around the table, getting high with my mother. I used to get so upset with her.

She had this one friend named Jerry; he would always be the main one who would wait until it was late to come over and have drinks with her. My mother was one of the best mothers in the world. She raised seven children by herself with the assistance of my oldest sister. You see, when living a single life and trying to do it all by yourself, sometimes it just doesn’t work. I remember the first time I was touched by a man at the age of six. He was a friend of the family and also lived in the same neighborhood. One day, I overheard my mother asking this man if he could walk me to school. I didn’t feel comfortable with it, but I obeyed my mother. As he and I were walking along the path, he began telling me how beautiful I was. He complimented me on my gorgeous little eyes, and then he grabbed me by the hand. His body language and the way he held my hand were different from others. I felt so uncomfortable and helpless about the whole situation. On my way to school, we stumbled across a train stopped on the tracks. We had to jump over the train cars in order to get to the school. Because I was so small, he lifted me up to get over it. I didn’t like how he was lifting me. He whispered in my ears and made intimate sounds. He began asking me if he could just touch me downstairs. At that time, my six-year-old heart just dropped. I couldn’t say anything with my mouth, but my heart was doing all the talking within me. I was speechless and fearful. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I soon found out. He pulled down my panties and began putting his hand in my little vagina, playing with it for several minutes. After he finished, he proceeded to take me to school.

I was already late for school and had trouble focusing once I arrived. My innocent little mind was all over the place. While sitting in my classroom, I kept wondering why anyone would want to do that to a child. How could a child focus on schoolwork when someone had just fondled them? Even after going through that at the age of six, I still had to fight my way through pain and suffering, and I couldn’t tell my mother because I knew how she was. I was one of those children that could not stand any type of drama. Parents, be very careful of who you leave your children in the hands of. Sometimes children can be victimized by people that you trust, such as family, friends, and neighbors. Some of you don’t want to believe that a similar situation could happen to your child. I’m pretty sure that my mother had that same mind frame, but look what happened to me. Parents, please focus on your children. My mother trusted him as if he were a brother to her. There were other family members who were trying to destroy my life through child molesting as well. It seems like the older I got, the more the enemy wanted to throw obstacles at me.

I learned that friends and family are the ones that you got to watch out for. I hear women all the time talking about how they can trust a male with their daughters or sons. I know my mother probably had that same thought going through her head. But look at what happened to me. To this day, she still doesn’t know anything about her friends and family. Some females get so caught up in what’s around them that they can’t even focus on their children like they should. Beware of your surrounding company. Not all company is good. So please stay focused on your children and wake up, and smell the coffee and see what God is trying to tell you.

God blessed me with ten beautiful granddaughters, and to this day, I don’t trust any male around them because of what I had been through. I had to learn how to fight my way through every pain that made me suffer. I didn’t like the fact that she was drinking with them. I would get so angry with her after leaving her in the kitchen with Jerry. Out of all her friends, he would be the one who would make sure she was getting all high and acting crazy. To keep from getting upset with my mother, I made my way back to the bedroom where my baby sister was. I crawled in bed with her, trying to make myself go to sleep. Somewhere in between the hours, I finally fell asleep. Next thing I knew, there came my mother’s friend Jerry. After getting her drunk, he decided that he wanted to come into the bedroom where I was at. He made his way to the bed with me and my baby sister. Not one time did he touch my baby sister. Next thing I knew, he was touching all over my breast and making his way down to my private part. I jumped up and ran into the kitchen where my mother was at. She was all knocked out. It’s a hot mess when friends of the family and blood family want to sleep with you.

So from the age of six to fourteen, I struggled with men messing with me. God knows it was so very hard for me to fight back with what little power I had as a child. I didn’t know anything about the Word of God back then. I remember the time how they would pick me up and put me on their lap. So many children today are going through the same thing I went through. Parents, stop letting your little girls and boys sit down on your man’s lap. The reason I’m telling you about my experience is because I remember what happened to me, and he climaxed from that, and I was only eight years old. If you have experienced molestation in the past, your eyes need to stay open to that spirit so that you can help bring others out of it. Some of you might have never experienced this in your life before, but it’s real.

When You Become Double Minded

After going through all that I did at the age of six to fourteen I began wondering if I even wanted to deal with a man once I got older. I felt a cleaving in my mind as if my brain had spilt. I just couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened to me at that time. My mind began talking to me about things I never would have thought about, such as wanting to kill myself. I knew right then and there that the enemy was trying to destroy my mind. Bad thoughts are not healthy for anybody’s future. I had to learn as the years went by that I was going to need someone in my life that I could trust and talk to without them judging me for my past or what I’m going through right now. One thing’s for sure God has given me instructions on how to live and forgive I wasn’t going to let my childhood past take over my life. Because in my heart, I knew that sooner or later I was going to be running into some more issues in my life. So I was determined to grow up in life to be a better me. I did not claim to have God in my heart at that age, but one thing’s for sure, he had his angels in charge over my life!

You know, some children back then and even now are not in their right frame of mind because of what has happened to them. I know what would have happened to me if I had stayed focused on my past as a child you see the enemy sometime will make you feel like your purpose in life is only to serve as a bad example to others. All the times that I was messed with or touched, not one of them had ever asked me to forgive them. They knew what they had done was wrong, and the sad part is that they all are dead and gone now. I’m pretty sure that their conscience was telling them to come to me. You knew that you were the victim. It would have only taken five words for them to say to me, Can you please forgive me? My answer would have been yes. If you have been in my shoes or still in them, please come out from where you are. I’d rather you share your life story, or it could cost you your very own life! No matter what we been through, God’s got a plan, and you do not want to be in his way. You no longer want that issue to destroy you. So the longer you hold on to it, the heavier it is going to come.

Let go and let God.

My High School Year and Hospital Experience

When I started high school, there were so many guys who were trying to hit on me. At that time, I really wasn’t thinking about a boyfriend. You know when you are in high school and that one guy may be looking at you? Well, this one dude, he really had his eyes on me, and he was on the football team. What girl doesn’t like a guy that plays football? Back then, I thought it was every girl’s dream. Or just to even stand by one who played. There were so many girls around this one guy, as if there weren’t any more guys in the picture. In the back of my mind, I thought every high school girl wanted this same guy. Let me share with you young girls. Even in school, the devil is waiting to set you up. It’s funny because I was the new girl on the block at that time, and we all know when you are that new girl on the block, it seem like 60 percent of the guys want to get to know you.

I really was not trying to get with anyone. But as the weeks and months began to go by, 70 percent of the girls was talking about this one particular guy. I was like, Who is this guy they keep talking about? So one day, I said to myself, I am just going to ask someone. So I asked one of my classmates, and he pointed him out to me. But he really didn’t want to tell me because he wanted me for himself. After I saw him, I was like, Oh. I remember seeing his face, but I didn’t know his name. The girls in school really thought he was hot! And he was pretty hot. I said, Lord, I see why these girls acting the way they are. What they didn’t know is what looked good on the outside is not always good on the inside. To tell you the truth and nothing but the truth, at some point, ladies, you should not move too fast and settle for less just because you feel like he could be the one for you. Let me tell you, sometimes that is not always true. You may see your friend girls over there all over some guy. It doesn’t mean that their relationship will grow. So many of us back in the day were wiser than the girls are today. A guy will tell a girl nowadays that she has a sexy butt, which they would love to hear. Most girls’ minds play with them because of how big their butts are. One thing for sure it’s not about your booty.

I remember when some of the guys from school came over, because they became friends with my brother. My brother, Jack, and I were really close. He tried to set me up with three different guys, Harold, Lee, and Bobby. I used to get so upset with my brother because of that. They weren’t who I wanted at that time, Lee had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to go into the cornfield to have sex with him. I told him, Baby, you are not my type of guy. I told him that Billy was the kind of guy that I was hoping for. Now that I know in life, never be fooled by what you see on the outside. The inside is often a different story. As we were all standing outside of the cornfield, all of a sudden, I went into the house, leaving the guys and my brother out there looking stupid. I took a shower, put on my night clothes, and lay across the couch. Here comes my brother right in behind me. He left his friends standing outside. The telephone started ringing, and I had a feeling that it was Billy from school. The phone rang at least five times before I decided to pick it up, but as I was getting off the couch, my brother ran over there to pick up the phone as if he knew who it was. So he said hello, and I could hear my name called out from the other end. The volume of the phone was turned up. Now my brother thought that he was a very smart person, and to this day, he still thinks he is when it comes down to me. So he asked my brother if he could speak with me. I asked my brother who it was as if I didn’t know, and he said someone by the name of Billy. When my brother called his name out to me, that really made me want to get off the couch. My brother didn’t want me to talk to Billy. Telling him that I was asleep.