God Does Not Delete - He Delivers

By Sue Carabello

From the front cover to the back cover of this book, are God's messages to all of us. His words are powerful, and He wants to reach those that never met him and those who are in a relationship with Him. Both are equally important. I learned throughout writing this book that I am only His typist and humbled to hold that position. This is my second book but the most important. My first book, My Journey to Embrace God's Grace, is a story of my life, trials and joys, as most of us experience day to day. Here I am today totally transformed by God. My faith is deeper. My prayer life is deeper. I have become a servant, and it is truly the greatest challenge for me to live each day as His servant. God Does Not Delete, He Delivers shows the reader that you are his child and he will always surround you with love and protection. This book is filled with many stories of many people and most of them I was led to by God. They come from all walks of life and showed me the power of God's love for us by walking with us through our pain and adversity, and then celebrating our joys. Most importantly, never leaving us. My prayer for the reader is that you see yourself in a word, a paragraph, a chapter, and know this book was written for you by the author of the Good News, God Most High. So from this servant, my message is never give up for you are not alone in this journey. Therefore, as God's Chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3: 12-14) NIV

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781635752786

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God

Does Not Delete–

He Delivers

Sue Carabello

ISBN 978-1-63575-277-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63575-278-6 (Digital)

Copyright © 2017 by Sue Carabello

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Acknowledgments

To all of You who will read these words,

I humbly thank you.

God’s goal in writing this book was for you

to know He is with you through every minute

of your life as He is the giver of life.

It is my great honor to be a part of this book

and encourage You to call on the God Most High.

Sue Carabello, Servant

Chapter One

Second Time Around

We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.

(1 John 5:20) NIV

Here I sit, one more time, not knowing why I am writing, but knowing it is not me forging myself forward. It is my Lord and Savior telling me it’s time, and I follow direction because JOY is my way—Jesus, Others, and You. My first book, My Journey to Embrace God’s Grace, was a collaboration of God and me, and this one will be the same. My first book was a battle. I had to go places I did not want to go. I had to address many memories that I had buried, and I wanted for them to stay that way. God knew that if I did not have this battle, I would not be who I was meant to be. I have been his child for almost sixty-nine years, and until my last breath I will be his child. When I think of the sixty-two days that it took to get the original manuscript written, I cringe but then I realize that going through all the joys, tragedies, peace, and terror were put in place so that whoever read this book could realize that there is hope. No matter what they are experiencing, the Lord will be with them and they would get closer to the Lord. That was the reason, and I am so humbled to be used in that way. I wrote in my first book that if one person found the Lord then it was worth every day of my life, good and bad.

I will explain now that it is God who leads me to Scripture at certain places of this book. The scriptures will be perfect and have much more meaning than my words.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever. (Psalm 30:11–12) NIV

It’s not 3:00 a.m. as it was when I started my first book. I am not in chemotherapy again nor radiation, but unfortunately, I cannot say that about cancer. You see, I will now have a second time of fighting this disease. My fatigue is daunting. When I rise I am tired, and when I try to sleep at night I am also tired, and most nights, sleep is elusive. In the daytime I keep going full speed ahead because when you are going that fast you can’t think about what lies in wait for you.

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. (Lamentations 3:31–33) NIV

I have known that my cancer was back for the last few months. I was slightly late for my six-month checkup because of our move from North Carolina to New York, but I knew the pain was not good. They say cancer is painless. Maybe sometimes it is, but not always. It was my left breast again, but I had pain in both. Previously, I had Triple Negative cancer a few years back, and I was certain, from researching it so much, that it was rearing its ugly head once more. Now I was completely out of my comfort zone. All my doctors were in North Carolina, and here I was back on Long Island, not knowing which way to go. I was angry. I needed someone to hug, but I could not tell my family until I knew for sure. I needed some hugs from my nurses who took care of me last time throughout my treatment in North Carolina.

I was really angry at God, and there I was, talking the talk but not walking the walk. This transitional move to New York was supposed to bring joy to our whole family. But instead, along with our moving truck, it came with a load of sorrow and tears; and my family was not even aware of what was coming their way. Looking back, as I write this, I was behaving badly. My husband, Paul, knew something; but I could not confide in him and see the look I saw the first time. I had broken his heart in one sentence, I have cancer. He stayed strong yet suffered so much. I thought if I could go away for a few months no one would know anything and all would be fine.

The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith. (1 Timothy 1:5) NIV

However, my Savior knew and he led the way. He led me to the right doctor, and the process started. He felt my tears, my silence, my fear; and he listened to me call out, not for a cure, just for my family not to suffer. I pray every day that I be the one in our family to carry cancer and it should never touch my children or grandchildren, for that I could not bear. All my interaction with my children and grandchildren during birthdays, graduations, and school concerts were so hard. These celebrations were making memories, and that was a good thing. I wanted them all to know how much I love them but more than that how much God loves them.

Have mercy on me Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? (Psalm 6:2–3) NIV

Throughout my torturing of myself each day, the Lord directed me to a breast cancer surgeon. I made an appointment with Dr. Mangiameli, a surgeon who specializes in breast cancer. I liked him when I met him. He has a remarkable sense of humor. He is very feeling, another hugger, just like my North Carolina oncologist, Dr. Finnegan. We connected very fast. He gave me an examination and told me my left breast most likely had radiation damage from my last cancer. He then sent me to Dr. Sussman, a radiologist/oncologist, who also specializes in cancer and was part of his group. I had a 3-D mammogram. This was new to me, but I was okay with it, as if I had a choice.

So let the testing begin. It’s in your hands, Lord, and we will get through this together. I would tell the Lord that I am not afraid. It’s not about me; it’s about my love ones. They suffer far more than the patient. You see, we follow orders from the doctors and nurses, but the family has to deal with the emotions of watching me go through these tests and not be able to do anything. They feel helpless. Not good for them, not good for anyone.

You see, we learn as cancer patients that we don’t have choices. We take all the tests and hope for the best, and that should be our motto. I was then told to get an MRI of the left and right breasts. Check. Then ultrasounds of both breasts. Check. Then another 3-D mammogram. Check. And more ultrasounds. Check.

The final test on the checklist is biopsies on both breasts. Check and check. All these tests were done within a week. The more testing, the more grief, for I knew they found something. They were all very kind, but being here the second time around and making it to biopsies is knowledge that I once again must be strong. But I was mostly very weak, like overcooked linguini. Sorry for the poor analogy, but it was the best I can do.

But He said to me, My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) NIV

The big appointment had finally arrived, my day for results. I could no longer shut my husband Paul or my daughter Kelly out of this appointment. I was grateful that my son Kevin was working. It would have just been one more person to grieve for, while watching their pain.

You may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13) NIV

The three of us sat in the doctor’s office, and I immediately found where the box of tissues was located for my daughter. The doctor was making small talk about fishing with my husband, and I said, Let’s cut to the chase. What is the diagnosis? He said, You were right. It’s cancer. He handed me the tissues for my Kelly.

POSITIVE = HEARTBREAK for my family. It changes life negatively for all of us in the future. I came to New York to be a blessing, and now I am a burden. Too much grief to bear for them.

Do not let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9) NIV

I did not want to be right, I wanted to be healthy, and I wanted to scream. But seeing the two of them so upset, I remained quiet. I will have my time for screaming, for crying, and for praying. The cancer was in the right breast this time, and it was a cancer that had hormones, the total opposite of the first one. The first one had no hormones, and this one is hormone based. Very unusual. He explained my options, and I told him that I understood and needed five days to decide. Before I left the office I knew that I would have a bilateral mastectomy, but I said nothing to the doctor. I also knew I could not have chemotherapy again at this time in my life.

My trip home with Paul was about the same as the last time. Once again, I was planning a future, if there was one coming, and he was being strong at his weakest moment. Kelly had to go back to work, which was good for her because she has many wonderful friends who would help her with her grieving. When you hear the word cancer, it is a grieving process for as much as we are positive, the negative hangs over our thoughts.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. (Proverbs 16:3) NIV

Paul and I headed out the next day to go to North Carolina, where I was attending their Relay for Life, which I had attended so many times before. I also saw my oncologist, Dr. Finnegan. He received all the records from New York and agreed with the doctor’s findings. He hugged me, and for that moment, my world was better. This man I trusted. We bonded through some of the worst times in my life. I loved him because he gave me five additional birthdays. I know we cannot have do overs, as we said as children, but Alamance Regional Cancer Center was my familiar place, and Dr. Finnegan and the staff were family.

For it is by Grace you are saved through Faith and this is not from yourselves, it is God’s gift. (Ephesians 2: 8) NIV

I got lots of hugs from the nurses who I had spent so much time with each week. I was also happy to be going to the relay. I saw many people who I served at the infusion center. It made me smile that they were still walking the relay as survivors. Every relay is a milestone for a cancer patient. It’s like a sisterhood, and when we see others walking, we realize how blessed we all are. I walked the relay with my friend Joyce Neal, who I worked with on Wednesdays. She was crying about my cancer coming back, and I reminded her that we are Hope Givers and we are both still here and able to hug one another and smile, knowing we are making a difference for the glory of God.

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. (Psalm 125:1) NIV

That evening Paul and I had dinner with wonderful friends who are really like family to us, and it was a glorious night. I looked at all these wonderful people who were laughing and talking about the many good times we shared. They went through my first cancer with me, and I realized once again that I was so blessed by all the love at that table. I did not want to leave them knowing what I was about to go through, not as much for me but for my family.

We had other visits with friends, but most of all, we got to spend time with Uncle David and Aunt Rose. Uncle David had been my chemo buddy, and each week he took me back and forth for treatment for over nine months. My Aunt Rose is and always will be my best prayer warrior as she has the direct line to Jesus. Love radiates on her beautiful face and inside on her heart. I know the two of them are an