Charge It To My Heart

By Antoinete Calwonsen

Our experiences in life could teach us various lessons-may it be getting out of addiction, accepting one's self, embracing one's inner child, being alone and peaceful, falling in love, getting wounded a thousand times but coming out stronger, and other messages from life's intricacies. Antoinette Calwonsen has experienced it all-sorrows and joys-and has passionately turned everything into writing. Being sick for a long time and having been diagnosed with bipolar/manic-depressive disorder, this a

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 21, 2014
• ISBN: 9781628388770

Book preview

Accept Me as I Am

Accept me as I am

No matter my past

There have been guardian angels following

Me for years now

Unbeknownst to me

Forty-five years

How much more can one body take, Lord?

I will stay the course

Till that day you shout my name and call me

To your side

My eternal home

There I will rest in peace knowing I did my

Best

Just be done with me carefully

I am getting tired already

Addictive

You are addictive

Just like the food we eat

I crave you

Just like a drink

I thirst for the sight of you

Just like the sun

I am warm thinking about your touch

Just like a breeze

I ache for the cooling feeling of our time together

Just like the rain

I cry for times to come

Just like the moon

I see your presence around me

You are addictive

A Child in Me

There is a child in me

Screaming to play on a jungle gym

Swinging on a swing back and forth

There is a child in me

Who wanted a simple kiss on the forehead

Misbehaving in school

Playing alone till dinner was ready

There is a child in me

Who craves to be safe

Praying for peace when it came time to sleep

Feelings of disgust

With feelings of being free

This Is No Joke

I have no sense of humor

I have often been told to lighten up

I have never had a blank mind

Horror and hard times roll until the mountains erupt

This is no joke

My life I had too much against me

Laughing and even smiling are still foreign

I yearn to have a mind that is free

Sure I can chuckle at a good joke

Or a smile may cross my lips when a friend calls

Most of the time I am guarded

Waiting to push off and fall from that cliff

This is no joke

Wounded and crying in fear

Isolated

Feeling so alone

Somehow I am still here

Alone

A world unlike reality

Unreal but peaceful

A time and space captured only in dreams

Beautiful to the eyes

Soft to the touch

Tamed yet wild

Free but constantly careful

Alone

A world not suited for some

I do not wish to share

So beautiful at first glance yet so destructive

Horror stories that should not be heard

Memories I wish I could prevent

It is all such a waste

Yet I prefer to be alone

Please

Please take this load off me

Please take the breath from my lungs

Please stop the reruns in my head

Please remove me from this world

Please help me understand

Please give me hope

Please strengthen me even more

Please extend a hand

Please lift me up

Please I want to go

Please do not leave me

Please I have had enough

Please believe me

I am failing quite fast

Please a prayer is all I have left

Please I did nothing wrong I think

Please silence ridicule I still hear

Please help me see how to go on

Please

Captured by You

Why am I captured by you?

I find myself curious to know

Your feelings

You frame of mind

Your history

I want to trace you like an artist

I wish to unfold your many layers

I am captured by you

Your look

Your strength

Your beauty glows

I want to know your soul

Why?

You asked about me

Do you really want to hear?

I am hard to handle

My two sides can spin on a dime

I can be as cold as a stone

Then deep as an abyss

I may not be what you think you see

I am good at masks

Been doing it all my life

If you’re still interested

Come do some capturing with me.

Range of Rage

I capped a temper at a young age

Too often a witness to the adult version

Swore to myself I would never be

I fought the desire to drink

An example lying flat on the floor

But still I wanted to escape

If I let it all out at that time

I feared what I would become

How many I might hurt

Range of rage

I found ways to soothe myself

Poetry

Music

Still I lost me when I lost my mind

What is to become of me now?

I no longer know how to show my range of rage

Children of God

We are all children of God

No matter gender

No matter level of class born into

No matter which neighborhood

No matter the influence, mother or father

No matter how much God throws at you

No matter how much you pray

No matter how we choose to live our lives

No matter how hard you believe things to be

No matter how hard it is to ask for help

We are all children of God

For a Thousand Reasons

Here it is, time to lay me down again

Exhausted in hopes of passing out

For a thousand reasons

My eyes close and a picture show starts

No control whatsoever

On occasion I have found myself on the floor

Screaming inside without making a sound

I got good at that

For a thousand reasons

I have issues with trust

Confidence

Love and even lust

It disgusts me to even think of ever again

Being touched

I have too much to deal with

Too much to find the words to describe

Too much to learn how to say

For a thousand reasons

I pray for sleep with no attack

Emotional fears are fierce to uncrack

Come Home

Sitting here at my desk daydreaming of you

Your smile as bright as the morning sun

and as